Midnight Run
by Inthemadhouse
Summary: AU-AH. Alice has lived happily with her foster parents and three siblings for a long time. But what happens with Dr. Cullen gets a phone call asking him to take just one more teen?
1. Chapter 1

This is my first try at an AU, but the plot bunny has been rattling around in my head for a while (Ok, since yesterday). Please let me know if you like it. No, I don't own anything.

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Alice POV

"Edward, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie! Living room in five minutes!" Carlisle's voice rang out through the house. I groaned under my breath. If he wanted all four of us at once, it could only mean that someone had done something wrong. Hard as I searched my mind, I couldn't think of anything I could have done, but Emmett was forever in trouble, and when he and Rosalie got together, rooms tended to be destroyed.

Most people thought it was weird, the way Emmett and Rosalie were dating, since we lived in the same house and all, but it was normal to us. After all, it wasn't like any of us were technically related. All of us had started out as foster children, before the Cullen's adopted us. When we were younger, there had been other foster kids coming and going, but between Carlisle getting more responsibilities at work and more of us kids staying, we didn't get as many new faces. Then Esme was diagnosed with MS three years ago, and it was too difficult for her to care for smaller kids.

I had been with the Cullen's, Carlisle and Esme, for almost 9 years now, since I was 8 years old. My parents had surrendered me to the system at age 5, after claiming that I was uncontrollable. A quick succession of foster homes followed, since I was a rather difficult child. I never deliberately caused trouble, but I had a hard time remembering the rules, no matter how many times they were explained to me. Actually, I had trouble remembering a lot of things, from the rules to what had happened to me in the past, to my foster parents names. Needless to say, it made me a rather unpopular child, both with prospective parents and other children.

I even ended up in an institution for a while, since no other home would take me. It wasn't a terrible place, and it was there that I finally got a rather complex set of diagnoses. Among other things, I was diagnosed a stress disorder. Hospital records from when I was four confirmed that I had been admitted after being raped by a neighbor. To this day, I don't remember that happening, no matter how hard I try. Because I had been so successful at repressing the rape, I began to repress other things that upset me. Pretty soon, I had gotten so used to forcing myself to forget, that I lost control of the ability and began to repress random events. A year of therapy helped me greatly, though I would always have to be careful to avoid too much stress.

But I still didn't have a family. At age 8, I was petite as a five year old, and very cute, but most people shied away from taking a child who carried a mental illness diagnosis. Until Carlisle and Esme came along. At that point, it was just them and Edward, whom they had adopted nearly five years before. He and I got along from the very beginning, quickly becoming brother and sister. It took a while, but eventually I felt safe enough with the Cullen's to become like a real family.

Rosalie joined us when I was ten and she was 13 and Emmett the year afterwards. Since things had gone so well with my adoption, Carlisle and Esme had decided to get certified to foster both older children and children with special needs, the two largest groups of kids in foster care today. They were both young, only really a few years older than us kids, but, despite everything, we had formed a functional family.

Rosalie appeared at my side. "What did you do?" I loved her, but she could be irritatingly judgmental at times.

"Nothing, what did _you_ do? You and Emmett make more trouble than Edward and I!"

She couldn't say much to that, since it was defiantly true. Edward had gone through a bit of a rebellious phase a few years ago, but the worst he had ever done was run away. Because he had been adopted as a very small child, he felt totally secure in his parents love, and thus was far more willing to risk their anger. But even then, he was back with his tail between his legs within a few weeks.

Personally, I did my best to never invoke their anger. I had a naturally eager to please personality, and hated the thought of disappointing them. When I did make them upset, it was mostly because I had been arguing with my siblings, not because I was deliberately disobedient or rude to them.

Rosalie, on the other hand, had taken over our family like a blond hurricane. Her temper tantrums were extreme, those of a much younger child. I knew she had entered foster care after being neglected by her birth parents, and that she had been in one home for several years. I never quite understood what caused her to be removed from that home, but there had been rumor of something going on with her foster father, something far darker than was generally discussed in front of me. All I knew for sure was that she had been removed from the home, and that the father had lost his license to have foster kids in the house. Rosalie had remained fiercely loyal to him for years, refusing to say a word against him. Carlisle had bourn the brunt of her anger, as she saw him as being in competition with Royce, her other foster father. Eventually, she accepted him, but could still be mouthy and defiant, as if to remind him that she was the boss of all relationships.

Emmett could cause trouble in his own way. The second youngest of 13 siblings, he had essentially been raised by his older brothers and sisters. His parents had paused in their fighting only long enough to drink and have more children. By the time he was five years old, Emmett had learned to be as quiet and still as possible, so as not to draw attention to himself. Every year he came close to failing the grade, and every year he squeaked through. Because he never actually did anything that could get him into trouble, he just sort of fell through the cracks. The McCarty siblings managed to hold it all together until the night his mother shot his father before turning the gun on herself.

Her suicide attempt failed, but the family came to the attention of social services for the first time. Despite a quick placement with this family, and Carlisle and Esme's gentle encouragement, he remained extremely lazy towards his schoolwork and life in general. His relationship with Rosalie had improved him quite a bit, but he was still just sliding through. While the rest of us were already thinking about college, it was going to be a miracle if Emmett even made it out of high school. He had already failed two years, and was the largest kid in school.

He treated me to a goofy grin. "Hey Alice, where you been? Off being naughty with Eddie?"

I rolled my eyes. Just because Emmett had found Rosalie, he was forever hoping that I would hook up with Edward. I loved my brother, but the thought actually dating him made me shudder. Actually, I had never dated anyone. Despite what everyone thought, it wasn't my past that kept me from looking for a boyfriend. I just knew that the right guy was out there, waiting, and I wanted to be free for when I found him. I felt like I half knew him already, and it wasn't Edward. I had learned long ago that my intuition was better than most, and that I needed to trust in it. My man was coming, and I was willing to wait eternity for him, if that was what it took. Plus, I was well aware that Edward had been mooning over Chief Swan's daughter for the past three weeks, ever since she moved here from Phoenix. How no one else in the family noticed was beyond me, but then, Edward and I had always had a special bond.

"Edward, now!" Carlisle's voice was loud, but indulgent. He knew as well as I did that Edward had probably gotten distracted with his piano, and missed the first call. My brother was easily the most talented person I had ever met, able to play a piece after hearing it just a few times. By the age of 13, he was already composing his own music, creating a special piece for everyone in the family. My music was quick and light, never repeating itself.

It took a few minutes more, but he finally appeared, green eyes distant as he mentally reviewed what he had been working on. Rosalie snorted. "Finally."

Edward and Rosalie had never gotten along, for reasons that no one could quite figure out. In Edward's opinion, Rosalie was a shallow, stuck up bitch. To hear Rosalie tell it, Edward was an arrogant, controlling brat. I personally felt that Rosalie was a little bit jealous of Edward and his tight relationship with our parents, though I knew she would die before admitting such a thing out loud. So instead she terrorized him in small ways, always going out of her way to make him angry. He responded by doing nasty, childish things back. The 5 years since they had joined our family had done nothing but increase the animosity they felt towards each other, until it was something like living in the middle of a war zone.

Edward opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Carlisle. "Knock it off, both of you. Now, I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you here. Today I got a call from the Mr. Volturi, the head of social services."

Rosalie interrupted. "No way, no way. I don't want any more little snot nosed brats in the house. Esme can't handle another kid, and it would end up being me and Alice doing all of the work. So, no way, the answer is no."

Our father raised an eyebrow, ever patient with Rose and her moods. "Are you quite finished?" At her nod, he continued. "I know all of you are aware of the recent events that took place within the foster care system."

None of us needed to ask what had happened. A scandal had erupted last month, when a foster child had been taken to the hospital in critical condition after suffering a severe head injury in the home. A subsequent check revealed horrendous abuse and neglect involving every one of the 9 children in the home, ranging in age from 9 months up to 17 years. They had essentially lived like animals, scrounging for food and a clean place to sleep. If I recalled correctly, it was the oldest boy who had been injured while trying to protect a smaller child. The details were still emerging, but according to several children, the boy had been hit several times with a poker from the fireplace, fracturing his skull in at least four places. There had been question in the beginning if he would even live, or if he did, what sort of functioning he might have. The public was calling for a complete overhaul of the foster care system, as well as a detailed look into how such a thing could have happened right under social services nose. Due to the ages of the kids involved, no names or identifying details had been released or would be until the trial was over.

"Yes, do they want us to speak?" Edwards question wasn't as out of place as it might sound to an outsider. Because of Carlisle's position of chief of surgery at the hospital, he was frequently doing fundraisers for the foster care system. It always looked good to have his success stories stand up and say a few words about how our lives had changed for the better. Each one of us had a carefully memorized speech ready at all times.

"No." Carlisle eased from foot to foot, looking down. I had never seen my father so nervous, and it was making me uncomfortable as well. "As you know, alternate homes were found for 8 of the 9 children involved. The only one not placed was the boy who was hurt, due to the severity of his head injury. Well, he's ready to be released, and Demitri Volturi would like for me to take him on short term. I told him that I couldn't make a decision without consulting my family first, so I wanted to hear your opinions."

We all started talking at once, including Esme, so quickly that Carlisle couldn't pick out one question from the mess. "Ok, one at a time. Emmett?"

Emmett shrugged. "Where's he going to sleep?"

"The bedroom next to Esme's and mine. Rosalie?"

"You said 'short term'. How long is that?"

He sighed. "I don't know. He's 17 now, and will be 18 in three months. Legally, I can only keep him until then. After that, it's going to be up to him. Edward?"

"How bad is he?" It was a fair question. Edward had been in the family the longest, long enough to remember each new sibling and foster sibling as they came. Every one of us came with varying degrees of baggage, from learning disabilities, to bedwetting and temper tantrums. Some suffered physical abuse, some sexual. A few children had been so damaged, so violent that Carlisle had been unable to keep them in the home. I'm sure this boy came with his fair share of problems, but Edward didn't care about those. He just wanted to know if this stranger was even remotely fixable, or if we would be providing hot meals and a place to stay until he hit 18 and freedom.

"I don't know. I haven't met him yet, just read his report. I don't see any major red flags, but he's been through a lot. He's smart, and he likes animals and music. Maybe you two will have something in common. Absolutely no history of any violence"

Esme broke in. "Did you bring his report home?"

"Yes." He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a thick file. The size told me a few things right off the bat. That this kid, whomever he was, had been in the system a long time. Some of those papers were undoubtedly from this last hospitalization, but others would be evaluations and observations, notes from each home he had been in. Esme and Carlisle would go over it tonight, doing their best to read between the lines.

I had seen my own file as well as those of my siblings, and had come to the conclusion that dealing with foster children was like selling a used car. You had to find a way to make all of our dings and scratches sound positive. Emmett's, for example, went on and on about how well he got along with other children, conveniently forgetting to mention that he did it by fading into the background. Rosalie's talked about her being a strong leader, never saying that she could rage for days when she didn't get her way. Still, you don't have as many kids go through you home as Carlisle and Esme had without knowing what to look for.

"Alice? Did you have something you wanted to ask?" Belatedly, I realized that they were all staring at me.

My mind spun, but I could only think of one thing. One question that would change this person from an abstraction on the news to a human being who needed a family. "What's his name?"

Carlisle smiled gently at me. "Jasper. Jasper Whitlock."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This will probably be the shortest chapter in the story, so don't be put off by that. I'm only allowed to choose two main characters, but the story is about how Jasper fits in with the family, so all of the Cullen's, and probably Bella, will get their say. Thanks for the reviews; you guys have no idea how happy they make me!

PS, if anyone wants to beta for me, they will have my eternal love and gratitude.

Carlisle POV

It wasn't until later that night that I was able to really look at the file I had been presented with. Rosalie and Emmett were out on a date and Alice and Edward were watching a movie, leaving Esme and I to talk alone in the bedroom. Her dark eyes were worried when she saw the size of the folder.

"Why you, Carlisle? Why do they suddenly want to give us this kid?" It was somewhat of a sore point with her that her MS had prevented us from being able to take more children into our home. We had both grown up as only children, and hadn't wanted Edward to be lonely like we had been. Not that he seemed to need much more than his music, but I couldn't imagine how empty our lives could have been without Alice, Emmett or Rosalie. "Is there something you didn't tell the rest of them?"

My wife knew me too well. "Demitri felt like we could be a good placement for a few reasons. The boy-"

"Jasper." She cut me off before I could go any further. "If we plan on taking him in, we can't be calling him 'kid' or 'boy' or 'the poor thing'. We have to call him by his name. It's probably the only thing he has left."

That was Esme, already defending Jasper, even before they had met. "Jasper then. Esme, Jasper has suffered a traumatic brain injury, and has come out remarkably intact. Still, he may end up having long term difficulties, and they felt like it was a good idea to have him placed with someone who has some medical experience."

She nodded. We both knew that my medical degree was probably the only reason that they had been willing to place Alice with us. I hated to use my education as a bargaining chip, especially when it was Esme that the children really responded to, but I hated the thought of losing that girl even more. "But nothing so far?"

I rechecked the latest medical chart. "Some recurring headaches, nothing too severe. He's had a few episodes of fainting spells, but it looks like they were all following therapy sessions, so they think that might be a psychosomatic problem. A tiny bit of weakness on the right side. Nothing else that can be directly attributed to what happened."

I wasn't sure if I should let her see the rest of the report. The head injury was the culmination of what probably amounted to years of abuse, as evidenced by the roadmap of scars covering the kid's- no, Jasper's- body. None on the face or hands though, she had been smart enough to mark places that could be easily hidden. I wasn't given to violent thoughts, but I hoped that somewhere, Ms. Maria Teresa was suffering as badly as she had made Jasper, and probably the rest of the children in her care, suffer.

"What are the other issues?" She's always known when I'm holding out on her.

"Hard to say. He's been attending therapy, but he doesn't really seem to like or trust the doctor, so it's hard to make a clear diagnosis. We do know that he has severe sleep disturbances, night terrors as well as sleepwalking, but that's seems to be under control with the right medication. He shows some definite signs of PTSD, so we'll have to be careful of that"

"But no aggression, right?"

It was then that I knew my wife was hooked. As much as she might try to convince herself otherwise, she was already preparing a place in her heart for this Jasper. Whether or not he would be able to accept her love remained to be seen, but she had to try. Her only concern now was whether or not she would be able to physically handle him. With Alice being sexually abused, and the suspicions that Rosalie had been also, we could not accept a physically or sexually aggressive child into our home, especially when the "child" was 17 years old and capable of overpowering the women in the house.

"No. According to all the reports, he's actually quite sweet. If it gives you any idea, when social services split them up, the younger kids were all crying for Jasper instead of Maria. He tried to raise them, Esme. Poor guy did the best he could in the middle of Hell."

"Then we have to do the best we can for him. He deserves to have someone stand up for him, for once in his life."

I gave her a playful smile. "So, is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe. Let's read the rest of it, see what exactly we're dealing with." Her dark eyes told a different story. _Yes,_ they said. _Yes, let's try with him. If we don't, who else will?_

Together we lay in bed and read the cold words that described a human life. One that had only recently hung in the balance. According to the report, Jasper Franklin Whitlock had been born on May 5th, 1992, a cherished and wanted baby. Early childhood was normal, and he hit all the proper milestones. A few pictures revealed a blond toddler with striking grey-green eyes and a wide smile. Esme smiled back, touching the glossy picture. "He's cute."

He was indeed cute. It wasn't until he was nearly six that things went south for our little Jasper. His kindergarten records showed him to be a quick learner with a sunny disposition. His teacher thought he was quite charming, and noted that he loved to help the other kids.

At least for the first part of the year. That November, his father was killed in a car accident. From there, the school began to report behavior problems with Jasper. Tantrums, crying spells, delayed learning, all the signs of a traumatized child. His attendance became erratic, with him missing nearly half the days from January to March. Teachers reported him coming to school dirty and hungry when he made it at all. Finally, social services got involved, confirming that Samantha Whitlock was no longer capable of caring for her son. Subsequent notes described his mother's descent into depression and eventual suicide when Jasper was 8.

"Mental illness in the family." Esme made a mark in the margins. A history of familial mental illness raised Jasper's own risk, though it wasn't anything that would prevent us from taking him.

A medical examination from his entry into foster care revealed Jasper to be of normal height, though a bit on the thin side. A cute, young, white child, he was prime adoption material. So why hadn't someone snapped him up? I guessed the mental illness label could have scared some people off, but it had been so long since I had thought about things like that, that I couldn't imagine worrying about it. After all, statistically, Jasper was still unlikely to end up suffering from chronic depression, and even if he did, medication would probably take care of it.

Jasper's first few years in foster care seemed uneventful. 6 placements in 5 years, not a bad record. By that time, he was 12 years old, nearly 13, and becoming rather old for an adoptive placement. The cute little blond moppet had become a moody teenager, and few foster homes were willing, or even licensed, for teens. He got his last, and worst, placement a few weeks after his 13th birthday. Maria Teresa, recently licensed

From there, his records became patchy. He appeared for the necessary tests and exams, always telling the social worker how happy he was. He loved Maria, though she was not interested in adopting him, and would be happy to remain with her until he aged out of the system. Pictures though, told a different story. The sparkling smile disappeared, replaced by a nervous, closed mouth twitch. His grades fell, and his interest in social activities disappeared. Still, no one seemed to notice that something was wrong. At least until his terrified foster brother called 911 because he thought Jasper was dead.

I noticed something else. "He wants to remain in contact with his former foster brother and sister. I'm guessing those are the two closest in age to him."

It was one of those things that didn't seem like much to an outsider, but an experienced foster parent noticed right away. "He does bond with people then, so that's good." She nodded. "No matter where they are, we have to make sure they can still see each other. God only knows what they've been through together."

"Plenty, I'm sure. Most of the older kids had been in that house for years. Not one of them so much as peeped about trouble, and no one seemed to care enough to ask the right questions."

"Fell through the cracks." Esme ran her fingers over the latest picture, a school picture from his junior year. Jasper stared into the camera, his eyes stormy and untrusting. No smile, nothing to indicate that this was a young man who was happy with life. "How can someone who's been in the system since he was just five years old fall through the cracks like that?" Her voice broke. "Someone wanted this child. They carried him, and prayed for him, and loved him. It's not their fault that they died, or that they couldn't take care of him. How could no one have stepped up and taken him? It isn't fair." She touched the picture again and whispered. "Someone wanted him."

This wasn't about Jasper any more, or at least not solely about him. It wasn't something that we talked about often, but Esme had lost a baby the year after we married. Samuel Edgar Cullen had lived only two days, before succumbing to an unknown blood disorder. His loss was the reason we had chosen to foster and adopt, rather than risk more children being born ill. I never regretted the children we did have, but I couldn't help but wonder about the one we had lost.

No, it wasn't fair, not for Esme and not for Jasper, but the truth was, it happened every day. Babies died, and Jasper was just one of thousands of children that were afraid to go home at night. And now, he didn't even have a home to go to. I hesitated before turning the final page. "Do you want to see the rest?"

She knew what I was asking. Could she handle seeing the report from his last hospital admission? Did she want to know about what he had suffered, not only the head injury, but everything else. Old broken bones, burns, cuts and bruises.

"No. Not tonight." She took the file from my hands and put it on the nightstand. Her eyes bored into mine. "Alice is on board, and Edward will agree to anything she does. Emmett doesn't care one way or the other, so it's only Rose that isn't sure. Can we meet him before we make any decisions?"

Funny, I had been so caught up in his past that I had barely thought about his present. "He's at a hospital in Seattle. They had to airlift him there after his first surgery. But I'm pretty sure we can meet him first. Actually, I can call them right now."

For the second time that day, my doctorate opened doors that would have otherwise remained closed. My reputation preceded me, and I was able to set up and appointment for the next day. "Thank you, doctor. Could you not tell him that I'm a potential foster parent? I want things to be natural." As natural as a hospital setting could be.

I hung up and turned back to Esme. "Well, tomorrow at three."

She smiled softly, the same smile that had attracted me to her all those years ago. "Tomorrow at three."

I didn't want to upset her, but I felt didn't want her to get her hopes up. "Esme, slow down a bit. Just because we meet him, it isn't a definite yes. He probably has his own opinions, and he might prefer a group home to another family. Plus, Rose hasn't given the ok, and we need to have the rest of them on board before we even consider it."

"Right, right, I know." She turned off the light. "So…if we take Jasper, we may not have many nights to ourselves for quite a while. Want to take advantage of it?"

That was something we could agree on, right now. I grinned at her, even knowing she couldn't see it in the dark. Thoughts of Jasper fled my mind as I put my lips to hers. "You bet."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I promise, we'll be seeing some Jasper interaction in the next chapter! Special Thanks to The Sound and the Fury, for beta'ing for me, so you aren't all stuck with my mistakes.

Also, since there seemed to be a little confusion about the ages, here you go: Edward is 16, Alice is almost 17, Jasper is 17 (Almost 18), Rose is 19, and Emmett is 20. Yep, 20 and still in high school, but we'll get to that later!

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**Esme's POV**

It was early, barely four in the morning, and the rest of the family was still in bed. Even Carlisle was asleep, his snores echoing softly through the room. I lay awake, thinking about the young man I was considering bringing into my life. My eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and the manila folder on the nightstand seemed to mock me, telling me that it held all of Jasper's secrets.

I had been awake for nearly an hour, looking at that folder and trying to find the strength to pick it up. I wasn't naïve; I knew that Carlisle hadn't been completely honest about Jasper's last hospitalization. Oh, I'm sure the head injury was the emergency and their main priority . . . but whatever else they had seen had led to Social Services removing the rest of the children from the home.

With trembling hands, I reached out and lifted the file. It was heavy, but still seemed far too light to contain an entire life, boiled down to the basics. Carlisle stirred when I slid out from under his arm, and I lightly kissed his cheek. "It's okay." He grumbled and began to snore again. I loved my husband, but I needed privacy to look through the file. To get to know Jasper, even before we met.

Years of living in the same house allowed me to walk unerringly down the hall, pausing briefly to peek inside each door. Alice was curled up in a mass of pillows and blankets, the light from the television flickering over her serene face. She was beautiful, like a pixie come to life. I could have gone in and turned the TV off, but she liked to have some light in the room, so I just smiled at her and continued on.

Emmett's snores echoed around his room, proving that he, at least, was where he was supposed to be. Whether or not Rosalie was in there with him was a bit of a different matter. I certainly didn't disapprove of their relationship, but I wasn't about to condone them using our house as their private sex party. I peeked in, but he was, for once, alone. Dale McCarty had been nearly 6'9, and his son was almost as tall. He ate more than the other three combined, and even now, I could see an abandoned plate next to the bed. His backpack was leaning against the desk, still zippered tight. If he didn't buckle down, he was going to fail his junior year again. I loved my son, really I did, but I just didn't understand him sometimes. Both the counselor and his tutor had finally given up, telling us that it was up to Emmett now, and he was going to have to sink or swim on his own. Easy for them to say; they weren't his mother. I made a mental note to talk with him again tomorrow and shut his door.

I was surprised to see a light from under the door in Rosalie's room. She often had sleepless nights, and many times resented being bothered, so I hesitated before opening the door. "Rose, are you all right?"

Her head snapped up from the book she was reading, her dark eyes inscrutable. She looked down at the file still clutched in my hand. "So, we're taking him." It wasn't a question.

I sat next to her on the bed. "I don't know. It's not fair to anyone to put him a home where he isn't completely wanted. Your father and I are going to go meet him tomorrow before we make any final decisions. Why? If you're against this, Rose, tell me now. If we agree to take him, then we're keeping him at least until he's eighteen, so I need to know if it's a problem."

She was quiet for a long moment, laying her book down on the comforter. I ran my fingers through her hair, feeling the silky texture. Sitting with her like this, I was reminded of the skittish, untrusting teenager we had accepted six years ago. I would have never dared touch her like this then. She leaned into my touch. "So, if I say no, it's no?"

I hated to just say yes to that, because Rosalie might refuse just to be difficult. "If you say no, we'll discuss why and see what we come up with."

She twisted around to look me in the eyes. "Did you guys vote on me coming here? Like I was a dumped puppy?" Her tone was cold.

"Of course not. Carlisle and I made the decision ourselves. But you kids are older now, and need to have a say in the family. Jasper has been through enough, and I won't have him tormented here also."

Her body softened. "I think we should take him."

It was the last thing I expected her to say. She must have read my shock, because she gave me one of her mysterious smiles. "If you can handle me, and Alice, and Emmett, then you can handle whatever this Jasper throws your way. Plus . . . he needs someone, Mom, even if it's just until he turns eighteen. And no one can love the unlovable quite like you."

I wondered how she could ever consider herself, or any of them, unlovable. Time had taught me not to bring it up, though, but instead to just accept the compliments as she was able to give them. "Thank you, Rosalie."

She pointed at the file in my hand. "Can I see? Nothing personal, just his stats?"

I couldn't see the harm in letting her have a quick peek. She opened the file to the first page. "Jasper and Franklin . . . what weird names. I wonder who his parents named him after?"

It was a good question. Jasper was quite an old-fashioned name, and I wondered if he was named for a grandfather. Did he have still-living relatives who might wonder about him? Had they agreed to allow him to enter foster care in the hopes that he might have a better life than they could provide? Look where their generosity had gotten him — six years of torture and a skull fracture. The very thought made me feel ill.

She lingered across the picture of a five-year-old Jasper, much as I had. "Pretty eyes." She looked at the rest of the pictures. "Sad, though."

"Yes." I wasn't sure what else to say to her. Agreeing to accept Jasper was extremely generous, but drawing attention to that would only embarrass her. I gave her one last kiss and stood up. "Try to get some sleep, baby, okay?"

She nodded. I headed for the hall, but was stopped in the doorway by a tiny voice. "Mom? When you tell everyone else that I'm all right with taking Jasper, tell Edward that I threw a big tantrum before I agreed, okay?"

"Okay." There were undercurrents and power struggles between Edward and Rosalie that I didn't even pretend to understand. "I love you."

When she smiled, it was like seeing the sun. "I love you, too."

I left then, reminding myself to check on her again before I went back to bed to make sure she actually got some sleep. It occurred to me then, as I walked down to the kitchen, that Rose probably saw a lot of herself in Jasper. They had been surrendered to the system at roughly the same age, and both experienced abuse by the people who had been entrusted with their welfare. Maybe she was just trying to ensure that Jasper had the same chance that she had been given.

I set the folder on the table and put some tea on to boil. Something told me that by the time I knew all the details, I was going to need something to soothe my nerves. Slowly, I turned to the last part of the file, the part that dealt with the events that started on the morning of December 28th, 2008.

To the best of anyone's knowledge, a fight had started that morning over a toy that had been given to one child for Christmas. Despite the best efforts of the oldest children, it had gotten loud enough to wake Maria, who came down and meted out her own brand of discipline. Both of the smaller children were whipped for fighting; she then turned on Jasper for not keeping them in line.

But a seventeen-year-old is much different than a six-year-old, and she had apparently decided that a simple belt wasn't going to make much of an impression on him. So she had picked up a fireplace poker and used that. According to the other children, it had happened before. As the biggest and oldest, Jasper was used to bearing the worst punishments. Only this time, things went too far. When it was over, Jasper was still and limp, struggling just to breathe. That, also, had happened before. The second oldest boy, Peter, had been left in charge of both Jasper and the younger children. He had put Jasper on the couch and watched him for the better part of the day, hoping for him to wake up.

But he didn't. As the afternoon wore on, Jasper began to tremble without ever showing signs of regaining consciousness. Finally, around three that afternoon, the trembling turned into a full-blown seizure as his brain continued to swell. Peter sent another child to call 911, performing CPR until the ambulance was able to get there. He was rushed to Forks Hospital, and immediately underwent an emergency surgery to relieve the swelling on his brain. From there, he was flown to Seattle, where he underwent a second, more extensive surgery. The force of the blows to his head had fractured his skull and actually driven small pieces of it into his brain. There was a photocopy of his MRI in the file, and I didn't need my husband's medical degree to see the ugly scar left on his brain.

It was when they were stripping him down to insert the IV and save his life that the doctors noticed the bruises on the rest of Jasper's body. Subsequent X-rays revealed two broken ribs, probably from the same attack. Then there were the older scars. Dozens, if not hundreds, of tiny round scars, each perfectly matching the end of a cigarette. Longer slashes that were probably from a belt. A shiny burn on his upper arm, one that none of them could quite figure out. Numerous healed fractures, only two of which were accounted for as occurring accidentally. The report also noted that he was significantly underweight, though not dangerously so. There were full-body pictures taken that night, but I didn't look at them. My heart was broken enough for one day.

Jasper remained in a deep coma for three days, not expected to survive. By this time, Maria had been arrested, and his brothers and sisters scattered into six different homes. When he finally woke up, he was intubated and in pain, surrounded by strangers. He hadn't trusted any of the doctors since, though whether it was the trauma of waking up like that or just a general wariness was a mystery. Still, he was young and strong, making rapid improvements. His latest report was cautiously optimistic, though it still stressed that there could be long-term effects that hadn't shown yet.

"Mom?" Alice had appeared in the doorway, her tiny frame all but swallowed by one of Emmett's old T-shirts. "Mom, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" She ran forward and threw her arms around me.

I hadn't realized that I had been. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm just thinking about how unfair the world is sometimes."

She nodded. "Is it about Jasper? Because he's going to be all right, Mom, I know it."

For all of her other problems, Alice was a strangely intuitive girl. If she claimed something would happen, then ninety-nine percent of the time, it did. I hugged her back fiercely, grateful for her happy presence. "Honey, we haven't even decided if we're going to accept him yet. Your father and I are going later today to meet him."

"Can I go, too? Please?"

For a moment I considered the idea, before deciding it probably wasn't wise. "Not just yet. Just having your father and me there will be enough pressure on him."

She smiled again. "I know. He's not going to be easy, but we can do it."

I wondered where she had gotten her unshakable confidence in me and this family. "Honey, you need to get back to bed, all right? You still have school today."

"It's six already. Everyone's up except Edward."

I couldn't believe that so much time had passed while I sat there and looked at the report. I stood up, ready to make some breakfast for the younger three and try and drag Edward out of bed. There were days when I swore he was part vampire, only really waking up after dark. That would be fine years from now, when he was a musician who performed in the evenings, but for now, it just put him out of sync with school and other activities.

"I'll start breakfast." Then Alice was off, her movements more like dancing than running. I smiled to watch her go. Though she was sixteen now, very nearly seventeen, it was hard not to see the frightened child we had picked up at the institution almost ten years ago.

Emmett was stumbling around in the hallway, still groggy from sleep. He gave me a tired smile. "Hey."

I was reminded that there was something I wanted to discuss with him. "Emmett, did you do your homework last night?"

"Sure." He looked right at me, but I wasn't fooled. One of Emmett's favorite tricks was to agree passively to anything you asked of him, whether or not he meant it.

"All of it?" It had been a long time since he had fooled me by doing that.

"I still have a book report for Monday, but everything else, yeah. Rose helped me." He looked me right in the eyes. "Really, Mom, I promise."

The puppy dog eyes didn't fool me, either. "Let me see it."

He ambled back to the bedroom, agreeable as always. "In the kitchen, Emmett."

Edward was still asleep, his only concession to the blaring alarm being the fact that his head was shoved under the pillow. Carlisle and I had bought him the loudest alarm clock on the planet, and still he managed to block it out. I rubbed his shoulder. "Edward, come on!"

He grunted and shoved his head even further into the mattress. "Now! It's not my fault you stayed up too late screwing around with that piano. You, breakfast, ten minutes. You're leaving for school in half an hour. I don't care if you've eaten, I don't care if you're dressed."

That got him moving. All of my children had learned long ago that I carried through on all of my threats. They had all been sent to school without eating, and Emmett had gone in his pajamas more than once. Once he got up, I called for Carlisle. He didn't need to be up for another half hour, but he would be upset if he missed Alice's French toast.

It wasn't often that we managed to all sit down to breakfast together. One of the kids was forever needing something at the last minute, or running late, or needing to be at the school early. Even when they were all there, Carlisle was often working and not present.

I took my morning medication, though I was feeling fine. It was going to be a long day, with a two-hour drive each way to Seattle, plus whatever stress Jasper put us through. It was better to be safe than sorry.

"Mom! Emmett's eating all the food! If you want something, you need to hurry." Alice was laughing, and I could hear her chastising her brother. "You can't possibly be hungry! I swear, Emmett, I'll stab you with this fork!"

Carlisle appeared at my side. "Ah, sibling love."

"Maybe soon we'll have one more." Despite agreement from Social Services, I knew it was still a long shot. They could place Jasper in our home, but they couldn't make him accept us as family.

"I hope so. I'll be off by noon, so we can get there on time to meet him." He gave me a quick kiss. "Don't worry too much, love."

Easy for him to say. I worried through breakfast, the checking of Emmett's homework (the work was sloppy, but it was done), and the morning chores. I knew we wouldn't be able to take Jasper today, but I washed the sheets in the guest room anyway, and opened the windows for an airing despite the cold weather. The room hadn't been used much in the past few years, and was a little lacking in personality, but that was all right. I loved to decorate, but I had to remind myself that Jasper was very nearly an adult and probably had his own ideas.

Time crawled until noon, when Carlisle arrived to pick me up. He smiled at my trembling hands. "Relax. He's probably going to be more nervous than us. Let's just talk to him a little bit, and let him know that we're interested in taking him, if he likes the idea."

It wasn't much of a game plan, but I supposed this was one of those things you didn't over-plan. "Maybe he'd like to go to dinner? I'm willing to bet he's pretty tired of hospital food."

Carlisle nodded, his eyes soft. "You can't help but want to take care of him, even now. But that's a good idea. It'll give us something to do besides sit there and stare at each other."

My head was still buzzing with nerves and questions, but it was too late to turn back now. I turned the radio on and sang along softly. The drive stretched out, simultaneously too long and nowhere near long enough.

Seattle Grace Hospital was huge, much larger than the one in Forks, and we were lost within the first few minutes. We were fortunate to find a nurse from Jasper's unit coming in from her smoke break, and followed her through the twisting mass of corridors and doors. "So, you're the foster parents coming to look at our Jasper. He's having a really good day today, no headaches."

Carlisle snapped to attention. "I thought the headaches weren't that frequent. The report made them sound like a minor issue."

The nurse flinched, like she knew she had said too much. "He says they aren't, but I've been a nurse for twenty-two years, and I can tell when someone's in pain. That kid's in a whole lot of it. He's a good boy, though, not a complainer."

We stopped in front of a slightly opened door. The nurse leaned in. "Jasper? You have some visitors."

"Is it Pete and Charlotte?" The voice was much deeper than I expected it would be, with a soft accent on the words. The hope in it nearly broke my heart.

"No, a Dr. Cullen and his wife. Come on and say hi." She gestured us into the room as she spoke.

We entered cautiously, both looking at the figure that was rising to greet us. His hair was grown out from the picture, probably to cover the scar that ran down the side of his head, but it was undeniably him. Despite seeing his report, he only became real to me in this instant, a flesh-and-blood child. I felt my lips form his name.

_Jasper._


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to everyone who reviewed or put this story on alert! Extra thanks and naked Jaspers to Thesoundandthefury for beta'ing for me. For those who asked, I do not know how long this story will be, currently I am working on Chapter 14, so longer than that!

**Jasper's POV**

This was weird. It had been a pretty uneventful day for me . . . but let's face it, most of my days are uneventful. I had attended therapy in the morning, an exercise in patience that mostly consisted of me staring blankly while the therapist tried to get to the root of my problems. Didn't like him, didn't trust him, was sure as fuck not going to tell him anything. I'm pretty sure he's working for Social Services anyway, trying to figure out if I'm going to sue the system. He's probably waiting for me to say something that he can twist around so that it looks like Maria had no choice but to do what she did. You know, I was bad from the start, and she was just at the end of her rope with me. Then there was lunch, which I ate without complaining, a nap, and schoolwork. I don't know why I even bother trying. I'm so far behind now that it will take an act of God for me to pass my junior year.

I had a brief moment of hope when Nurse Sanders told me that I had company. Peter had just gotten his driver's license, and had promised to come see me as soon as his foster parents let him have the car. They seemed cool enough, and he liked them a lot, but they were worried about him driving an hour each way alone. They had brought him twice to see me already, which was nice of them. Pete had even promised to try and bring Charlotte one day. It would be difficult, since they were in separate homes, but if anyone could talk his way into it, it would be Pete.

It was hard to imagine that he would have gotten the car so soon, but I didn't really have anyone else to visit me. I didn't have any friends at school, just my foster siblings, and I didn't want any of the little kids to see me in the hospital bandaged up, or with IVs stuck in me. They had probably forgotten about me by now, anyway.

When she said it was a doctor, I wasn't surprised. I was apparently quite a miracle (funny, it didn't feel that way when I hadn't slept for three days, or my brain was trying to pound its way out of my skull), and doctors were forever coming by to look at me or run more tests. But then she introduced his wife, and that theory was blown all to Hell. I might not have much privacy anymore (literally, I couldn't bathe or pee by myself for the first two weeks; it doesn't get much lower than that), but I was pretty sure that doctors weren't allowed to bring their wives along when they examined patients. I belatedly remembered my manners and stood, waiting for a signal to tell me what to do.

They were young, really not looking much older than I did. The man was blond, and studying me in that way that seemed to be unique to doctors. Like I was a person, yes, but also a fascinating compilation of muscle and bone, someone that could have had anything in the world wrong with me if only they were there to see it. His blue eyes were warm, though, and when he smiled at me, I found myself wanting to smile back. I didn't, of course, but a small part of me definitely wanted to. He extended a hand. "Hi, Jasper. I'm Carlisle, and this is my wife Esme. It's nice to meet you."

I reached out and touched him for the smallest amount of time that could possibly be considered polite. "Pleasure to meet you, too." It was an outright lie on my part. I didn't understand why this man was here, and not knowing made me nervous. I wished he would just look at me like a piece of meat, the way the other doctors did, tell me how brave I was, and leave.

I caught movement from the woman out of the corner of my eye and spun to look at her. "Nice to meet you, ma'am." She didn't extend her hand and I didn't offer mine. In fact, she didn't move any closer than the doorway. Good for her; this room had been my sanctuary for the past month, and I didn't want it invaded.

The nurse left, leaving me alone with these strangers. I straightened my back and studied them in silence. They had sought me out, so they must want something from me. All I had to do was wait for one of them to spit it out. I felt confident I could outwait them, considering that I had nothing but time. Finally, the doctor gestured to the small table and set of chairs by the television. "May we sit?"

Like I had any choice. Adults would do what they wanted, whether I gave them permission or not. The best tactic was to just give in, at least on the surface. Later, when they weren't as watchful, you could do what you wanted. "Fine." I sat back down on the bed, closing my textbook.

I noticed the way Carlisle put his hand on his wife's back, as if she might need guiding. It could be an affectionate gesture, but it could be more. I filed that little tidbit away to think about later. The doctor leaned towards me and I reflexively drew back. "Jasper, have you given any thoughts to where you might be going after you get out of here?"

Sure, lots of them. Unfortunately, it didn't matter what I thought. My options now were to stay in the hospital until my birthday, go to another foster home, or go to a group home. The hospital wouldn't keep me for any longer than necessary, considering what it cost per day for me to be here, so that option was out. I could go into another foster family, but people weren't exactly lining up to take abused teenagers who were getting ready to age out of the system anyway. So it looked like a group home for me, which I guessed was all right. The only drawbacks there were that security would be tighter, and I wouldn't be able to see Peter or Charlotte like I wanted. The doctor was still looking at me, acting like he actually cared about my answer. I was suddenly shy in his presence, afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I shrugged and looked down at the blanket on the bed, wiling my hands not to shake. Why did he care anyway?

His next words answered my question. "Jasper, Esme and I were contacted by the head of Social Services to see if you might consider coming to live with us in Forks. I know it's a big decision, so I thought we could get to know each other a little today."

Believe me, doctor, if you got to know me, you wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm damaged and weird, and that's not even counting the physical stuff. And where the fuck is Forks, anyway? Is that even in the state?

They were both watching me expectantly, like they were actually interested in my answer. What was I supposed to say? Did they actually want me, or were they just doing the boss man a favor? My chest felt painfully tight, and a headache began to form behind my eyes.

Esme smiled gently at me. I had always been quite attuned to people's emotions, as knowing someone's mood could be the difference between a beating and getting off lightly. Her mood was calm, with a slight undertone of anxiety, as evidenced by her tight eyes and they way she kept glancing at her husband. "Maybe we could go out and get a bite to eat while we talk. You don't have to decide right away."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that either. It was hard to believe that the doctors would just let me walk off with a pair of strangers, but _he_ was a doctor, and they seemed to get whatever they wanted. As boring as the hospital could be, I at least knew I was safe here. No privacy also meant that no one would be able to hurt me. But out there, with these people? Anything could happen.

I shook my head softly, more to clear my head than to actually refuse. I was afraid to go with them, something I could never admit to anyone besides myself (and possibly Pete, but he was closer to me than any brother), yet I was also afraid not to. Time had faded most memories of my birth parents, but I could clearly remember my mother and her absolute terror about leaving our apartment. Appliances could break, we could run out of food, and still she would be unable to leave that small comfort zone. Was I going to end up the same way?

"It's all right if you would rather stay here, honey." Esme must have read my emotions as clearly as I read hers. Of course, I wasn't exactly subtle about showing mine off. Charlotte always laughed and said I wore my heart on my sleeve — or, more accurately, in my eyes.

"No, I'll go." I could see in her eyes that she really wanted me to, and I didn't want to upset her. Not because I loved her, or even really liked her, but because I didn't believe in burning bridges. I might allow this strange couple to take me to their house, and if they did, I didn't want her to suddenly remember my rudeness later. Experience had taught me that punishments were always much worse if you tried to avoid them. I gave her my best 'darling' smile (faked, but she didn't need to know that). "Now?"

"Are you hungry now? It's probably a good idea to start out a little early and beat the crowds." Carlisle was looking at me strangely, as if he wasn't as fooled by my act as his wife was.

Was I? I didn't really think about it. I had been forced to ignore my hunger so many times that my body wasn't very good at telling me when it needed to be fed any more. A lot of times there wasn't much food left after I fed the little kids, so I ate whenever they were done. Here the food came at regular intervals, whether I asked for it or not. I couldn't remember the last time I had even had the choice of eating something just because I was hungry. But the doctor had mentioned it was good to leave now, and that was good enough for me. "Yes."

"Okay, then. Where would you like to eat?"

It was a simple question, but it threw me into a minor panic. No one, absolutely no one, asked for my opinion on anything. They were already watching my every move, trying to decide if I was good enough, and I didn't want to choose the wrong place. "I – I don't know." My gut started to churn, but I forced that down. I could think my way out of this, I was sure. "I don't know any restaurants."

The both softened instantly. Dr. Cullen nodded. "I didn't think of that. What kind of food do you like? Chinese, Italian, Mexican, American? Anything sound particularly good?"

My mind spun. I just didn't know, and I was starting to feel cornered. "I like everything. Why don't you guys tell me what's good?" I quickly wiped my palms on my jeans, trying to hide how sweaty they had gotten. I dropped my eyes from his, resisting the urge to lower my entire body. I hated to show weakness to him, but sometimes it was better to live another day.

"I think I know a steakhouse that would be good. You do eat meat, don't you? No dietary restrictions?" His blue eyes probed at me, but I wouldn't look up.

Of course I ate meat. I ate everything. Fuck, if I was a picky eater, I would have starved to death a long time ago. At my house, you ate what was there, or you didn't eat. If you were lucky. If you weren't (and I frequently wasn't), there wasn't anything to eat. "That's okay."

Esme relaxed visibly. "Get your coat, honey; it's cold out there."

I grabbed the fleece jacket that used to belong to Peter and put it on cautiously. I still had a little bit of trouble managing buttons, as my right hand wasn't a hundred percent functional. Close, though — close enough that I could fool someone if I tried.

"You might need something warmer, Jasper. It snowed last night." Carlisle was looking at me in a way that suggested he wasn't entirely fooled.

"This is what I have." I knew that it had snowed last night; I had a window, didn't I? I didn't mind the cold, though. I was used to it. I stared into his eyes, trying to banish the pity I saw there.

"All right, then we're ready." Esme broke the tension between us.

I followed the Cullens out of my room and down the hallway. Though I had been in the hospital for more than a month, I seldom roamed the halls. My room was a safe point, a place I knew intimately. The halls were twisted and filled with strangers, any one of whom might be dangerous. Better to stay in one place, with a single door that could be monitored constantly. Plus, I had passed out on a few occasions, and I was terrified of what could happen to me while I was unconscious. Far better to stay on my in my room, or at least on my floor, where the nurses seemed to like me. Well, at least they pretended to, and did an excellent job of keeping me safe.

I looked from one to the other as we walked, taking the chance to observe both of them without them being able to look back at me. I noticed they way Carlisle walked, with his head high and his pace steady. He was a strong man, and others noticed that. He was an alpha male, probably a chief of his field, or possibly a surgeon. Some specialty where he was the unquestioned boss. Even through the thick jacket, I could see the muscles when he moved. I wondered what would happen if I disobeyed the boss's orders.

Esme was more of a mystery. I noticed there was slight jerkiness when she walked, as if there was something wrong with her legs or hips. It was very, very subtle, so subtle that it took me a few minutes of watching to be sure. What was wrong with her?

Carlisle stopped us at the front door to the hospital. "Why don't you two wait here while I get the car?"

That confirmed my suspicion that there was something wrong with Esme, something that would make it difficult for her to walk the distance to the parking deck. He couldn't possibly care about the fact that I would be cold, but his wife's comfort would be paramount to him. I considered that caring a very good sign, one that was very hard to fake. He probably wouldn't turn out to be actually abusive, maybe just a little distracted by his job. That was good also, as he wouldn't be breathing down my neck all of the time. I could take care of myself. I'd been doing it for years already.

Esme and I stood together in sort of an awkward silence. She looked as though she wanted to ask me a few things, but something held her back. I didn't even know why they had bothered to come out here. Anything that was at all important about me could be learned by reading my file, which I was sure they both had total access to.

I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and jumped away from it. Esme lowered her hand, which I could now see she had intended to put on my shoulder. _Great job, Jasper, act like a total nutcase in front of her, that way she'll definitely want to take you home. _I ducked my head. "Sorry."

"It's all right, honey. I shouldn't have done that." Her dark eyes told me she actually meant it. "But Carlisle is here with the car."

Sure enough, I could see a sleek-looking car parked in the pick-up zone. I wasn't that familiar with the fancier cars, though I was pretty good at fixing up Maria's old clunker, but I knew this one was expensive. Without being asked, I held the hospital door for Esme, then bounded ahead to open the passenger side car door for her. She smiled and got in. "What a gentleman."

I didn't show it, but I was pleased that she had noticed. My mother (my _real_ mother, not any of the foster moms) had wanted to raise her son to know how to treat women. One of the few memories I had left of her was her helping me hold the door in some building for a bunch of older women. "Remember, Jasper, a nice boy always lets a lady go first." Whenever I held a door for a woman, or was helpful in any way, I could almost feel her hand on my back again. I guessed that was one of the reasons I had put up with Maria for so long. I liked making people happy, even if it made me miserable.

"Before we get there, do you have any questions for us, Jasper?" Carlisle met my eyes in the rearview mirror before I could look away.

Sure, I had a few. How about why they were willing to take a brain-damaged teenager rather than the cute babies I was sure they qualified for? Or maybe why they wanted to foster in the first place? Experience had taught me that very few did it without ulterior motives. Sure, not all of them were in it for the convenient punching bag, or the monthly check. Some did it to keep a niece or nephew in the family, some to try and save a wayward child. Some did it because they couldn't have a biological one or afford an expensive infant adoption. Knowing why they did it went a long way towards knowing how to handle them later.

If we had still been at the hospital, I would have thrown those questions at them. Better they learn what I was now, rather than once I was legally in their home and they had no way to get rid of me. But I wasn't in the hospital. I was in their car in a city I knew nothing about. It would be dark very soon, and if they threw me out of the car, I was as good as dead. Nervously, I clutched at the leather seat.

"Are you all right, Jasper? You look very pale all of a sudden. You don't get carsick, do you?"

I wished Esme wouldn't mention getting sick, as I didn't want to give my body any ideas. I waited another few seconds, until I felt sure I could open my mouth without revisiting lunch, and nodded. "I'm fine. It's just been a while since I rode in a car, and I think I threw my body for a loop."

That was actually a plausible explanation. When I first woke up, I got dizzy and nauseous from doing simple things like sitting up and walking around. Apparently, my entire nervous system had suffered a shock, and it had forgotten a few things. The worst of it had passed, but he didn't know that.

"Do you need me to pull over for minute?" Sure, don't want the freaky kid puking on the expensive leather.

"I'm okay now." I didn't want him to pull over for any reason. Maria had once left Peter and me on the side of the road, forcing us to walk home. Pete got us lost, and it was dark by the time we made it home, only to find out she had locked us out of the house. It was not an experience I was eager to repeat, especially with snow on the ground.

"All right, let me know if you feel sick again. We're almost there." Carlisle seemed distracted by making a left-hand turn.

I traced a finger along the seat, trying to think of a question that wouldn't be totally offensive. Finally, I thought of one. "Where's Forks?"

They both laughed. Esme leaned over the seat, forcing eye contact. "You would be surprised at how often we get asked that. Forks is about an hour from Port Angeles. It's a really small town, maybe only twenty-five hundred people or so."

Great. Small town meant everyone would know everyone and I was going to be the walking freak show. Being a foster child was akin to having a scarlet 'F' painted on your chest. You were always viewed with a little suspicion, as if it was your fault that things had gone wrong.

Esme continued talking, apparently unaware of my nerves. "We don't actually live in town, though. We have a house in the woods, with plenty of room to run. You need it with four teenagers!"

That had been one of the questions I was afraid to ask. "I'll have foster siblings?"

"Yes, we have — " Esme was cut off by Carlisle.

"We're here."

I noticed that we were able to park up front, due to the handicapped placard on the rearview mirror. I made sure to open the car door for Esme again, as that had made her happy the last time.

The hostess gave us a huge smile and welcomed us to the restaurant. "Smoking or non?"

Carlisle spoke before I could. "Non."

She seated us and took our drink orders. Once she was gone, Carlisle looked at me. "I don't know if you smoke or not, Jasper, but I don't allow it in the house. If you want to, you will have to take it outside."

I appreciated him laying the rules out from the beginning, rather than waiting for me to screw up. "I don't."

"Good. Order whatever you want." A silence fell as we all scanned the menu.

I nervously looked down the listings. True, I would eat anything, but everything on the menu was so expensive. Maybe I should wait to see what the Cullens ordered before I chose anything. Chicken was the cheapest, but I ate an awful lot of that at the hospital. Maybe a hamburger?

Esme noticed that I seemed upset. "The steak here is really good. Or the salmon. Do you eat seafood?" Her tone was gently encouraging.

"What are you having?" My tone wasn't much more than a whisper, but it was all I could force past my locked-up throat. I was going to fuck this up right here, I just knew it.

"Steak, I think. Why don't you try the ribeye?"

My throat got even tighter. "Okay." I noticed that the menu was wavering, courtesy of my trembling hands. I put it down on the table and my hands in my lap. Pull it together, Jasper. Nothing's going to happen to you in a restaurant.

We ordered (I did get the ribeye) and retreated back to our silence. I gulped at my soda, just to have something to do, and tried not to make eye contact. Esme spoke again. "I was telling you about the rest of the family, right?" I nodded.

"Well, first there's Edward. We've had him since he was three, and he's sixteen now. He plays the piano; he's very talented. I guess you could say he's the baby. Alice is sixteen also, but she'll be seventeen in a few weeks. We adopted her nine years ago." A smile touched her lips. "Alice is . . . well, there's no real way to describe Alice. You just have to meet her. Nothing in the world gets her down. She's just a ray of sunshine."

Sounded interesting. Or possibly extremely annoying. I took a risk and raised my eyes to meet hers. She didn't react to me this time, so I felt confident enough to hold her gaze. I tried to smile at her, though I sure it came out as more of a grimace.

"Then there are Rosalie and Emmett. Rose is nineteen and Emmett just turned twenty. We've had them since they were thirteen and fourteen. Rose is taking courses at the community college in auto repair, and living at home with us for right now. Emmett's a senior this year, and we're not sure what he's going to do after high school. They keep us on our toes, certainly. Oh, and Rose and Emmett are dating, so don't let that surprise you." She flushed a little. "If you decide to come, I mean. I don't want you to feel like you have to."

Luckily, I was saved from having to answer by the arrival of our food. I busied myself cutting the food into microscopic pieces, watching both Cullens out of the corner of my eye. They had stopped focusing so much on me, which was good. It made my throat loosen enough so that I could eat. The food was fantastic, and I had to remind myself to not gulp it down as fast as I could. The Cullens were not going to be impressed with my usual table manners.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, until Esme spoke. "Your file said you liked animals. Which one is your favorite?"

I hadn't expected her to ask that. I had thought she might ask about my grades (poor), my attitude (not much better), or my plans for once I aged out (nonexistent), but what my favorite _animal_ was? I had spent most of the ride over coming up with convincing answers to those questions, but now I was adrift.

Esme shrugged. "Come on. If I were to tell you we were going to the zoo right now, where would you go first?"

"Kiwis." The words came out before I thought, which was often dangerous. But Esme was smiling at me, so I continued on. "They're funny. They don't fly, you know. Just run around in their little stubby legs."

"Kiwis, really?" Carlisle looked interested. "I always liked the monkeys."

"I like the polar bears. Carlisle and I took the kids to D.C. one year and we saw the pandas; they were neat, too." Esme was clearly lost in her own memories. I was superfluous now, so I was able to relax and finish my last bits of food. "I guess you were hungry."

Not really, but I had learned to eat everything on my plate, since I wasn't guaranteed a next meal. "I guess."

Suddenly Carlisle swore softly. "Shit. I promised the hospital I would have you back by six-thirty, and it's nearly that now. I'm sorry, Jasper; we're going to have to cut this short."

I was surprisingly disappointed. "S'okay. I have homework to finish anyway." Or at least to try and finish, as I could feel a headache building up at the base of my skull. Usually I took pills as soon as it started, but I didn't have any medication with me now. I hadn't wanted to say anything and risk cutting their dinner short, but it would probably be a good idea for me to get back to the hospital soon.

The Cullens paid the bill without comment and we got back in the car. The ride back was tense, with none of us willing to break the fragile peace. When we pulled into the parking deck, Esme twisted around in the seat so she could look at me. "I wish we could have talked more. You're a very sweet kid, Jasper."

I could almost hear the unspoken 'but' in her voice. _You're very sweet, Jasper, but a little more damaged than we were hoping for. Best of luck, though. I'm sure you'll find someone to take you._ "Thank you. You're very nice, too."

We found a spot and parked. Esme raised a hand slightly, like she wanted to touch or hug me, but she must have remembered how I had reacted earlier, and she put it back down. "I hope you'll forgive me, Jasper, but I'm not going to be able to take you back inside."

Again, the curiosity about her rose up. I guess it didn't matter much, though; I wasn't going to ever see her again. "That's all right. Thank you for dinner."

I got out of the car, slightly surprised when Carlisle appeared at my side. I was grateful that he did that, as my sense of direction was somewhat lacking, and I didn't want to try and find my way back to my room alone. Luckily, he seemed to know the way, and I found myself back at the nurses' station on my floor. They all greeted me like a returning hero, which made me want to duck behind Carlisle. I had come to learn that being the center of attention usually led to bad things happening.

I turned to Carlisle. "Thank you very much for dinner, sir, it was good." I wasn't sure what else to say. He hadn't said anything further about wanting to take me home, so I was assuming that I had done something he didn't like. I figured that 'Thanks for the chance, no one else has even given me that' wasn't the right thing to say, but what was? Probably nothing.

He raised one eyebrow. "I have to come out here tomorrow to do a consult on a pediatric case. Would it be all right if I came by to see you afterwards? That way you could have a chance to think about things."

"Okay." I would have been happier if my head wasn't pounding like it was. Black spots began to dance on the edges of my vision, and I knew I had a limited amount of time to go lay down. "I'll be here all day, not like I have anywhere else to be."

"If you think of any other questions, you can ask me tomorrow. I know you felt a little put on the spot, and I'm sorry about that." He gave me a little wave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." Even though it was probably a mistake, I watched him go down the hallway and disappear. The nurses all squealed as soon as he was out of sight. "Good job, Jasper, he's really hooked! And what a cutie pie! Did you see those eyes!"

I knew things were going to dissolve into a detailed discussion of every part of Dr. Cullen's anatomy, and I didn't want to have to listen to that. So I made my pitiful way to my room, which seemed very empty at the moment.

The textbook was still on my bed, but I pushed it to the side with a shudder. The pain pills were horribly bitter, but they worked quickly, making me feel sleepy and quiet. I needed to focus on what had happened today, because I knew it was going to be very important later, but my mind was getting fuzzier by the second. I barely had the energy to strip down and put on a pair of pajamas before I collapsed into bed. I would be all right, and there would be plenty of time tomorrow to worry before Carlisle came back, if he came back at all. A part of me almost hoped that he wouldn't. With a pitiful-sounding sigh, I curled up in bed and let sleep take me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here it is, after the long wait! Thanks again to my wonderful beta, The Sound and the Fury, without whom this would be a jumbled mess. All of the Cullen's, plus Jasper and maybe Bella will bet getting to share their POV's here, but some have more to say than others. On to the show!**

**Carlisle's POV**

"That could have gone better." Esme's words were the first spoken since we left the hospital. "It could have gone a lot worse, also, so I guess I shouldn't complain."

She was right. Jasper had been much more withdrawn and shy than I had expected. His every move was carefully calculated to deflect any anger on our part. It was a good act, and nearly fooled me, but he wasn't the first potential foster to _try_ it on me, either.

"Remember Rosalie? I guess I shouldn't complain about any meeting that doesn't involve security being called."

How could I forget our first meeting with Rosalie? Though she was only thirteen, she was already beautiful, with her blonde waves and a woman's body. We had gone to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things, and Rosalie had decided that she no longer liked us and wanted to go back to the Social Services office. She began cursing at us, becoming more and more agitated, until I took her by the arm to lead her out of the store.

So she did exactly what children are taught to do in such a situation. She screamed "Rape! This man is not my father!" at the top of her lungs. The three of us ended up spending an uncomfortable few hours in the employee break room, while the police interrogated us about why we had been attempting to remove a young teenage girl from the store. It was humiliating, to say the least.

"He's so scared, Carlisle. Big as he is, I could tell he just wanted to hide behind the nearest chair. What did she _do_ to him?"

It was a question that we might never know the entire answer to. None of the children, from Jasper on down to the three-year-old, had been willing to disclose much about what had happened in that house. Most of what we knew came from medical examinations and the one 9-1-1 call, where his frantic foster brother admitted more than he might have normally. "I don't know."

"We probably never will. He's precious, though, they way he tries so hard. As soon as he figured out what made one of us happy, he went right with it."

I didn't find that behavior nearly as sweet as Esme did. Jasper was doing it to appease us — not because he necessarily wanted us to be happy, but because he wanted to avoid making us angry. A fine line, yes, but one that needed to be made clear. There were only a few times when I felt he interacted with us naturally. Once, when he was asked what his favorite animal was, and then at the nurses' station when I asked if I could see him tomorrow. Other than that, he was telling us what he thought we wanted to hear.

Maybe I was just reading too much into it. After all, what was a meeting like this but the worst sort of blind date? One meeting, and he was expected to determine if he could live with us for the next three months, at the very least? Add in the fact that his ability to trust was probably severely damaged, and his behaviors made sense. Making sense didn't make them normal, however.

"He's going to have a lot of problems, Esme. We can already tell that he's worse than the report made him sound." I wanted to be rational about this, but every time I tried, I saw those blue-green eyes in the photograph. Those eyes had nothing much to look forward to, and he was too young to have given up already.

"You don't think we should take him." She sounded crestfallen.

"I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, can you handle it if you put all of your love and affection into him, and he can't return it? If we try our hardest, and he rips this family apart? Or just bolts the day he turns eighteen?" All of those things were possibilities when you took a case like Jasper. I had seen plenty of foster families blown to pieces by a severely damaged or violent child.

"Can _you_ handle it if we don't try?" Her voice was soft, but strong. "All we can do is love him, support him, and provide him with the tools to get better. The rest is up to him. If he runs when he turns eighteen, at least he'll have had three months where someone loved him, and a place to come back to."

I wondered where she got her strength. Over the years, she had been forced to let dozens of children go, whether it was back to their birth parents or on to new homes. I knew she thought about them often. "I'm going to go back tomorrow, and talk to the nurses that interact with him every day. They'll be able to tell me more than a hundred reports about him. Let's not make any decisions until I do that, okay?"

"Of course." She smiled. "We're going to get blindsided as soon as we come in the door, so what are we going to tell them?"

I thought about that. "Tell them that it went all right for a first meeting, and that I'm going to meet with him again tomorrow. They don't need the details yet."

"He's a fighter, that's for sure. We just have to convince him that being part of a normal family is worth fighting for."

That, of course, was the crux of the matter. As Emmett had proved over and over again, you could do everything textbook perfect, but ultimately it was going to be up to the child in question. All the therapy, hugs, and stability in the world weren't going to do Jasper any good if his injured spirit refused to allow him to accept them. It was too soon to know if that were the case, and three months from now, when he legally left the system, it might still be too soon. "We can hope."

"Sometimes, it's all you have." She turned on the radio without further comment. I studied her profile out of the corner of my eye, thankful as always that she was mine. What I had done to end up with a woman so utterly perfect? One that complemented me in every way, and was a bit of a mystery . . . but one I would be glad if I never solved. She was mine, and that was all that mattered.

Alice must have been at the window waiting for us, because she ran out the door the instant we pulled into the driveway. "How did it go? What's he like? Did he say he'd come live with us? Is he cute?" Her questions came so quickly that they seemed to run into one another.

Esme was used to our youngest daughter's speed, and answered as best she could. "It went pretty well. Not the best, but pretty well. He's sweet, but he's very, very shy. Hopefully he'll get better with time. He likes kiwi birds. I don't know if he's going to come live with us or not. We're going to give him a little time to think about it, without putting too much pressure on him. Yes, he's _very_ cute."

Where was this sudden interest in how cute Jasper was coming from? Alice had never shown any interest in boys so far, beyond gossiping with Rose about which celebrity they wanted to marry. For a time, I had even wondered if she might be gay, and afraid to tell us, but had finally come to the conclusion that she just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. So why this fascination with a boy she hadn't even met?

"I knew he would be! When are we going to know for sure? Can I meet him now? You said 'no' earlier because he hadn't met any of us yet, but now he knows you two, so I can meet him? Please?" Once Alice got an idea into her head, it was hard to shake it loose. She gave me her best smile. "Please, Daddy?"

She only called me 'Daddy' when she wanted something. "Alice, no. He's already totally overwhelmed, and you going there will only make it worse. Give him a break." Despite not sharing any blood tie, Alice was so much like Esme that it hurt sometimes. They both felt things strongly, and had a deep desire to change the world, even if it was only for one person. Still, their overwhelming feelings often led to _them_ being hurt. "Remember, Alice, he might not come. I'm not going to force him to come here if he doesn't want to. He's had enough of being forced to do things."

Her hazel eyes (so happy, and so different from Jasper's, though his held hints of green also) shone. "He will." She leapt up. "I'm going to get the guest room set up."

We watched her go. Esme chuckled softly. "Well, if Alice says it's going to happen, it probably will. I wonder how she does that."

That was a good question, and one we had never been able to figure out. To the best of our knowledge, she was just a little more intuitive than the average person. Within the family, it was one thing, but she had never met Jasper. Never laid eyes on him, never even seen a picture. So how could she make any sort of guess about what he might do? "Just another mystery, I guess."

She smiled. "I guess I'll go give her a hand." She kissed my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too." More than words could express.

Knowing they would be up there for hours, and the room probably wouldn't look much different when they were done, I went to the kitchen to get a drink. There was a bottle of gin hidden in the back of the freezer, and I mixed some with a can of soda. Sitting there, I made a mental note to hide the bottle better when Jasper came (and I was starting to think that was inevitable). I might trust my own children with alcohol around, though I did check the levels regularly, but I wasn't going to take unnecessary risks with a child I knew very little about. All temptation was going into hiding.

"So?" The voice was soft, but it startled me anyway. Edward was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. He was obviously upset about something, so I gestured for him to sit down across from me.

"What?"

"Is he coming?" The bright eyes were fixed on mine.

I probed at him, trying to figure out what was wrong. "That's still to be decided. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged, looking down at the tabletop. "I just wanted to know so we could be ready, that's all." _Because I don't want him to come, that's why._

That was surprising, so I pushed further. "You were fine with the idea of him coming last night. What's changed?"

He didn't raise his eyes. "Nothing." _Everything._

I waited patiently, moving over to slide an arm around his shoulders. While most of my children preferred Esme, with her gentle, maternal nature, Edward and I had always had a special bond. Finally, he spoke. "I asked Bella out."

"Chief Swan's daughter?" He nodded. "That's wonderful; what did she say?"

"Yes. I'm going to take her to the movies on Friday." His tone was too dejected for a boy who had just asked his crush out. A possibility occurred to me.

"Do you think Jasper is going to change that? I wouldn't ask you to break a date because he was coming, even if it were the same night. We'll get it worked out."

His shoulders hunched further, his head drooping. "It isn't that." His voice was tiny and miserable.

"What, then?" I slid a hand out and put it under his chin, forcing his head up so he could meet my eyes. "Tell me."

"He's going to be weird. You and I both know that; no one could live through what he has and not be weird. I don't . . ." he trailed off as his voice hitched. "Everyone talks about our family already. I don't want Bella to think there's something wrong with all of us."

Ah, it all came back to the insecurity of teenagers. Edward was afraid that Jasper would embarrass him in front of his brand-new girlfriend. I wanted to console him, to assure him that that would not be the case, but I couldn't lie to him. Things were going to be different in the house if we accepted Jasper; it was as simple as that.

I had always known we were quite the topic of conversation. Forks was a fairly conservative town, and most people didn't take well to things that were out of the ordinary. When we had started taking in foster children, there was a little bit of talking, but most people were supportive. Over the years, with various children, we had been involved in more scenes than I cared to think about. Some of them were just the normal temper tantrums of small bored children, but some were more serious. There was a period — when there were eight kids in the home, including three in special education — where I felt like I was at the school every single week trying to sort out someone's problems. That was when the rumors that we were in over our heads started to fly.

Most people failed to understand the traumas our foster kids had been through, and the unfortunate behaviors that could come along with trying to cope with it all. The kids weren't being bratty or wild; they were actually trying to hang on to their last shred of control with everything they had. At the time, our adopted kids had been younger, and less affected by it all. Then we had stopped fostering, and things fell into a sort of stasis.

Emmett and Rosalie had refueled the gossip mill three years ago, when they had decided that they loved each other. Not much happened in Forks, and this was the best bit of gossip to hit in months, if not years. All of the kids managed to keep their heads high, even with the accusations flying around them. People commented on how disgusting it was, how it was practically incest, implying that our house was little more than a sexual sideshow. The comments had bothered all of us, but we couldn't deny Emmett and Rose the happiness they had found with each other.

Edward broke into my thoughts. "I hate feeling like this. It's not his fault that any of this happened to him, but I just want to have something normal, for once in my life! Bella's normal; her father's the Chief of Police. If Jasper gets into trouble, he's going to know about it." He wiped at his suddenly wet eyes. "I know I'm a terrible person for thinking that. If you guys thought like that, I wouldn't even have a home. Alice wouldn't, and Emmett wouldn't, and Rose wouldn't, either."

"You aren't a terrible person. Esme and I deciding, as adults, to take in kids we know might be troubled is a lot different than you, as a teenager, being expected to put up with it. It can be an unfair burden to put on the four of you." It hurt me to say what I did next, but it was the truth. "If you feel that strongly, I can tell Demetri that it won't be possible for us to take him."

His eyes widened at the possibility. "You would do that?"

"Of course. I can't help one kid by sacrificing others in the home. That isn't fair to anyone."

There was a silence while he mulled that over. "No. It's too selfish of me to say 'no' like that. I think . . . I think he probably needs us." His arms came around my neck, holding me tightly in a way he hadn't done in years. "I love you."

Apparently, this had been more about getting some reassurance that my love for him hadn't changed than it was actually about Jasper. Still, I tried to assuage his other fears. "Alice keeps telling me how much she likes Bella, and how compassionate and caring Bella is. If she's really that way, she'll accept Jasper, no matter what baggage he comes with. Besides, we might be worrying about nothing. He may be excellent at pulling it together for company."

Okay, so I wasn't above telling Edward a small lie. Jasper hadn't been able to pull it together for Esme and me, so I doubted he would in front of a bunch of teenagers.

Edward straightened up. "I'm going to go in and work on my music for a while. I'm doing a lullaby."

Probably for his new lady love. I'd seen plenty of lovesick teens, but nothing like how Edward had fallen for this girl. "Where are your brother and sister?"

"Out. They're on a 'date.'" He made little finger quotes as he said the word. In other words, they had snuck off somewhere to have sex, since they weren't allowed to in the house. I sent a prayer upwards that all the 'safe sex' lectures we had given them had sunk in. The last thing we needed right now was a baby in the house. "I think they're actually — "

I cut him off. "I know what they're actually doing, Edward, so please don't remind me."

He gave me one of his goofy, crooked little grins. "Okay." Then he was gone, his thoughts already consumed by his passions.

So I had one who was ambivalent about Jasper coming, and two who were all but moving him in right now. Hopefully, Emmett and Rose would be a little bit calmer about the whole thing. Speaking of Emmett and Rose — they were home. Headlights splashed across the kitchen and the garage door rumbled up. I took another gulp of my drink, steeling myself for the next confrontation.

I swear the house shook as Emmett bounded up the front steps. His eyes scanned the kitchen. "Where is he?"

I sighed. One of Emmett's biggest problems was that he didn't listen. He was smart enough, but most things went in one ear and out the other. "At the hospital. I told you we weren't going to bring him home tonight, if we brought him home at all."

His brow furrowed. "What are we waiting for? Can't you get them to bring him over sooner?"

Rose smacked his arm. "He's not a baby getting brought by the stork or a new toy, you moron. He has a choice. Even if he wants to come — and between you and Edward, I can't imagine why he would — they have to fill out a million forms before we can even think about bringing him here."

He gave her a good-natured roll of his eyes. "So are we filling out the forms? Does he like to play video games and wrestle? Because if he does, we're cool."

Oh, God, I could just imagine Jasper's reaction if Emmett jumped him as soon as he walked through the door. We would either be prying him off the ceiling, fingernail by fingernail, or Emmett was going to end up with broken bones. "Absolutely not! Emmett, you will be gentle with him. Remember, he's been through a lot, and I don't need you traumatizing him the minute he gets here."

Emmett had the grace to look ashamed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. No wrestling him. Games are still cool, though, right?"

"Yes, games are fine." A headache was forming behind my eyes. Emmett always meant well; his body was just permanently in gear before his brain. "I hope you two behaved yourselves tonight."

Rose flushed. "We did. We went bowling." She gave me a tentative smile. "I bowled 156." The exact nature of her comment told me that this had been a real date, not the sort that ended in the backseat of Emmett's Jeep.

"That's fantastic." It was much better than I could have done.

"I bowled 108. Anything better than 100 is winning, right?" Emmett had already cracked two bowling balls with his overenthusiastic throws.

"108 is good, too." I stood up. "I'm going to go see what Alice and your mother are doing up there. Clean up after yourselves if you make anything to eat."

Emmett chuckled and Rose gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "It'll all work out."

I wondered how she had gone from refusing to accept any 'snot-nosed brat' into the house to being firmly on Jasper's side in less than twenty-four hours. "Thank you, Rosalie." Maybe I needed to accept the confidence of my family members and quit worrying so much. We had been ignorant when we took both Edward and Alice, and it had worked out pretty well with them. Still, it was easier said than done, and I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a lot more to Jasper than had made it into any report. There was little to do about that now, though; just wait until tomorrow, when I went for my consult and saw him again.

I had made the consult up on the spur of the moment, something to try and take Jasper's mind off our presence, and it had worked. A few well-placed phone calls found an actual case for me to look at, so even if Jasper refused to see me again, the trip wouldn't be wasted. He had been interested and polite today, but further reflection on it all might cause him to panic and shut down. Something told me that it was going to be a long night.

The next morning was cloudy and grey, a good reflection of my mood. Alice and Esme had been holed up in the guest room for hours, giggling about the new arrival that everyone was suddenly sure was coming. I had slept restlessly, sure I was overlooking something of the greatest importance, but waking each time before I knew what it was. I had tossed and turned so much that Esme had ended up sleeping in the guest room, after all, so at least the preparations hadn't been for nothing.

I took the SUV, just in case of more snow, and turned the radio up. The ride seemed emptier without Esme, but I also enjoyed the solitude. At work, I was constantly having to monitor and interact with other people, and there was always someone demanding my attention at home. For once, it felt nice to just be me, relaxing with my thoughts.

Eventually, though, those thoughts turned back to Jasper and the reason for this trip. Much as I tried to deny it, I was as intrigued by him as the rest of the family. Those blue eyes looked as though they might hold a thousand secrets, and probably did. Could they all be bad, though? Would I find out later that Jasper liked dancing, or wanted to learn to ride horseback, or wrote very well? He had to have a million little personality quirks — some good, some bad.

All too soon, the hospital loomed up in front of me. A crystal-clear memory allowed me to retrace my steps from the previous day, and I quickly found myself back on Jasper's floor. It was lunchtime, and a single nurse was manning the station. I didn't recognize her, so I smiled gamely. "Hi. I'm Dr. Cullen, and I'm here to see Jasper Whitlock."

She didn't move. "He isn't having visitors right now."

This wasn't good. Apparently Jasper had been more unsettled by yesterday than I had thought. "Oh. Is he not having visitors at all, or does he just not want to see me?"

Recognition dawned in her eyes. "You're the foster father who came yesterday." She leaned backwards, as if she expected to see Jasper in the hall. "He isn't seeing anyone right now because he's sleeping. He didn't have a good night."

Sometimes the best response to something like that is absolute silence. She looked down for a minute. "I was here the night they brought him in, and I've been taking care of him ever since. If you're really serious about him, there are a few things you ought to know."

Jackpot. If you wanted any information in a hospital, it could be obtained from the nearest nurse. I did my best not to let my glee show on my face. "That would be wonderful. I have to consult on a case in peds, but can I meet you here afterwards? I am very serious about taking him, if he'll have us."

"I work until three, so make it back before then." She looked back towards the rooms again. "I'll see you later."

I sleepwalked my way through the consultation, which turned out to be a noncancerous growth that could be easily removed. The patient, a beautiful six-year-old, was happy to have the growth removed and get back to kindergarten. She gave me a hug when I left, her sweet nature and easy affection a sharp contrast to the teenager upstairs. She was deeply loved by her parents, secure and happy, and it showed. If only all of my cases ended this well.

There were several nurses at the station now, two of whom I recognized from yesterday. "Hi." I felt nervous in their presence, knowing that they were going to reveal more than I wanted to know.

The four women exchanged looks, almost as if each was daring the others to speak first. Finally, one broke the silence. "I was up with him for five hours last night. First it was a nightmare, but then he got himself so worked up that it became a panic attack, and none of us could calm him down. We ended up having to give him a tranquilizer before he hurt himself. That's with him taking .5 mg of Triazolam a night."

I was familiar with this tactic. They were going to throw all of Jasper's bad points at me. If I was still standing after hearing the absolute worst they had to offer, they would tell me more about his good points. "I was under the impression his sleep disturbances were under control."

There were four identical snorts. "He stays in his room when he sleepwalks now, and he doesn't wake up the entire ward with his screaming, just his immediate neighbors. So the doctors say he's better."

My heart sank. They had already revealed Jasper to be more disturbed than I thought, and we had barely started talking. "He self-harms?"

They seemed surprised. "No! Why would you think that?"

Now it was my turn to be confused. "You said you thought he would hurt himself last night."

The shortest nurse nodded. "Not deliberately. He just gets really disoriented, and he struggles. I couldn't get him to wake up, and it just seemed kinder that way."

Oh, boy. While it was good to know that I wasn't dealing with a self-injurer, I wasn't looking forward to dealing with screaming night terrors again. I had done this once with Alice, and again with Rosalie. I knew Esme and I could handle it, but I was more concerned about him. If Jasper wasn't getting enough sleep, even with the drugs, that was going to become an issue in and of itself. How could we work on his issues if he was physically and mentally exhausted? "How often?"

"Not every night. Maybe . . . twice a week? We had a two-week period where he did really well, and then he sort of fell apart again. He sleepwalks pretty much every night, though; won't stay in his bed for anything."

Another nurse took over. "Let's see. I've found him asleep next to the bed, under the bed, in the chair, in the bathroom, in the middle of the floor, on his feet, and every other way you can imagine, _except_ in his bed." She looked down. "He cries in his sleep, too. I can see the marks. But never when he's awake."

I reminded myself that they knew Jasper best, and would have the best idea of how to help him, but this was so painful to hear. "Does anything help at all?"

The shortest nurse (her name tag read Nurse Davis) sighed deeply. "Not that we've found. He likes it when you play music for him, though. Maybe he'll do better in a home. Between the constant light and the other patients, it can be hard to get any rest here." I could tell she didn't believe her own words.

"But he has a lot of headaches, and the pills he takes for them make him really sleepy. That might be one of the reasons he has trouble sleeping at night. Sometimes the pills knock him out during the day, and he can't settle down at the right time."

Another nurse, Nurse Andrews, clicked her tongue. "He's failing his schoolwork. I think he tries really hard, but he was behind when he got here and he just keeps falling further and further back. None of us really know how to help him. They keep telling us they'll send us a tutor for him, but we haven't seen one yet."

I interrupted them. "So basically, you're telling me that I have a teenager who can't sleep at night most of the time, has screaming nightmares when he does, and is about to flunk his junior year of high school. Any other bad points I should know about?"

"He swears when he gets mad. I have two teens at home, and I thought I'd heard it all, but this one takes the cake. I've never heard such creativity, or so many f-bombs in one conversation. He's actually scared more than one doctor away."

Pretty wimpy doctors, if you asked me. Words could be painful, but they weren't actually dangerous. "But he's not violent? I have other teens in the home, two girls and two boys, and I don't want them hurt." At their negative gestures, I continued on. "As far as the swearing goes, I think he's had plenty to swear about the past few years."

The four of them exchanged glances, and I had the distinct impression that they were deciding whether or not I had passed the test. Finally, they seemed to agree that I had. Nurse Andrews spoke again. "He's a good boy, deep down, but he's pretty damaged. If what we've told you scares you, good. Because he's going to be a lot of work for someone."

"My wife and I have taken in several special needs children. I feel confident that we can handle this also." I tried to broadcast sincerity. "Listen, I told Jasper that I would come back to see him today. Will you tell him that I stopped by?" I pulled a card out of my wallet. "This is my home number; tell him he can feel free to call if he has any questions."

Nurse Davis took the card, but held up a hand. "Let me peek in on him and see if he's awake. He really seemed to like you last night, and I think he'll want to see you now. I'll only be a minute." She disappeared down the hall.

"Please be patient with him." The nurse who spoke wasn't wearing any ID. "We love him here, but if you can think of an irritating behavior, he's already thought of it with twelve variations. He tries to get rid of you before you can get rid of him. Just . . . be patient, all right?"

"I will." Anything else I might have wanted to say was cut off by Nurse Davis reappearing. "He's awake, and he's agreed to see you."

I couldn't believe how pleased I was to know that. The door to Jasper's room was closed, but I nudged it open. Jasper was lying in bed, his face colorless and his eyes dull. Unlike the previous day, he made no effort to get up. In fact, just staying awake seemed to take most of his energy. I sat down next to the bed. "Hello, again. I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well."

He shrugged. "Rough night." His tone suggested it hadn't been that big of a deal. Of course, to him, it might not have been. One of the interesting things about night terrors, unlike nightmares, was that the person having them seldom remembered the dreams upon waking. If Jasper had been having them for a while, he might be used to living with constant sleep deprivation. A soft smile touched the corners of his mouth. "You came back."

"I said I would." I could tell that he hadn't believed me. He licked his dry lips, seeming to struggle to stay focused on the conversation. "Would you like some water?"

His eyes fixed on mine. "Could you get me a Coke? There's some cash in the drawer."

"Sure." The soda machine was located at the end of the hall, and I was back in under a minute. Something flashed in his eyes when I came back, but it was gone so quickly I couldn't tell what it had been. I took the control for the bed from his hand and sat him up, opening the drink for him and holding it out. He took it and drank deeply, letting his eyes fall closed.

When he was done, I took the drink back and set it on the bedside table. "Can I do anything else?"

He shook his head without opening his eyes. "All right, then." I took out another card and put it by the soda. "I'll let you rest. If you think of any questions, feel free to call me at home."

I was almost at the door before he spoke again. "Dr. Cullen?" Our eyes met, my dark blue studying the dull grey. "If you still want me, I'd like to come live with you for a few months."

I would probably never know the amount of courage it had taken for him to say that. "Of course we still want you. I'll put a call in to Social Services as soon as I get to the car."

He looked downwards, suddenly shy again. "Okay."

I tried to be encouraging. "I'm glad you decided to come."

"I think I am, too." I sensed that he wanted me to leave now, so I gave him some space. There would be time later to work on his issues. Now that he had agreed to come home with us, we had all the time in the world. I did my best to ignore the tiny voice in the back of my mind, the one that told me that was good, because it might take that long to get him any semblance of a normal life.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here we go again! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, or put this story on alert. Of course, thanks to my lovely beta, without whom this would be an entirely different story.**

**Alice's POV**

"He's not going to get here any faster if you keep staring out the window." Edward's voice was a little too amused. He had finally hung up with Bella about five minutes ago, and had decided to torment me instead. Little did he know that having to listen to the two of them coo and giggle at each other was the worst torment conceivable. I hoped that their infatuation was just the result of only having been dating for two weeks, rather than a more permanent condition. I really liked Bella, and thought she was perfectly suited for Edward, but I couldn't help feeling a little lonely. Hopefully this Jasper would make a good friend for me. At the very least, he would make good eye candy.

"I'm just curious about him." That was a bit of an understatement; I was absolutely _dying_ here! Other than the single picture in his file, one where he wasn't even smiling, I didn't even know what he looked like! I had spent hours imagining his smile, and the way he laughed. His report said he was five foot ten, almost an entire foot taller than I was, but it didn't tell me how he carried himself. Did he hold his head up high, like a war general? Or was he more reserved, hunching into himself?

"Well, try not to overwhelm him. You know you kind of have that effect on people."

It wasn't really my fault that I got a wee bit overenthusiastic at times. After so long spent in the institution, staring at nothing but the same white walls, everything was exciting to me. I just didn't understand how a person could look outside at the world and not see just how amazing it is. "I already promised."

Every second seemed to take ten. Carlisle and Esme should be here with Jasper in less than fifteen minutes, but every minute was longer than the last. I looked at the clock. My entire conversation with Edward had taken less than a minute.

"Alice." Edward's voice had that patronizing edge I hated so much. "Don't build this up too much. You know he may be a little . . ." He trailed off, apparently trying to find a word that wasn't too demeaning. "Different."

"Don't you have a girlfriend to moon over?" I made my voice as biting as I possibly could. Edward and I had always been best friends, but sometimes he drove me absolutely crazy. He always felt like he knew better than everyone else, no matter how little he actually understood. I might not always get everything right, but I deserved to be able to make my own choices and mistakes.

I could tell that point was lost on him as his eyes glazed over at the mention of his girlfriend. Please, God, never let me get that pathetic. Gravel rumbled in the driveway, and I bounced up just in time to see the red Tahoe pull up to the garage. "They're here!" My voice squeaked embarrassingly, but Edward didn't seem to notice.

I'm sure we looked absolutely ridiculous, with our faces pushed to the glass, but we both wanted the first look. Jasper was sitting in the backseat, his head downwards. I wondered if he was asleep back there. How could anyone fall asleep on the way to a brand-new home? Wasn't he at all interested in us, or anything that was happening to him?

Carlisle leaned back and spoke to him, and the blond head came up for the first time. Edward and I both ducked down, not wanting to be caught staring. We exchanged looks. "Well, here he is. You don't seem quite as excited now."

Of course I didn't. I was too busy being overtaken by nerves to be excited. What if he didn't like us? Like _me?_ What if we ended up having to send him back?

"Alice? Edward? I saw you two in the window, so I know you're here!" My father's voice was indulgent. "Come on out and meet Jasper."

We had arranged for Emmett and Rose to be out on a date tonight, so that Jasper wouldn't get bombarded the minute he came in the door. Emmett alone could be enough to absolutely terrify him, so we thought it might be better to wait until Jasper had at least had a chance to settle in.

Like guilty children, we crept out into the front hallway. Jasper was standing awkwardly between Esme and Carlisle, his worried eyes darting between them and us. I noticed he was holding a small duffel bag over his shoulder and nothing else. Surely he had more than that?

The tension was growing rapidly, so I stepped forward and put out a hand. "Hi, I'm Alice." I could barely keep myself from jumping up and down. "I'm glad to meet you."

Our eyes met, and I felt the world stop. I had never met him before, but I felt like I had known him all my life. He was the man I had been waiting for. I had never been more sure of anything before.

His eyes dilated and darkened, the grey turning to blue. He felt something, too — he must have. Nervously, he returned the gesture and lightly enfolded my hand in his. His touch was warm, my small hand all but swallowed up in his big one. "Nice to meet you, too." The words were directed downwards as we broke eye contact.

Edward didn't step any closer, just raised a hand slightly. "I'm Edward."

Jasper hunched his shoulders. "Jasper."

"Cool."

"Cool."

It was a truly bizarre exchange, especially considering that Jasper never once looked up, but it seemed to work for them. We stepped back so the three of them could come into the foyer. Jasper was looking around from the corners of his eyes, but remained quiet.

"Why don't I show you where to put your things, and then give a tour of the house?" Carlisle suggested.

"Okay." It was little more than a whisper.

"I'll do it!" The words popped out without any conscious thought. "Come on, Jasper." I held out my hand again, and this time he took it without any hesitation. I tugged him forward and out of the hall, keeping my movements gentle. "Do you need help getting the rest of your stuff?"

"This is it." Almost as soon as it was just the two of us, he lost his shyness about eye contact. In fact, he was starting to stare. I couldn't tell if he were as intrigued by me as I was by him, or if he were just wondering if I had lost my mind.

That was it? The duffel didn't even seem large enough to hold his clothing, much less the assorted possessions he should have accumulated. How could he not have more to show for nearly eighteen years on earth? I didn't want him to feel bad, though, so I just nodded. "Okay, then, let's go."

He ran his fingers lightly up the railing, his gaze moving from me to the various family pictures and pieces of artwork that adorned the wall behind the staircase. I let him move at his own pace, occasionally stopping to look closer. "Is that Rosalie and Emmett?"

I looked past him to the picture, which had been taken when we all went to Ireland last summer. "Yes."

"He loves her." It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer. I just waited until he began walking again.

"This is the second floor. It's where most of us sleep. The first door is Rose's, then mine. Emmett is across the hall, and Carlisle and Esme are down at the end. This one is going to be yours."

I nudged the door open when he made no move to do it himself. For a minute, he stood frozen in the doorway. "It's big."

It wasn't any bigger than my own room, and much smaller than Emmett's. Something told me that I was better off not saying that, though. "You don't have your own bathroom, so you and Emmett have to share. In the mornings, though, it's sort of a free-for-all. Rose hogs the bathroom for at least an hour, so I sometimes use yours and Emmett's. So, uh, don't run around the halls naked or anything."

Oh, God, had I just said that out loud? The thought of him naked made the blood rise to my face so quickly that I thought I might explode. Great, he had only been here for ten minutes and probably already thought I was a slut. The familiar feelings of helplessness and self-loathing rose up, and I had to force them down. I closed my eyes, reminding myself that I was safe here, and that I would be fine.

When I opened them, Jasper was watching me strangely. I swallowed hard. Now instead of thinking I was a total slut, he was going to think I was a total freak. Not too much of an improvement. But he said nothing, just laid the duffel in the middle of the bed. "We can decorate it however you want. It's sort of boring because it used to be the guest room."

He was starting to breathe heavily, and I could tell he was stressed out. I decided to give him a minute to regroup. "Oh, I know, I have something for you! You wait here, and I'll get it for you."

He nodded, his face tight. It was taking everything he had for him to hold himself together right now. "I'll be right back."

I jogged back down the stairs and into the living room, where I had left my present. It was gaily wrapped in silver paper with a blue sticky bow on top. It was a nice-looking gift, if I did say so myself. Carlisle stopped me as I started back towards the stairs. "Is he all right?"

I could have told him the truth, but a part of me felt like it would be betraying Jasper to do so. I didn't want him turned into some sort of zoo exhibit on his very first night here. "He's unpacking."

My father looked down and noticed what I was holding. "What's that?"

"A little present for him. Sort of a 'welcome to the family' gift." I was starting to wonder if this had been a good idea. "It's small."

He raised an eyebrow at the rather large box, but smiled at me. "That was very sweet of you, Alice. Tell Jasper to come on down as soon as he's ready, so we can go over the house rules with him."

"Do we have to right now?" At his confused look, I continued. "I mean, he looks really lost up there. Maybe it should wait until he's had a good night's sleep."

He nodded. "All right, we'll save the long talk for later. I still need to speak to him before he lays down, though."

"Okay." I judged that I had given Jasper enough time to get a grip on himself. The door was closed when I went up there, but I wasn't sure if I had closed it on my way out, or if he had done it himself. I knocked softly. "Jasper?"

"Come in." He hadn't moved at all since I had left him a few minutes ago. His eyes trailed down from my own to the present in my hands. "What's that?"

Now I felt incredibly stupid. "It's a present for you. To, you know, say hi."

He stared at it as if my words made absolutely no sense. I nudged it into his hands. He still didn't move, just traced a finger over the bow. "You kind of have to open it."

No smile, which would have been the response of anyone else in the family. Tentatively, he slid one finger under the wrapping and pulled. He didn't unwrap the present like Emmett, who would have ripped the paper off in a shower of sparkles, or Edward, who would have kept the entire piece whole. Jasper unwrapped his gift one increment at a time, as if he expected me to snatch it back at any moment.

After what seemed like an eternity, a plain box was revealed. I was practically bouncing at this point, eager to see his reaction. Finally, he slid the lid off and lifted his present up to the light.

It was a kiwi. More specifically, a life-sized plush kiwi bird. I had searched all over the Internet to find it for him, nearly giddy with the thought that I could get him something he might actually like.

Or maybe he didn't like it at all. His brow furrowed as he let the box fall to the floor, holding the toy in both hands. He turned it over and over, as if the answers might be written somewhere on its furry body. My heart sank as the seconds ticked on. "It's all right if you don't like it. Carlisle just said that it was your favorite animal, and I thought he was cute."

"I like him." His voice sounded very far away. "Thank you, Alice. He may be the nicest present I've ever gotten."

I would have thought he was joking, except for the deadly serious tone in his voice. I wondered how many presents he had received in his life that had been chosen just for him. Not by some nameless Social Services worker or well-meaning donor, but specifically for Jasper Whitlock. He set the little bird on the bed, right next to the pillow, the small gesture somehow making the room look a lot less empty. He touched its beak gently before looking me straight in the eyes. "Thank you, Alice." He was completely sincere, I could tell. His eyes were practically glowing with it.

Unexpected warmth spread through me. Honestly, what was wrong with me? I had barely even met the guy, and I was already hanging on his every word. All this even though I could tell there was something wrong with him. Virtually none of his reactions so far had been normal. But still, there was something there, something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"You're welcome." A tiny smile formed on his lips. "Do you need any help unpacking?" It was the most transparent thing I could have said. His bag wasn't even completely full, and would take him less than ten minutes to unpack. His smile grew, revealing a dimple on one side. Obviously, he saw right through me, but I was so dazzled by that grin that I couldn't even be embarrassed.

The moment was ruined by Edward bounding in the door. Instantly, Jasper's smile disappeared, and he resumed his usual position of studying the carpet. I shot Edward a glare that could have killed a snake. He shrugged back at me. "Mom doesn't want to cook tonight, so Emmett and Rose are getting pizza. Jasper, what do you like on yours?"

I could have predicted Jasper's answer. "Anything. I'm not picky." He seemed absolutely terrified of having an opinion of his own about anything.

"We usually get one with everything, one pepperoni, and one with mushrooms and olives. Is that all right with you?" Edward pushed him gently, trying to get a more definite answer.

"That's fine."

"Fine, then. I'll call you two for dinner. Alice, do you think Jasper would like to see something besides the bedrooms?"

His tone made me want to kick him, and if Jasper hadn't been standing there, I probably would have. Though it was only play between siblings, I didn't want him to have to see any violence in this house. Not yet, when we were all still so new to each other. "Yes, Edward, I was planning on it when you so rudely interrupted."

He smirked. "I'll let you get back to it, then." He vanished in a flurry of footsteps.

Jasper stood still, watching me with those unfathomable eyes. They had been grey when he first arrived, I was sure of it. Now they were a soft blue, the color of the sky early in the morning. I had heard that some people had eyes that changed color with their mood, and hoped that it was the case here. He seemed to be a little more comfortable when it was just the two of us, and it wasn't like I minded spending time with him. "As my rude brother put it, I should be showing you the rest of the house."

I led him back down the hallway. "Edward sleeps up on the third floor, which is also where Dad's study is. This is the door that leads up there." I didn't bother opening it, because, really, who wants to look at a staircase leading up?

Apparently, Jasper did, because he was staring at the door. "It locks?"

I followed his line of vision and saw the small deadbolt near the top of the door. It had been painted over several times until it was almost invisible, so I had never noticed it before. "Huh. I guess it does. It used to lock from both sides, but Dad got sick of Edward storming off into his room and locking the door, so he replaced the knob with a one that didn't lock."

He didn't seem to have heard me. Instead he continued to stare at the deadbolt, his body trembling slightly. "It locks."

The source of his fear hit me so suddenly that I felt sick. Jasper was afraid of the lock on the outside of the door, because he was afraid we locked Edward up there. And if we locked up Edward, whom Mom and Dad had legally adopted and trusted, what would we do to him? After all, abuse at the hands of adults was nothing new to him; he had come to expect it.

I wasn't sure how to soothe his fears. This was really something for Mom and Dad to deal with, but they weren't here right now. It was only Jasper and I, and I was only going to have one chance to get this right. His breathing had quickened, and I knew we were on the verge of having a major meltdown. Honesty and directness were the best policy, right?

"Jasper? Hey, look at me, please." He did, though it seemed to be a great effort for him to take his eyes off that lock, even for a minute. His tongue came out to lick his lips nervously. "No one uses that lock. I'll bet it's been painted over so many times that it doesn't even move anymore. You're going to be fine here, all right?"

I couldn't tell if he believed me or not, so I went a step further. Praying that what I had just said was true, I reached up and tugged the metal slide. It was up so high that I had to stand on my tiptoes to get any leverage, but I pulled it as hard as I could. Nothing happened. "See? It's stuck."

My words seemed to break his trance and he crept up next to me. With his greater height, it was easy for him to reach up and pull the lock himself. At first, it didn't move, but when he used all of his strength the bolt slid closed. Small paint chips rained down, and the metal protested the movement with an ugly grating sound. Obviously, the thing hadn't moved in years. The trembling stopped, but he remained tense and wary. "Does my door have a lock like that?"

I wanted to say no, but I honestly wasn't sure. I gave my own door a quick glance, and didn't see anything. "I don't know. Let's check."

He followed me like a beaten puppy, so close that he was almost walking on my heels. Luckily, his door was clear. It locked from the inside, just like my own door, but there was no way for a person outside to lock him inside. Only then did he back out of my personal space, allowing about a foot of dead air between us. Normally, I couldn't stand being crowded, but my body protested losing him. "Come on, let's look around downstairs."

The tour led us through the living room, where Edward was watching a movie. He waved from the couch. "Hey, again."

"Hey." I was starting to wonder if there had been a parrot somewhere in Jasper's family tree. Most of what he said to the rest of the family was a direct repetition of what was said to him.

"Kitchen, dining room, front room — all that's pretty boring." I opened the door that led to the second garage in the basement, the one where Rosalie kept her cars. Jasper's eyes widened as he took in the number of cars, both fancy ones and clunkers. "This is Rosalie's woman lair. I don't even pretend to know what she does down here, but she's great at fixing up the old cars. She's pretty much kicked the ass of every male mechanic in her class." I was proud of my sister, of the way she had taken on a male-dominated profession and risen to the top.

"Wow." His blue eyes were fixed on the little red Porsche. "That's a nice car."

I felt my heart flutter at his words, which was completely ridiculous. He liked the car, that was it. "That's mine. Or it will be, when I turn eighteen." I wasn't quite sure how I was going to wait another year and a half, but at least I could look at it whenever I wanted.

He looked at me for a minute, like he wanted to say something, but in the end he was silent. I closed the door. "Rose doesn't like anyone being in there when she's not around, so be warned." Not much rivaled Rosalie when she was in a mood, and I didn't want Jasper caught up in her ire.

"Jasper, Alice, food!" Emmett's huge voice came booming down the stairs.

I could almost see Jasper shutting down as we went back up the stairs. He was afraid of these newcomers, though I was starting to think he was afraid of strangers in general. I lightly touched his shoulder, but he didn't seem to notice.

Emmett was waiting for us as soon as we made it up the stairs, apparently dying to get a look at our new brother. Jasper backed into me, trying to keep a distance between them. He was trapped between Emmett and the stairs, with no way out. I could see what was coming, but not quickly enough to stop it. Two things happened nearly simultaneously. Emmett swung a hand out, no doubt wanting to give his brother a slap on the back, and Jasper, in a move that would have done a gymnast proud, vaulted to the side, avoiding the touch and slamming into Rosalie.

She dropped the entire six-pack of sodas that she had been clutching in favor of trying to stay upright. Two of the cans exploded, spinning in circles and spraying everyone's ankles with fizzing cola.

"Emmett!" Dad's voice was exasperated. There wasn't even a hint of anger in it, and it wasn't directed at him anyway, but Jasper flinched visibly. I could tell that our father had noticed, because his tone softened. "Did I tell you not to do that just a few minutes ago? Jasper's tired and it's his first night here. Do you think you could refrain from terrorizing him? Now get this cleaned up. Rosalie, please go see if there are any more drinks in the basement."

Emmett gave a good-natured grumble, not the slightest bit put out by Dad's tone. "Okay, then. Sorry, Jasper, I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the family."

"It's all right. Hi." The words were mumbled into the floor. The silence grew uncomfortable, the only sound the hissing coming from the soda that Rose had thrown in the sink. Jasper was staring at me from under his lashes, begging me to help him.

Why he had chosen to attach to me, of all people, I would never understand. I was too little to physically protect him, too damaged to do it mentally. But he had chosen me, and I was determined not to break that trust. "Jasper and I can set the table." I turned to him. "Come on, I'll show you where the plates and stuff are."

For another second, he hesitated, indecision written all over his features. He wasn't able to shake his fear as easily as he pretended, and I could tell that even I had become suspect. I reached for him, but stopped just short of his fingers. I wanted to see if he would make the final move himself. I noticed that both of my parents were watching him also, as though this were some sort of test. Slowly, tentatively, he stretched his hand out the rest of the way, letting our fingers touch. I felt a small surge of hope. His eyes met and held mine. "All right, let's set the table."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: There seems to be a little confusion about Edward, so let me clear things up. Edward does not dislike Jasper, nor is he being mean by being unsure about taking him. In the books, Edward is very logically driven, and makes his choices (leaving Bella, etc) based on the facts, rather than listening to his emotions. Carlisle on the other hand, is too driven by his emotions, mostly pity, to be able to look clearly at the situation sometimes. That is one of the reasons they work so well together, and have formed such a close bond in the books. And then there's Jasper. Don't even get me started on Jasper and where his problems come from. I'm rather opinionated about things, if you can't already tell! : )**

**Esme's POV**

It was so quiet today. The kids had left for school, Carlisle was taking a shower, and Jasper was still asleep. Or, at the very least, he was in his room pretending to be asleep. He had gone to bed right after dinner last night, and been silent ever since. I had checked in on him twice, but both times he had been lying in bed, his back to me. Cowardice had taken over, and I hadn't been able to bring myself to call out to him.

Warm arms wrapped around me, and I leaned back against my husband. His lips touched the back of my neck. "Good morning, baby. You were gone when I woke up."

I groaned. "I had to break up an argument between Rosalie and Edward. Would you believe they were fighting over the last bowl of Lucky Charms?"

He chuckled. "I'm not surprised by anything those two fight about anymore. Remember when they had a two-week fight over the pen?"

How could I forget? The pen hadn't even been anything special, just one of the sample ones Carlisle brought home from work. It had written in purple ink, which was Rosalie's favorite color, so she had wanted it. Edward had also wanted it, but mostly because his sister did. In the end, the pen had mysteriously disappeared, and both of them had ended up grounded. Sometimes living with the pair of them could be worse than living with toddlers.

Carlisle poured himself a cup of coffee. "Do you need me to take today off? I told the other doctors that I might need some time."

I thought about it. I needed to take Jasper shopping today, as well as figure out what we were going to do about his schooling. It might be nice to have Carlisle there, particularly if my newest son decided to make some sort of scene, but on the other hand, he hated shopping. Dear Lord, did Carlisle hate shopping. "No, I think we'll be all right. Just . . ." How could I put this delicately? "Just keep your phone on, okay? I may end up needing you after all."

"You're sure?" He sounded a little doubtful.

I remembered Jasper's worried eyes from the night before, and the way he had tried to avoid Emmett, rather than aggressively defending himself from the oncoming threat. He didn't seem like the sort of person who would resort to violence, even to defend himself. He would just passively accept what was offered. Still, even the gentlest of people could be pushed too far, and I wanted to make sure I had a backup plan. "I'm sure. A little mother-son bonding never hurt anyone."

He turned on the stove, getting ready to make some breakfast. "Where are you two going?"

"The mall. At the very least, he needs a winter coat, Carlisle; he's going to freeze to death otherwise. He needs some more clothes, period, and I'm going to assume he doesn't have anything dressy. Then, if I haven't worn him out completely, we might go and see if we can get some decorations for his room. I don't think white walls go very well with teenage boy."

"Not all teenage boys are like Emmett. Some of them can actually keep the walls clean." He expertly cracked two eggs into the pan. "Fried or sunny side up?"

"Fried." I looked up at the staircase hopefully, but there was absolutely nothing happening. "I guess I should go try and get him up."

Carlisle looked up at the ceiling. "He's certainly quiet up there. I expected to be up with him at least once. The way the nurses made it sound, we should have been able to hear him anywhere in the house."

A thought occurred to me, something that I hadn't considered before. "Do you think he got any sleep at all?"

"I don't know." I could hear the unspoken words. _I don't know, Esme. Really, what _do_ we know about this kid? How am I supposed to know what maladaptive reaction he's going to show at any given time?_

The answer, of course, was nothing. We knew virtually nothing about Jasper, except what was in his report, and even that had been rather sanitized. "Well, we do know that he's probably hungry. He didn't eat much last night." Even if that wasn't much, it was something.

He nodded. "There is that. Ask him how he likes his eggs."

My hips and back pained me as I went up the stairs. It wasn't a good sign that I was hurting this early in the day, but I pushed that to the back of my mind. I had already had my period of self-pity, and I was through letting my disease run my life. I knocked on Jasper's door. It had been open last night, in case he needed Carlisle or me, but Alice had closed it this morning so that he wouldn't be bothered by the sounds of them getting ready for school.

Alice. For whatever reason, Jasper had taken to her almost as soon as he had seen her, something that surprised both Carlisle and me. He seemed calmer when she was with him, as close to happy as he appeared capable of being. I hated to draft a sixteen-year-old girl into a parenting role, but if he were responsive to her, then we needed to go with that. She seemed as thrilled with him as he was with her, though, so I didn't think she would mind.

Something had happened while they were alone upstairs last night, I was sure of it, but they seemed to have banded together. My first thought was that Jasper had said or done something to try and frighten Alice, but he had been the one that looked pale and scared when they came back downstairs. I made a mental note to try and coax some answers out of my daughter tonight.

The door was still closed, so I tapped on it lightly. "Jasper, are you awake?"

The answer was muffled, but immediate. "Yes."

"Can I come in?" For the moment, it was his choice. If I couldn't get him out by noon, I was going in there whether he liked it or not.

"Yes, ma'am."

He did have nice manners. I wondered who had taught him to be so polite and respectful. His biological mother, perhaps? Or had it been a foster mother trying desperately to groom him for potential adopters? I slid the door open, noticing that he was still in bed. "Hey, sweetheart, are you planning on staying in here all day?"

The blond head shook, hair falling into his eyes. "I'm trying to get caught up."

For the first time, I noticed the textbook sitting on the bed. _Algebra II_, something that I doubted he could master on his own. "We'll talk about school later. Carlisle is making breakfast downstairs; how do you like your eggs?"

"Any way is fine. I'm not picky."

No preference about his food, the same way he seemed to have no preference about anything else. "All right, well, why don't you come on down and get something to eat? You and I are going to go shopping today."

"How come?" He stood carefully, stretching out his muscles.

"Because you need things. Your food should be ready in a few minutes." I left before he had a chance to refuse.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow when I came back downstairs, an egg held ready over the pan. "He doesn't care; just go ahead and fry his."

He shuddered at the thought of a fried egg touching his lips. Scrambled was the only way he would eat them, and even then, it was only rarely. "How about you make some bacon? If he's anything like Emmett, he'll eat everything in sight."

Jasper came down the stairs about the same time the bacon was done cooking. He was wearing the same jeans as yesterday — I could tell, because there was a red mark near one knee — and a different long-sleeved t-shirt. His hair was combed into some semblance of order, though he was in dire need of a haircut. He paused uncertainly in the doorway, looking from Carlisle to me and back again. I smiled encouragingly. "Good morning. There's coffee on the counter, or milk and juice in the fridge. Help yourself."

He went unerringly to the cabinet with the glasses in it, clearly remembering his way from helping Alice set the table the night before. He pulled a tall glass out and retrieved the milk from the fridge. Good, maybe I wasn't going to have to push healthy eating on this one. When we first got Emmett, he would touch nothing but soda, macaroni and cheese, and hot dogs. Apparently that was all that he had ever gotten to eat with his biological parents, and his previous foster homes had just found it easier to give in to him than to fight at every meal. It took years, but now he's a pretty adventurous eater. Provided things come in quantities that satisfy someone his size, of course.

Now that I saw Jasper in the brighter lights of the kitchen, I could tell that he hadn't slept well. His eyes were ringed, the shadows so deep that they almost resembled bruises. He looked pale, also, and seemed tired. His file had said nothing about him being an insomniac, but then there were apparently quite a few things that hadn't been mentioned.

Carlisle put down the three plates and sat, looking Jasper in the eyes. "So, I think we should talk about school."

Jasper tensed, no doubt expecting our anger at his dismal grades. "Okay."

"The way I see it, you have three options right now. I could enroll you with the rest of the kids today and you could try to finish out the year." He paused, giving Jasper a chance to respond.

"I'm failing all my classes." He was clutching the napkin for dear life, his fingers shredding it nervously. "I don't think I can pass."

I could feel the fear rolling off of him in waves, and I was desperate to reassure him. "That's all right. You barely got started in your classes before . . ." I wasn't sure how to talk about Maria had done, so I skipped over it. "Before you got hurt, and it sounded like you had a lot to deal with anyway. So that option is out."

He didn't relax at all. Sitting there stiffly across the table, Jasper looked like a man on his way to the guillotine. "All right, another option would be to pull you out of school entirely, and re-enroll you as a junior again in the fall. That way, the pressure is off for right now, and you can go back and catch up with what you might have missed first semester."

His face remained impassive, but something flashed in his eyes. Obviously, he didn't like this suggestion, either. But he poked lightly at his eggs and shrugged. "That could work."

"But?" I pressed gently.

He looked up again, and now I could recognize the shame in his eyes. "I . . . I already failed a grade. Kindergarten. So I'm already the oldest in most of my classes. If I flunk again, I'm going to be two years older than everyone else."

The dichotomy between his embarrassment about it and Emmett, who failed two grades but didn't care, was surprising. If I remembered Jasper's file right, kindergarten had been the same year his father had been killed and his mother began slipping into mental illness. Jasper had already proven himself to be rather emotional, and I was betting that his being held back had more to do with his behavior than him not being able to perform the academic tasks. "So, we have a third option. We hire a tutor for over the summer, and try to get you back up to speed before school starts. You would pretty much be giving up your summer, though. How does that sound?"

"Good. I can do that." There was still something in his tone, an unvoiced worry, that put me on edge. What was he hiding from me this time? I watched as he put a few slices of bacon on his plate, carefully arranging them around his eggs.

Carlisle stood up. "I'm headed to work; I should be home around six. Have fun today." He gave me a quick kiss and Jasper a gentle nod. I stood to walk him to the doorway, watching Jasper out of the corner of my eye.

Sure enough, as soon as he thought we weren't watching, he scarfed his food down as quickly as he could. Within seconds, he had managed to eat three eggs and five slices of bacon, as well as drain the glass of milk. It confirmed what I had already expected: Jasper was used to being underfed. He knew that if he didn't get the food when it was put in front of him, there was a good chance he wouldn't get it at all. He wasn't the first foster child whom I had seen this behavior from, but it was heartbreaking all the same. I had noticed his rapid eating last night, though not to the same degree, but I had put it down to the fact that he was eating later than normal, and that he was a teenage boy, a creature pretty much synonymous with the term 'bottomless pit.' The fact that he only did it when he thought he wasn't being watched told me that he had been yelled at, and probably punished, for the inappropriate behavior before.

I added 'table manners' to the mental list of things I needed to work on with Jasper. Honestly, though, once you paired it with things like 'trust,' 'eye contact,' and 'sleep issues,' it really wasn't a priority. All of his issues related back to insecurity, and I was hoping that once he felt comfortable with the family, and learned he was safe and would be cared for, his food issues would disappear.

So I ignored it completely, giving Carlisle another kiss, and a reminder to stop at the store and pick up a few things on his way home. He raised an eyebrow at me, knowing something was up, but I just shook my head. We could discuss that later, in the privacy of our bedroom. "Goodbye, darling."

He gave me a soft response and left. I turned away as soon as the door closed. Silly, I know, but I could never bear to watch him drive down the driveway and away from me. Jasper was at the sink, silently washing his and Carlisle's breakfast dishes. I spoke softly, unwilling to disturb the calm morning. "Did you get enough to eat?" I hoped he would be able to hear what I wasn't saying. _You can have whatever you want, Jasper. You don't have to ask me for food, and you'll never be denied it if you do. You don't have to be afraid here._

If he did, he gave no indication. "Yes, ma'am. Can I get your plate?"

It wasn't really necessary for him to do that, but I sensed he needed something to occupy his mind and hands for a few minutes. "That would be wonderful." I stood up. "I thought we could go to the mall first, get you some clothes, then maybe get some ideas for your room? You can't like the plain walls and bedding."

He shrugged, as if it made no difference to him how the room looked. "I don't need that much."

Sure he didn't. It was perfectly normal for a boy his age to have two pairs of jeans, five or six shirts, and a light jacket for a Washington winter. However, I didn't want to push the issue. "We'll decide that when we get there. You need a coat, though, and that is nonnegotiable. We do a lot of outdoor things in this family, and I don't want you to freeze."

"I won't. Anyway, stuff like that costs a lot of money, and I don't have it, so no shopping." He didn't seem the slightest bit upset about it. To him this was just normal.

"Nice try. Social Services will be sending a check with your name on it, specifically for this kind of thing. Go on up and brush your teeth. I'll be waiting." There was no need to tell him that any checks that came for him were going to be deposited in an account that had already been set up in his name. If he did decide to leave when he turned eighteen, at least he wouldn't be without a little bit of money.

There was a pause while Jasper tried to think of another, better excuse. This was one of the most frustrating things about dealing with foster children, especially ones with a patchy history. Did he not want to go because of some sort of trauma? Had Maria said something to him, done something to him, that made him leery of being trapped in a car with her? Or was it just that Jasper, like most males, hated the thought of being forced to model endless outfits while we tried to find things that looked good? I could guess for hours, but unless Jasper suddenly decided to open up, I would never know. Finally, he nodded and vanished from sight. I hoped he was actually up there doing as I asked, because I didn't know if I had it in me to keep pushing.

He was back in under five minutes, apparently eager to get this over with as soon as possible. "I'm ready."

I held the keys out to him. "Would you like to drive?"

Jasper's eyes lit up, going a brilliant shade of green. But then he shook his head. "No, that's all right."

"Do you have a license?" It had never occurred to me that he might not.

"Yes, but I haven't practiced very much. Maria only had the van, and she took it to work every day. I don't want anything to happen to your nice car."

It was the first time he had brought Maria up to me, and I wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't seem aware that he had done it, and I thought that drawing attention to it might cause him to become even more selective with his words. So I said nothing, and let the chance pass me by.

I let him fuss around with the radio on the way to the mall. Whatever he chose to listen to, no matter how horrible, I could put up with it for the ride. After what seemed like an eternity, he stopped on an unfamiliar station, and we both listened in silence. Even then, with just the two of us, Jasper didn't really relax. Outwardly, he appeared calm, but his eyes never closed. Even when he blinked, it was with the barest flutter of his eyelids.

Frantically, I searched my mind for some topic of conversation, something he could possibly be interested in. I discarded idea after idea, dismissing all of them as too personal. But then again, how was I going to learn anything about him if I didn't ask? Legally, I could hold on to Jasper for the next 112 days. Which, in practical terms, meant I had 112 days to figure out how to convince him to stay. With a calm voice that effectively hid my fears, I took the plunge. "So, tell me about yourself."

"Like what? You got the report, didn't you?" The blue-green eyes were boring into me now, trying to figure out what game I was playing.

Yes, I got the report. The report that was no different from the one I had gotten with each of my other kids. The one that glossed over the less pleasant parts and emphasized the positive. It was great to get his medical history, and his birthday, but beyond that, pretty useless. "Ah, but the report doesn't tell me much beyond the basics. If we don't talk now, how will I know any of the important stuff?"

"My medical stuff is in the report. That's really all that's important about me." His tone suggested that he was deadly serious.

How do you respond to something like that? When a seventeen-year-old (and realistically, most seventeen-year-olds think they are the most fascinating things on earth) thinks that the only thing about him worth noting is found in a medical file? But I guessed no one had ever told him different. Other than his mother, had anyone ever thought he was special just because he was Jasper? It was painful to admit, but even his placement with Carlisle and me had been one hundred percent a result of his head injury.

My internal struggle must have played out on my face, because Jasper softened. "What do you want to know?"

How about everything? His favorite color, if he likes Chinese food, just what it is that keeps him up screaming at night. I settled on a safer topic. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He ducked his head, a cute little gesture he seemed to make whenever he was embarrassed. "No." He anticipated my next question. "I've never had a girlfriend."

I wondered if I should ask the next question. "How about a boyfriend?"

For the first time, he laughed. Granted, it was a restrained, breathy little chuckle, but a laugh nonetheless. "No. I'm straight." A light flush had spread across his cheeks.

I took pity on him and moved to safer topics. "What's your favorite movie?"

"_Lord of the Rings."_ He spoke without hesitation. "It's the last movie I saw in the theater."

Wait, he hadn't even been to a movie theater in five years or more? "Really?"

"Uh-huh. I always had to watch the little kids, and I couldn't take them to anything that might scare them. Plus, six or more movie tickets get expensive quick."

I wondered at his nonchalance about it all, his calm acceptance of the parenting role for so many little ones. Would any of my other kids be willing to do that? Rosalie, maybe — she loved kids — but any of the others would have been beating down the door of Social Services and demanding a new placement. How had Maria kept control of Jasper like that? I wondered if I wanted to know.

I was saved from having to answer him by the mall looming up in front of us. I generally only used my handicapped placard when I had to, but today was going to be long and I didn't want to risk being too exhausted to make it to the car at the end of this trip. My companion didn't say a word, just jumped out and ran around to hold the door for me.

Between Alice and Rosalie, I had the mall memorized. I took Jasper to the department store and found the correct department, but he froze once we got there. I could only assume that he was overwhelmed with the choices he suddenly found himself presented with. The mother in me took over, and I picked up a few t-shirts that seemed similar to what I'd seen him wear already. I held one up to his body, to check for size, but he shook his head.

"What's wrong with this one?" If he'd give me a clue as to what he liked, I could find something better.

"I don't like short sleeves." He was turned away from me when he said it, giving me nothing.

Suddenly, it hit me. It was more than him not liking short sleeves. He had scars up and down both arms, round shiny burns that were impossible to mistake for anything but abuse. Whether it were shame or just habit, Jasper wanted to hide those marks. "Because you have scars." The words popped out before I thought.

He startled before looking down at the carpet, head cocked. Finally, he nodded. "Yeah."

I wasn't sure if forcing him to say that were the right thing to do, but I didn't want us to fall into a pattern of dancing around each other and not really communicating, either. The middle of a shopping mall wasn't the right place to have a deep heart-to-heart, but I had to try to get him to talk.

Years of dealing with abused and neglected kids had taught me a few interesting things about their minds. For many of them, the world was such a dangerous and unpredictable place that they lost the ability to think out their actions. Their lives became stimulus-response, stimulus-response, without any conscious thought about why they reacted the way they did. I wasn't going to try and correct any of Jasper's responses, or counsel him out of them, but I did want him to think about and understand why he had them. From his surprised reaction, I guessed he hadn't thought about why he disliked short-sleeved shirts in a long time.

"How about this one?" I held up a black long-sleeved shirt with a white star on the chest. I was pleased when he nodded his approval. "What size?"

He shrugged. I gestured for him to turn around, and checked the tag on the shirt he was wearing. It was the first time I had actually touched him, and his tense muscles betrayed how miserable he found the sensation. It broke my heart to think that even a gentle touch from an adult was too much for him. I located the correct size and held it out. "Try this on, okay?"

He took it without comment, disappearing into the nearest dressing room. I waited outside. And waited, and waited, and waited. It couldn't possibly take him ten minutes to put on a shirt, could it? I wondered if there were more than one entrance to the room, and he had bolted on me. That would be just my luck, to lose him less than twenty-four hours after he was entrusted into my care. Just as I was getting ready to flag an employee to go in after him, Jasper appeared, wearing the shirt I had picked out. It fit him well, just like I had assumed it would. "What were you doing in there?" I kept my tone light and non-accusatory.

"What do you mean?" His voice wasn't angry, either; just curious. "I just changed and came out."

Maybe it hadn't been as long as I had thought. "I . . . never mind. Okay, so we know that fits. Pick out a few more casual shirts and we'll move on to other things."

He chose two more and stopped, his worried eyes tracing my face. Was that too many? Too few? Just right? He didn't know — didn't know anything about me, really — but he desperately wanted to get this right. Whether it were because he wanted to please me, or just the fact that he was terrified of making a mistake, I couldn't know. I reminded myself to be more specific. "Pick five."

He relaxed instantly, glad to know exactly what was expected of him. He spent a surprisingly long time looking at the different shirts, touching them lightly and closely examining the patterns. Either Edward or Emmett would have grabbed the closest five, and all but tossed them at me, eager to be done with the trip. Watching him, I wondered how often he was allowed to choose anything for himself. Eventually, the five shirts were chosen, and he brought me his selections for approval.

A quick check confirmed that there were no obscenities or vulgar prints on them, so I gave my endorsement. "Good. Now for the pants."

This proved to be a bit more complicated, as Jasper was an odd size. He was skinny — almost _too_ skinny — but had surprisingly long legs. For a moment, I wished Alice were with us. That girl had a talent for picking clothing. After much trial and error, throughout which Jasper was exceedingly patient, we were able to find several pairs that would suffice. By that point, we were both getting tired and Jasper was starting to look a little cranky. "How about we stop and get something to eat?"

He brightened instantly and allowed me to lead him to the little deli in the corner of the mall. Jasper perused the menu in silence, more interested in the huge pastry display than the actual sandwiches. He didn't ask for one, though. I was coming to the conclusion that Jasper never asked for anything if he could help it. We ordered, and found a seat near the window. Jasper pointed. "Hey, look, there's the car!"

It surprised me that he could pick the car out from all the others in the lot. He was grinning, seemingly pleased with his own expertise. I fished around in my purse until I found the car keys. "Here. Why don't you take the bags out to the car, so you don't have to carry them around?"

The strange eyes widened and he paused for a minute. "Really?" He took the keys quickly, before I could change my mind. It was only once he was actually out of the restaurant that I realized I had just handed the keys to a high-end automobile to a teenager that I knew nothing about. Well, at least if he took off with it, I would be able to call the police before he made it out of the parking lot.

I watched Jasper's figure walk out to the car. For the first time, I noticed that he limped. It was very, very subtle, but to a good observer, it was clear that his gait wasn't quite normal. I remembered that the report had said he had lingering weakness on his right side, but also that he was left-handed, so it wasn't as big of an issue as it could have been. Easy for the doctors to claim. They weren't going to be enrolled in high school, where even the smallest problem was going to be noticed and commented on.

He put the bags in the trunk, handling them as gently as if they contained crystal instead of clothing. Then he was returning, allowing me to release a breath I was barely aware I was holding. His limp wasn't as obvious when he was coming towards me.

Jasper and the food arrived almost simultaneously, and we were quiet for a few minutes while we arranged our lunches. I felt the weight of his eyes on me, but ignored it in favor of putting mustard on my sandwich. His stare didn't lessen, though, and finally I looked up. "What?"

His eyes met mine and held, his jaw working slightly. Finally he blurted it out. "What's wrong with you?"

I was so startled that it took me a minute to reply. "Excuse me?"

He looked down. "That was rude. What I meant was, how come we get to park in the handicapped space, and you walk funny?"

Apparently, while I was thinking about his limp, he was thinking about mine. "That's a very personal question, Jasper." I don't know why I didn't just tell him. After all, it wasn't a secret, and he was likely to hear it from one of his siblings sooner or later. I was just put off by his directness in asking. Add 'social graces' to his 'working on it' list.

"So's what you keep asking me. You want me to tell you things, but you don't want to have to tell me things back." His eyes were slate grey and fixed on me.

Immediately, I felt a little ashamed of myself. He was right, of course. I was expecting him to be completely open with me, while not giving him anything back. My line of questioning would have been appropriate for a child or preteen, but not for a teenager who was used to acting as an adult already. By virtue of his experiences, Jasper was more of an adult than the others, even if he wasn't physically older, and he deserved to be treated with the respect of one.

I also had a strong suspicion that the reason for his sudden courage and directness was less that he was coming to trust me and more that he felt sure that I wouldn't harm him in a public place. "You're right. I have MS; do you know what that is?"

There was a silence while he thought. "I think so." His tone told me that he wasn't quite sure.

"It's a disease that causes me to have muscle problems. Sometimes I limp, and sometimes I have trouble speaking. Sometimes, like now, I'm perfectly normal." I let the little white lie fall from my lips without guilt. Jasper seemed to worry endlessly, and I didn't want him watching me like a hawk for the rest of the day. He was far too observant as it was.

"Is it going to keep getting worse?" I heard a slight undertone of . . . was it fear? Whatever it was, he hid it well under a mild curiosity.

"It's a possibility, but I've been stable for several years. There's no reason to think that I'm in danger." I tried to keep my tone light.

Though he didn't move, I could almost sense Jasper drawing away from me. He looked down at this untouched food, picking up the sandwich. It seemed that that conversation was over, at least in his mind.

"Jasper, do you have any more questions?" I tried to encourage him as gently as I could. "About anything?"

"No." His voice was very soft, and he refused to look up.

Now seemed like a good time to back off for a little bit and just eat my lunch. Clearly, I had said or done something to upset him, and he probably needed a little time to process it all. At least he hadn't gotten up and stormed out of the restaurant.

It struck me that I suddenly looked like every other mother in this mall: a quiet woman dragging along a surly teenage son. The thought made me smile, which of course Jasper missed, seeing as he was in deep communication with the pattern on his plate.

"Do you want a dessert?" My words were the first spoken in ten minutes or more, and he jumped. His eyes were blank again, not showing me what he was actually feeling. "I'm getting a muffin."

He still didn't speak, but he got up and followed me to the little bakery, pointing at some sort of Danish. With another child, I might have worried about mutism, but I sensed that Jasper was giving all he could at the moment.

We sat back down, and I got another clear look at Jasper's face. He looked absolutely wiped out. His eyes were more darkly circled than ever, and his limp was a little more obvious.

I started to reach for him, but thought better of it. "Do you want to go home?"

"Are we done shopping?" He seemed worried, like he was trying to figure out what he had done wrong. "I didn't think we were done." His breathing quickened, his eyes widening.

For a minute, I was thrown by his sudden shift in attitude. He was clearly on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. Five minutes ago, he wouldn't even make eye contact, and an hour ago he had been sulking about having to shop. I would have thought he would be delighted to have the chance to just go home.

"I'm sorry." The words were barely whispered, but I heard him as clearly as if he had screamed. _Please don't take me home and hurt me. Whatever I did wrong, I'll fix it, but don't hurt me._

Bile rose up in my throat, but I kept my face blank. He was twice my size, and far stronger, but he wouldn't defend himself. It probably wouldn't even occur to him to try.

I mentally rearranged our plans. "We weren't quite finished, but I thought you looked tired."

"I'm okay." It was clearly a lie, but one I had been expecting. It was too soon for Jasper to willingly admit a weakness to me.

"Then we still need to get you a winter coat. That's the only thing left on the list, except for socks and underwear, and I'm guessing you want to get that stuff yourself."

The sudden redness that spread across his face told me I had guessed right. "Yeah, I can do that."

During our walk to the department store, I noticed something interesting. Jasper was even more withdrawn than he had been before, not talking or even making eye contact. I expected that he was still worried about what would happen when we got home. But even though he didn't want to talk to — or even look at — me, he walked right at my side, occasionally shooting looks at me out of the corners of his eyes. It was a tiny thing, but it was a start.

It was getting close to the end of the season, so all of the winter coats were out and on sale. They took up close to a third of the store, and even I was a little bit overwhelmed. Jasper looked like he wanted to drop through the floor. Just like before, I tried to get him started with a little nudge. "Emmett's coat is blue, and Edward's is red, so pick a different color from those two."

Fully half of the coats were blue, so that cut the choices considerably. "Get something warm, because we camp a lot."

After a full ten minutes' deliberation, he selected two coats and tried them on in front of the mirror. I had to smile to myself as I watched him turn from side to side, preening like any other teenage boy. He turned to me. "Which do you like?"

It had been a long time since any of my kids had cared what I thought. I gestured him forward, and lightly smoothed the coat down over his shoulders. His muscles shuddered under my hands, but he didn't tense up totally this time. "This one. It brings out the green in your eyes."

He turned back to the mirror, checking himself out again, eyes inscrutable. "Okay. This one." Then he gave me one of those timid smiles.

Suddenly, extending the trip was worth it, just to see that tiny quirk of his lips. I smiled back at him. He carefully hung the other coat back up and returned to my side. I had to resist the urge to smooth down his hair, like I would have with any of the other kids. We had made a little progress today, and I didn't want to ruin it.

Jasper was quiet on the ride home, his eyes half-closed. For a few minutes, I thought he slept, which revealed the depth of his fatigue. His chin fell down to his chest, but jerked back up each time. I turned the radio down, in hopes that the quiet would soothe him. If he fell asleep, I could drive around for a bit, or even leave him in the garage for a time. It was heated, so he would be fine. But his nodding never became sleep, the stolen seconds all the rest he was able to get.

The rumble of the garage door brought him out of his trance. His eyes, dark and heavy-lidded, met mine. "Thank you for taking me shopping, and for lunch. It was very nice of you."

"You're welcome." I checked the clock. It was 1:45. "The rest of the kids should be home around 3:30. Why don't you try and get a little sleep? If you wait too long, they'll keep you up until midnight."

He seemed disquieted by the notion, but he nodded anyway. "All right."

I noticed that he hadn't moved. "Can I do anything for you?"

For a full five seconds, he looked at me, his eyes asking for something. But whatever it was, he couldn't make his lips form the words. "No, ma'am." Then he was gone, and I was listening to his heavy, limping tread on the stairs. Though Carlisle was the religious one, I prayed hard that he would be able to get at least a little uninterrupted sleep. Even a few hours would do him good.

Much as it pained me to admit it, I was at the limit of what I could do for Jasper right now. Short of giving him one of his heavy tranquilizers (the dosage was _huge_ for someone his size), which seemed a little excessive for mid-afternoon, I couldn't _make_ him sleep. All I could do was provide him with a safe place to rest, and all the comfort he would accept. But then, maybe that would be enough.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Two chapters in one week! I'm having a creativity burst, so you may end up with another one quite soon.**

**Jasper's POV**

Well, less than twenty-four hours, and I had already fucked things up. I knew I shouldn't have said anything at the restaurant, but curiosity had gotten the better of me. Esme had seemed so nice, and she _had_ asked me some personal questions, so I felt comfortable asking one of my own. Stupid. When would I just learn to keep my big mouth shut? All I had to do was keep my head down for the next three months, and I would be on my own.

Now I was sitting on the bed of the biggest room I had ever had (and all to myself, something that had never happened before), waiting for her to come up and dole out my punishment. She had been much more subtle that Maria would have when she was sending me up here, but I had gotten the message loud and clear. _Get your ass on up to your room and wait for me. If you don't move quickly enough, I'll wait until everyone else comes home, and punish you in front of them._

I certainly didn't want that, so I had gone up without protest. Only . . . there had been something strange in her eyes. Why did she care if I needed anything? It must have been some sort of trap, some way of trying to determine my weaknesses. I sat on the bed, keeping my back straight. No matter what happened, I would take it like a man.

But she didn't come. The digital clock on the nightstand told me that close to an hour had passed, and still nothing. Maria had never held off on a punishment for this long, and I wasn't sure what to do. I had to pee, badly, but I was afraid to leave the room. If Esme came up here and I were gone, it could only end poorly.

So I sat, and sat, and sat. With one hand, I restlessly stroked the kiwi Alice had given me the night before. Its fur was rough, except for the beak, which was shiny and smooth. The repetitive movements kept me grounded and in the moment. If I wasn't careful, my thoughts could spin off in a thousand different directions, leaving me too paralyzed to do anything to help myself. Pete used to hate it when that happened, said that my eyes scared him because they turned so black. But then, Pete also used to claim that I could space out for hours, when I knew it was no longer than a few minutes.

I felt my eyes trying to close, and stood up to nervously pace the room. If I tried hard enough, I might be able to talk my way into a less severe punishment. It was humiliating, but some well-placed whimpering and the occasional tearful apology could work wonders. If I fell asleep, though, it would all be over.

It was just so hard to stay awake right now. I hadn't slept at all last night, too nervous in this strange house. It was so noisy here, though everyone was trying to be quiet. Well, except for Emmett. I was pretty sure that he didn't know how to be quiet.

Even though there had been lots of kids at Maria's, I had to sleep in the basement, so I wasn't used to hearing them at night. I had started out sleeping upstairs with everyone else, but once I started having nightmares, I had been banished downstairs so everyone could get some sleep. Then there had been that thing with the knife . . .

I shook myself away from those thoughts. That was in the past, and though Maria had threatened to call Social Services that day, I was pretty sure she hadn't, and the incident hadn't made it into my official file. Just Maria's mental file, for whenever she needed justification for some punishment or another.

A sharp pain told me I was biting down on my lip, something I tended to do when I was stressed out. It was good, though — the pain drove away the lingering sleepiness and kept me alert. I wondered if keeping me waiting like this were part of Esme's plan. The longer she forced me to wait, the more worried I would become, until I was punishing myself as badly as anything she could think up.

A few more minutes ticked by, and the bathroom situation was now an emergency. If I were quick, I could be in and out in under three minutes. Two if I didn't wash my hands, but there was something intrinsically gross about doing that. Even if I got caught, which seemed doubtful, I would still probably be in less trouble than if I peed in the corner of the bedroom.

Once I made the decision to move, I did it with a speed and silence that would have surprised any of the Cullens. My foot dragged a tiny bit on the carpet, but I was used to that, and knew how to work around it. I remembered where it was from the night before, and took care of my bathroom business with all possible speed and washed my hands like lightning, wiping them across my jeans.

I had never been particularly lucky, and today was no exception. I ran, almost literally, into Esme as she came up the stairs. Damn it, I knew I should have just gone earlier! Then I could have been back in my bedroom before she had been any wiser.

Esme raked her eyes over my body without speaking. What was she doing? I guessed she was looking for some sort of weakness, so I held my body as straight as I could. Would she remember that I had trouble with my right side, and go for that?

Instead of making any move, she smiled sadly. "You're still dressed. Did you not get any sleep?"

For a second, I had no idea what she was talking about. I wasn't supposed to sleep. I was supposed to be waiting for my punishment. I mentally replayed the last thing she had said to me, trying to make sense of the puzzle. _The rest of the kids should be home around 3:30. Why don't you try and get a little sleep?_

It had seemed pretty straightforward at the time, but maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe what she had meant was, _Go upstairs and sleep, because I don't want you keeping us up all night with your nightmares. I'm getting you up at 3:30 whether you like it or not, so that's all the sleep you'll get for tonight_.

My new interpretation of her words bothered me far more than the old one. Being physically punished I understood. Hell, this time I even deserved it, for running my mouth when I shouldn't have. But being denied something like sleep was not a punishment I was familiar with, and it freaked me out. It pointed to Esme being more dangerous than I had previously thought. It made sense, though. All of her kids were really well behaved, and she probably wasn't capable of any sort of physical punishment, so instead she manipulated them mentally.

"I couldn't sleep." I dropped my eyes down to the carpet as I spoke, trying to keep her from seeing the lie. If she thought she had defeated me, maybe she would leave me alone.

"Oh, honey." Her voice sounded pained, but I didn't look up. It was nothing but a trick; it had to be. "Have you gotten any sleep since you've been here?"

"Yes." _No_. "I slept okay last night." _If by that you mean I lay awake and shook all night long._

The disbelief was rolling off of her, but she didn't comment. "All right, then. I brought up the bags of clothing; why don't you put them away?"

She didn't sound angry, just tired and defeated. I felt terrible, like this were somehow my fault, but I didn't understand why. Furthermore, why did I care that I was making her feel bad? She was willing to hurt me, so why wasn't I willing to hurt her back?

It took a minute to gather up my courage, but I managed to meet her eyes. She looked so sad, like it actually bothered her that I wasn't sleeping well. She smiled at me, but that was unhappy too. Jesus, why did I have to make everyone around me feel terrible?

"Do you want me to give you some of that medication?" She seemed hesitant to ask.

Did I? On the one hand, I was completely fatigued. I hadn't slept at all the night before, and poorly for the few nights before that. It wasn't going to be long before I crashed, whether I took the drugs or not. On the other hand, they worked fast, and I would be stuck in a house filled with strangers, having no way to defend myself. I knew Esme wanted me to trust her, but I didn't. I didn't trust any of them.

"Tonight?" It came out as more of a question than I wanted it to. I couldn't control anything but my own body, at least when I was awake — when I was asleep, everything went out the window — and now I was offering to hand that over to her. _What the fuck, Jasper?_ "Tonight." I sounded only marginally more confident, but it was enough for now.

I was bothered by the fact that Esme and Carlisle were the ones that had hold of my medication. I knew that it was policy, and that I was considered a suicide risk by the people in charge, but it still rankled me that at nearly eighteen years old, I wasn't thought of as capable of taking pills when I needed them. I was pretty sure that the nurses were on to my lying about my headaches, and that they had ratted me out to Carlisle. Those medical types tend to stick together. So both my sleeping pills and pain pills were locked up, leaving me to beg for them when I needed to. Like hell I would. I might need the sleeping pills to get enough sleep to protect myself, but my head would have to explode before I pleaded for a pain pill.

They were brave thoughts, but I could remember plenty of times when I had been genuinely afraid that it would do just that. I guessed I could always steal a few of the pills and keep them hidden away in case I needed them, but I didn't know where the bottles were being kept. Somehow, the thought of rummaging through Carlisle and Esme's bedroom was rather distasteful, though I wasn't quite sure why. I had been in and out of Maria's all the time, mostly looking for money. One of the kids always needed something, and she wasn't very good about either remembering it or giving me some money to take care of it for her. I hadn't felt bad about stealing then, when the money had been hers, so why did I feel bad now for thinking about taking pills that were mine anyway?

It was a confusing puzzle, and I was too tired to solve it now. So I nodded again and reached out for the bags. "Tonight." There it was; that was the confidence I was looking for.

Esme gave the bags over without an argument. "Would you like to come downstairs? You could help me with dinner."

"Okay." I didn't really want to, but she seemed to have forgotten about punishments for the moment, and I didn't want to do anything that might remind her.

Tossing the bags on my bed, I followed her downstairs, doing my best to look innocent and sweet. She pulled open the fridge and took a quick inventory. "Would you like pork chops or London broil?"

I wasn't even sure what London broil was. Beef? Pork? Lamb? I didn't want to admit that I didn't know, so I went with the safer choice. "Pork chops." I didn't even like pork that much, but I could deal with it.

The meat was deposited on the counter, quickly joined by some lettuce and vegetables. "Can you make a salad? You can leave out anything you don't like."

Any idiot could make a salad. I nodded tersely and went to the sink to wash my hands. As I stood there, though, I realized something I hadn't before. Esme hadn't been asking if I were _capable_ of making the salad; she was asking if I _would_ make the salad. It was an odd feeling, as I couldn't remember the last time I had been asked to do anything. Maria, the doctors, even the nurses, just told me what to do and when and expected me to comply. The feeling of freedom was both welcome and utterly terrifying.

Esme hummed contentedly to herself as she prepared the meat, a lullaby I dimly remembered from somewhere. I wanted to stare at her, to try and figure her out, but I just turned to the salad instead. With exaggerated care, I shredded the lettuce, making sure the pieces were small. When I had a full bowl, I turned to the counter, looking for something to cut the vegetables with. I found a set of knives in a holder on the counter and chose a small one.

My foster mother glanced over at me when I moved, but said nothing. That cemented in my mind that Maria had told no one about what had happened at her place. If she had, Esme wouldn't have let me near anything shaper than a butter knife. Mindful of her trust, I carefully sliced the vegetables. The atmosphere in the kitchen was a calm one, one I soaked up as much as I could. I hated it when things were tense or people fought. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I had a hard time blocking out other people's pain.

The door flew open with a bang, and I nearly cut myself in surprise. Rosalie came bounding in, asking Esme a million questions while ignoring me. That was fine; I didn't want any of them looking at me or talking to me anyway.

"Anyway, I'm going down to my garage; call me for dinner." Then she was gone in a flurry of blond curls. I listened to her footsteps clattering down the stairs, and then back up. She appeared again in the doorway, giving me a quick look. "Hi, Jasper." Her tone was strange, as if she were surprised I was still here. _I_ was a little surprised I was still here, to be honest.

"Hi . . . Rosalie." I heard the pause in my voice, but I wasn't sure what to call her. Everyone else seemed to call her Rose or Rosie, but those names seemed a little bit too familiar for right now. I ducked my head down immediately, trying not to draw any attention to myself.

"Don't cut any onions into the salad. I don't like them." Rosalie was clearly accustomed to getting what she wanted.

I wasn't particularly fond of onions either, so it wasn't a hard request to accommodate. "Okay."

"Good." She vanished back through the door, her steps fading into nothingness.

"She likes you."

Esme's voice sounded amused. How she had gotten that Rosalie liked me from a thirteen-word conversation, mostly about salad, was a bit confusing. "Huh?"

There was a pause as she transferred the pork chops into some sort of marinade. "Rosalie. She likes you. I can tell."

"How?" I desperately wanted to believe her. I missed my other foster siblings fiercely. We had been bonded in a way that no biological family could be, bonds forged by living together and suffering together and relying on each other for survival. Briefly, I wondered where they all were. I had talked to Pete and Charlotte, but what about the little kids? Would Kate's new foster parents know she needed a night-light? Or that Hannah got sick if she ate any fruit but oranges? What about the baby? Tyler needed someone to rub his back while he was falling asleep, or he would be up every hour during the night.

"She talked to you." The words were so simple that I found myself chuckling for the second time that day. "I'm serious. Rosalie is a good girl, but she can be very stubborn. If she didn't like you, she would have no problem giving you the silent treatment until she either decided that she did like you, or that it would be more entertaining to fight with you."

So, in other words, Rosalie was a bitch. Good for her; sometimes it was the only way to survive. I was interested in her, in what had caused her to become the woman she was, but I hid it for now. "Oh."

"She really likes her cars, knows just about everything about them." Esme turned back to the meat, but not quite quick enough to hide a smile. "You know, if you wanted something to talk to her about."

It was kind of her to offer that up, instead of letting me flounder on my own. Though I was excellent at reading other people's moods, I had never been overly blessed with people skills. Any conversation I tried to have generally ended with me doing a lot of stuttering and stammering.

I finished with the vegetables (minus the onions) and just stood there. I knew I needed that stupid fork/spoon thing that you used to toss a salad, but I couldn't remember what it was called. Salad tosser, salad pincher, salad fork . . . fuck, none of those were right. Ever since my 'accident' (as the doctors and nurses were so fond of calling it, like I had no idea what had actually happened to me), I sometimes had trouble recalling the names for common things. The entire floor had once been subjected to a raging temper tantrum when I couldn't remember the correct word for a visiting canine. Even the two-year-old next door had been able to blurt out, "Doggy!"

"Do you need the salad tongs? They're in the drawer under the toaster." Salad _tongs_; that was what they were called.

I felt unaccountably irritated with her, at her easy way of knowing what I needed when I, myself, wasn't sure. _It's not her fault_. Of course it wasn't Esme's fault. The trouble was, I was so damn sick of it being mine.

"Thank you." I picked them up and threw the vegetables into the bowl. There was a sort of a rhythm to what I was doing, and it was intensely soothing. Finally, everything was as close to perfect as I could make it. "I'm done. What else can I help with?"

"Nothing right now, but I might need help with the grill later." She seemed distracted. "Can you call your sis — Rosalie up, please? I need to ask her something."

I didn't think she was deliberately picking on me here. She was just so used to having real kids in the house, kids that thought of themselves as siblings, that she had forgotten I was just a temporary. "Okay."

The steps leading to Rosalie's basement were steep, and I took extra care going down them. I didn't trust my bad leg not to give out at the wrong moment, and I didn't want to end up in a heap on the concrete floor below. Wouldn't that be just my luck: to survive everything I had been through, only to die on the floor of my new foster home due to my own clumsiness?

The basement garage looked even bigger now than it had last night, filled with an amazing array of vehicles. The lights were bright, reflecting off the shiny metal floor and causing me to squint. Rosalie was standing on the far end with a Jaguar hooked to some sort of computer. Her shoulders turned toward me, but she didn't look up from the screen until I was almost on top of her.

"What do you want?" A baseball cap was pulled low over her eyes, but it didn't quite hide the oil smudge that covered her left cheek. Her tone wasn't exactly hostile, but it wasn't friendly, either.

I didn't want to challenge her, so I looked down. "Esme wants you upstairs."

"What for?" She straightened up, surprisingly close to my own height.

"I don't know." The words tasted sour in my mouth. I hated being out of the loop, especially when I had to explain myself to someone else.

She gave an exasperated huff, tossing her blond mane. "Fine. Listen, can you manage to watch this for a few minutes without fucking it up? All you have to do is watch the numbers and not let them go above 500."

"Sure." All it looked like she was doing was fussing with the fuel lines. I had replaced the system on Maria's car twice. Never with such fancy equipment, but at least I wasn't totally clueless.

"Don't touch anything." Her voice was a dark warning, and I cringed reflexively. I had heard that same tone from Maria way too many times, and it usually ended up with me in pain.

Rosalie gave me a strange look, no doubt even more upset with my cowering. "It's not that hard." Her tone wasn't as rude as I thought it would be. She started to reach out for me, but then changed her mind. "I'll be back in a minute."

There was very little for me to do, except sit down on the floor and watch the screen. The numbers flashed by, meaning very little to me. There was something almost hypnotizing about it, and I let my chin fall down to my chest. Damn, I was so fucking tired.

"I'm back!" Rosalie's voice was louder than usual. There was no real reason for it, so I could only assume that she was trying to keep from startling me. It was a sweet gesture. She held out a hand to help me up, her dark eyes never quite meeting mine. "You can stay down here with me until dinner. If you can keep your mouth shut and not touch anything, of course."

I figured that was about as generous an offer as I was going to get from her, so I nodded. Without skipping a beat, she went right back to what she was doing. She didn't look at me, but she didn't ignore me, either. As she worked, she explained everything she was doing, from the tiny computer to the tools. I knew a lot of it already, but I didn't want to interrupt her. I found I couldn't really take my eyes off of her, completely enchanted by the way she spoke and the passion in her words. I wondered if I could ever be that passionate about anything.

At first she interrupted herself to ask a few questions, but by the time we were called to dinner, she was speaking without needing answers. That was good; I would rather listen to her speak than speak myself.

"Here, hold this." She held out something unidentifiable and dripping with oil.

I took it without question. Oil smeared up my sleeve, but it was black anyway, so no one would be able to tell. Rosalie was testing me, and I didn't want to screw it up. "What is it?"

She smirked. "Spare part."

"So why am I holding it?"

The smirk deepened. "I just wanted to see if you would."

Of course I would. I did just about anything that was asked of me without the slightest bit of complaint. She held out her hand, which I noticed was covered with a cloth, and took the piece back. I relinquished it, and she tossed it into a trash box without looking at it. I guessed I had passed whatever test she was giving.

"Rosalie! Dinner. Do you still have Jasper down there?" Esme's voice came booming down the stairs, surprisingly loud. I backed up a little, accidentally wiping my filthy hands on my jeans. Damn, now I was going to have to figure out that intimidating washing machine. It had more buttons and dials than any ten machines I had seen before.

"Yes, but we need to get cleaned up!" She gestured towards a sink along a back wall. "Wash your hands, then go up and get changed."

I liked Rosalie. She gave me straightforward orders and asked no questions in return. I was used to that, and it made things much easier than with the rest of the family, who seemed determined to throw questions at me faster than I could make up answers to them.

She seemed to like me also, and gave me a soft smile. When she looked at me like that, she was quite possibly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. No, scratch that, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen except for Alice.

Not that I thought Alice would think the same about me. I was attractive, I guessed (as long as I kept my scars covered up — nothing attractive about those), but not attractive enough to make up for my personality. Plus, I had already almost freaked out on her last night, so she was probably not going to want much to do with me. I had just seen the lock on the outside of Edward's door and started to panic. One of Maria's favorite tricks was to lock me in the basement for some imagined slight, and my bedroom was much smaller than the basement had ever been.

Alice had been cool about it, managing to talk me down from a full-blown anxiety attack, but I could sense the pity coming off of her. She had probably told Carlisle about it as soon as I went to bed, just so he could know what sort of freak he was dealing with. Still, it had been nice of her to stay with me afterwards, since I was still feeling shaky.

"Your hands are clean, Doofus. Let me have a chance." When I looked down, I realized she was right. Huh, I could have sworn I had just put soap on them. I shook them dry, remembering that my jeans were filthy and I shouldn't use them to wipe, and headed back up the stairs to change.

As I passed through the kitchen, I noticed that the table was already set. Wasn't that supposed to be my job? She had told me to do it last night. Just add 'failure to set table' to my other list of failures since I had been placed with this family.

I went upstairs and changed pants, putting on the only other pair of jeans I had come with. They were old, and starting to form a hole in one knee, but they were mine. As I pulled them on, a flurry of knocks sounded at the door. "Jasper?"

I had only been in the house for twenty-four hours, but I would have recognized that small voice anywhere on the planet. Alice had come up to get me. "Yes?"

"Are you decent?" She always sounded as if she were on the verge of a giggle.

"Yes." Good thing, too, because she was already bursting through the door. She danced her way into the room, her hazel eyes lit with laughter. "How was your first day? Was it horrible?"

As she spoke, she slid an arm around my waist. With anyone else, I would have shied away, but Alice was so tiny that I felt a rogue urge to protect her instead. I was nobody's hero, but I was willing to try. "No, it was fine. Esme took me shopping."

"Did she take you to the mall? What did she get? Let me see it. She did get you something to eat, right?"

I wasn't used to having so many questions thrown at me at once, and I found myself nodding agreeably without having any idea what I was agreeing to. Alice drew back suddenly. "What do you have all over your shirt?"

It took me a minute to remember the oil that had rubbed off of whatever Rosalie had been holding out. "Oil."

"Ew." She reached into the shopping bags, which were still on my bed and pulled out a shirt. "Here, change into this. It'll look pretty with your eyes."

I would have done anything in the world to make her happy, short of this. If I undressed in front of her, she was going to see everything that I had worked so hard to keep hidden. She seemed to genuinely like me now, but as soon as she saw the scars, she was going to run. But if I said no, it would make her unhappy, and I didn't want that either. My mind spun in several directions before finding something. "Fine, but you have oil all over you now, too." Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration. She had a few tiny spots on the shoulder of her blouse.

The look in her eyes told me she wasn't entirely fooled, but luckily she was concerned enough about stains to leave me alone. "Shit! I'm coming back for you, though, so don't think you're going to get out of going down to dinner with me!"

I could live with that.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Thanks so much to all my wonderful reviewers, as well as the people who add this story to favorites or author alert. I promise I do read every review and they keep me going. Special love for my beta The Sound and the Fury. If you like this story, please go check out hers, "Hope Springs Eternal" which has a similar premise. I've been PM'd the same questions over and over, so I'll address them here:**

**Will we find out what Jasper was doing in that dressing room- yes, soon**

**Will we find out what happened with Maria and the knife- yes, but not for a while**

**How long will this story be- long, I can't say for sure how long, though. We are less than ¼ of the way through though.**

**Carlisle's POV**

"I see. And what exactly were you thinking?" I didn't know why I bothered asking. The problem was that Emmett hadn't been thinking at all. The problem was _always_ that Emmett didn't think before he acted.

"I don't know." His bulk seemed greatly diminished there in the principal's chair, no mean feat when you considered just how large Emmett was. "I didn't think it would happen so fast."

Despite all appearances to the contrary, Emmett Cullen is not stupid. He had certainly been paying enough attention in Chemistry to know that combining the chemicals just right would cause an explosion. I was sure that in his mind, it was just going to be a little poof that set off the fire alarms and earned the entire school a break from their studies. If he were particularly lucky, the fire department might come.

Emmett had always had a real affinity for firemen. They were his allies and protectors. They had been the kind men who showed up first at the scene of his parents' shootout. They were nice and hustled him and the rest of the kids out of the house, buying them some hamburgers while they waited for Social Services to come. Firemen were cool. On the other hand, policemen, like the ones who actually took statements from the kids and removed them from the home, were not to be trusted.

I ran my fingers through my hair. There was no feeling in the world like being called out of surgery because one of your kids decided to try and blow up the school. Emmett hadn't intended it that way, of course, but that was the way the principal saw it. I just prayed he wasn't going to get expelled.

Principal Ritter raised one eyebrow. "You don't know? I could have you arrested right now for bomb making!"

My son shrugged. His apparent indifference was like waving the red flag in front of the bull, and I knew I only had a few seconds to salvage this meeting. "Principal Ritter, Emmett was wrong. It was extremely immature of him to do that, but I don't think he meant to blow up a lab table. Please don't have him arrested for a little bit of teenage immaturity. I'll have the table replaced."

The man relaxed, but not by enough. "He has to be suspended for two weeks. That's school policy, and I can't change it." He glanced over at Emmett. "This is very serious, young man. This isn't being tardy, or failing to turn in your work, or dropping cans of soda off the gym roof. You are _this_ close to throwing your life away."

I had to suppress a snort at that. Emmett would never throw his life away; that would require far too much effort on his part. He was far more likely to just let it pass him by. "Believe me, sir, he'll spend his time at home wishing that he was at school."

Emmett was watching me with no small amount of trepidation. I held up the keys to my car. "Go outside and wait for me. Do not talk to anyone, do not put the key in the ignition, and if you take off with my car, I will not hesitate to report it stolen."

His dark eyes hardened, but he took the keys without comment. I waited until he was out of earshot before turning to the man in front of me. "Is he failing again?"

Forks High School was small enough that the man could have told me the grades and life story of nearly every child in it. "Not yet. If he would just put a little effort in, he would be more than capable of doing the work. But I guess I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

I could have written a book on it. "Thank you for not getting the police involved."

He gave me a tired smile. "I thought that I would give him a break this time. I remember doing the same thing as a senior. Plus . . ." He paused, as if he weren't sure he should continue. "I've heard that he's suddenly become a big brother again. A little bit of bad behavior is to be expected."

It hadn't occurred to me that Emmett might be reacting to Jasper coming to live with us. He was the most placid of all my kids, and had accepted Jasper as calmly as he accepted everything else. "Thank you again."

"I'll see Emmett in two weeks."

I had always liked Principal Ritter. That was probably a good thing, considering that I had spent an inordinate amount of time in his office with one child or another. He seemed to have a sixth sense about when to punish a child fully, and when they might need to be cut a little slack.

My heart was heavy as I walked across the parking lot. Emmett was waiting for me, all hunched up in the passenger seat, much like he had been hunched in the principal's chair a few minutes ago. I sat down next to him, completely unsure of what to do. Finally, I spoke, more to fill the silence than anything else. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"

"No." No trace of his happy laugh and big voice now. His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Does Jasper have anything to do with this?" I should have considered this myself. Not every kid will tell you in words when something is wrong. With some of them, Emmett included, you had to watch for the actions.

"Like did he tell me how to blow up the lab table?" Emmett was obviously confused.

"No. I just thought that maybe this was to get my attention. I know he's been taking up a lot of my time the past few days." That was a bit of an understatement. He needed doctors appointments scheduled, and I had to find a therapist for him, and make sure he took his medicine. It was enough to drive any one person batty. Not to mention the fact that Social Services was breathing down my neck about every little thing he did. If they had been half this interested in him before, he wouldn't be going through this now.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Not everything's about Jasper, Dad. Besides, he's like living with Casper the Fucking Ghost, only not friendly. He could disappear completely and we probably wouldn't notice for a day."

That much was true. Jasper crept around the house like a feral cat, completely silent and untrusting. Something as simple as one of us talking to him would cause him to stutter out answers as quickly as possible before fleeing the room. Loud noises? Forget about it. Edward had been trying to play cards with him yesterday when Rosalie dropped something in the kitchen. At the sound of shattering glass, Jasper had bolted back to his room, leaving his poker hand (which had been excellent) all over the living room floor. Despite some gentle coaxing, he hadn't reappeared until dinnertime.

Alice claimed we were all a bunch of wimps, and just marched in there after him, but even she couldn't get him to come out. So instead she stayed in there with him, keeping him company, I guess. Whatever she did, it worked, and he seemed remarkably composed, but he hadn't said much for the rest of the night. Not that he was a talker, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he could usually be counted on for something. Last night, his dinner conversation had consisted of "Please pass the bread" and "Thank you."

To make matters even more entertaining, he had decided that last night was the perfect time to sleepwalk around in the hallway. Now, I've always heard that God watches over sleepwalkers and drunks, and keeps them from harm, but Jasper seems to be planted firmly in God's blind spot. I don't know whether it's a result of his head injury, or if his brain convinced his body he was in another house, but he slammed into the wall, causing a bruise over his eye that was all too evident this morning. Luckily, I had heard him hit, and even more luckily, he passively allowed me to lead him back to bed.

That would be the only time in three days I had managed to get my hands on him. That was the main reason I had wanted to find someone else to be his doctor. Some of what he was going to have to go through would be painful, and I didn't want him to associate my hands with pain in any way.

"Give him a little time, Emmett; he's probably scared." I had to admit, our family could be a little overwhelming for anyone, much less someone as shy as Jasper.

"Yeah, well, you too." It might have sounded like something that a petulant teenager would say, but I took it to heart. Maybe I should back off and let Jasper set the pace.

"What am I supposed to tell Mom?" He was back to more important matters, the ones that included him. "She's going to be pissed."

Yes, she was. Esme had a very low tolerance for the sort of fooling around that led to most of Emmett's suspensions. "Well, I wouldn't tell her that the principal threatened to call the police and have you arrested."

"No shit." He sighed deeply. "I don't mean to screw up all the time." His voice was soft, nearly blanked out by the radio.

"I know you don't." I wondered if now were the best time to bring up things I had told him dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. "You just have to slow down and think a little bit before you act, that's all."

"I try to."

"I know." It was the only reason he hadn't had to move out of the house yet. There were times when Emmett drove me crazy, but for the most part, I felt like he was putting forth a pretty good effort. My therapist friends were fond of telling me that some kids just don't get it until their mid-twenties, or even a little older. I wasn't a hundred percent sure if that were true, but it gave me something to hold onto.

Esme was out when we got home, which was a stroke of luck for Emmett. I pointed to the kitchen table. "You, schoolwork, right now. You are going to be getting pretty familiar with that seat, because I expect you to be completely caught up by the time you go back to school."

He started to protest, but thought better of it. "Yes, sir." He dragged himself over to his chair and sat down, looking miserable. My every instinct screamed at me to comfort him, but I forced myself to be still. Emmett had screwed up big time, and he was going to need to face the consequences of that.

A note pinned to the fridge told me that my wife was grocery shopping, and would probably be back soon. Rosie's car was home, but she hadn't heard me pull up, so she must be in the basement. Jasper, as usual, was nowhere to be found.

I wasn't terribly concerned about that fact. The house was far enough from anything interesting that he wouldn't try to walk, and I had warned him to stay out of the woods. They were mostly overgrown, and it would be very easy to get lost in them.

A quick call to the hospital confirmed that my next surgery wasn't for an hour, so I would have time to give Rosalie an update on why her boyfriend was home in the middle of the morning.

I made no effort to be quiet as I went down the stairs, not wanting to startle her and cause her to ruin some extremely expensive and complicated thing she was doing. Music was playing, its beat echoing off the metal walls. Because of the music, I wasn't aware that Rose had company until I was almost on top of them.

Jasper was helping her maneuver a large piece of something into place. He was listening intently to her instructions, calm and happy for the first time since I had met him. I swore I might have even seen him smile. It was the cute, genuine smile I had seen in his younger pictures, the one that showed off his dimples.

I could have stood there and watched them for quite a while, the natural way that they interacted with each other, but Rosalie saw me standing there and jumped. "Dad! What are you doing home? Is something wrong?"

Meanwhile, Jasper folded into himself, his blue eyes turning cloudy. All the happiness faded from his features, and I was left with the distant mask I had gotten used to seeing over the past three days.

"Well, your boyfriend got himself suspended for two weeks. He's upstairs." I couldn't quite keep the irritation out of my voice.

They both looked at me intently, and for a minute I was thrown by how alike they looked. With their blond hair and incredibly intense eyes, they could have been a biological brother and sister. Jasper certainly seemed to have taken to Rosalie like she was a sister.

Actually, he seemed to have taken to Alice as well. The minute she entered a room, he was up and wanting to sit close to her. He didn't actually speak much to her, but I strongly suspected that that had less to do with any traumas he may have suffered and more do with the fact that he was an infatuated teenage boy.

Wait a minute. Infatuated? My stomach sank as I quickly combed through my memories. Oh, yes, he was making Emmett's attraction to Rosalie look like a schoolboy crush. This was not good.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. Maybe I was reading too much into things. Jasper was probably just grateful for the extra attention that Alice was showing him. After all, she was never a girl who had shown any interest in sex or dating. Jasper had admitted to Esme that he had never had a girlfriend, but that didn't preclude him having sexual experience. But, again, he was a seventeen-year-old boy, and was probably attracted to anything that he thought he might have a chance with.

Right, because every seventeen-year-old boy lit up when he saw a girl he was only interested in sleeping with. They all pulled out chairs, and opened doors, and always made sure that the girl had everything first. I was definitely going to have to discuss this with Esme.

"Dad! What did he do?" Rose's irritated voice told me that she hadn't failed to notice me spacing out on her.

I had to keep myself from smiling. What Emmett had done was certainly not funny, but it seemed that way once we got away from the school. "He blew up a lab table."

A look of disbelief crossed her features. "He blew up a lab table?" Each word was spaced out carefully, as if she were trying to make them make sense.

Jasper too, seemed interested. "One of my foster brothers did that once. He got expelled." His eyes, so happy a minute ago, were grey and worried.

I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible, not wanting to upset him. "Emmett isn't expelled, just suspended."

The worry didn't diminish. "Oh."

I wondered at his reaction, but now didn't seem like the time to ask. He was skittish enough when it was just the two of us, so I knew he wouldn't talk in front of Rose. It seemed that my very presence was what stressed him out, something that I felt terrible about. "I have to get back to the hospital now. Do the two of you need anything?"

Rose shrugged. "Nope, we're fine." Jasper shook his head, suddenly finding the floor absolutely fascinating.

I decided now was not the time to say anything, but made a mental note to arrange to do something with Jasper on my next day off, just the two of us. "Remind your mother that I won't be home for dinner, please."

"Sure, sure." She was already distracted by whatever they had been doing to that car before I showed up. Jasper watched me go, an unreadable expression on his face. He could want to speak to me, or he could be glad to be rid of me; both seemed equally possible at the moment.

I thought about Jasper and Alice the entire way back to the hospital. Every time they had interacted was drawn out of my memory bank and dissected. Had he looked at her just a little too long last night while they were choosing a movie? Was she holding his hand to comfort him, or because she wanted more? Should I be letting them be alone together? The possibilities were endless and starting to give me a headache.

Thankfully, the rest of my surgeries were fairly routine, and I was able to think about the situation I had just put myself in. It would hypocritical of me to do or say anything about it, considering Rose and Emmett . . . but on the other hand, this was Alice!

She had always seemed so much younger than the others to me. She _was_ younger, of course, but even when she became a teenager, I couldn't help but think of her as my little girl. Rose had been a teenager when she was placed with us, as had Emmett, but I could still remember Alice standing there in her room in the institution, so small she barely reached my hip.

At the very least, I was going to have to keep an eye on them. Jasper had been nothing but sweet so far, but he was only seventeen and had no idea about her past. Alice was a people pleaser, and she might allow herself to be talked into something she wasn't ready for. This also meant I was probably going to have to have the dreaded 'talk' with Jasper. Just the thought was enough to make me shudder.

On the other hand, could I really deny them this connection, if that was what they both wanted? They both deserved some happiness, after what they had been through, and even I couldn't deny that they had already formed some sort of bond with each other. From the second Alice had held out her hand, Jasper had followed her like an abandoned puppy. I hated the thought of taking that small bit of security away from him.

"So when do we get to meet him?" Nurse Stamey drew me out of my thoughts.

"Pardon?" She had probably been speaking to me for several seconds, but I couldn't recall any of it.

She smiled. "This kid that has you all tied up in knots. When do we get to meet him?"

I could only imagine how Jasper would react to being thrown into a room filled with adults. Not only that, but adults who were intent on staring at him. "I don't know. I have to bring him in on Thursday to be looked at, but I wasn't planning on taking him around just yet. I think he's had enough of hospitals for a while."

"You have a new kid?" That was Newman, the anesthesiologist. "I thought your home was closed for kids."

I couldn't believe that the hospital rumor mill hadn't hit him yet. "It was sort of a special placement. He had a bad head injury, and needed a placement with a doctor, so they bent the rules."

I don't know why I didn't just come out with the truth. Newman was more than smart enough to put two and two together and know exactly who Jasper was.

Sure enough, he was nodding excitedly. "He the one that came out of the Teresa house?"

"That's Jasper." I prayed that no one would push me for the details.

Newman nodded again. "My sister has one of the younger kids! Aiden keeps asking about Jasper, like if he's all right and everything. Is he?"

Was he? "He's doing fine. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear any update on his little brothers." At least, I thought he would. Except for Peter and Charlotte, Jasper hadn't really mentioned any of the other kids that had been in the home. Maybe saying something would just be too painful for him.

"Well, I think my sister is going to adopt Aiden. He's the cutest little boy, but he has quite a few problems. She must have tortured those poor kids."

There wasn't much for me to say to that, because I was coming to believe that he was right. I didn't think Jasper's spirit had been entirely broken, but it was certainly bruised and torn. Whether or not he could recover was still up in the air, but I was determined to give him every opportunity.

Newman gave me a sad smile. "And yours was with her longer, right?" At my nod he shook his head. "Would it be all right if I gave my sister your number? I won't let her bother Jasper or ask any uncomfortable questions, I promise, but maybe he would like to see Aiden? Or at least talk to him? I know Aiden misses him a lot."

I was totally numb as I put the last stitch in my patient's abdomen. "Of course." This meant I would have no choice but to tell Jasper about this. I think I would have anyway; it wouldn't be fair to keep this sort of thing from someone who was practically an adult. "My secretary will be glad to give it to you. Just tell her to give me a few days to talk to Jasper first."

"Understood." He adjusted the flow of anesthetic, preparing to slowly bring the patient back to consciousness. "Thanks, man. I know it would mean a lot to her to get a few clues."

It would mean a lot to me to get them too, but I supposed all I could do was ask and hope for the best. I thought about it the entire ride home, the best way to break the news to Jasper. I couldn't lie to him, but I wished he would give me some indication about the best way to interact with him. All of our conversations so far had consisted of me probing gently while he stood stiffly and attempted to avoid eye contact. I couldn't be any more gentle with him, so maybe I should be more firm? How firm was _too_ firm?

I was no closer to an answer when I pulled into the garage. Esme was in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher and humming to herself. The rest of the house was quiet, except for the soft sounds of the television coming from a few rooms over. She came over to greet me with a kiss. "How was your day?"

"It was pretty routine. Have you talked to Emmett yet?" I didn't want to rat him out, but the longer he put this off, the more trouble he was going to be in.

Her lips tightened. "Oh, yes, I've talked to Emmett. He's grounded for at least the next six years, in addition to whatever else I can think up. I was so pissed at him that nothing came to mind."

That had pretty much been my reaction when I got the phone call. "We need to think of something for him to do while he's stuck at home for the next two weeks. He can't just lie around playing video games."

She gave me an evil smirk. "I already confiscated his Jeep keys, as well as the keys to Rose's cars. I'm thinking that I might need a new garden plowed for spring."

"You're evil. It's January, and the ground is completely frozen." I really liked this idea. After all, if Emmett didn't graduate, backbreaking labor would likely be the only job he could find.

"I know. Do you want to be the one to tell him, or should I? They're all in there watching a movie." She slipped her arms around my neck, kissing me again. The kids all screamed and pretended to gag whenever they saw that, but neither one of us cared. We loved each other, and we certainly weren't going to stop just because we might be embarrassing them.

"They just started the movie, so we could sneak off . . ." Her eyebrow rose seductively, and it was all I could do not to carry her off to the bedroom. But there was something else we needed to discuss.

"I know who has one of Jasper's former foster siblings." When all else failed, I could always just blurt things out.

Instantly, Esme drew away. "Where did you find that out?" Her tone was curious, and I couldn't blame her. Trying to get information about past placements could be harder than pulling teeth.

I reiterated what Newman had told me, leaving out the part where he commented on how many problems little Aiden had. She knew that Maria had abused all of the children in the home, not just Jasper, but I didn't want her to know the details. It was terrible enough to think of someone harming a teenager, much less a small child.

"We need to tell him." Luckily, Esme and I were on the same page. "But not tonight." I raised an eyebrow. "He's in there right now, having fun with the rest of the kids. Do you really want him to be upset when he's barely relaxed? Please don't make me break his heart. Not tonight."

I peeked though the doorway, taking care not to let them see me. Emmett and Rose were on the couch together, her head against his chest, and his fingers running through her hair. Edward was in one of the armchairs, intently focused on the screen. Alice sat in the other chair, with Jasper on the floor in front of her, his back against her knees. He was watching the screen, but she only had eyes for him. Every few seconds, she would lightly touch him. There was such tenderness in her eyes that I found myself looking away. As fascinated as Jasper might be by her, she was just as intrigued by him.

"Okay, we'll tell him tomorrow." I leaned into the living room and called out to them. "I'm home, but I'm exhausted and going straight to bed. I'll see some of you in the morning. Emmett, you and I are going to have a serious talk about punishment!"

I did my best to ignore Edward's mutter of, "Yeah, like you two aren't obvious. Even Emmett can think of a better excuse than that."

Needless to say, Esme and I were still awake to hear every one of them go to bed. I counted the doors closing, making sure that each child was in the proper place. At the fifth door clicking into place, I was finally able to relax and settle down to sleep.

It was about two hours later that I woke suddenly, disoriented but still on alert. Had I heard something? Was it one of the kids? I strained my ears for a repeat of the sound.

Nothing.

I laid back, debating whether to get up and check on them. I should, especially Jasper, but I was comfortable, and Esme was snuggled up to my side, exactly how I liked it.

While I was debating, the choice was taken out of my hands. Banshee-like screaming suddenly split the air, sending me out of bed without any conscious thought. Esme was still fighting free of the covers, but I didn't spare her a glance. She would be up and by my side as quickly as possible, I trusted that.

Instinct told me that it was Jasper, and I didn't hesitate to throw the door to his room open. We had been lucky so far, he had slept quietly, if not soundly, through his first three nights.

Emmett was already coming out of his room, looking scared, but I gestured him back in. I had no idea how coherent Jasper might be, and I didn't want him to feel crowded. "It's all right, Emmett, I've got this."

Jasper wasn't in his bed, but I hadn't really expected him to be. He had somehow managed to wedge himself between the bed and the wall, no doubt trying to hide from the phantoms in his dreams. I knelt on the bed and pulled his body up against mine, his back to my chest. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay."

He wasn't comforted by my touch in the slightest. Indeed, he seemed to get even worse. All of his muscles tensed up and he started struggling against me, trying desperately to get loose. I pinned his arms down to his body, but he managed to slam his head into my chest hard enough to nearly knock the wind out of me.

The seconds dragged on like hours, but I was helpless to do anything. It took all of my strength to keep a hold on Jasper, who showed no signs of tiring. Unlike nightmares, night terrors came from a deeper part of sleep. It was virtually impossible to wake someone from one, so all I could do was ride the dream out, and pray he settled afterwards. I could hear Esme herding the rest of the kids back to their rooms, but her voice sounded miles away.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the entire thing was over. Jasper's muscles went limp, and his head dropped back against my chest. The silence was so unexpected that for a minute I thought I might have gone deaf. I carefully moved him so he was lying down again, the doctor in me giving him a critical going over as I did. His pulse and breathing were both slow, more in line with someone who was deeply sleeping than someone who had been fighting for his life a few minutes ago.

Esme came into the room, her eyebrows raised. "Is he all right?"

"I think so." Jasper's skin was cold, despite its flushed appearance, but I could feel it slowly warming under my hand. His body had shocked itself, and needed to reregulate.

She brought out a damp cloth and ran it over his face, erasing the tear tracks I was just now noticing. "It's all right, baby. I'm here."

Of course, he didn't respond. By tomorrow, he wouldn't have any memory of what had happened, just a sense of exhaustion and confusion about why his muscles were so stiff. I didn't say that to Esme, though. She needed to feel like she was doing something, anything, even though we were both helpless. The only danger was in Jasper's mind, and there was nothing we could do to fix that.

I left Jasper in good hands, and went to go confront the rest of my family. All of them, even Edward, who tended to sleep like the dead, were in the hallway, watching me with varying degrees of worry. "He's fine, guys, he just had a nightmare."

Four identical snorts of disbelief told me that they weren't going to be fooled that easily. "Okay, it was a little worse than a nightmare. He _is_ fine, though."

"Can I talk to him?" Alice's voice was even smaller than usual, her eyes almost as tormented as Esme's had been.

I did my best to let her down gently. "No, honey, let your mother handle this. You can talk to him in the morning."

Edward scrubbed at his face, looking only half awake. I could only imagine what this entire scene must have sounded like to him. Of course, he had already been through this twice, with both of his sisters, so it wasn't an entirely foreign experience to him. "Please tell me he's not going to do that every night."

_Maybe. _"I hope not, for his sake as well as ours."

Emmett stared into space, his dark eyes locked on the doorway and one hand on Rosalie's back. I could have sworn I saw his lips form the word 'bitch,' but he didn't speak. Rose just clung to him, probably lost in her own dark memories.

I waited a few seconds more, but no one seemed to have anything else to say. "All of you are going to school in the morning — or doing school_work_ — so you might want to get back to bed. There isn't anything you can do for Jasper right now."

They reluctantly scattered, grumbling among themselves. Both Alice and Edward wanted hugs before they went back to their rooms, something they didn't ask for often. Alice felt as small as ever, but Edward was getting bigger. He was broader across the chest and shoulders, and nearly tall enough to look me in the eye. He was nearly grown, and I took a minute to grieve for the tiny toddler we had brought home thirteen years ago. I stroked a hand down his back, marveling at the muscle where there had been nothing before. "Goodnight, you two."

The both gave me their goodnight, neither enthusiastic about going back to bed. I waited patiently, listening as Edward crept up the stairs and Alice stomped off to bed. Once I was sure we weren't about to be eavesdropped on, I reentered Jasper's room.

At some point, he had curled onto his side, his body calm and relaxed. I rechecked his pulse and breathing, noticing that both were back to normal. Esme stoked his back one last time and stood up. "I'd forgotten what it was like."

I put an arm around her shoulders as we walked back to our room. "Having second thoughts?"

She grinned, giving me that sassy smile that never backed down, no matter how great the odds. "Oh, no, I love him. The world has given him absolutely nothing, but he keeps right on fighting. How could we give up on him, when he refuses to give up on himself?"

We climbed back into bed together, limbs entwined. "Remind yourself of those words when he has us up the same way tomorrow and the rest of the week."

She smirked. "I will. And I'll also remind you of those words when he graduates school and gets married. He's going to do it, Carlisle. I'm certain."

I hoped she was right. I was also getting very attached to Jasper, despite his antisocial behavior, and I wanted to see him succeed. What made me nervous was that I wasn't sure whether or not he could succeed _within this family._ I forced myself to remember that he had only been here for three days, and that I had known this was going to happen beforehand.

Still, in the back of my mind, I saw a huge clock with red numbers. It counted down the days until Jasper was eighteen, and able to legally leave our home. As of right now, I had no doubt that he would, probably without hesitation. Just 109 days; that was all I had left.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok, ok, I know I said this would be coming quickly. Unfortunatly, I tried sending two chapters to my beta at once, but somehow ended up sending her the same (wrong) chapter three times. I didn't realize that until she sent it back a week later. So the next chapter is edited, but this one wasn't. Then I tried sending it again, only to have her not get it because my outbox was full and it never came. Long story short: This took three weeks longer than it should have. Here it is though, and the next one should be up soon, since it's already edited and there is no room for author error!**

**Emmett's POV**

This sucked. I mean, I knew that I was supposed to be being punished and all, but this sucked! I had already watched two episodes of _Jerry Springer_, played video games, and broken one of the back steps by jumping on it. I was bored to death.

I was the only one in the house, unless you counted Mr. Antisocial, who was still upstairs asleep. Lucky bastard; he was probably the only one who had gotten more than a few hours' sleep last night. Rose had been so upset by it all that she had crawled into bed with me, shaking violently and refusing to be soothed. I had tried everything, from kisses to hugs to making shadow puppets on the wall, but she just trembled harder. I didn't want to be angry with Jasper, because it wasn't really his fault, but I couldn't help but be upset at the thought of my beautiful Rosie suffering.

We had ended up lying together until the sun came up and my alarm started blaring. I would have been content to stay with her even longer than that, considering that I certainly didn't have school today, but she had a morning class that she refused to skip.

If it hadn't been for Rose, I would have wondered if last night actually happened. There was a surreal quality about it all. I mean, it sounded like someone was beating him to death in there, the noises choked and twisted. Noises that I had never heard a person make before, and I hoped I never had to hear again.

But when Rose and I got down to breakfast this morning, everything seemed normal. Edward was pouring syrup on his pancakes, and Mom was checking over Alice's homework from the night before. Dad was nowhere to be found, so he must have had to go to the office early. It was almost enough to make me believe that I had imagined Jasper entirely.

At least until Alice pulled me aside. "Emmett, I need your help."

If it were going to lead to trouble, I was the man for the job. "What do you need?"

"I need you to distract Mom so I can go up and check on Jasper. Mom says to leave him alone, but I have to know that he's all right. Please, Em?"

I could never refuse her anything, a fact that she wasn't above using to her advantage. "Fine, but if you get busted, I know nothing."

"Fair enough." She bolted on impossibly light feet, running up the stairs.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure if I liked the thought of letting Alice go up there. She had gotten way too attached to this Jasper. I felt bad for the guy and all, but not bad enough to let him put his filthy hands on my baby sister.

"Emmett? Honey, where are you?" Mom was calling, so I jumped up and ran over to greet her. If there was one thing I was good at, it was lying to adults.

"Here!" _Hurry up, Alice, please!_

"Come on into the kitchen; I need to talk to you!" She didn't sound suspicious, but my mother was nothing if not smart.

Mom was loading the dishwasher, so I stood awkwardly until she came to sit across the table from me. "Emmett, I need your help today."

Oh, shit. If she was asking me, things must be really bad. But I didn't have any choice but to agree. After all, I was still in huge trouble from yesterday. "Okay, sure."

She reached across the table to take my hands. "I have to go to the doctor today, so I need someone to watch Jasper. Can you keep an eye on him?"

Like he would come within twenty feet of me. "Sure, I guess." Looked like it was going to be a boring day.

"Be kind to him, Emmett. He's having a very hard time." Damn, she was really trying to hammer this point home. I understood her the first time, jeez.

"I will. I'm always nice." A little overwhelming at times, granted, but nice.

When she gave me that brilliant smile, I felt kinda bad about thinking bad thoughts about Jasper, or anyone else. After all, who else but my mother would give me so many chances, even after I fucked up again and again?

"I know you are. Just . . . try to be a little less enthusiastic, okay?"

I nodded. "You can count on me." Already I was trying to figure out how I could spin this to my advantage. Maybe if I could convince Jasper to do something with me, I could get out of having to do my homework today. A sudden thought occurred to me. "You know, I might want to take Jasper out and give him a tour of the town. Maybe we could go to lunch?" Good, I would definitely need car keys for that!

She wasn't the slightest bit fooled. "Nice try. I have to go all the way to Seattle, so your brother and sisters will probably beat me home. There's a pot roast in the fridge. All you need to do is put it in the oven when I call."

I hadn't really expected her to fall for it, so I wasn't too disappointed. "Fine. I'll be nice to Jasper, and show him around the house instead. Again. Maybe we'll go out in the woods and get lost. Then we could be eaten by wolves."

"I'm sure the pair of you can find something to do right here. Also, I'm pretty sure that there are no wolves in the woods of Forks." She gave me a quick kiss. "Thank you for doing this, Emmett. I'm sure Jasper will appreciate it, too."

He better. While we were having a little brotherly bonding time, I might also remind him about the virtues of keeping his hands to himself. As I was thinking about the best way to accomplish that, Alice reappeared. "Edward and I have to leave for school. Emmett, will you help me with my Social Studies project?"

I wasn't a hundred percent sure what her project was, only that it was huge and looked like a model of some sort of island. She had been working on it for weeks, and it looked fantastic. If I had been given a project like that, I might have actually done it, but remedial students didn't get to do anything fun.

Alice waited until we were out of Esme's earshot before giving me a tight hug. "Thanks for covering."

Like I had had any choice. "No problem, sis. He okay?" I wasn't sure if I really cared or not, but it seemed like the polite thing to say.

"I guess. He was still sleeping, so I didn't wake him up. But he looked pretty comfortable."

Wait a minute; it had taken her ten minutes to see he was sleeping and safe? "It took that long to check on him?"

She flushed. "Well . . . no. I just wanted to watch him for a few minutes, make sure he was okay."

Oh, no, this infatuation she had for him had to end, and quickly. If I had my way, Alice would join a nunnery this instant. "Alice, that is completely creepy, stalkerish behavior. I would expect to see that out of Edward, but not you." Edward, who was already in the driver's seat, flipped me off. I returned the gesture.

She rolled her pretty hazel eyes. "It's not stalkerish. If he's going to be my brother, I should start treating him like one. Wouldn't you want Rose to check on you if you were having trouble sleeping?"

"Rosie's my girlfriend, not my sister. There's a difference between being a good sister and wanting to stare at someone 'cause you think they're sexy."

Her blush deepened. "Oh, my God, Alice! You know what? We're going to have a talk when you get home. You cannot be having feelings for him; you just can't."

She threw herself into the car. "Edward, drive! I love you, Emmett, bye!"

The Volvo peeled out of the driveway before I could say anything else. Great, now I was going to have to seek Jasper out, just so I could warn him to stay away from Alice. How in the world had things gotten so complicated in just three days?

I sat at the table and worked on my homework for about fifteen minutes before I got bored and started poking around again. There was another episode of _Jerry_ on, but a man can only take so many women sleeping with their brothers or screaming about their baby daddies before he starts to crack.

For a few seconds, I even considered waking Jasper up so I could at least have some human company, but finally decided against it. He so obviously needed the sleep that it seemed kind of cruel to bother him. So I sat down in front of the television and popped a game into the Xbox.

I was so involved in blowing aliens up that I almost missed the soft _thump, thump _of feet coming down the stairs. When I finally heard it and spun around, Jasper froze on the step, never taking his eyes off me.

It was the fear in his eyes that caused all of my previously rehearsed speeches to fly out of my head. I recognized it from pictures of myself when I first came into this family. So, instead of lecturing him on how I would break his fingers (among other body parts) if he dared touch Alice, I gestured for him to come forward and sit next to me. "Want to play?"

He looked from me to the screen and back again. "I don't know how."

Well, if I could do nothing else, I could teach him how to play video games. "No problem, I'll teach you."

He looked down, shifting his weight nervously. I looked back at the screen, doing my best not to make eye contact. He padded down the rest of the stairs and came to sit next to me. "Excellent." I reset the game and handed him a controller. "We'll play as a team for right now. Red button shoots, green button throws a hand grenade, and the arrows move your guy around."

I noticed that he was holding the controller awkwardly, like he had never held one before. "Have you ever even played an Xbox?"

"No." He started to hand the controller back, but I wouldn't let him.

"Okay, we'll start a new game at the first level. Just stay behind me at first." I was a good teacher, at least when it came to this.

It took a while (and my character was shot in the back a dozen times), but Jasper finally got the hang of it. It wasn't exactly bonding, but we were sitting side by side, and technically working as a team, so I figured we were close enough.

It was much more fun to play with a partner, and I was having a blast jumping around and yelling at the screen. Jasper did neither, but he did smile several times, which was more than I had seen him do yet. Time passed quickly, and suddenly my stomach was growling.

I paused the game and stood, ready for some lunch. Jasper gave me a puzzled look, and it occurred to me that he had had nothing since dinner last night. "I'm sorry, dude, I should have asked if you wanted breakfast."

"S'okay." There must be something wrong with Jasper. I'd never in my life seen a guy so disinterested in food. If it's there, he eats, but he never asks for anything if it isn't. If I had been denied food for eighteen hours, I would be pissed. But Japer was acting like it was no big deal. Even Edward, who was skinny as a rail, ate more than he did.

"Well, I'm hungry, so let's get some lunch." Maybe I ought to say something to Dad about his lack of appetite. Wasn't that one of the signs of a serious disease? I should have paid more attention in health.

I opened the refrigerator and poked around. "What do you want?" There were some pot pies in the freezer, meat for sandwiches, leftover chili . . . plenty of choices.

Jasper didn't even look. "Whatever you're having, I guess."

That was it? What if he didn't like what I chose? "You sure?"

"Yeah. You know what we're allowed to eat and what we aren't."

What did he mean by that? Unless Mom was specifically saving something, everything was fair game. Even as I had that thought, I was assaulted by a memory that I had pushed into the back of my mind. At my first house, my biological house, there had been very strict rules regarding the fridge. There was kid food, mostly hot dogs and mac and cheese, and then there was adult food, things like steak and ribs and chocolate. If you were a kid, sneaking adult food was a sure way to earn yourself a beating. Maybe Jasper was used to living under similar rules.

"We can have whatever, except for dinner, but I doubt you want raw, bloody pot roast anyway." I tried joking with him a little, to ease the pressure I could feel starting to mount.

He didn't crack a smile. In fact, I was starting to wonder if he possessed a sense of humor at all. "Whatever you're having."

Like my mother would say, this was not the hill to die on, at least not today. I wasn't willing to deal with sandwiches and all the debate that condiments might bring, so I pulled out two pot pies. "Good?"

He nodded. "Sure."

While the food cooked, I gave Jasper a subtle once over. He looked terrible. Not just in a 'had a really restless night' sort of way, but more like 'had so many restless nights he can't remember what restful feels like.' His eyes were darkly circled, and his skin was just a few shades darker than the white t-shirt he was wearing.

I leaned back against the counter, wondering what it would be like if I were suddenly hurt, hurt so badly that I might not survive, and then ripped from my home and tossed in with strangers. I guessed that might keep me up at night, too. But it wasn't the same. I had a loving home, with two parents who adored me. Jasper had a home, too, but he was living with an unpredictable monster. This was a huge improvement for him, wasn't it?

No, not really. Foster care and then the Cullens' had been a huge improvement over my living situation, too. For the first time, I had food in sufficient quantities, clean clothes, and my own bed. I could sleep at night without having to listening to drunken fights or my mother sobbing. But I would have gone back to that house in a heartbeat. Because they were my family, and I hadn't known anything else. Because, just maybe, tomorrow would be better, and the fighting and drinking and abuse would stop. As long as I remained in the house, there was hope that things would get better. Not only did Jasper no longer have that hope, his last memory of Maria had been of her anger, and nothing anyone could do would fix that. He would forever be the one who wasn't good enough.

These were unusually deep thoughts for me, but they did give me a little insight into Jasper's mind. For the first time, I felt a bit of a kinship with him. "Get some drinks, okay?"

He poured two glasses of milk without comment, never looking me in the eyes. That was cool. I could deal with that. I just had to sit back and be patient. The microwave dinged, and I carefully set the food down on the table. I made sure to set his pie on the opposite side of the table of my own. If he was used to having freaky-ass rules about what food he was allowed to eat, he was probably also used to not getting food when he fucked up. I didn't want him to feel like I was going to take his lunch.

I watched him while he ate, trying to think of something for us to talk about. I knew he didn't play video games, or sports, or do much of anything but try and survive. It was a good strategy, surviving, but it didn't leave room for a whole lot of conversation.

"How come you blew up a classroom?" His eyes were kind of creepy when he trained them on you like that. They were such a light blue that they almost seemed to glow.

I really didn't want to talk about that, but at least he was making some effort at conversation. It was a stilted, socially awkward effort, but still effort. "First of all, I didn't blow up a classroom. I may have caused a lab table to combust into a tiny amount of flames. This may or may not have caused a school-wide evacuation, and the fire department to be called."

"But why?" He seemed genuinely curious, but not the slightest bit upset. "Weren't you worried about getting in trouble?"

Not really. I never worried about little things like getting into trouble or throwing my future away. I was young, I was happy, and the rest of it would fall into place eventually. "Nah. It'll be all right."

He was stunned. "But what about Carlisle and Esme? Weren't you worried about what they would do?"

I was about to tell him that they couldn't do anything that they hadn't tried before, when his actual meaning caught up with me. He wanted to know what he could expect from punishments around here, both in type and severity. After a second's debate, I decided to address the issue head on. "Do you mean did they hurt me?"

Jasper wasn't going to back down, and he met my eyes. "Yes."

"No, they didn't hurt me. They won't hurt you, either, so you can quit worrying so much. They yelled, and I'll probably end up doing some hard labor, but that's all that will happen. They love me, and if you give them half a chance, they'll love you, too."

He looked down at his food, but not before I saw the quick flash of shame in his eyes. They wouldn't love him. How could they? In his opinion, he was completely unlovable. If they pretended they loved him, it was because they wanted something from him. It wasn't true, of course, but it was going to take a lot more than me to convince him of that.

We were quiet for a few minutes, him eating and me watching him. He was the slowest damn eater I had ever seen in my life. Last night, he had cut his food into miniscule pieces, carefully spearing them one at a time and spacing out each bite with a sip of his drink. If he were really food deprived, I would have expected him to be a bolter, eating his food as quickly as he could shove it in his mouth. His extremely controlled eating really creeped me out.

The silence grew uncomfortable, at least for me, and I tried a different tactic. "Do you like dogs?"

He smiled, the first real smile that he had directed at me. "Yeah."

"Me, too." I was already formulating a new plan. "I think we should get together and tell Mom that we want one. She always tells me no, because she says I'm not responsible, but you, my friend, you can get away with just about anything right now." It was absolutely perfect!

"Emmett, that won't work." Jasper spoke slowly, and I could tell he was trying to think of the easiest way to let me down.

"Why not? Give me one good reason."

Jasper swallowed the last bit of his milk. "I'll give you two. First of all, despite what you may think, Esme is not going to be sympathetic enough to give me a dog. Especially since she already told _you_ no. Plus, what happens when I leave?"

"You're leaving? How come?" I had thought Mom and Dad were pretty clear that we were keeping him, but maybe I had misunderstood.

He seemed just as confused as I did. "I'm almost eighteen. Once I have my birthday, they aren't going to be able to keep me anymore."

No, he meant that they wouldn't _want_ to keep him anymore, something I knew wasn't true. But something told me that now was the wrong time to try and convince him of that. Right now, all I could do was be a friend, and maybe a brother, to him and hope for the best.

So I just gave a noncommittal grunt and stood up. "What do you want to do now? We could go outside for a while."

"It's raining." His eyes had turned dark and inward. Unless I did something fast, he was going to go back upstairs and hide. We all had our ways of dealing with stress. Jasper hid, I ignored it, and Rose screamed.

"It's always raining here; you'll get used to it. Come on, I'll kick your ass at games again." I held my breath while he considered the offer. Finally, he nodded, following me into the room and taking his place on the couch.

As it turned out, Jasper was really good at war games. He had a mind for strategy, and seemed to know when to fight and when to just bomb the hell out of the enemy. We were racing through the levels much quicker than I had thought we would.

Then Jasper started to make mistakes. Minor ones at first, like missing a target or running into a wall. Glancing over, I noticed he was rubbing at his face, then massaging his temples. "You okay, dude?"

"Yeah." He sighed heavily. "My head just hurts, that's all."

Damn, I hadn't thought of that. What was I supposed to do? "Do you want some aspirin? Wait, didn't they send you home with some pills?" Or had those been sleeping pills? If they had been, they weren't worth shit.

It seemed to be difficult for him to think, but he finally nodded. "They did, but your dad took them. I don't know what he did with them."

"I'll bet I know where they are. Come on." I pulled him to his feet, noticing that he didn't shy away from me this time.

He followed along until we got to Mom and Dad's doorway, where he stopped. "We can't go in there."

Yeah, because lasers were obviously ready to shoot out at anyone who dared cross the threshold. He seemed kinda upset, though, so I shrugged. "Well, that's where he'd keep stuff."

I waited patiently (more or less) while his fear warred with his pain. If he gave up, I was going in there anyway, but I wanted him to make the choice. After all, a little brother needed to get used to taking his cues off a big brother, right? I wouldn't get him into trouble. Well, maybe I would, but not on purpose, and I would make it very clear that things had been my idea.

"Okay, let's do it." His voice was whisper-soft, as if he thought someone might be listening in.

I grinned. "You're an awesome little brother. Soon you will learn all the ways of Master Emmett, king of not getting caught."

He snorted at that, but I thought I saw a tiny smile. So, yeah, I had technically been caught yesterday, but I still had a pretty good record. Mom still didn't know who had rearranged all of Edward's sheet music (ever hear someone start out playing a sonata, then abruptly break into "Jessie's Girl"? Fucking hilarious!) or how exactly we ended up with a colony of fifty stray cats on the property. (Hint? Feed 'em tuna).

Dad trusted all of us, so the pills wouldn't be locked up. If I knew him, they would be somewhere in plain sight, so he could get to them easily if he needed to. Score! I spotted some orange bottles on the dresser. I picked up the closest one and read the label. Whitlock, Jasper Franklin. Vicodin, to be taken as needed for pain. It seemed a little extreme to give him drugs like that for a headache, and I suddenly felt a little worried. If this were the right thing to give him, how much pain was he in? "Found 'em!"

For a minute he didn't respond, too caught up in staring at the pictures on the wall. I wasn't quite sure what he found so fascinating; they all seemed pretty average to me. I shook the bottle, and the rattling noise caught his attention. "Let's go."

I tossed the bottle at him as we went down the stairs. He managed to catch it, though he did fumble a bit. I made a mental note to work on his catching skills. After all, I wouldn't want my little bro to embarrass me during the annual hospital baseball game.

Jasper got a glass of water and swallowed two pills. Once that was done, he put the glass in the sink and stood there uncertainly, seeming not to know what to do next. After an uncomfortable pause, I took pity on him. "So, movie?"

"Yeah." He followed me out, much closer than before. If I had wanted, I could have reached out and touched him. I didn't, though. If I knew nothing else about him (and truthfully, I didn't), I knew he wouldn't like being touched.

I wasn't sure what sort of movies Jasper might like, but I knew he wouldn't offer me an opinion. I finally picked _Shrek_. Everyone liked _Shrek_, right? If Jasper didn't, he gave no indication. He just flopped down on the couch.

I had the drapes closed and the lights off, to try and make things more like a movie theater. The seventy-six-inch flatscreen helped add to the illusion, as did the popcorn and drinks. So what if we had just eaten lunch an hour or so before? We were growing boys. Plus, Jasper looked like he needed to gain a little weight.

He was mostly quiet, chuckling every now and then. About half an hour in, I quit looking at him, absorbed in watching Donkey try and escape the tender clutches of Dragon. Jasper was so damn quiet, that it was almost like he wasn't even present. It was only when the movie ended that I remembered him, and looked over guiltily.

I guess my ignoring him didn't matter much, because he was dead asleep. If it had been Edward, I would have jumped on him and woken him up. Or possibly covered him in toothpaste. Either way, it would have been a nice break in the day. But this was Jasper, so I just found a blanket and covered him up. He didn't twitch, not even when I accidentally brushed his skin.

So today hadn't been the most exciting, but at least one of us had been able to get Jasper out of his room. One of us that wasn't Alice, that is. Which reminded me, I had to have a little talk with him about the proper way to treat my sister. Preferably from at least five feet away.

I moved over to the chair closest to the front door. Rose was due back any second, and Alice and Edward a little while after that. If I could intercept them at the door, maybe I could keep them from waking Jasper up. I would have done it, even if Esme hadn't given me the task of taking care of him for today. After all, what were brothers for?


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you to all of my reviewers! You guys have really made me happy during a trying time. Now for the bad news. This is the last update you may be getting for a while. My foster dog had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, at only 2 years old, and given anywhere from 2-6 weeks to live. He will be taking up a lot of my time now, and I will not have as much time to write. There is one chapter with my beta now, but beyond that I don't know how long it will be until I can update again. I will finish this story, so don't worry if the updates drop off.**

**Alice's POV**

"That's Bella. She and Edward are in looovve." I drew out the word as long as I could, fluttering my eyelashes and laughing. Jasper smiled back at me, studying the photograph intensely.

'Intense' was actually a pretty good word for Jasper. Once he learned something, he never forgot it. At the moment, I was taking him through last year's yearbook, pointing out various people. I wanted him to have the best start possible next year, so I was helping him figure out who might be a friend, whom he needed to avoid, and who was going to look down on him because he was a foster kid.

I knew that Jasper considered these lessons worthless, as he wasn't going to be here in the fall, but I knew better. He would stay because he needed us; it was as simple as that. Now I just had to convince him of it.

We were sitting together in the overstuffed armchair in the den. Well, more accurately, _I_ was sitting in the armchair, and Jasper was perched on the arm. It was about as close as Jasper was comfortable getting to any of us. Since he had an escape route, I was allowed to touch his side or shoulder. If he were penned in, I wasn't even allowed to do that. He was leaning against me now, seemingly content.

Jasper gave me a puzzled look, apparently wondering why I had stopped. I looked at Bella's picture again. I couldn't help but be a little jealous of her. Ever since she had started dating Edward, I felt like I was losing my best friend.

It was a terrible thing to think, especially since Bella had never been anything but nice to me. It was just that . . . well, Edward was moving on, and leaving me behind. What man would want me, once he found out I was spoiled goods? I lightly touched Bella's face, unable to prevent a sigh. "She's beautiful."

He gave a noncommittal grunt, barely glancing at the photo. "Nah, you're prettier." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he turned bright red. "I mean . . . well, yeah." He ducked his head, face still flaming.

Aw, he was so cute when he was embarrassed. A complete liar, but cute. Actually, he was all-around pretty cute. He was tall and muscular, but not quite as much as Emmett. I thought his size was perfect. He seemed more capable of protecting me than Edward, but not quite as threatening as Emmett. Sure, he was a little messed up, but so were most of us in this house. Even with his problems, I thought he was close to perfect.

Which was another reason for me to leave him alone. I knew all about his problems, but he didn't know anything about mine. How was I going to explain to him about my little memory lapses, or how often I just knew things before they happened? He was going to think I was a freak. Better to just ignore what I was starting to feel for him. "You're sweet."

He shrugged, apparently not knowing how to take the compliment. I flipped the page, preparing to drill him on whom to avoid. "Okay, that's Jessica, she's a real — "

"Alice, I need Jasper for a little while." Even when he spoke softly, Emmett could shake the walls.

No, he didn't. For the past few days, Emmett had been taking every opportunity to keep Jasper and me apart. He hadn't actually given him the "if you touch my baby sister, I'll rip your dick off" speech, thank God, but it had been close. I think Emmett has really come to like Jasper, a feeling that seems to be mutual. If I had to rank the family in Jasper's eyes, it would probably go me, Emmett, Rose, Dad, Mom, Edward. Not that he seemed to actively dislike any of us; he was just more wary with some of us than others.

Jasper gave me a questioning look, obviously torn about leaving. He seemed to be getting pretty attached to Emmett, and I didn't want to do anything to ruin that, so I gestured for him to go. He did, still trying to avoid eye contact.

As soon as they were gone, I put the yearbook down and ran upstairs. I locked myself in the bathroom and twisted in front of the full length mirror. I wanted to see just what it was that made Jasper think I was beautiful. No matter how I turned, all I saw was a girl who was too short and skinny, with pale skin and too-big eyes. My shoulders slumped as I sighed. Jasper was just being nice. There was nothing special about me.

I gave myself a mental shake for my selfish thoughts. Jasper was brought into this family to give him the best chance at a normal life, not to act as my object of lust. So he lied a little to preserve my feelings. It was kind of sweet, in a way.

Still, it would be nice if, just for once, a guy would look at me the way they all look at Rosalie. I mean, I know that she's out-of-this-world gorgeous and everything, but just once. Besides, she already has Emmett, so it's not like she _needs_ all those other boys who insist on chasing after her.

Unsatisfied, I left the bathroom. Usually, I was fine with the thought of not having a boyfriend, but suddenly it seemed like the end of the world. Still, I wasn't given to fits of depression, and by the time I went back down the stairs, I was already planning what to do next.

So I couldn't have Jasper like I wanted. I was still his favorite person in the house, and that meant a lot. I was the one he always looked to first, no matter what the situation. I was the only one who could hug him, and he actively sought my company. Okay, so it wasn't love. But it was a bond, and could well be all Jasper was capable of giving at the moment.

The dilemma solved, at least for the moment, I bounced down the stairs. Mom would probably like some help with dinner, and it would give me a chance to be alone with her. Ever since Jasper came, she'd been spending a lot of time with him, trying to socialize him and convince him that we weren't a family of ax murderers, and it would be nice to have her to myself for a change.

She was stirring a pot of boiling noodles. "Hi, baby."

I wrapped my arms around her. "Can I help?"

"Of course. Why don't you start on the sauce?" Mom smiled gently at me as she spoke. She knew I was here for a reason, even if I didn't know what that reason was.

We worked in silence for a few minutes before she looked up at me. "So, where's your little shadow?"

I hadn't realized anyone else had noticed how closely Jasper was following me around. Through an extreme act of will, I kept my voice from squeaking. "Who, Jasper?"

"No, that other guy who's been following you around like a lost puppy. Yes, Jasper." Her words were teasing, her smile bright.

"He went outside with Emmett." Hopefully telling her that wouldn't get Emmett in trouble. You could never tell what my big brother might be up to, only that it usually resulted in something being broken or blown up.

She nodded. "Did you kick him out so we could have a little girl talk?" Her tone suggested that she thought that was exactly it.

I could feel my pale skin taking on the hue of an overripe tomato. "Why would we need to have a girl talk?" _Please, God, don't let her know_.

Her secretive smile suggested that she saw right through me, but she had enough grace not to mention Jasper by name. "You're a beautiful girl, Alice, and I'm sure that boys notice that."

Hardly. Boys noticed tall blondes with knockout boobs. Girls like Rosalie. They didn't notice short girls with flat chests and timid demeanors. They certainly didn't notice girls who wouldn't even let them get to second base. "Not really."

"Jasper does."

So much for hoping she didn't know. "He doesn't." I hated the small hope that rose in my stomach at her words. "He doesn't see me like a boy should see a girl. He sees me like a living security blanket."

"Do you really think so?" Much as I loved my mother, sometimes she could be annoyingly cryptic. "I think he likes you a lot."

The certainty in her voice threw me, and I thought a little harder. True, Jasper did like me a lot, but that didn't mean he liked me like a man should. _He called you beautiful._

Why would he do that? With a normal person, I would have assumed it was to make me feel better. But with Jasper . . . well, I wasn't sure if he knew _how_ to give false compliments. Which meant he really did think I was pretty. "He thinks I'm pretty."

As soon as I said the words, I knew they were true. Finally, someone who thought I was the most wonderful, beautiful person in the house. It was a heady feeling. "He does." I couldn't help but repeat myself.

Mom smiled. "Yes, he does. Jasper likes you, Alice, more than he likes the rest of us." She stopped, busying her hands with a dishtowel. "Honey, I know what a wonderful feeling it is when a boy notices you for the first time. The first time your father saw me like that . . . oh, Alice, it was magic. We had been dating for just a few weeks, not exclusively, but when I saw him sitting there in his broken-down old car, with a little bouquet of flowers he had picked for me . . . he was a student then, and couldn't afford to get me a professional arrangement . . ." Her eyes were distant, caught up in the memories.

"He worried so much that he was too poor for me, so he had the flowers tied up with a ribbon, just like a florist would have done. I never told the poor man that I knew he had picked them out of the neighbor's garden. But when I saw the way he looked at me, I didn't care if we were living underneath a bridge together. He was mine, and that was all that mattered."

"What do I do?" I was a little embarrassed to have to be asking my mother about this. Maybe I should be talking to Rose instead? She certainly knew how to get exactly what she wanted. Men worshipped the very ground she walked on, even after they found out that she was with Emmett.

She sighed. "I don't know. The circumstances here are strange at best, a disaster at worst. I love both of you, but . . ."

I knew what she was trying to avoid saying. She wanted to say that neither one of us was normal, and our chances of creating a normal relationship were slim to none. Our chances of developing the sort of relationship that would end up with all of our children removed by the state, however, were excellent. "But we're both freaks."

"That isn't what I was trying to say." Her arms came around me, and I hugged her almost desperately, smearing sauce across her shirt and not caring. "What I meant was, you have both suffered in ways you shouldn't have had to. Sometimes, that makes it hard to see things or people clearly. If you want to pursue something with him, I won't stop you, but I want both of you to be safe."

"I already know about birth control." She and I had had that conversation when I was thirteen, and it had been embarrassing enough then, when I couldn't imagine ever wanting a boy to touch me like that. Did I want Jasper to do it? I thought I might. That thought made me blush even harder, and I was thankful my face was still hidden.

Mom laughed. "There's more to being safe then knowing about birth control, especially in a case like this. I think you know what I'm talking about."

Yes. She meant we both needed to be mentally safe, as well as physically. I had exactly zero experience with men. I had had boyfriends when I was younger, back when 'dating' meant he took you to the movies and, if he were especially brave, dared to hold your hand. I was fine with that. But then we started getting older, and suddenly they wanted to touch my chest, or even worse, down below, and I couldn't allow that. Why would Jasper want a girl he couldn't even touch? He had probably been with lots of girls. Sexy, flirty, giggly girls. Jealousy overwhelmed me at the thought of their perfectly manicured hands touching his body.

She kept going, unable to read my roving thoughts. "I'm not saying don't do it. But he's only been here for a little while. He doesn't even know how to be part of a family yet, much less have a normal relationship with a girl. Give him a chance to settle in first. Be his friend. Then, if it's meant to be, it will happen. Don't rush him." Her voice dropped, and she met my eyes. "Don't let him rush you, either."

In other words, don't act like a whore. She was right, though. Jasper might be just like all the other boys who had tried stuff with me. Be sweet, tell her she's beautiful, and try and stick your hand under her skirt.

Only I knew he wasn't. There was something about Jasper, something my heart understood even if my brain couldn't. Something that told me that he was different, and he was willing to be patient. But his being patient with me was probably going to require me being honest with him, and I wasn't sure if I could do that. How much damage was too much? "I won't let him push me."

_Unless it's the only way to keep him._ Mom would have been horrified if she had any idea that I had just thought that, but I couldn't help it. I was flattered that Jasper was showing any attraction to me at all, and if I had to do a few things to keep that, it was still worth it.

The phone rang, dragging me from my terrible thoughts. I picked it up, glad for the excuse to get out of this conversation. "Hello?"

For a second, I thought they had hung up, but a soft voice finally came on the line. "Is this the Cullen residence?"

Normally I would have assumed it was a telemarketer and hung up, but this voice was too young, more like a teenager. "It is."

There was another long pause. "May I speak to Jasper, please?"

My curiosity spiked. "He's outside. I'll have to go find him. May I ask who's calling?"

"Uh, this is his friend Peter."

"Hang on one minute, Peter. I'm going to yell for him." I wanted nothing more than to keep Peter on the line forever, asking him all the questions that no one else could answer. Questions like, who was Jasper _really?_ And my personal worry: how did he get that way?

Mom raised her eyebrow at my, so I whispered, "It's for Jasper," and set the phone down. Emmett had probably taken Jasper out back, and sure enough, there they were. Even though I knew Peter was waiting, I took a second to just look at them. Emmett was holding a baseball in one had, patiently explaining something, then letting it fly. Jasper caught it, then tossed it back. He was intently focused on the ball, just like he was with everything else. I could have watched him forever, the way he rolled the ball from hand to hand before throwing (he was a lefty — I had never noticed before), or the way his hair fell into his eyes, but I forced myself back to the matter at hand. "Jasper?"

His demeanor changed in an instant, seeming paradoxically to both relax and become more intense. Even through the curtain of his bangs, his blue eyes found mine and I looked down, blushing. My mother's words rang in my years. _When a boy notices you for the first time . . . _Jasper was definitely noticing, but what did I do about it?

I took the coward's way out. "You have a phone call. Someone named Peter?"

That proved to be the right thing to say, because his entire face lit up in the biggest smile I had ever seen. Much to my surprise, I found myself getting jealous. How come I couldn't make him smile like that? Out of my entire family, Jasper liked me best, but I was a poor substitute for his friend.

I swallowed bitterly as he bounded up to my side, that grin still etched onto his face. For a second, I was transfixed by the dimples that appeared like magic. Jasper remained at my side, waiting for me to walk next to him, though I could tell he was extremely eager to get inside.

I gave him a smile of my own. "Okay, let's go." I might be second best, but he still obviously cared. Side by side, we walked back towards the house. Jasper was so excited he bounced in circles around me, his long legs allowing him to take two steps for my every one.

Once we hit the kitchen, he leapt for the phone, holding it like it was a lifeline. "Pete?" The absolute happiness in his voice nearly brought tears to my eyes. How could I blame him for wanting to hold onto a piece of his old life?

"Alice." My mother's voice startled me. She was standing in the doorway, beckoning me into the living room. "Jasper needs some privacy." Her tone left no room for argument, no matter how much I wanted to eavesdrop.

"Fine." I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but I couldn't help it. How was I supposed to help Jasper if I knew nothing about him? Even a snippet of conversation from him would help.

"Now." She didn't yell, but it was pretty clear that she meant business. I heaved an exaggerated sigh, just to let her know how mean I thought she was, and followed her outside. We sat together on the swinging bench, both feigning disinterest in what was going on inside. "Do you want to find out about him that way?"

The part of me that wanted to be good said no. That Jasper would share his secrets or not share his secrets, but it needed to be his choice. He had so little of himself left that it wasn't fair to take away his last few bits of mystery. The rest of me said fuck it, it's for his own good. We were working on a limited timeline here, and I only had ninety-seven days to convince him to stay for good. Considering that Jasper had had six years to develop and hoard his memories, it didn't seem nearly long enough to convince him to give them up. "I don't care."

"He will." She rocked us both, her legs stretched out, while mine remained tucked under my body. "He'll see it as a betrayal, Alice, and you're the one person he doesn't expect that from. If you do this, it'll just kill him. I think you know that."

I did. I wasn't quite sure how I had ended up with the responsibility for Jasper's sanity and well-being, considering I could barely support my own, but somehow, I had.

"Yeah. I just don't know how to help him."

She opened her mouth to reply, but we were interrupted by the sound of someone moving. I recognized Jasper's tread in an instant, knowing the slight drag in his step as well as I knew my own. He slid the door open, trembling with nervous anticipation. "Peter wants to know if he can visit with me." His eyes were pleading, but his tone sounded defeated already. "His foster mom is willing to drive him halfway, if you'll take me the rest."

There was no hesitation. "Of course, honey. Whatever day he can come, we'll make sure you get there."

The quick smile he gave us made it worth any amount of inconvenience. "Cool. Uh, I'll let you know, okay?"

We both gave the affirmative, causing him to smile again. God, he was sexy when he smiled. I managed to repress a squeal until he was out of earshot, but just barely. Mom smiled. "He _is_ really cute when he actually smiles."

Before I could say anything, Jasper reappeared. "Is next Saturday okay? Alicia — that's his foster mom — said we could meet up in Port Angeles."

"That's fine. Maybe Alice and Rose would like to take their old mother shopping so you boys can have some privacy?"

I nodded enthusiastically. Rose and I were always up for shopping, and anyway, I was dying to get a look at Jasper's friend. He relayed Esme's agreement, nodding as his friend spoke. "Saturday, then?" He sounded like he was getting ready to hang up.

Mom and I both rolled our eyes. He might be pretty, but Jasper was a guy, and he made plans like one. She spoke before he could disconnect the call. "Jasper? Time and place, we need that."

From the look on his face, I could tell that those things had never occurred to him. She laughed. "Boys are so helpless sometimes. Why don't you say goodbye and let me talk to his foster mother?"

He nodded. "Listen, Pete, my foster mom wants to talk to yours . . . Yeah . . . I miss you, too . . . No, really? Cool . . . Okay, I'll see you next Saturday . . . Yeah, here she is." He held the phone out. "She wants to talk to you, too."

Mom took the phone with one hand while gesturing us back into the house with the other. "Jasper, please set the table. Just four places; it's only going to be us and Edward tonight. Alice, why don't you give him a hand?"

Way to be subtle, Mom. I put a hand on Jasper's back, nudging him forward. "The slave driver says go."

He was tense, but I couldn't tell if I were making him nervous or if he was just overexcited about getting to see his friend again. When I fell into my usual place beside him, though, I could see he was still grinning. Definitely overexcited. "I'll get the plates, you do the silverware."

I heard him rattling different utensils, counting softly to himself. Then abruptly, he got quiet. When I glanced over, he had both hands braced against the counter, head hanging down between them. I couldn't see his face, but something told me there was a serious problem. "Jasper? Are you all right?"

He didn't so much as twitch. "Jasper? You're scaring me." The last plate slid from my hands to shatter on the floor, but I paid it no mind. I crossed the kitchen quickly, sliding a hand under his chin and turning his face to mine. His eyes were open, but staring blankly into nothingness. "Jasper!" My tone became sharp, a command to come back from wherever he had gone.

A few seconds passed, probably far fewer than it felt like, before he blinked and shook his head slightly. "Alice? What are you doing?" His tone was genuinely puzzled, as if _I _were the one who was losing my mind instead of him.

"What were _you_ doing?" Worry made the words come out sharper than I intended them to, and he flinched, pulling away from me. I forced myself to calm down. "You just froze up on me."

His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out what was going on. "No, I didn't. I was getting the silverware, see?" He held up his right hand, and I could see the four sets of forks, spoon and knives held within it.

We stared at each other, each confused and looking for any sign of a joke or deception from the other. He seemed so certain of his version of events that it made me doubt mine. After all, my memory had proven to be rather shaky in the past.

He broke our staring contest, looking past me. "What happened to the plate?"

The broken shards gave proof to my version of events. "I dropped it when I saw you choke up like that. Did you hear it fall?"

I didn't need him to say anything; I could see in his eyes that he hadn't. I brought my free hand up to lay it against his forehead. You had to move slowly with Jasper, especially if you were trying to touch his face, but he had stopped flinching. Mostly. At least when I was doing the touching. He wasn't running a fever, so he probably wasn't sick. "Did you feel nauseous?"

"No. I was getting the silverware." Only he didn't sound quite as sure as he had a few minutes ago.

"I'm getting Mom." She would know what to do. She always did.

"No! I mean, I just got a little dizzy, that's all. It happens sometimes, because of my concussion. I'm all right. Don't tell Esme." He was pleading now, his eyes wide.

I wasn't sure what to do. What had just happened had been frightening, but he seemed fine now. He sensed that I was wavering, and pushed the advantage. "It's all right; I've had fainting spells before. I guess I just fainted without falling down."

That didn't quite seem possible, but he was so earnest that I couldn't tell on him. After all, it had probably just been a minor thing. "You're sure you don't want me to at least say something to Dad? He's a doctor; maybe he'll be able to stop it."

"Nah, it's cool." Jasper laid the silverware out, taking care to keep the utensils lined up perfectly. "I'm already better than I was. Besides, I don't want to worry him."

It was more likely that he didn't want to get sent back to the hospital, or worse, out of our home, but I knew better than to bring those worries up. Deny, deny, deny — that was my Jasper. But we were making progress. For the first time, he had referred to Mom as 'Esme' instead of 'Mrs. Cullen.' I made a quick decision, one I might come to regret. "Fine, I won't say anything this time, but if it happens again, I will."

"It probably won't." His words were confident, but I was used to men and their false bravado.

Mom came through the doorway, and for a spiteful second, I hoped that Jasper would have another spell in front of her. That way I wouldn't be the bad guy for telling on him, but the adults could deal with the problem. But he remained stubbornly fine, confirming the plans to meet his friend.

As if he sensed my thoughts, Jasper turned to look me in the eyes. He was totally expressionless, but his stare was enough to remind me of my promise. I tried smiling at him, and was rewarded with a small grin back. We were on the same page. As wrong as I knew it was, it felt good to have a secret with Jasper. And really, who was it hurting? So he had had a little dizzy spell, no big deal. I flashed him a quick thumbs-up, and was gratified when he returned it.

Slowly but surely, Jasper and I were getting there. Where 'there' was remained a bit of a mystery, but at least we were getting _some_where. Whether he became my boyfriend or just another brother, I was now sure that I would still have him in six months' time. He could try and deny it all he wanted, but we would be a family, one way or another. It was a good feeling.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you all for your kind words and support regarding Neon. Unfortunately, he passed away last week. His illness began to cause unpredictable aggression, and I could no longer trust him not to bite me or others. His end was as peaceful as I have ever seen. The house is very empty right now, but it is for the best. My established dog misses him a lot, thought he might change his tune when the next foster comes along!**

**Rosalie POV**

Sometimes being part of my family was great. I had parents I adored, a sister I loved, a brother I sometimes loved (and most of the time couldn't stand), and Emmett. Both of my parents were supportive of my storming into a male dominated field and taking over, and I was lucky enough to be able to live at home while I went to school.

Then there were times like this, when my family sucked. Times when Social Services had dropped off yet another loser in need of a home for a few days or weeks. A kid you were supposed to be kind to, yes, but not get overly attached to. The current reject was sitting on the floor of my garage, watching me in silence.

I had been trying to dump Jasper with Alice was much as possible, since she was the one he seemed to be the most comfortable with. But she was busy with Mom at the moment, so I had taken him down here with me, just so he wouldn't be stuck in his room or with another member of the family.

I knew Jasper liked me because I didn't bullshit him. There were rules for staying down here with me. Don't talk too much (not that that was a problem with Jasper), don't touch anything unless I ask you to, and for the love of God, don't tell anyone else that I'm being nice to you.

Those were the rules, and, so far, Jasper had followed them to the letter. In exchange, he was allowed to stay down here, so he didn't have to face the rest of the family. Sometimes he would help by holding a part, or watching one of the diagnostics run, but mostly he just sat on the floor and watched, his back always to the wall. Occasionally he would doze for a few seconds, but usually he just sat alone with his thoughts.

I had been trying to get him to talk a little bit more, with limited success. If I was quizzing him on something I had just explained, he could talk quite a bit, sometimes repeating my explanations word for word. But when it came to anything personal, he clammed up. Unfortunately for him, we were about to have a very personal talk. About sex. Namely, about sex with my sister. I didn't want to make Jasper uncomfortable, especially since this seemed to be one of the only places he could even marginally relax, but Alice's safety was paramount to me.

I took a deep breath and sat down next to him. He game me a questioning look, but he didn't smile. It seemed to me that Alice was the only one he really ever smiled at. "Can we talk?"

He shrugged. "Bout what?"

It was best to be direct. "Alice."

He immediately turned cagey. Like a gazelle, Jasper had a finely tuned sense of danger, and when he might need to protect himself. "What about her?"

Nice try, freako. "You like her."

"Yeah." His words were carefully measured, so he wouldn't give anything away. "I like her."

"You like her like a boyfriend would, not like a brother would." Christ, this was like pulling teeth. I kept my eyes locked on his, not letting him look away. "Don't lie to me, Jasper."

He didn't break eye contact, but he didn't respond either. He just stared, the hopelessness in his eyes overwhelming me. He did like her in that way, I was sure of it now, but he was too tired, too defeated to make even the smallest move. "It's alright if you do." I tried to sound encouraging, something that I wasn't particularly good at.

"No, it's not. I'll leave her alone." I could read his stormy eyes quite clearly. Don't tell Carlisle and Esme, please.

Now was not the time to tell him that Mom and Dad already knew. Actually, probably everyone knew, except him and Alice. "That's not what I meant."

Maybe I should just start over. "I'm screwing this up."

Jasper nodded. "S'ok, I do it all the time."

Call the press, that could be the first joke I had ever heard Jasper make. I grinned at him and slid an arm around his shoulders. He allowed it, even leaning into me the tiniest bit. That alone told me how miserable he was feeling. Jasper hated being touched, and would usually go to great lengths to avoid it. His easy acceptance of it now wasn't a good sign.

I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts, holding him just tightly enough to make him feel secure, but loosely enough to allow him to squirm free if he wanted to. "What I meant was, we can tell that you like Alice a lot. I want to know what for."

"Huh?" He seemed genuinely confused by the question.

The rest of the words were painful to say, but I forced them out with as much venom as I could muster. "I mean, do you just want to fuck her and leave? Because let me tell you something, Jasper, if you do, I'll castrate you right here." I knew exactly what Alice had gone through, and I refused to let another man use her like a living sex toy.

As soon as the words left my mouth, Jasper shot out from under my arm and backed away, his eyes dilating and rolling. He looked beyond terrified. "N-no, I wouldn't."

I could all but smell the fear rolling off of him. His reaction seemed rather extreme, considering that he could easily escape or overpower me, but self defense had never been one of Jasper's strong points. It was enough to make me wonder if he hadn't had the castration threat leveled at him before, by someone far more serious then I was.

"Hey, cool it; I'm not really going to hurt you." If I couldn't get him calmed down, I was going to be in huge trouble. As panicked as he was right now, he was a danger to both me and himself. With the door closed and machines running, there would be no one to hear me if I needed help. I softened my tone and put out a hand. "Listen, I'm sorry."

I started forward, but Jasper backed up, skillfully avoiding my touch. Even when I pressed, he continued to back away until his back hit the opposite wall. I stopped about six feet from him, not wanting to corner him and make things even worse. He was shaking now, a pitiful trembling that encompassed his entire body. Even as I watched, his balance failed and he slid down the wall. I moved forward and crouched in front of him, trying to make myself small. "Hey, now, it's alright. I didn't mean to scare you."

He didn't respond when I sat next to him and ran my hand down his back. It was a mirror scene from a few minutes ago, but that might as well have happened a million years ago. He didn't pull away from me, but only because he was too afraid to move. My voice wavered between placating and firm. I was afraid that, like a dog, he would sense my fear and that would further incite him. "Calm down. Jasper, breathe!" The last part came out a little worried, since I couldn't see his chest, which had been heaving a second ago, moving at all. He released the breath he had been holding with a barely audible sigh. "That's right, just breathe for a minute."

His T-shirt was soaked with sweat, but I barely noticed. I was more focused on trying to comfort him, and keep him from losing it completely. Moving slowly and carefully, I brushed the hair back from his eyes. "See now? I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." Like a promise from me meant anything, considering how quickly I had just turned on him.

Without warning, he turned to me, wrapping his arms around my body and pressing his face to my neck. He was either absolutely desperate for a little affection, or, more likely, doing his best to hold himself together. He breathed against my skin, harsh, hot breaths that betrayed the depths of the struggle. His hold on me was almost painful, but I figured it was the least I deserved. Jasper was just like me, too damaged for such mean comments. "Shhh. It's alright, I won't hurt you."

I kept holding him, running my hand up and down his back. His shaking gradually subsided into occasional shudders. Finally he turned his head, laying his cheek against my chest and closing his eyes. Looking down at him, I noticed something odd. Scared as he had been, there was no sign of tears on his face. No dampness against my neck, no silvery trails where they might have gone down his face. Nothing but the usual dark circles that bespoke of several sleepless nights. It was probably a lack of sleep combined with my cruel words that had caused this little breakdown.

Jasper was quite a bit taller than I was, and his neck was bent at an awkward angle. It caused the neck of his shirt to pull to the side, revealing an ugly set of scars at the side of his collarbone. Tiny round scars that confounded me, until I realized exactly what they were. Cigarette burns. Some so old they had warped as he grew, and some so fresh that they hadn't yet faded to white. Suddenly, his fear made a lot more sense. After all, if it was alright for someone to hold a lit cigarette to his skin, why wouldn't it be alright for someone to cut him? I wondered if he saw his foster mothers face in mine, heard her voice when I spoke. The thought bothered me more than I cared to admit.

Another harsh shiver wracked his body, drawing my attention back to the matter at hand. He seemed to get worse when I talked to him, so I contented myself with rubbing his back, running my fingernails up and down his spine. He needed to put on some weight; I could easily trace each rib. His breathing became even again, and the shaking stopped, but he still didn't move. I didn't either, unwilling to take away the small bit of security he had found.

After what seemed like a small eternity, he picked his head up and looked me in the yes. "I'm sorry." He looked and sounded completely broken.

I wondered how many times Jasper had been told that everything was his fault. Enough that it didn't even occur to him to question it now, even when I was so clearly the one in the wrong. "No, it's my fault." I forced myself to say the next words out loud. "I can be...well, I'm a bitch sometimes."

"I know." He didn't say it like he was condemning me, or like he found it amusing. He just said it. "Sometimes it's the best way to be."

When I looked at him again, I saw a true brother reflected in his sad grey eyes. More than anyone else in the family, Jasper understood suffering, and the person that that suffering could turn you into. The only other person in the family to endure that sort of thing was Alice, but she had the sort of unshakably happy personality that could never become the sort of moodiness that Jasper and I shared. A tiny tendril of love planted itself in my heart when I looked at him. For the first time, I found myself hoping he would stay, and not just because Alice wanted him to. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

I stood up, being careful not to startle my newest brother. He leaned his head back against the metal wall, his eyes a stormy, hazy, grey. I held out my hand to him, mentally making a few calculations. He had woken us up last night, and the night before. Nothing the night before that, but three days in a row at the beginning of the week. Whatever it was that Dad was supposed to be giving him to help him sleep, it wasn't working very well. Jasper slept through the night when his body was so exhausted it gave out on him. He was hitting that point now.

"You need some sleep; you're practically passed out on you feet." I kept my tone as gentle as possible, hoping some part of him still trusted me.

He shrugged. "I'm alright."

Sure he was, and I was the bride of Frankenstein. "Uh-huh, you always look like you're getting ready to collapse. Listen, I have a cot in the back room. Why don't you lay down for a little bit? You don't have to sleep, just rest for a while." I anticipated his refusal and kept going. "I'll stay out here, I promise, and I won't leave."

For a minute he wavered. "Do I actually have a choice?"

Technically, yes, but I wasn't going to let him know that. I had to count on him going along with me, the same way he had gone along with everyone else. "Not really. I thought you might be more comfortable down here, but I could always ask Mom to set you up on the couch..." A look of horror crossed his features, and I knew I had him. There was nothing worse in Jaspers mind than drawing attention to himself, and the thought of having my mother fussing over him all afternoon was enough to convince him that I was the lesser of the two evils.

The decision made, though he wasn't happy about it, he nodded. "Fine, if that will make you happy. Just for a little while though."

"Sure." Now was not the time to push or gloat. After all, I was the one who had caused the panic attack that pushed him over the edge. "Come on."

I led him to the little room off the garage. There was an old army cot in the corner, one that I had made Dad buy when I started really working down here. There were nights when I couldn't sleep, and was more comfortable down here, away from everyone else. Here, I was surrounded by my beautiful cars. It wasn't like being upstairs, where there were people who were supposed to be family, but were still men. Maybe one night they would come sneaking into your bedroom and...I cut myself off there.

Jasper followed after me, still tense. The cot was old, but surprisingly comfortable. It was cold in the back room, since the heater didn't work in there, so I grabbed a quilt from the shelf above the dresser. This one was my favorite, not just for its pattern, but because it was so heavy. There was a comforting weight to this quilt, something that made me feel secure. Hopefully Jasper would get the same benefit. He took off his battered sneakers and curled up on the cot, making himself as tiny as possible. I put the blanket over him and stood up. "Do you want the lights on or off?"

"Off." He gave me a slightly pleading look, but didn't say anything else. Even when I offered him my most encouraging smile, he didn't say anything else. "Do you want something else? Some water or something?" There were bottles in the micro fridge, but I had never offered him one. I had just assumed if he was thirsty he would ask.

He shook his head, his blond hair, much darker than my own, spilling into his eyes. "No, I'm alright."

I wanted to offer something else, to put on some music, or rub his back, or even just sit with him for a while, anything to make up for what I had done to him, but he was making it clear that he just wanted to be left alone. "Alright, I'll be right outside."

He nodded stiffly, turning his back to me and pressing his face into the pillow. His breathing came in strained pants that I could hear from the doorway. I turned the lights off without saying anything else. He didn't so much as twitch.

Once I was out of the side room, I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Fuck, this kid was a mess. I guessed I had always known he was, but it still hurt to see it show so clearly. I was going to have to tell Dad about this little breakdown, for Jaspers sake, but doing so would also mean revealing that I had single-handedly caused it. Not something I was really looking forward to, especially since I had been lectured for my rudeness in the past.

The diagnostics I had been running on the old Cougar had long since finished, telling me that the problem was in the break line. I jacked it up and started removing parts. The work was soothing, and I lost myself in it completely.

It was nearly an hour and a half later when I finished and looked at the clock. Close to 3, the rest of the family should be getting home soon. I stripped off my dirty coveralls and washed my hands in the sink. I didn't mind looking like a grease monkey most of the time, but I liked looking sexy when Emmett came home. He was still suspended, of course, but Mom had finally agreed to send him out on some errands. She had stipulated that he was to be home before the rest of the family, so I had to be ready. It gave him something to look forward to all day. I ran a brush through my hair and fixed up my make-up. Perfect.

It was only when I was getting ready to go up and wait for him, that I remembered Jasper. I had promised not to leave him down here alone, and I owed it to him to keep that promise. I carefully removed my three inch heels and snuck across the floor, easing the door open. Jasper was still lying with his back towards me, but his breaths were soft and steady. After a moment's debate, I slid the door almost all the way closed. I was done being loud for the day, and I wanted to be able to hear him if he needed me.

My garage was really my sanctuary, and was set up like a dorm room, with a desk and small refrigerator, and plenty of lighting. Mindful of my promises to stay, I sat down at the desk and started on some coursework. Maybe Emmett would think to come down here, though we would be severely limited in what we could do. I was sure Jasper slept lightly, and the thought of him waking up and seeing me with my boyfriend was an effective libido killer.

Even as I had the thought, I heard the door at the top of the stairs opening. Edward bounded down the stairs, giving me his patented holier-than-thou look. "Is Jasper down here?"

"Hello to you too. I don't recall inviting you down here, so leave." I kept my tone cold enough to freeze molten lava. I had never liked Edward, even when he was only 10 and I was 13. He could be almost frighteningly controlling, in a way that reminded me of Royce, may that bastard rot in hell. He thought I was a bitch, which was true, I thought he was an asshole, which was also true, and that pretty much summed up our relationship.

His eyes narrowed, glinting dangerously. "Mom wants Jasper and I can't find him anywhere else. He must be down here."

Little boy had no idea who he was messing with, if he thought he was going to be able to intimidate me. It drew myself up to my full height, thankful that I had remembered to put my heels back on. With their added inches, I was taller than Edward, and twice as frightening. "He's sleeping."

"So wake him up." It never failed to amaze me that, after six years of not winning once, Edward continued to try and engage me in power struggles.

"No." My tone was dripping with acid, and he backed down immediately. Wimp.

"Mom needs him." He was whining now, a sure sign that I had him on the run.

"Tell him he's with me and he's asleep. That'll make her happy." I wasn't about to back down on this.

"It's alright, Rosalie, I'm awake." Jasper was leaning against the doorframe, rubbing at his eyes. "I appreciate you letting me stay down here."

I smiled at him, lightly patting his shoulder. "No problem. You're welcome any time." I made sure to emphasize the last part, letting Edward know just whom it was that I liked best.

If he noticed, he hid it well. "Come on Jasper, I'm sure Rosie has better things to do than interact with the peons."

If Jasper hadn't been there, and still so fragile, I would have killed Edward, or at the very least, broken his nose. But I didn't want to upset him twice in one day, so I forced a smile. "He's right, Jasper, I don't want to be around the commoners. Why don't you be my Lancelot? Emmett's already my King Arthur, and Edward here can be the court jester."

They were halfway up the stairs before Edward turned and smirked at me. "She slept with Lancelot, you know."

He was gone before my fury subsided enough for me to think of a suitable reply. Ooh, I hated him so much! Jasper didn't seem to mind him, though. Actually, Jasper got along pretty well with all of us kids. It was just Mom and Dad he didn't trust. I made sense, though. Jasper was used to living in a kid dominated world. Adults were abusive, untrustworthy, or just plain absent. His very survival depended on him being able to make friends and alliances with people his own age.

Since there was no one around to witness my little temper tantrum, I threw my textbook into the opposite wall. Edward wasn't that bad, really. Sure, he wasn't anyone I would have ever chosen to be friends with, but that could be said about any number of people that I still managed to tolerate. But there was just something about him that brought out the absolute worst in me. The fact that he had just implied that I was a whore wasn't something I was going to forget any time soon. I was also wise enough to know that I brought out the worst in him also. After all, he and Alice were best friends, so he couldn't be nearly as creepy around her as he was around me.

I heaved an irritated sigh. If Edward was home, that meant that everyone else was also, and it was later than I thought. I frequently lost power down here, and the clock was very often wrong. Unfortunately, it also meant that Dad was home, and I was going to have to tell him about what had happened with Jasper.

A part of me wanted to pretend that it hadn't happened at all, and just let things go. I knew that Jasper wouldn't tell on me, and chances were good that no one would ever find out. But I knew that that wasn't a fair thing to do. Carlisle needed to know that Jasper was having panic attacks, and what had triggered this one. Lying about his problems wouldn't make them go away, and in many cases, it made things worse. I was feeling protective of Jasper now, and if getting to the root of his problems meant having to tell on myself, so be it.

"Rose, honey, it that you?" Mom called me from the living room, where she and Alice were looking over paint samples. "We're going to do Jasper's room blue, what do you think about this shade?"

I wrapped my arms around her. "Shouldn't Jasper be making the choice? I thought that was what you wanted him for."

"Oh, no, I just wanted him to know he had a doctor's appointment for early tomorrow, so he couldn't count on being able to sleep in. I'm going to let him pick of course, but he gets so overwhelmed when you give him too many choices that I wanted to narrow it down a little."

I looked over the choices, and chose a soft blue-green shade. It reminded me of the ocean, soothing and deep. Hopefully Jasper would find it calming also. "That one. Where is he now?"

"Your brothers took him outside to play ball. Emmett is convinced he's going to be able to play by spring."

Once Emmett got an idea into his head, it was difficult, if not impossible, to shake it loose. If he needed to, he would make time to practice with Jasper every single day, until his new brother was up to speed.

"Good for them. Is Dad home?" The sooner I got this over with, the better.

"In his office." Alice spoke for the first time, her dreamy eyes focusing on mine. "He's pretty pissed with social services, so tread lightly."

I gave Mom a quick kiss, and ran up the stairs. The door to the third floor creaked when I opened it, alerting him to my presence. Dad's eyes lit with surprise when he saw it was me standing there. I seldom sought him out for any reason, much less when it would involve being alone together. He turned away from the window. "Rose, what a surprise. What can I do for you?"

Now that I was actually up here, my courage failed. "Uh...well, it's about Jasper."

He nodded. "How is he doing with you? He seems to be getting along alright with his brothers."

I followed his eyes, realizing I could see the three of them playing from the window. They ran in and out of sight, tossing the ball to one another. I watched Emmett lob it to Jasper, who fumbled and dropped it. He picked it up immediately, though, and threw it to Edward. "He has trouble with his hand." It wasn't what I had come up here to say, but it was something I had noticed over and over when he helped me. He could move all his fingers, and close them into a fist, but his grip was weak, and he frequently dropped things.

"The right one? Yes, I know. The director was supposed to fax over a list of approved physical therapist two weeks ago, but it hasn't come yet." He sighed. "Maybe I should just take him to the hospital with me and find someone for him there."

"I would." God knew if we waited on social services, Jasper would not only be aged out of the system, he would be old enough to qualify for Social Security. "It's good for him to play ball though, right? Won't that help him out?"

Dad nodded. "It will, but he needs more than that if he's going to have any chance of getting normal function back."

It had never occurred to me that the damage might not be temporary. Jasper was only 17 years old, how could he possibly be permenantly damaged? What did that say about the rest of us? "Oh."

When I looked out the window again, the boys were picking up their bats and heading around the corner of the house. After an unfortunate incident involving a baseball and one of our picture windows, they had been forbidden from batting within 100 yards of the house. They would go to a little meadow and practice hitting there.

I watched them until they were out of sight, before turning back to face him. "I screwed up with Jasper today."

He sat down and looked into my eyes. "What happened?"

"I...I threatened him." I couldn't bring myself to repeat exactly what I had said. "He freaked out."

"Why did you threaten him? Tell me exactly what happened." Dad didn't sound angry, but his blue eyes were suddenly intense. "Don't leave anything out."

So I repeated what had happened, from Jasper coming down to work with me, to our confrontation, to Edward coming and taking him away. "I didn't mean to scare him like that." My voice had become small, belonging to that little girl who had been sure Carlisle and Esme would reject her for the slightest mistake.

Dad rubbed at his eyes. "I'm sure you didn't. We're all still trying to figure out just what it is that upsets Jasper, and how to avoid it. Rose, I know you love Alice, and you're just trying to protect her. Believe me, I want to protect her too, and I'm going to be having a talk with Jasper, but you have to be more gentle. He's very fragile."

Normally, I would have snorted at the thought of a teenaged boy being considered "fragile" for any reason. They weren't fragile, they were big, dumb, smelly creatures, whom could be trusted only to make disgusting noises and try and screw anything in a skirt.

But Jasper was different. Whether it was due to what he had suffered, or he just had an exceedingly gentle personality, he did seem fragile. The memory of his pleading eyes earlier in the garage stuck with me. He needed us, needed me, to take care of him, because he wasn't capable of doing it for himself. Not now, and maybe not for a long time. The protective part of my nature surged up, making space for him where there had previously been room for nothing but Emmett.

"I know. I'll do better with him." I would, too. I was Rosalie Goddam Cullen, previously Rosalie Hale, and I wasn't about to back down from this challenge.

When Dad smiled at me, it made me feel bad for all the times I had been rude to him, or turned him away. He loved me, of course he did, and not in that creepy sex-toy way that Royce had loved me. Dad loved me for who I was, with all my faults.

My thoughts were broken by yelling coming from downstairs, rapidly followed by footsteps on the stairs. Edward broke through the door without knocking. "Dad! Dad, I need you!"

His flushed face and heaving chest told me that he had run all the way from the meadow. "Dad I need you!" Fear caused him to repeat himself.

Dad was already standing up, reaching out to hold his son. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"It's Jasper. Dad, he's having a seizure!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Carlisle's POV**

I was running out of the study in an instant, my body understanding the situation while my mind was still processing it. Edward stumbled along after me, trying to tell me what had happened. "He was fine, I swear. Nothing happened to him, but then he just fell and started shaking. Emmett stayed with him and I came to get you. Dad, is Jasper going to die?"

Was he? Terrifying possibilities raced through my mind, each worse than the last. Had Jasper overdosed on something, either accidentally or deliberately? I was keeping his medications in my room, but there was nothing stopping him from going in there. Could he have a blood clot that had been there since his surgery, just waiting for the right time to break free and cause a stroke? What about an aneurysm? Was he already too far gone for me to help?

Alice was already on the phone, giving the 911 operator our location and explaining what the emergency was. Esme called out to me. "Go on. I'll go upstairs and count his pills, make sure he didn't overdose. I'll check mine too — anything he might have taken."

Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time we had found ourselves in such a situation. Over the years, we had been forced to call 911 much more frequently than I would have liked. We had taken in many high-risk kids, and some of them had been dangerous to themselves. At this point, it was a reflex for me to grab the phone and call for help while Esme looked for any possible causes for the collapse.

Edward was already on the porch, bouncing nervously. "Come on, come on!" He ran like a deer, leading me to where his brothers were. I caught a glimpse of Emmett's white t-shirt through the trees, and pulled ahead of my son. "Emmett!"

When he looked up, there were tears in his dark eyes. "Dad, we need help." His voice was soft and strained, like he had to force the words out through a locked-up throat.

"What happened?" Jasper was down on the ground, his body jerking and trembling in a full blown grand mal seizure. Blood trickled down the side of his face. "Did he get hit with something? A ball, or the bat?" Jasper had seized once before, in response to his original head injury. Maybe he had been injured again.

"No. I was showing him how to pitch, and then he just sort of gasped, like I had socked him in the stomach. Then he was down and shaking. I sent Edward into the house, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't think you were supposed to shove anything in his mouth, but I didn't know what else to do." He was babbling now, as though feeling totally helpless for the first time in a long time.

The truth of the matter was, there was very little any of us could do for Jasper right now. Without being at the hospital and having access to an array of anticonvulsant drugs, I would have to wait for either the seizure to stop on its own or the ambulance crew to get here.

"How long has he been seizing?"

They exchanged looks. "Maybe five or six minutes? I came to get you right away." I noticed that neither one of them was wearing a watch, and they didn't sound very certain.

The three of us fell into a tense silence then, broken only by the strained sounds of Jasper's breaths. The sound frightened me, as did his increasing pallor. Like every other muscle, his diaphragm was spasming, causing his breathing to be disrupted.

Another minute passed, and the seizure seemed to be stopping. His lips remained pulled back from his teeth, creating a disturbing visage with foam spilling from his lips, but the rest of his body gradually grew still. At the same time, I heard the first cry of sirens. "Edward, go and lead them here."

He vanished, and I turned my attention back to Jasper. "Jasper? Hey, wake up, now." His jaw was still locked shut, but I was able to gently pry it open. Instantly, his color got a little better as he was able to draw a normal breath. I pulled each of his eyelids up, looking deeply into the pupils. They were equal size and slightly dilated, though not as much as I would have expected with an overdose. What was wrong with him?

Emmett crouched by my side, his bulk nearly blocking out the late daylight. With surprising gentleness, he reached out and used his sleeve to wipe the worst of the blood off Jasper's face. "I think he bit his tongue."

That wasn't uncommon in seizures. "Probably. Jasper, can you hear me?"

His eyelids flickered madly for a minute, like he was dreaming, but he didn't wake. I squeezed his hand lightly, not surprised when he failed to squeeze back. "It's all right, I'm here."

Anything else I might have said was interrupted by Edward arriving with the ambulance crew. "Back here. Uh, he's seventeen — his name is Jasper. I don't know, I don't know, you'll have to ask my dad."

One of the man knelt next to Jasper and checked his vital signs. How had I forgotten that? I couldn't do anything else for the kid, but I could have at least checked his pulse. "Temp feels low, pulse normal. Get the stretcher."

I admired these men for their cool detachment and professionalism. I did the same thing every day, but it was different when it was one of your family lying there unconscious. All I could do was talk softly to Jasper as they lifted his limp body onto the stretcher and slipped an oxygen mask over his face. One of them turned to me. "Are you the father?"

Much as I wanted to say yes, I couldn't. Jasper wouldn't have liked it, and it wasn't quite true, anyway. "He's my foster son. I'm his legal guardian."

They must have seen far stranger situations every day, because the one just nodded. "One person can ride the ambulance with him. If you want, I mean. You can just meet us at the hospital, but I need someone to sign for his treatment."

Of course I would ride with him. He might wake up and be afraid, surrounded by strangers. _Just like last time_. The thought came in harshly, reminding me that it hadn't been that long ago that Jasper had been brought to a different hospital in another ambulance, fighting for his life. With Maria being arrested and the rest of the kids picked up by social workers, I would bet that no one had even thought about Jasper, except to wonder if he would live or not. It wouldn't be like that this time. This time, he would have me with him the entire time, and at least some of his siblings at the hospital, for however long it took.

"Emmett, Edward, go get your mother. Tell her he's being taken to the hospital, and to meet us there. Remember, the last name is Whitlock, not Cullen. One of you kids needs to drive; she's going to be too upset. I'll see you guys in a little while." I made sure not to tell them that Jasper was going to be all right. Chances were that he would, but if my line of work had taught me nothing else, it was that there were no guarantees in life. Jasper was only a little over a month out of major surgery, with residual brain damage. He hadn't gone into this latest crisis particularly strong, and he was going to need all of his strength to fight now.

Brain damage . . . for the first time, it occurred to me that this could all be in response to his original injury. We had all seen his MRI, with the ugly scar crossing the side of his brain. Every one of us had marveled that he had escaped such a devastating injury with only a little muscle weakness and a few small memory issues. Maybe he hadn't been as lucky as we had thought.

I traced my memory back, trying to put things in a new light. I remembered his nurses laughing and talking about his extreme sleepwalking. Every night, they had said. Found him sleeping on the room floor, bathroom floor, next to the bed. But since he had been with us, he had had relatively few sleepwalking episodes. Had any of what they had seen been the aftermath of minor seizures instead?

One of the paramedics cut Jasper's t-shirt off, no doubt intending to hook him up to a heart monitor. Once he got the fabric away, though, he could do nothing but stare at the devastation that should have been smooth skin. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "You said you're his foster father?"

"Yes, I've had him a month." _No, I'm not the one who hurt him._ I probably should have said more, made it clear that I wasn't responsible for Jasper ending up in this state, but I was as transfixed by the scars as he was, and unable to formulate a clear thought. I had seen pictures of them, of course, but Jasper was understandably shy, and I hadn't seen what they looked like up close.

He looked like something out of a POW camp. He was back at a nearly normal weight, but somehow, his otherwise healthy body made his scars look even more ghastly. I had to resist the urge to push these men away and put a blanket over him, preserving his last bit of privacy. He was so sensitive, and I didn't want strangers gawking at him. However, doing so wouldn't do anyone, least of all Jasper, any good, so I stayed my hand.

"Poor guy." That was the only thing he could apparently think to say, as he gently slid an IV into the still arm. Jasper flinched visibly when the needle went in, a soft whimper escaping his lips. The other paramedic moved up near his head. "Jasper? Jasper, you're in an ambulance, okay? We're going to take good care of you."

This time, his eyes opened, roaming the back of the ambulance restlessly. He didn't struggle, not even a tiny bit. He had evidently learned a long time ago that, no matter how bad the circumstances, it was better to just endure. I stroked his palm, and was gratified when his fingers curled sluggishly around mine.

"Jasper, look at me." I used a sing-song voice that would have embarrassed the hell out of him if he had been fully conscious, but it did get his attention. His blue-grey eyes rolled over mine, somewhat unfocused and completely unguarded. Those eyes, both in color and the strange innocence in them, belonged on a newborn baby. Much as I tried to block the thought, an image of my Sammy floated into my mind, they way he had looked at me in the few hours he had been alive. I forced it back. "You had a seizure at home, and we're going to take you to the hospital, okay?"

If it wasn't okay, he gave no indication. Or maybe he was incapable of giving one. There was no way to be sure with Jasper, even when he was perfectly healthy. He closed his eyes again, though I got the impression that he wasn't unconscious. But I was willing to let him think he was playing possum. "Don't worry, I'll stay with you as long as I can."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. I should have promised to stay with him the entire time, whether or not it was true. He would go back to sleep in a few minutes, and stay that way for hours, so he wouldn't have known the lie. His body needed a chance to recharge itself. "I'm here." It sounded lame, even to my own ears, but Jasper seemed soothed. His fingers loosened in mine.

We were moving quickly, but it wasn't quickly enough. "Why aren't we running the sirens?" I knew that these men hated it when they were second-guessed, just like I did, but this was Jasper's life we were talking about!

Luckily, they must have been used to dealing with hysterical family members. The driver caught my eye in the rearview mirror. "We only run the sirens for life-and-death situations. Your son is out of crisis, so we don't run them. Really, it's a good thing."

He was out of crisis for the moment, but what if he seized again? What if he were bleeding into his brain, and it killed him while we were focused on the damn sirens? The hospital loomed up in front of us, nearly making me cry with relief. They would know what was wrong with Jasper, and how to fix him.

They separated us at the entrance of the ER, whisking Jasper away for an MRI, while I was left to deal with the paperwork. I hadn't missed the sideways glance the older paramedic had given me when he informed the receptionist that we had an injured foster child, and that Social Services needed to be notified immediately. I had barely repressed hysterical laughter when he added "We don't want a repeat of the Teresa case downstate."

I didn't bother telling him just how closely this case related to that one. Heck, that case was the direct cause of this one. But I just concentrated on filling out the paperwork. As I did so, it became clear to me just how little I knew about Jasper. I remembered his birthday, May the fifth, but how tall was he? How much did he weigh? I wasn't sure.

"Dad!" Alice's voice broke through my self-recriminating musings. "Daddy, what happened? Is Jasper going to be all right?" She rushed across the Emergency Room and threw herself into my arms.

"The doctors are looking at him right now. I don't know anything else." I wished that I could say something else, something reassuring, but I was coming up blank.

"But did he wake up? Dad, when can he come home?" she pressed, acting like half of her own body had been torn away.

I reminded myself to be patient. Of all of us, Alice was the closest to Jasper, and she had to be devastated at the moment. "Alice, honey, I don't know. They'll tell us as soon as they know something."

They huddled around me, reading over my shoulder and generally being intrusive. I loved my family, and was glad to have them here, but I wished they would move about five feet away and let me concentrate.

"He weighs 154 pounds." Rosalie pointed at one of the questions I had left blank.

Now, how had she known that? At my raised eyebrow, she shrugged. "I had him hold a couple different parts on the scale for me. We just subtracted his weight to get the right total."

Made sense. I filled in the blank, thinking that he didn't weigh much, not for as tall as he was. "Anything else you want to add?"

She looked over the empty spaces. "I'd say he's about five-ten, five-eleven. He's taller than Edward, but not quite as tall as Emmett. No allergies."

I was incredulous. "You certainly know a lot about him."

"I talk to him a lot. Sometimes he even talks back." She spent a long moment looking at the questionnaire in silence before looking back at me. I was surprised to see a glossy sheen to her dark eyes. She leaned forward and whispered, "Is this my fault?"

I must have looked confused, because she pressed on. "He's been fine since he got here, then I give him a panic attack and suddenly he's having convulsions. Did I make that happen?"

I wasn't used to Rosalie caring much about anyone besides herself or Emmett, so it came as a surprise to hear she was so concerned about Jasper. "No, it's not your fault. No one knows what causes seizures, and in a case like his, it's even more confusing. This probably goes back to his accident."

"Don't call it that." Her eyes, so sad a minute ago, were blazing. "It wasn't a fucking accident, and you know it. She tried to kill him."

It was the first time I had heard anyone say that out loud. Conventional wisdom was that abusers very seldom meant to kill the person they were abusing. Hurt them, yes, but actually kill them? Not often. "Rose, I'm not excusing what she did, but she wasn't trying to kill him."

She snorted, tossing her mane of blond hair. "You don't hit someone in the side of the head with a poker and not intend to kill them. She might not have known it then, but she wanted him dead."

There was a truth in her words that made it impossible to deny. I wondered what had driven Jasper and Maria to that breaking point. Had she ever really wanted him? She must have; he was one of her first placements. What had gone wrong, then? Had the problem started with him, some behavior she just couldn't break? Or had she just been totally unprepared for the reality of dealing with a traumatized child?

Thinking back over the years, I could easily name several children that I had been tempted to strike. Training for foster parents wasn't very in-depth, and there is a huge difference between hearing about a behavior and having to live with it day in and day out. Had she just given in to that compulsion? Jasper was so sensitive, so highly strung, that the shock of it all had probably worked. Then it became a self-reinforcing behavior. After all, it had worked so well with Jasper that she figured it would probably work with all of her kids. It was only when things spiraled so badly out of control that one of them ended up hospitalized that the powers that be chose to pay any attention to what was going on.

"Mr. Whitlock?" An intern had appeared in the doorway.

I jumped to me feet. "It's Cullen, and yes, that's me." The rest of the family was up and eager to follow me. "This is all immediate family."

He raised an eyebrow, but allowed us all into what I thought of as a 'death room.' It was a little room where the doctor took you and explained everything that was wrong with your loved one. "Mr. Cullen, as in Dr. Cullen? Chief of Surgery?" I nodded, and he whistled. "Sorry, then, doctor. I didn't know."

With the size of the hospital, that wasn't surprising. "How's Jasper?" He was the only thing that mattered right now.

"Uh, I'm just supposed to bring you here and wait for the doctor. He's getting the test results now."

Coffee bubbled in a pot on a table, but I kept away from it. I knew how this hospital was, and that sludge had probably been in the pot all day long. Not that it stopped Emmett from getting a cup. The pleasure on his face as he drank made me wonder if his taste buds functioned properly.

"Carlisle! We need to stop meeting like this." Aro, one of the ER doctors, gave me an affectionate slap on the back. The last time we had seen each other, Emmett was getting stitches after somehow falling and putting his arm through one of the glass doors. The time before that, it had been Alice and her appendix. "Can you keep your kids out of my ER for a while?" He put the file on the table. "So, Jasper."

The papers were expertly flipped to reveal an MRI scan. "Jasper has no cranial bleeding, no swelling, nothing that the MRI could pick up. His preliminary tox screens all came back negative, though we'll have to wait on the more in-depth results. Reflex tests are excellent — he was oriented to place and year, and able to tell me who was president and how many fingers I was holding up. All in all, he seems perfectly healthy and normal."

"So why did he have a seizure?" Rose had no problem challenging the doctor. "He can't be healthy if he's shaking like that."

Luckily, Aro had a daughter of his own, and understood how to handle this. "That's the million-dollar question. I'd like to keep Jasper for a few days, so I can run some tests on him." He spoke to all of us, but his eyes were locked on mine. "We do have to consider that this could be a long-term effect from his head injury."

Even though I had been thinking the same thing, it still hurt to hear it said out loud. "I know." I didn't know why I found the thought so painful. Seizures were no fun, but they could likely be controlled with the right medications. It certainly seemed like a light diagnosis when you considered things like paralysis and death, both of which were strong possibilities when he was brought in immediately following what had happened. Rose was right — I couldn't in good conscience call it an accident. "Maybe it was a fluke."

Aro nodded, even though we both knew that it probably wasn't. Rashes could be flukes, or vomiting a small amount of blood. Seizures, especially a grand mal one like Jasper had just had, pointed to something more serious. "We can hope."

"So can we see him?" Alice was less interested in they whys of what had happened, and more interested in the Jasper side of things.

"One at a time. It's technically past visiting hours, and he's asleep, anyway." Perhaps Aro sensed that it was going to be difficult to keep those two apart.

Alice started to jump up, but I gestured her back down. "Honey, let me go in first, okay?" I wanted to get a good look at Jasper, and make sure he didn't look like he was a few steps away from death. Alice wasn't nearly as tough as she thought she was, and I didn't want her to end up traumatized.

She looked like she was going to protest, but a firm look had her sitting down against Esme and pouting dramatically. It was a good ploy, and one that had worked many times in the past, but I wasn't going to give in to her today.

I fololwed the doctor out of the room and into the elevator. He waited until we were totally alone before raising an eyebrow. "So, how are things with Jasper? Other than a thrilling trip to the ER on your day off, I mean."

"Things are good." I wasn't sure how much to tell him. Aro had been a good confidant in the past, but I hated to violate Jasper's privacy. It was one thing to discuss a three-year-old, another entirely to do it to someone who was almost a legal adult. "Kind of. He's skittish."

That earned me a terse nod. "I know. He was trying to act calm around me, but the heart monitor doesn't lie. Poor boy was scared to death, heart rate up over a hundred." He paused, as if he wasn't sure about adding the last part. Finally, he came out with it. "He asked for you."

"He did?" That was unexpected. Jasper seemed to like me, but it was a wan sort of affection, one that suggested he would have liked anyone who didn't beat the shit out of him just as well. The fact that he had wanted me by his side, either to protect him or to ease his suffering, came as a total shock.

"Yes. He might be skittish, but he is attaching, Carlisle. Give it some time."

Time was exactly what we didn't have. "That's what I keep hearing."

Anything else he might have wanted to say was cut off by our arrival in the ICU. Aro responded to my unasked question. "He isn't critical, but he does need to be constantly observed. If he starts seizing again, he needs someone there immediately."

There were no actual rooms in the ICU, just glass walls, through which the patient could be observed from a central nurses' station. There were curtains that could be pulled for a minimum of privacy, but no real doors. "Do you want to be alone with him?"

I was torn between saying yes, and being afraid to. It was an odd feeling, being frightened of a child more than a decade my junior, but Jasper had a quiet dignity about him that made us more like equals than a father and child. But he had asked for me specifically, which I took to mean _just_ me, and I wanted to honor that request. "Yes, please."

He nodded, as if he were reading my mind. "I'll be seeing you then."

He left, but I barely noticed. I was far too focused on Jasper, who looked very small in that room. No, _small_ wasn't the right word. _Diminished;_ that was it. He was always so tightly contained, so in control, and now he had none of that. With an IV inserted into one arm, he looked like any other child at this hospital. It was this image, more than any other, that drove home to me just how young he really was. Not to mention how ill prepared to cope with life on his own.

I pulled the curtain and walked over to his bed. Aro had been right; he was deeply asleep. His chest rose and fell softly, while the heart monitor beeped a steady rhythm. The circumstances were terrible, but at least he was getting the rest he so desperately needed.

"Hey, Jasper." I spoke more to soothe my own nerves than because I thought he could understand me. "How are you feeling?"

No response, not even the slightest flicker of his eyelashes. I stroked his forearm, which I suddenly noticed was tied to the bed. A glance at his other arm confirmed that it, too, was restrained. The ties were loose, but tight enough that he couldn't slip free. "I'll be right back."

I stood and walked over to the nurses' station, noting with relief that Nurse Price, a personal friend, was on duty. She gave me a tired smile. "Dr. Cullen, what can I do for you?"

It occurred to me that she had no idea who Jasper was. "Jasper Whitlock, Room Three?" At her nod of recognition, I continued. "He's my current foster son, so I'm here with him. Why is he in restraint?" It wasn't that I was angry about it — if Jasper were a danger to himself or the nurses, it was a necessary precaution — but I needed to know.

If she was surprised to hear I was fostering again, she gave no indication. "Oh, he kept pulling at his IV, so we tied him down. He needs to keep that in, so we can medicate if he seizes again."

That was reasonable. "I see. If I were to stay with him, and watch him closely, could I take him out? I'm just afraid he'll panic if he wakes up and can't move." I didn't say what I was actually thinking, which was that I thought he might panic anyway.

She sighed. "If you will watch him the entire time, no sneaking off for even a minute, it should be fine." She softened slightly. "I hope he's all right."

Not as much as I did. Beyond wanting Jasper healed for his own sake, and because I was really coming to like the kid, despite his strangeness, I had a girl downstairs who still thought I could perform miracles, and that I would be able to fix this. "He will be." No matter how long it took or what the cost, he would be.

Deep in a sedative-induced sleep, Jasper didn't react at all when I gently lifted each of his hands and slipped the soft restraints off. I talked to him, though, hoping he could hear me. They say that even people in deep comas are capable of hearing a familiar voice, and I was hoping he would recognize my tone, if not my words. "There you go, straps off. I'm going to let Alice come up for a few minutes, all right? She can't stay for very long, but Esme or I will be here until you wake up."

I pulled out my beeper and signaled Esme that it was all right to let Alice up. Jasper actually looked pretty good, mostly like he was sleeping. He had a bruise darkening on his cheekbone, probably from hitting the hard packed ground, but otherwise, he just looked like Jasper, only a lot more at peace.

Alice exploded into the room, slightly out of breath from having run up three flights of stairs. That was typical of her; she would be too excited to wait for the elevator, so she had to race up the stairs. She raced across the floor, barely stopping herself in time to keep from slamming into the bed. One small hand came up to smooth Jasper's hair out of his eyes. "Oh, cowboy, you look bad."

As though a switch had been thrown, she became calm and introspective, gently curling her fingers around his limp hand. "It's all right, though, because you'll get to come home in just a few days, and we'll take care of you there."

Even from my spot in the corner, I could feel the bond between them. Jasper looked perfectly normal to me, but to Alice, who didn't just look at him, but actually _saw_ him, the strain showed. I didn't feel a sexual component to their bond, not yet . . . but there would be soon.

But at least Jasper would be all right. Alice seemed confident that he would be released after the few days of observation, and be allowed to come home. That was a good sign, right?

Alice continued talking, excitedly sharing everything that had happened to her since she had seen him last — an entire eleven hours, by my reckoning. I heard about school, and how her presentation for English was a success, and what color she and Esme were planning on painting his room. "I guess we'll do it for you while you're in here, and that way it will be all clean and new when you get home. How does that sound?"

Of course, he gave no reply, but she hadn't expected one and continued right on. "I guess it doesn't matter how it sounds, because it's happening whether you like it or not. I think you will; it kind of matches your eyes."

My attention wandered as she went into an excruciatingly long comparison of the color of the walls to the color of his eyes. I guessed I should be thankful that she was so caught up in them, as opposed to other, more dangerous, parts of his body, but still, there was only so much a man should be required to listen to.

The monitor above the bed caught my eye, and I found myself staring at his heart rate. At first, I wasn't sure I was seeing what I thought I was, and spent several minutes staring at the screen. Sure enough, every time Alice spoke to him, Jasper's heart sped up a tiny bit. Just a few beats per minute, but it was every single time. Even now, in dire straits, he was responsive to her.

Finally, her descriptions exhausted, she turned to me. "Can I stay with him tonight?"

Normally, I would have said no, since she had school tomorrow, and hadn't done any of her homework, but then, rules were made to be broken. Jasper seemed to want her here, and I was helpless to give him what he needed. "Fine, but just for tonight. You need to be at school in the morning."

Her eyes lit up with joy. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy!" She turned back to Jasper, rubbing his shoulder. "Hear that? I get to stay here for the night!"

I expected at least fifteen minutes of excited bouncing, but she sat down immediately, lightly touching Jasper's arm and talking to him gently. Huh. Seemed that Jasper was grounding her a little. "Go explain it to your mother, and let her have a chance to come up and see Jasper, too, all right?"

"Oh, yeah, I didn't think of that." Bounce, bounce, bounce, and she was out the door, looking a bit like Tinker Bell on speed.

I looked over at Jasper, who hadn't moved at all. "Well, buddy, something tells me it's going to be a long night."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I forgot to thank my loyal readers for their sympathy regarding Neon's passing. He is very missed, but at peace now. Life moves on, and I have a new foster, Grimm. Luckily he is easy going and leaves me plenty of time to write. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I wish allowed me to reply to every one, but alas, the rules. **

**Jasper's POV**

I hurt. Not just a little, but everywhere. I kept my eyes closed, trying to figure out what had happened before I let anyone know I was awake. I could tell there was someone in the room with me, and who knew if they were friendly or not? Let's see. Light was touching my closed eyes, so I wasn't on my mattress in the basement. The padding underneath me was hard and uncomfortable, so I wasn't on the couch. I must be on the loveseat in the den.

That wasn't a good sign — not a good sign at all. The only reason Pete would have put me on the loveseat instead of the much more comfortable couch was because the crimson fabric better masked bloodstains. The sour, coppery, taste in my mouth confirmed that I had been bleeding.

What had happened? Try as I might, I couldn't remember. I must have done something terrible, because it literally felt like every muscle in my body was bruised. Most of the time she just focused on one body part (unless she got into a kicking mood, at which point it would be one body part plus my ribs or side).

I stretched my senses out, trying to read the other person in the room. Years of life in this house had made me very good at recognizing people by the emotions they put off, rather than anything else. I didn't feel any anger radiating off this person, so it probably wasn't Maria. But they also didn't have the easy calm of Peter. The hard breathing suggested a male, so it wasn't Charlotte, either. Please God, don't let it be any of the little kids. They had been through enough already — they didn't need to see me like this.

Cautiously, I tried to open my eyes. Instantly, I was blinded by what felt like an entire sun's worth of light. I immediately closed them again, my head starting to pound. This was much worse than I thought. If it was Maria, and if she were being tricky, she not only knew that I was awake, she knew that I was helpless to defend myself.

A chair scraped as the figure rose. They crossed the room, moving away from me, and the light against my painful eyes dimmed at bit. Then they came towards me and lightly touched my face. "Jasper? Can you try opening your eyes again?"

It was a stranger. Paradoxically, that actually made me feel calmer. Like everyone else, I had gotten numerous 'stranger danger' lectures, but they had never stuck with me. After all, the real danger was at home, from the people I knew. How could a stranger be worse than that?

Maria had also schooled me to be unquestioningly obedient, so I forced my eyes open again. The man looking at me was familiar. I blinked a few times before it came crashing back. This was Carlisle, and I lived with him now. He had actually seemed quite kind, and I had been coming to like him. Why had he put me in the hospital?

I tried to ask, to make my lips form the word 'why,' but all that came out was a raspy breath. It felt like my entire throat had turned to dust. Carlisle seemed to understand, and poured me a cup of water from the pitcher beside the bed. I started to reach for it, but realized that my good hand was tethered by an IV, and I didn't trust my bad hand to be able to hold the cup well enough.

He seemed to sense my distress, and used the little control to sit the bed up. I used to love those controls, before I had to spend a month in the hospital with nothing better to do than raise and lower the bed a hundred times a day. Let me tell you, the fun wears off really quick. Once he had me mostly upright, he slid a hand behind my neck and held the cup to my lips.

I waited for the reflexive tensing of my muscles, my normal reaction to being touched, but it never came. Either I was so desperate for water that it was overriding everything else, or I was just hurting so badly that I was unwilling to cause myself more pain, even unconsciously.

_Or you're starting to trust him. _

I told my inner voice to shut the fuck up, and gulped at the water Carlisle was offering. I didn't trust him. I just _needed_ him for right now. I would play the part of the dutiful and grateful foster son, and he would play the part of the martyr who had taken in this fucked-up creature and given him a chance at a normal life. Then, when I hit eighteen, I would quietly disappear, and life would go back to normal for him. See? Everybody won.

After I had drained the cup (and would have gladly drained ten more, except Carlisle thought I might get sick if I had too much, too soon), he set it back down and looked me in the eyes. "How are you feeling?"

_Like I've been hit by a Mack truck, asshole — how do you think I'm feeling? What the hell did you do to me, anyway? _But there was no way I could force that many words out, so I just whispered "Bad," followed by a miserable fit of coughing.

He waited until I was done, gently rubbing my shoulder. When it was finally over, he sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you know why you're here?"

_Because I pissed you off and finally got what's been coming to me for more than two weeks?_ Something told me that he wouldn't appreciate my sarcasm. Maria certainly never did. "No."

"You had a seizure at the house yesterday afternoon. We had to call the ambulance, and they brought you here. You've been sleeping pretty much since then. Any of this sound familiar yet?"

I sensed that he wanted it to sound familiar, so I backed my memories up carefully. I remembered being in the basement garage, and having a fight with Rosalie (okay, she fought and I just freaked out, but I had to salvage some of my pride), then taking a nap. Let's see, I had woken up when Rosalie and Edward had started fighting, and then gone to talk to Esme. Emmett had finally come home from the store, and he had wanted to work on my baseball skills, so I had gone with him and . . . and . . . I wasn't sure what had happened then.

"No. Emmett wanted to play ball." My mind, slow as it was right now, was still moving a lot faster than my mouth could.

He nodded. "Yes. You were out playing ball with Emmett and Edward, and you collapsed out there. You don't have a history of seizures, so what do you think might have caused this one? Does anything stick out in your mind as having happened yesterday?"

He was the doctor; why didn't he tell me what had happened? I shook my head.

"They want to keep you here for a few days, so they can run tests on you and try to figure out what happened." He stopped for a second, as if weighing his words, and finally continued. "Jasper, there's something that we have to discuss."

Here it came, the old 'it's not you, it's me,' discussion, and a move to a different home. Nice. I had never been abandoned while I was in the hospital before. Well, I guessed technically that was what had happened with Maria, but I'm pretty sure she didn't want to give me up — she was forced to. She might not have liked me, but she certainly didn't want what she was doing to me to come to light. "Okay?"

For another second he was quiet, probably going over his options in an attempt to break it to me gently. "Jasper, you're old enough and mature enough for me to be completely honest. You suffered a very serious head injury, and many times there are long-term effects from that, effects that you might not see right away . . ." His voice trailed off.

In other words, I'm fucked up, but they aren't really sure how fucked up yet. Got it. Great. I wasn't really sure what he wanted me to say to that, so I went with the obvious. "Okay."

He seemed to gather his courage. "This seizure may not be an isolated incident. It's entirely possible that you may end up with epilepsy or a similar seizure disorder." He stopped to see how I was taking this.

Not well. I wasn't even completely sure what epilepsy was, except you had seizures and couldn't do things like drive or live by yourself. What was going to happen to me now? I felt traitorous tears start to well up in my eyes, but forced them down. No matter how bad things got, I wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing me cry. "Oh."

He must have read my face, because he went on gently. "That might not even be the case, but it's something I want you to be prepared for. Do you have any questions for me?"

My head was hurting worse and worse, and it loosened my tongue. "Where am I going to live?" I couldn't afford to live on my own, and I didn't think seizures were enough to keep you in some sort of hospital.

He seemed confused. "With us, of course. This doesn't change us wanting to keep you."

I just looked at him. Of course it meant he didn't want to keep me. At least, it _ought_ to. "How come?"

A thousand different answers passed through his eyes before he finally settled on one. "Because we love you, even if you don't love us. Yet."

There wasn't much that I could say to that, because it was true, at least the part about me not loving them. Maybe I loved Alice. Maybe. I certainly liked her the best. I also liked Emmett, and Edward and Rosalie. I even guessed I liked Carlisle and Esme. It was a grudging sort of like, but it was there all the same. "I like you." It was as far as I could force myself to go.

He nodded. "That's a step in the right direction. It may not even turn out to be an issue. But no matter what, you will have a home with us."

Luckily, I was saved from having to reply by Emmett bursting into the room. "I brought food! Jasper, you're awake! Good thing, man!"

I was starting to think that Emmett didn't say anything that didn't end in exclamation points. "Hey."

He held up a bag from Hardees. "I got three different types of biscuits, so you can have first pick. I also brought milk and OJ. It's okay, Dad, I can do Jasper watch for a while. You go and get some rest."

Had Carlisle stayed here all night long? Why? Just to watch me and see if I had another seizure? Or was it because he was worried about me? I didn't ask, though. Not so much because I was afraid that he would tell me that he hadn't, but because I was afraid that he would tell me that he had.

Carlisle studied me for a few minutes, as if asking if that were all right. I shrugged, and immediately regretted the movement. My head was hurting less, but all of my muscles still ached. "S'okay with me."

He lightly touched the side of my neck. "Okay, then. If you need anything at all, you call me at home. I'll bring it as soon as I can. Esme is going to come in about noon, and Alice will be here as soon as she gets out of school." He turned to Emmett. "I want to know if anything, and I mean _anything_, happens, okay? Let me know if you need to leave, because I don't want Jasper left alone."

I could tell that he was reluctant to leave, but he did in the end. Emmett watched him go, his expression unreadable. I wondered if being stuck here with me was just another part of his punishment while he was suspended. Once he was sure that Carlisle was gone, he turned to me and grinned. "So, you want a Coke? I can go get one from the vending machine. I brought a few DVDs for us to watch, so it's going to be a good day."

It did sound like a good day, but it wasn't really fair to him to be trapped in a hospital room all day long, playing nursemaid to me. "You don't have to stay, you know. I'll tell Carlisle that you did."

He pulled the chair over next to the bed. "Nah, you aren't going to get rid of me that easily. Nice try, though. So, you want to watch the first season of _Buffy,_ or you cool with a Harry Potter marathon?"

Apparently, Emmett had a fixation on the supernatural. I had never watched Buffy, but I had seen the first Harry Potter movie. Granted, I had spent a large portion of the movie with Jackson in my lap after he got frightened by the greasy-looking professor, but at least I had some clue as to the plot. "Harry Potter."

He gave me a huge grin. "Okay, then. I'll get us some sodas while it cues up."

"Okay." I couldn't help the pleasure that washed through me at the fact that someone actually wanted to spend time with me. I had given Emmett the out, and he had refused to take it, so that must mean he liked me, too, at least a little bit. It made me feel good that someone else in the house was willing to put up with me. Alice obviously was, and Rosalie, too, but it was important to have Emmett on my side. He was the biggest person in the house, after all.

He was nice enough to open my soda for me, and give me the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, even though he claimed that it was his favorite, too. Then he put the footstool up on the chair and we settled down to watch in a companionable silence.

It was one of the things I liked best about Emmett: he knew when to just be quiet. Any other family member would have been hanging over me, fussing about how much I had eaten, what I had eaten, and doing everything but peeing for me. Emmett helped out as much as I needed, then left me to do the rest myself.

The movie was engaging, but I caught my attention trying to wander. What would it be like if I had some sort of magical power? Casting spells would be fantastic, but really, anything would do. Things would be so much easier if I had super strength, or speed, or the ability to read minds. The only things I was good at were reading people's moods and not dying when I should have. Not that staying alive wasn't a good thing, but it would be nice to have a superpower that would prevent me from getting into bad situations in the first place.

Despite nearly seventeen hours of unconsciousness, I started to get a little sleepy, and dozed on and off during second movie. Emmett was kind enough not to say anything, just turned the volume down a bit and quit making comments. I reminded myself to be nicer to him when I got home. No, scratch that, when I got back to the Cullens' house. Couldn't let myself get too comfortable calling it home just yet.

Lunch and the fourth movie arrived simultaneously. Emmett fussed with the DVD controls while I looked in horror at the gelatinous gloop on my tray. Some sort of meat, possibly beef, possibly pork, lay half covered in rapidly congealing gravy. A limp salad was in another dish, along with a thimbleful of ranch dressing. The only thing that looked remotely edible on the entire tray was an apple, which I snatched immediately. Oh, well, I guessed I had eaten worse.

"Ewww, what is that?" Emmett had come over to poke at my food with the complimentary plastic silverware. "Is it cat?" The innocence in his expression cracked me up, and we laughed together for a minute. "Seriously though, no brother of mine is going to eat that crap."

Before I could tell him that it was all right, he had whipped out his phone and was dialing numbers. There was a moment's pause, and his voice turned sickeningly sweet. "Rosie? Baby? Listen, Jasper and I are at the hospital, and we need some lunch . . . I know." He rolled his eyes and made a 'yap yap yap' gesture with his hand. "Because, dad wanted someone to be with him all the time, and anyway, it's fucking boring in here; he'd be lost without me." Another pause, probably while Rose explained that she couldn't spend the break between classes running errands for her boyfriend and her foster brother. "I love you, baby. Here he is."

I was more than a little apprehensive about getting on the phone with Rosalie, considering how I had behaved the last time we were together, but Emmett shoved the phone into my hand. "Tell her what you want."

"Hello, Rosalie. You really don't have to get me anything. I'll be all right." As her boyfriend, Emmett might be able to get away with asking for something like that, but I didn't command the same respect.

She laughed into the phone, the sound like running water. "It's all right, Jasper. I was planning to come by and see the two of you, anyway. There's a McDonald's across the street from the hospital; is that all right with you?"

"Yes." Anything was all right with me, but both Esme and Carlisle had been after me to have stronger opinions about things. Rosalie made it easy for me to have opinions, because it was very clear what she wanted me to say. I just went along with it.

"What do you want? I already know what to get Doofus over there."

It was a simple question, but my mind went suddenly and totally blank. I couldn't remember ever eating a meal at McDonald's, which was ridiculous, since I took the little kids there all the time. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to force myself to relax. If I could calm down, I could remember the correct words to get what I wanted. Holly, huck, hand, hamster, handle, hard, help, had, hamburger. That was it, a hamburger! Sometimes it took a little bit for my brain to get back into the correct gear. "A hamburger and a Coke."

"Fries, too?" She sounded a little distracted, like she was writing this down.

"Please." I loved French fries, and wasn't above eating the leftovers from the little kids' happy meals. Belatedly, I remembered my manners. "Thank you, Rosalie."

"No problem, darling; I'll be there in about half an hour." Apparently, I had done something to redeem myself in her eyes. Good thing; now I just needed to know what it was.

Emmett took the phone back and said his goodbyes, lingering a bit to tell her how much he loved her. I didn't want to be the creepy guy who listened in, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted someone to do that for me, to linger on the phone and whisper how much they loved me until we finally hung up together. But that probably wasn't going to happen.

I hadn't been lying when I told Esme that I had never had a girlfriend. Girlfriends might be well meaning, but they asked too many questions, and worried about you when they would be better off just leaving things be. Girlfriends would want to kiss, and probably go further, and that was no good. She might wonder where all my bruises and scars had come from, and I couldn't let that happen. Plus, no one would understand why I couldn't go on dates or do much of anything. Maria always needed me to watch the smaller kids.

But, just once, I wanted someone to look at me like I was the most special person in the entire world, the way Rose looked at Emmett. Actually, it would be nice if someone would look at me like I was special at all. Okay, I guessed Alice looked at me like I was special. I couldn't figure out why, but it was a pretty great feeling. Not that I was, or ever could be, good enough for her, but it made me happy nonetheless.

"So, movie?" Emmett drew me back into reality. Nope, I was still just plain old Jasper, with the scarred-up body and fucked-up brain. _But you're still special to Alice._

"Yeah." Despite having drowsed through a large portion of the second movie, and the beginning of the third, I was pretty sure that I could follow the plot of this one. I was feeling a lot stronger, and more alert. My muscles still ached, but it was a dull ache now, one I could easily push to the back of my mind.

We watched for about fifteen minutes, before Emmett shot upright. I jumped at the sudden movement, but didn't get as fearful as I usually did. He was a big guy, but a real teddy bear. I would be fine with him. "Holy fuck, that looks like Edward!"

I squinted at the screen. "Where?"

"He's off now, lets see if they show him again." He leaned forward, totally fixated on the screen. I looked too, but the people all sort of blended together for me. "There! I think his name is Patrick."

Sure enough, the actor did bear a striking resemblance to my foster brother. "I see it now. It does look like Edward, only Edward is more . . ." I trailed off, trying to think about exactly what it was that bothered me about the comparison. "I don't know."

"You'll get it." Emmett was again immersed in the movie.

This was another thing I really liked about Emmett. If I lost a word, or got suddenly shy, he didn't baby me or try to put words in my mouth. Instead he would wait patiently until I got it on my own. I had no doubt that he would stick up for me if I really needed it though. With the pressure off, I quickly found the correct terms. "This guy, this Patrick, he seems really confident, like he's a people person. Edward's more shy."

While most people probably wouldn't have seen that as a physical difference, I did. I had seen pictures of myself when I still lived with my biological mom, then my first foster home, right up until the picture that Alice had taken with the digital camera the day before yesterday. The happy, charismatic child looked absolutely nothing like the shy, introverted adult, even when I was smiling. If you're outgoing, it shows on every part of your body, from your eyes to your smile to the way you hold yourself. I just didn't have that anymore.

"I don't think it's so much that Eddie is shy, I just think he's very self-sufficient. He doesn't really need anyone else to make him happy. Except Bella, of course, he's been downright nauseating since he hooked up with her."

That was certainly true. I was pretty sure if I heard one more "Oh, baby, I love you soooooo much," my teeth would rot out from the sweetness. "Yeah."

We exchanged weary grins, the look of two guys who have found out that their brother is completely pussy-whipped. Not that Emmett was far behind him in that department, but at least he didn't sit up at night composing music for his girlfriend. Dirty limericks, yes; sonatas, no.

We watched for another few minutes, during which time I determined that the character was 'Cedric' and not 'Patrick,' before Rosalie appeared, balancing two big bags of food and some drinks. "Emmett, come help me."

By 'help,' she apparently meant 'take all the bags so I can go over and look at Jasper.' She surprised me by leaning over and kissing me on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"

It seemed to be the question of the day. "Better."

"Good." She pulled the tray over the bed so she could set up my food. The rejected hospital lunch was still sitting there. She pulled the napkin off the plate and gaped in horror. "Oh my God, what is that?"

Emmett smirked. "Cat."

"Looks like it." She popped the straw in my drink and opened all three burger containers. "Okay, let's eat."

For a few minutes, we were quiet, all enjoying our meals. Suddenly, Rosalie looked up. "Hey, that guy looks a lot like Edward. Less constipated, though."

I couldn't help the bark of laughter that exploded out of my chest. She was right; Edward did look like he had something jammed up his ass most of the time.

Much to my surprise, I was able to eat almost all of the food that Rose had brought. My appetite was good these days, but sometimes food that had sounded fantastic when I asked for it turned my stomach when it was actually put in front of me.

I supposed it was a good sign that I was no longer shoveling down everything that was put in front of me, regardless of whether I was hungry or not. There always seemed to be plenty of food in the Cullen house, so my worries about running out had lessened. Well, they had lessened mostly because I was building up a stash of non-perishables in the back of my closet, but at least they were lessening. I needed to have that food there, just in case.

Rose stayed with us for nearly an hour, almost long enough to finish the movie. By the end of that time, I was starting to regret eating that much food. She had large-sized everything, and except for a few French fries, I had managed to eat it all. I didn't feel sick, exactly, but the food seemed to be heavy in my stomach. She picked up the trash and leaned over to give me another quick kiss. I surprised myself by turning my head so she would have an easier time reaching me. There was just something comforting about Rosalie, even though she had upset me yesterday.

To tell the truth, I actually admired her for doing that. She had been willing to throw all politeness aside in defense of her family. She had been tough, even when she was facing someone far larger and stronger than herself. As soon as I had backed down, so had she. She wasn't punishing me, not like Maria used to; she was just letting me know how things stood. Alice was her sister, and she would protect her at all costs. I even agreed with her. After all, I would protect Alice, also.

She drew me back to the moment by laying a hand on my face. "You're warm; are you feeling okay? Emmett, does he feel warm to you?"

I stiffened a little at the sight of Emmett's enormous hand coming for my face, but his touch was nearly as gentle as his girlfriend's. "Yeah, I guess."

"I'll say something to the nurse. Bye, baby; bye, Jasper."

We said our goodbyes back, barely noticing that we had missed the end of the movie. It was getting close to the time Esme was supposed to be here, and there was something that I needed Emmett for before she arrived. "I need to get up."

His eyes rolled over to meet mine. "I don't think you're supposed to do that. Dad told me not to let you start roaming the hallways, and that you should stay in bed."

"I need to pee." I had needed to go for a while now, but I had been too embarrassed to say so in front of Rosalie. "I can do that by myself, but I need a little help standing up." Hopefully, I _would_ be able to do it by myself.

Instantly he came to my side and slid an arm around my shoulders. "One . . . two . . . three." At the final number, he coaxed me upright.

My knees promptly gave out, and I would have collapsed to the floor if he hadn't been holding me. Every muscle in my body screamed, as if I had been running for days on end instead of lying in a hospital bed. My equilibrium was all shot to hell, and I wavered pitifully. Fantastic.

"Maybe I should get a nurse." Emmett was definitely nervous about this.

"No, it's all right." I forced my legs to stiffen up. They did, and I took an experimental step forward. "See?"

He didn't look entirely convinced, but he steadied me as we crossed the room. "Uh, you sure you don't need me to go with you?"

Much as I might have liked him to, I didn't feel close enough to him enough to pee in front of him. "No, that's all right. Just . . . kind of stay outside the door, okay?"

"Sure." He seemed relieved that I didn't need him to come inside.

_Not as relieved as I am, buddy._

I looked at myself in the mirror while I took care of business, noticing how terrible I looked. I had a big bruise on the side of my face, and my face was whiter than paper. No wonder Emmett had wanted me to stay in bed. I looked like Death warmed over. Not to mention the continually growing discomfort in my stomach. All in all, it was not a good look for me.

Finally done, I hobbled over to the sink and washed my hands. Voices in the room caught my attention, and I padded back out, leaning against the IV pole for support. The nurse was right in the middle of chewing Emmett out for letting me leave my bed.

Time for a little damage control. I made my pitiful way back out and gave the nurse my most winning smile. "I'm sorry, but I really had to use the bathroom."

She wasn't impressed. "Then you should have pushed the call button and a nurse would have brought a bedpan."

Oh, Hell, no. I had been forced to suffer the indignities of a bedpan the last time I was hospitalized, and I wasn't eager to repeat the humiliation. I would drag myself to the bathroom, even if I had to crawl. "No."

It was almost funny to see Emmett's jaw drop. Ever since I had come to live with him, I had been nothing but sweet and complacent. Even now, I didn't raise my voice. I just locked my eyes on the nurse's and made it deadly clear that I meant business. I couldn't push back against Carlisle or Esme, but I would be damned if I was going to let someone else dictate my bathroom habits.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the first difficult patient she had had to deal with. "Fine. Either you can use the bedpan, or you can use the toilet, but you'll have to leave to door open. Your choice."

I didn't back down, but I didn't say anything else, either. With several patients to watch over, she couldn't stop me from doing what I wanted. She read the defiance in my eyes. "This is for your own good. If you were to have another seizure in the bathroom, not only would nobody know and be able to help you, but you might hit something on the way down and hurt yourself."

Her words made sense, but I wasn't in the mood to hear them. Actually, I wasn't in the mood to do much except curl up around my painful stomach and pity myself. So I just glared at her. Emmett stepped in to break the tension, helping me back into bed. Then he had to open his mouth and betray me. "Can you check his temperature? I think he has a fever."

I yanked my arm out of his grip, shooting him an evil death glare. He shrugged. "Sorry man, but I don't want to see you hurt."

That was too bad, considering that, at the moment, I would like nothing better than to hurt him. Words failed me, but I felt a furious growl building up in my chest. How could he just throw me to the wolves like that?

The nurse left, giving me a stern glance that suggested she would do whatever was necessary to ensure I cooperated with her. I gave Emmett another dirty look and climbed into bed. Well, I attempted to climb into bed. My stupid bad knee gave out and I ended up needing Emmett to help me. "This doesn't mean I'm not pissed with you."

He gave a hearty chuckle. "That's all right, I'm used to it. Fuck, Rosie gets pissed at me about every third day."

For some reason, it was hard to stay angry with Emmett. True, he often blurted out things that were better kept private, but he didn't have a malicious bone in his body. "Yeah, I noticed."

The nurse returned, this time with an intern for backup. She held up a thermometer and a paper cup of pills. I weighed my options, but it was three against one (I was counting Emmett in with them), and I could tell when I was outgunned. So I let her stick the thermometer under my tongue, contenting myself with glaring evilly.

No one seemed even mildly perturbed by it. Of course, the thermometer jammed in my mouth and the fact that I could barely stand up probably made me look ridiculous rather than dangerous. The damn thing beeped, and Nurse Evil pulled it out of my mouth. "101.8. Do you hurt anywhere else?"

There was a brief moment where I considered lying, but it didn't take long for me to determine that the only one who would be hurt by that was me. "My stomach is kind of sick."

She seemed to soften a bit. "There's a flu going around, and you probably have a touch of it." She left and came back a minute later with something she injected into my IV. "This is Reglan; it'll help with the nausea." She held out the pills, which I took with the last of my soda. "Fever reducers. Let me know if you have any other symptoms." She was crisp, cool, and efficient, a quality that all nurses seemed to share, regardless of the hospital.

Whatever bravery had possessed me earlier fled, leaving me exhausted and no better than I had been before. Why didn't I just give in in the first place? God knew sticking up for myself had never gotten me anywhere in the past.

"Jasper!" The voice was warm, and I turned instinctively towards it. Esme had been in the doorway when she spoke, but now she was striding across the room to give me a hug. "Oh, baby, you have no idea how happy it makes me to see you awake!"

Normally I would have objected to being referred to as 'baby,' but I was going to let it slide this time. She obviously pleased to see me, so they least I could do was act polite.

Ever the mother, she lightly smoothed the hair back from my face, frowning when she felt the heat there. "The nurse already said I have a fever, and gave me something."

Another gentle stroke. "I had to pick both Alice and Edward up at school today — they're sick too. I guess you caught it from one of them."

Or I had given it to both of them. My stomach dropped a little bit at the thought that Alice wouldn't be coming to see me after all. A thought occurred to me, bringing with it a sudden surge of guilt. "Don't they need you at home, then?" After all, they were her real kids, and sick kids needed their mother with them. I had tried my best when one of my foster siblings would get sick, but it just wasn't good enough.

"Of course not. Carlisle is taking care of them right now, so I can be with you." As if she sensed I was about to object, she shook her head. "I know you think you can take care of yourself, but just humor me, all right?"

Fine. But only because she wanted me to, and I was feeling guilty. My stomach was not trilling with pleasure at the fact that she wanted to stay with me, it was just that the medication hadn't kicked in yet, and I was still nauseous. Yeah, that was it. It wasn't because I was actually starting to like her or anything.

"What are you watching?" She took the chair that Emmett had vacated.

"Harry Potter." All five movies were stacked up next to the DVD player. Emmett had either forgotten to take them, or he had trusted me to take care of them until he could get back here. Knowing Emmett, it was probably the latter.

"Would you like to keep watching?"

Of course I would. Anything to keep from the awkwardness of trying to figure out what to say to each other. "Yeah."

Despite my not doing anything to encourage her, she remained close, occasionally touching my arm or smoothing my hair. I let her do it, because she obviously needed someone to love at the moment. Apparently, even I would do.

Lying in bed, with Esme sitting next to me, I was suddenly overcome with an emotion that was rather unfamiliar to me. For the first time in a long time, I was jealous. Jealous that the rest of them had this woman to care about them, and most of them didn't even appreciate her. Alice did, and sometimes Rosalie, but Edward was a definite daddy's boy. Emmett seemed equally attached to both parents, but I also got the impression that he was generally too busy getting attached to Rosalie to pay them much mind.

"What's wrong?" Esme glanced over at me. "You jumped, and now you're all tense."

"I don't know." That wasn't technically a lie. I understood my reactions, but not why I was having them. But I did like the worried look in her eyes. Not because she was worried, but because it was directed at me. For once, someone cared about my well being above everyone else's. It was a feeling I could get used to.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this one. It's nice and long, though so it should make up for the wait, right? You guys were right, Jasper is starting to access some deeper emotions. Keep that in mind before you kill me for this one, alright?**

**Special love for all of my reviewers!**

**Esme's POV**

"Are you okay, sweetie?" I kept my voice as gentle and loving as possible, so as not to scare him. "Do you want me to get you something?" Anything? I wished he would give me some clue as to what he was thinking.

"No, I'm all right." He tried gamely to smile at me, but even I could tell it was forced.

Alice stepped in. "Want to walk down to the gift shop?"

"No."

"How about I make Emmett bring the Xbox back over, and we can play?"

"No."

I tried again. "Do you want me to bring in some DVDs? Books?"

"No." This time he didn't even smile, though I had noticed he always had a grin for Alice.

"We could play cards." I was running out of suggestions.

"No. I'm fine."

Which could roughly be translated as _I want to sit alone and wallow in self pity, just like yesterday, and the day before._

"What do you want to do, then?"

"Nothing. I feel like shit."

Normally, I would have corrected his language, but nothing about the past few days had been even remotely normal. Alice recovered from her illness fairly quickly, but not before passing it on to first Rosalie, then Carlisle. Edward was finally recovering, but this morning, Emmett had started running a fever. Add in the fact that Jasper had suffered several more seizures in the hospital, and it all added up to a rather large mess.

He could have been telling the truth about not feeling well, or he could have just been trying to get us to leave. Ever since the head neurologist had handed down an epilepsy diagnosis, he had become withdrawn and depressed. The doctor felt sure that it had been caused by the scarring left on his brain from what his former foster mother had done to him. This round of seizures had probably begun once he became ill with the flu and his body's defenses were lowered. Carlisle had brought by stacks of literature explaining the disease and all possible treatments, but they had sat untouched by the bed.

True, things could have been a lot worse, but it was easy for me to say that. I was a grown woman, married and with a beautiful family. I wasn't a seventeen-year-old boy, who felt like he had no one in the world. Poor guy.

"What about a popsicle?" A sore throat really hadn't been part of this particular flu, but I was desperate to do _something_.

He shrugged and turned his head away, the very picture of abject misery. Alice opened the curtains, trying to let a little light into the dark, depressing room. "It's like a morgue in here."

Jasper made an irritated huffing noise, clearly trying to repress some rude comment. Had it been anyone but Alice, he probably wouldn't have even made the attempt, but he's soft on her. The two of them are so cute together, the way they seem to understand each other without speaking.

I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. It needed to be cut badly, even worse than when he had arrived, but he had stubbornly refused to let anyone near him with a pair of scissors. I wondered if something specific had happened to him, or if he were just generally wary of people being behind him with sharp objects. Maybe both. I had long since decided that hair wasn't the hill to die on, and just let it go.

At least I could touch him now. After three days of being so sick that he could barely hold his own head up, much less do anything substantial for himself, he had decided that my comfort wasn't such a bad thing after all. He wouldn't ask for it, or make any indication that he wanted me to touch him, but he didn't shy back, either. Sometimes, like right now, he even seemed to enjoy it. His eyes had closed, and he relaxed slightly.

Truth be told, I wasn't quite sure what else to do for him. The classes we had taken to certify as foster parents hadn't prepared us for a case like Jasper's, or for helping a child face the reality of a life-changing illness. I had hoped that Carlisle would do better, but that wasn't the case. What was so easy to do with his patients became impossible when it was family.

And Jasper _was_ family. The house didn't exactly seem empty without him, but it was certainly lessened. Even Edward, who didn't really seem to have much to do with Jasper when he was there, sensed that something was off. He had been asking about Jasper, but couldn't visit. The flu was running rampant, and no one wanted someone who was ill visiting the ICU.

"Can I look at this stuff?" Alice refused to give up, gently badgering him until she got a normal answer from him.

"Sure." He didn't even turn his head.

"You didn't even look! I could be going through your underwear or your medical records, and you just gave me permission."

With Alice, it was generally easier to just give in, rather than fight with her. Jasper glanced over, noting that she was holding the papers that Carlisle had brought over to help him come to terms with things. "Go ahead."

Instead of looking over them quietly, she climbed up next to him and started reading parts out loud. "Epilepsy is a recurrent disorder of the nervous system, characterized by repetitive and uncontrolled jerking of the limbs, accompanied by a loss of consciousness. Seizures can be either _grand mal_ or _petit mal._ _Petit mal_ seizures, also known as absence seizures, do not result in convulsions or collapse. A person having a _petit mal_ seizure may appear blank or disoriented for a period of several seconds to several minutes." She broke off there. "Hey, I'll bet that's what happened last week!"

Jasper's confused expression probably mirrored my own. "Huh?"

"You know, the night we had spaghetti? Remember, I said you blanked out on me, but you didn't remember doing it?"

He nodded, but I interrupted before he could reply. "Wait a minute. You knew there was something wrong, and you didn't do anything? Alice, what were you thinking?" We were supposed to be keeping a close watch on Jasper and any symptoms he might be displaying, and that couldn't happen if some members of the family were covering for him.

The words were barely out of my mouth before Jasper leaped to her defense. "I made her. I lied and told her that it was a dizzy spell, when I knew it wasn't. So, it's my fault."

That just meant they were _both_ in trouble. I made my voice calm and loving, two emotions I was most decidedly not feeling at the moment. "Jasper, I understand that you want to protect Alice, and that is very sweet of you. However, she definitely knew better than to lie for you. If she had said something then, you might not be in the hospital now."

Her face crumpled, and I felt terrible, especially since that wasn't actually true. If Alice had come to me, I would have been concerned, but probably just kept a better eye on him. I certainly wouldn't have assumed something of this magnitude. "We'll talk about it later, okay? I'm disappointed in both of you." My words were mostly spoken to Alice.

Had they not been side by side, I would have entirely missed what happened next. Tears sprung up in Alice's eyes, and Jasper flinched. Was he upset because Alice was, or because I was? Whatever the reason, it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

I tried not to get my hopes up. Common wisdom said that for every year of abuse, it should take a year for the kid to heal. The only problem was that Jasper didn't have five years. He had only two months, and I knew that wouldn't be enough. I had to think of a way to convince him to stay. The question was how.

"Epilepsy cannot be cured, but seizures can be kept under control through the use of anticonvulsant drugs. Common drugs include Phenobarbital, Depakote, and Clonazepam." Alice was reading out loud again, apparently trying to dispel the tension in the room. "Which one are they trying you on?"

"I don't know." He seemed totally disinterested in his medication, just like he was disinterested in everything else to do with his condition.

"How can you not know? Don't you even care about what's wrong with you?" She sounded incredulous.

"I do, but . . ." He trailed off there.

"But?" Alice was never afraid of pushing him too far. She had amazing instincts about when to keep going and when to ease off and let him have his space. I would have given absolutely anything to have that power for just one day. Just one day in which I felt like I wasn't failing with him.

He didn't reply, just looked around the room desperately. Once he had determined that none of the inanimate objects were going to help him, and I was just as curious to hear his answer as Alice was, he shrugged. "I don't know."

"How about because if you try and learn about your medications, then you have to admit to yourself that this isn't going away? That this is going to be your life now, and there is nothing that Dad, nor I, nor you, can do to change it? Am I close?"

"Mary Alice Cullen!" I was horrified that she would come right out and say that. Not that I didn't agree with her, one hundred percent, but there were countless ways to put it more tactfully. I was already rethinking my earlier assessment that she wouldn't push him too far.

But Jasper didn't get angry, or break down. He just whispered. "Yeah, you're close."

It hurt to hear him say that, but I was careful not to let the pity show on my face. I had no idea what to say to him, because Alice was right. None of us could do anything to change Jasper's circumstances; we could only help him deal with them. _If_ he would let us, which was a shaky prospect at the best of times.

Maybe the surprise I had planned would buck his spirits up a little. If everything went according to plan, it should arrive about four, just a few minutes from now.

"Well, you need to stop pitying yourself. It sucks, we get it. You can still walk, still see, and still hear. You are mentally intact. If you take a little interest in your treatment, you can still have a perfectly normal life. Starting with us figuring out what medication you're on." Without waiting for either permission or a reply, she stood up and gathered his medical records off the table near the bed. Jasper, apparently stunned into silence, just stared at her.

I was feeling rather stunned myself. Alice was not particularly good about standing up for herself. She would much rather go with the flow, even if we were doing something she knew wasn't a good idea, than speak up and risk being ostracized. What was it about Jasper that made her willing to risk his affections to help him out?

Alice ran a finger through his records, her eyes scanning for anything of interest. "There! They have you on Phenobarbital. Mom, do you have a piece of paper?"

She knew me too well, and I retrieved a small notepad from my purse. Alice flipped it open with a flourish, and began writing. _"Jasper's list of questions. Question one: Why Phenobarbital instead of something else? Question two: When can I go home?_ What else?" When she received no reply, she nudged him. "What else, Jasper?"

"Will I still have seizures, even with the medicine?" The words were mostly mumbled into his chest.

"Good." She wrote it down neatly. "And?"

She dragged a few more questions out of him in that manner, pushing him far further than I would have ever dared to. Finally, when I could almost see the tears forming in his stormy eyes, she stopped and closed the pad. "Now we'll know what to ask the doctor the next time he comes." Then she laid her head down on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to pick on you."

His eyes fluttered closed, exhaustion evident in every line on his face. "I know."

I felt as though I could watch them for years and never even come close to understanding them. Somehow, Alice had gotten Jasper to take responsibility for at least a little bit of his treatment, something no one else had managed. He had stubbornly shut out Carlisle, me, and an entire team of doctors to the point where we had been asked several times if he was mute. _No, just bullheaded._ Not only had she managed to get him interested, she had done it with a minimum of trauma and fuss. I was impressed.

A knock sounded at the door, causing all three of us to jump. Alice leaped up, her excitement nearly causing her to trip over her own feet. "Come in."

A teenage boy entered, quiet and nervous, followed by a woman who looked to be in her late fifties. Jasper bolted upright, a smile like I had never seen before spreading across his face. "Pete!"

"Hey, Major." They didn't kiss, didn't embrace, didn't do anything but grin at each other. Then Peter lightly tapped Jasper's shoulder. "You're a mess."

"You're here!" Jasper's voice wavered between happy and incredulous.

"Well, yeah. It's Saturday, isn't it? Just because you got your stupid self too sick to come to Port Angeles doesn't mean that I should have to miss out."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Yes, Peter, because I gave myself five seizures and have spent the past week in the hospital all to screw with your mind and inconvenience you."

Peter replicated his sarcastic tone. "Yeah, I can see your point, five seizures does seem a little excessive to get out of seeing someone. Three seizures and some puking, maybe, but probably not five."

Looking from one to the other, I noticed something interesting. If I remembered correctly, Peter was only fifteen, but he was already big. If I had to guess, I would say he was at least six feet tall, with a build similar to Emmett's. Though not as heavy, Jasper himself was also quite tall. Both of them were easily able to overpower their much smaller foster mother. But by all accounts, neither one had so much as tried. Why?

I turned the thought over in my mind, standing up and tugging Alice with me. I held out my hand to Peter's foster mother. "Hi, I'm Esme Cullen, and this is Alice. I know we've spoken on the phone, but it's nice to finally meet you in person."

She smiled back at me, and in her eyes I recognized the battle-weary look of another foster mother. The look that said she understood nights spent rocking drug-addicted babies and terrified children. That she, too, had installed alarms on windows and doors — not to keep the outside from coming in, but in a last-ditch effort to keep a delinquent teen at home. That she had attended court hearings, and spent her afternoons in the principal's office, begging for her kid to get just one more chance. "I'm Lucy. It's a pleasure to meet you, also. Thank you so much for allowing Peter to come visit."

I gave Alice (who was pretending not to listen in on the boys' conversation) another pull. "Oh, no problem. Any friend of Jasper's is welcome to come visit us whenever they like. Would you like to go down and get a bite to eat? I'm sure the boys would like some privacy." The last part was tacked on mostly for Alice, who scowled at me.

As we went out the door, I found myself having to ignore Peter's not-so-subtle whisper of "Jesus, Major, your foster mom's a milf!" Sick as it was, I couldn't help but preen a little bit at the compliment.

I led Lucy down to the cafeteria, wondering what I should do now. If I hadn't had Alice with me, I would have pumped her for some information about Peter, or Jasper, or anything that might have happened in that house. But without that to fall back on, I was a little lost. My 'gracious hostess' topics seemed out of place, considering the circumstances we were meeting under.

Luckily, Lucy had a few topics of her own. "So, what are you going to do about the trial?"

A cold feeling started between my shoulder blades. "The trial?"

"Oh, God, you didn't know? They brought that bitch up on charges. Child abuse, neglect, attempted murder, assault . . . I'm not even sure what else. We got a letter earlier this week saying that Pete might have to testify." She looked down at her hands. "I'm so sorry. I thought you knew already."

If they thought Peter might need to testify, Jasper would definitely be called. But between dealing with hospitalized kids, suspended kids, and sick kids this week, the mail was building up on the counter. There could have been any number of important documents in that pile, and I would have never noticed. "No, it's been a crazy week for us. The flu's going around the house, plus Jasper being sick. Tell me more about the trial." I wasn't upset with her, but to be honest, I was more than a little peeved with Demetri for not giving us a heads-up.

"They haven't set a date yet, but I figure it's going to be soon. She's been in jail for the past two months, and they have to either set a speedy trial or let her go. But they're going to take Pete to the station on Tuesday so he can make a statement." Suddenly, she paled. "You don't think he and Jasper are up there talking about it right now, do you? Getting their stories straight?"

I hoped not. If both Jasper and Peter refused to speak, the case might fall apart. I was sure that she would be convicted of hurting Jasper, no matter what he or Peter might claim, simply because we had the 911 tape that said otherwise. But the other charges? Jasper was smart, and I was sure he could muddy the waters enough for her to get off. "I don't know. If they were going to do that, they've done it already. Let them have some time together."

She sighed. "I really did intend to bring Peter to see him in the hospital. But they wouldn't approve it, because they aren't blood related, so I had to fight them about that. Then suddenly he was being released, but they wouldn't tell us where. Confidentiality and all that. I was so relieved when Jasper was able to make contact."

"They love each other." I did want Jasper to think of us as his family, but I had to accept that there were other people he loved just as dearly. Peter would always be a brother to him, no matter whom they lived with. If I didn't try and keep that relationship intact, how would he ever be able to accept that any relationship could be permanent?

"Of course they do. I tried to get Jasper, too, you know."

I hadn't known that. Actually, I had been under the impression that there hadn't been any interest in Jasper, other than Carlisle and me. "No, I had no idea."

"Yeah, I knew Pete missed him a lot, and he's my only foster right now, so I figured I could try. They turned me down due to his medical issues, and they wanted him placed with a man in the house." She smiled sadly at me. "It's probably for the best, though. I don't know how I could have handled all this."

"There are days when I don't know how I handle it. One minute at a time, I guess. There isn't much choice once they're in the house."

She smiled. "That's true. So, is it just the four of you?"

"Oh, no. My husband and I have another three at home. All teenagers, if you can believe that. We actually haven't fostered for quite a while, but we're glad to have Jasper."

Some of us more than others. The one who was the most pleased about it was seated across from me, obviously bored out of her mind. I handed her my phone. "Call your father and see if he's heard anything about this. Then you can go back and check on the boys." It wasn't my most subtle move, but I needed the privacy and I figured that she would be so glad to get back to Jasper that she wouldn't question me.

She all but ran out of the cafeteria, her feet barely seeming to touch the ground. Lucy watched her go. "So, I can assume that her excitement is stemming from seeing Jasper, and not from calling her father?"

Her joke, small as it was, broke some of the tension at the table. "You could say that. She's gotten rather attached to him."

"That's good. He obviously needs someone to love him and take care of him for once. Pete had no idea how to be a teenager, because he was too busy being a parent. I have to keep telling him that I'm the adult in the house, and he doesn't need to do things like pay bills or clean the entire house. He needs to worry about his schoolwork and Prom."

"Do you have school troubles with him, too? I've pulled Jasper out for the year. He was failing anyway, and there was no point in throwing another change on him." Any clues about Jasper's foster siblings might provide me with clues about the boy himself.

"Not that bad, but he's being tutored right now to try and catch him up. He's desperate not to fail this year, but there isn't much time left for him to pass. I would have pulled him out, but he was insistent that he go. I think school is a safe place for him, and keeps him from getting overwhelmed with all the changes at home, so I didn't make a big deal out of it. He's trying very hard, and I keep reminding him that that's all he has to do." She sighed. "Now I just have to get him to believe it."

'Welcome to my world. Jasper will barely accept anything from us, because he thinks there's some sort of hidden cost to it." I had forgotten how this felt, this camaraderie with other foster parents. With other people who understood why your eleven-year-old was having a toddler's tantrum in the middle of the mall, or the humiliation that comes with finding out your sexually abused six-year-old was caught giving the rest of her first grade class a graphic sex ed lesson. "It's like living with a feral cat. I can feed him, and provide him with a warm place to sleep, but I can barely touch him."

"You do what you can for them. Sometimes all you can do is let them go." Her tone told me that she, too, knew what it was like to lose them. But I didn't want that to happen with Jasper. He had already fallen through the cracks of the foster system; I refused to let him fall through the cracks of society also.

"I know. It still hurts, though." I knew in my heart that Jasper wasn't irrevocably damaged, not yet, but he was getting close. There was only so much and human being could be expected to endure, and without a support system, he was going to lose it. "But I can save this one, I know it. I just don't have enough time. He's almost eighteen, Lucy, and I can't legally force him after that. But how do I convince him to stay?"

She looked down. "If you figure it out, let me know."

There was nothing to say to that, and we fell into a long silence. Finally, she picked up her tray. "Do you want to go check on the boys? Peter and I need to be going soon; they're calling for snow again tonight, and I don't want to be out driving if I can help it."

As we walked down the hallways, Lucy kept glancing at me, as if she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if she should. After what felt like forever, her eyes met mine. "He does like you. I can tell by the way he looks at you."

It was nice to hear that someone else thought so, someone who was familiar with the manipulations and trial of foster kids, and knew how to see through all of that. "I hope so. I like _him._ He's a survivor." My own struggles made me much more appreciative of Jasper's, both mental and physical.

The door to Jasper's room was closed, and I could hear nothing but the soft mumbles of voices within. Lucy knocked on the frame before entering. "Pete? We need to get going."

This time the two of them did embrace, an awkward one-armed hug that seemed to mean more than I could read. Then Peter smiled at me. "It was very nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen, Alice. I hope I'll see you again."

Something about the way he said that made me nervous. "You're welcome to come visit any time. Jasper should be released soon, and you can come see us at the house."

His smile faltered, didn't quite meet his dark eyes. "That would be nice." He slipped his jacket on and turned back to Jasper. "Trust them, Major." He left with those cryptic words still dangling in the air between us.

Jasper looked after them as they left, not saying a word. When he finally looked at me, there was a coldness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. They had changed to a glinting grey, almost the silver of a knife's blade, and I felt a trickle of fear. Not only of him, though there was nothing to indicate that he was violent, but I was getting a sense that things had somehow changed, and I was in huge trouble.

"What's wrong?" I kept my voice level and my eyes on his.

He looked down. "Nothing. I don't want any of you around tonight, so tell Dr. Cullen not to come."

The warning bells in my mind began to ring louder. Jasper had long since stopped referring to us as Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, instead choosing Carlisle and Esme. That was fine with me; I knew better than to expect 'Mom' and 'Dad' so soon, or maybe ever. "Well, I don't think that's a good idea. Why do you suddenly want us gone?"

"I don't trust you, and I don't care if you think it's a good idea. Now leave me alone, bitch."

Alice sucked in a harsh breath. I was stunned. Jasper had never been anything but soft-spoken and easygoing, a perfect gentleman. I wasn't sure what had shocked me more, his language or him saying he didn't trust us. What had changed so quickly? Still, they were just words, and I had heard worse over the years. "That language is unacceptable. Alice, go get the car while I have a talk with Jasper."

Her lips trembled as she took the keys, telling me she was as surprised as I was. I wondered if Peter had said something to upset him, and regretted leaving them alone together. I remembered Lucy saying she had wanted Jasper also, and wondered if he thought he would be placed with his friend if he were out of our house. "Now, tell me what's going on." I made my voice a combination of a question and command.

A strange gleam had started in his eyes, the gleam of a predator. "No. I want you to leave. Have me transferred to a group home, because I'm not coming back to your house."

I had heard that threat more times than I cared to count. It was generally a last-ditch _I'll-get-rid-of-you-before-you-decide-to-get-rid-of-me_ effort, and not a true reflection of their feelings. "That isn't an option. I thought you were enjoying yourself at our house, and we like having you very much. Why do you suddenly feel unwelcome?"

A maniacal fire light behind his eyes. "I'm not speaking to you any more. Now get out of here, you fucking cunt."

Ah, this brought back memories. It had been years since one of the children had called me that. It still hurt to hear it, but nothing I couldn't deal with. "You can lay there and curse at me all you want, or lay there and sulk, but I'm still not leaving. Now, do you want to tell me what's wrong, or do you want to glare?"

His hand slid along the table until he found a water glass. Without ever breaking his challenging stare, he picked it up and cocked his arm to throw. I dropped my tone to one that suggested he'd better listen well. "If you throw that at me, do not think for one instant that I will hesitate to report you as violent. And let me tell you right now, Jasper Whitlock, the only place that will take a violent seventeen-year-old is juvie. Would you rather be put in with a bunch of perverts and murderers, or go back and live with us? Your choice." My voice remained steady throughout my speech. We were down to pure animal instinct here, and I was toast if I showed him fear.

Indecision wavered on his features. For a small eternity, we remained frozen, neither willing to give the other anything. Then he lowered his arm, letting the glass drop on to the floor. It bounced and skittered away under the bed, but I barely noticed. The cornered-animal look left his eyes, leaving behind a sort of bewildered hurt that was somehow far worse. "Fine." It came out as a miserable whisper. Then he curled up on his side, facing away from me, and buried his face in the pillow.

The mother in me screamed that I needed to do something. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and gather this strange, broken child into my arms. But the realist in me knew better. So I didn't touch him at all, even though he had allowed it just an hour ago. Instead, I sat in the chair next to his bed and tried to figure out how I had become the enemy in such a short time.

Alice came back inside, staring at his back. Our eyes met and she mouthed, _What's wrong? _I shrugged. "Sweetheart, do you think you can drive yourself home? I think Jasper needs both your father and me here for a little while."

Jasper didn't respond, except to burrow further under his quilt. Rosalie had brought it a few days ago, claiming that it was too cold for him in the room. It was in interesting gift, considering that I knew this was her favorite, and Jasper seemed to have claimed it for his own. I wondered if she knew she didn't stand much of a chance of getting it back. Either he was softening a little towards me, or he just didn't want Alice to hear his shocking language. He always did try his hardest in front of her.

She paused uncertainly. "Can't I stay? Jasper, don't you want me to stay?"

He gave an almost invisible nod, but, this time, I wasn't going to allow it. Jasper did far too much hiding behind the other kids, and they did too much hiding of things for him. I needed it to be just him, Carlisle, and me if we were going to have any chance of working things out. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but not this time."

She got the message and lightly patted the lump under the covers. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I have to stay after school and make up a test, but as soon as I'm done with that, I'll be here."

Another nod, but he refused to raise his head. She shot him a worried look, but eventually left. As soon as she was out of earshot, I turned to the lump. "Is there something you want to tell me before Carlisle gets here?"

The silence stretched on for so long that I thought he wasn't going to answer me. When he finally did speak, it was low and muffled by the blanket. "I trusted you, even though I knew better."

"But you don't now." I wondered what had happened to change his mind.

"You lied. Everyone lies — the social workers, you, Maria, everyone. I just thought you might be different."

It turned my stomach to think that Maria and I were now sharing a category in his mind. What could I have possibly lied to him about? "What have I lied to you about?"

When he responded, it wasn't to my question at all. "I'll miss Alice. I like her a lot."

"She'll miss you, too. We all will, which is why I don't understand why you want to leave." I was trying to figure out if he really wanted to leave. Most of the time, they didn't, but the kids had always broken long before this point. Jasper didn't seem to be making a huge deal out of this; instead, he was resigned to having to leave. Maybe he _was_ serious.

My phone rang, shattering the quiet of the room. The number was unfamiliar, but I didn't seem to be getting anywhere with Jasper, so I answered it anyway.

"Esme, this is Lucy, Peter's foster mom? I just got some information that you probably need to know. It seems that Peter — "Here she broke off and spoke to someone in the background. "No, I didn't say it was your fault, Peter. I'm just letting her know what happened. Sorry about that, Esme. Peter apparently brought the trial up to Jasper, to see what he thought about all of this. He didn't realize that Jasper didn't know about it until he had already said something. You may need to explain to him that you didn't know about it, either, or you might have a mess on your hands."

Too late for that one. Inwardly, I cursed myself for not realizing what had happened immediately. It was logical that Peter would turn to his best friend for advice, assuming that they had the same knowledge. But it certainly did explain why Jasper was suddenly convinced that we were a family of liars who deliberately kept things from him. "I'm afraid it's a little late for that, Lucy, but thank you so much for calling. You've pretty much explained why Jasper's been alternately cursing at me and refusing to speak for the past half hour."

She whistled. "Oh, boy. I'm so sorry, Esme, if I had known that Jasper didn't know yet, I would have told Peter not to say anything."

"I know. Thanks for calling; I'm going to try and sort this whole mess out with Jasper. Why don't I call you tomorrow and let you know how things are going?"

"All right. I'll speak to you then."

We hung up, and I found myself looking at Jasper with a lot more compassion. He hadn't just decided off the top of his head that we were liars, or tried to manipulate things so he could live with his best friend. He felt that we had genuinely betrayed him, and was hurt by that fact.

His reaction told me two things, both of which were extremely important. First, Jasper was starting to bond to our family. If he weren't, he would have accepted this news as a confirmation that he was right not to trust us, as opposed to getting upset. Second, I was going to have to try a lot harder to keep ahead of him. He was smart, and had access to information that a younger child wouldn't.

Although he was perfectly capable of following our conversation, and had to have known I had disconnected the call, Jasper didn't move. I sat for a few minutes in silence, gathering my courage and weighing my options with him. In the end, I decided to just go for it, and be as direct as I could. "Are you angry because I didn't tell you about the trial?"

He rolled towards me so quickly that I heard his shoulder pop. His blue eyes were hard and completely dry, as if he had long since learned that tears were a useless venture. "Don't patronize me. You know I am."

Despite his acid tone, I was hopeful. He was actively engaging me in conversation, which was more than I had gotten out of him in a while. "Can we talk about it?" He didn't actually have a choice in the matter, but I had to ask.

"I don't think there's anything left to say." His eyes probed mine, uncertainty flickering in their depths. I wasn't reacting to this in a way that was familiar to him, and it was making him nervous. If I had been callous about it, or yelled, or even struck him, it would have been all right. But my calm questioning was completely out of his realm of experience.

"All right. I'll talk, you can listen." I waited to see if he would use the childish move of plugging his ears, but he didn't. He just watched me. Of all the kids I had fostered over the years, Jasper probably had the most steady staring habit. He watched us constantly, looking for clues as to what was happening, or cues for his own behavior. Even if I looked up and caught him staring at me, he almost never looked away. All that time spent in silent contemplation of others had given him unparalleled skills at reading other people's emotions. It may well have been that skill, more than anything else, which kept him alive for this long.

"I didn't know that a trial date had been set until this afternoon, when Peter's foster mother told me. Either we didn't get the letter, or it's just been so chaotic this past week that it never got opened. If I had known, I would have told you."

"I don't believe you." As good as he was at reading the emotions of others, Jasper wasn't quite good enough to keep his own from showing in his eyes. It was true that he didn't believe me, but his eyes told me how badly he wanted to.

I supposed that was fair enough. I had never given him a reason to distrust me, but a few weeks' worth of me keeping my word didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. "How can I get you to believe me?"

_Calm_, I reminded myself. _You are a calm and gracious lady. You will not yell at, or get exasperated with, a child that has been placed in your care. Instead, you will remain patient and work on finding a solution together._

Jasper looked down for the first time, trailing his fingers across the patterns on the quilt. His brow furrowed as he thought. "Bring the letter."

"Excuse me?" Of all the solutions he could have come up with, that wasn't one I had been expecting.

"Bring the letter. If it's not opened, you're telling the truth. If it is, you're lying."

It was a pretty good idea. "All right. I'll call home now. I need to make sure that Alice made it home, anyway."

Rosalie answered the phone on the second ring. "Hi, what's going on there? Alice came home all upset and said that Jasper's leaving. That isn't true, is it?"

How could I explain this? "I hope not. Listen, do you know where your father has been throwing the mail the past few days?"

"Dining room table. Why, did we miss something important?"

_You could say that. _"Go on down there and check for something from Social Services, all right? Don't open it; just let me know if it's there."

"Okay." I could feel Jasper's eyes boring holes into my back, but I didn't look over. _Please, please, let the letter be there and be unopened._

Papers rustled in the background as she kept talking. "Emmett's puking his guts up, so could you get some popsicles on the way home? We have some, but we're all out of purple and he's cranky as a bear. Oh, look, there's two letters from Social Services. What do you want me to do with them?"

I felt bad for asking, especially with Emmett so sick, but I knew he would want this. If there was one thing that Emmett understood, it was loyalty to his brothers. "Can you bring them to the hospital? Please, honey."

"Is this about Jasper? Mom, are we going to lose him?" Ever since their little showdown in the garage a week ago, Rose had become extremely protective of her newest brother. She had come to the hospital every day, whether he was awake or not, and spent some time with him. At home, she researched his condition, looking into all treatment options and trying to decide which was best. It was probably fair to say that, at this point, she knew more about these things then Jasper himself did.

"Rose, I don't know." I could hear the frustration in my own voice, and tried to temper it. "If you can't come today, that's fine, but I need to know."

"I'll be there in a half hour." The steely determination in her voice told me that she had grasped how important this was. "Don't let him do anything stupid, okay?"

"Okay."

After I hung up with her, I just sat there, looking at Jasper. To my great surprise, he actually seemed to be falling asleep on me. His eyes were half closed, his breathing deep and quiet. Every once in a while, he would yawn softly, something that made him look years younger. Apparently, he felt that he was physically safe in my presence, which was a step up from when he had arrived. He just didn't think that he was quite ready to trust me yet.

The sad part was, Rose could show up with a dozen letters, all proclaiming my innocence, and he still wouldn't trust me. Oh, he would believe that, in this instance, I had been telling the truth, but that wouldn't mean instant trust, just that I hadn't lied this time.

Much as I wanted to think so, I knew that this wasn't going to be like the movies, where I would show him the letter and he would suddenly realize that it was all right, that I would always be there for him. Then he would melt into my arms, and he would cry, and I would cry, and when it was all over, we would face the future together as mother and son. Yeah, not likely.

A much more realistic scenario was that he would emotionlessly accept the unopened letter, barely giving it a nod. Knowing him, he would apologize for his foul language earlier, which I would accept, and we would go back to the way we had been before this happened. Not strangers; a little more than acquaintances, but not quite friends.

But he wouldn't forget it. Every little act of kindness, every bit of trust I showed him, was being stored in his mind, to be pulled out and thought over later. Eventually, there would be enough for him to consider it safe to reach out to me. It would be a grudging, closed-fist sort of reaching out, but he would try. If he were successful, he would try and again and again, until it was something he no longer had to plan on doing. It would just be a reflex. And really, what else was trust but reaching out on reflex, knowing that someone else would be reaching back?


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Well, haven't we had an exciting few weeks! I apologize for this taking so darn long, but I've been dealing with other issues. A HUGE, HUGE thank you to every person who took the time to email me and tell me that this story was being plagerized by another author. and I have resolved the matter, and the other story was removed. If I had been left to my own devices, it probably would have slid under my radar.**

**Two small points that have been changed from previous chapters. The name of Peter's foster mother is Lucy, though I said Alicia in an earlier chapter. I'm going to change that as soon as I get a chance. I have also been told that phenolbarbitol is no longer the drug of choice for teens, so it has been changed to ****clonazepam. **** If you guys notice any other mistakes like that, do not hesitate to let me know. I don't bite, promise! Though if Jasper offered to bite me…hmmm!**

**Alice's POV**

"Alice, settle down. He's coming, I promise." The tight way Rosalie was clinging to her fashion magazine told me that she was just as excited as I was.

It was almost a mirror scene from a month ago, when Mom and Dad had first brought Jasper home. The math caught me off guard, and I thought back quickly. Jasper had been in the hospital for six days, and would come home tonight. They had brought him home at the beginning of the month. . . . Yeah, it had only been a month. Three weeks, really, if you didn't count the time that he was in the hospital. How could he possibly have wormed his way into my heart so quickly?

The magazine hit the floor as Rose turned her full attention to me. "Alice, I know this is something we've never really talked about, but I have to know." She stopped, one perfectly plucked brow raising as she tried to choose her words. "Jasper. You like him as more than a brother, right?"

Even if I had wanted to lie, the heat that was spreading up my face would have betrayed me. Yes, I liked Jasper in a way that would have been entirely creepy had I felt it for Emmett or Edward. It was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. "Yes."

A bright smile broke across her face. "Well, why didn't you say something before? I'll have that boy eating out of your hand in no time."

I wasn't sure if I wanted that. Emmett absolutely worshipped the ground that Rose walked on. He would do anything for her, to the point where it was a little pathetic. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to do that for me, or how I would feel if they tried. I would much rather have a relationship where we were equals.

Or did I? I guessed I shouldn't say that until I had actually had a boyfriend. Maybe that was just the way things were. One person was the ruler in the relationship and set all the rules, and the other either followed them or got out.

I didn't want to say that to Rosalie, though. However odd their relationship was, it worked for them, and I had never seen two people more in love, except for maybe Mom and Dad. I knew what it was like to have someone giving all the orders, and I wouldn't like it if Jasper did that to me, but I was nowhere near good enough to be placed on a pedestal myself. Couldn't it just be me and him, the way we were?

Of course not. Who would want a pathetic little girl with a memory like Swiss cheese? A girl who might not even remember the milestones of our relationship? I couldn't give Jasper anything but my body, and even that was worthless. I had already given my innocence to some other man, involuntarily or not. No matter what I felt for Jasper, he was better off without me.

"Earth to Alice! Do you want my help in wowing Jasper, or not?" Rose would never understand my hesitation. She was never afraid to do the impossible. If she were in my shoes, she would just storm in there, inform Jasper that they were now a couple, and waltz back out before he knew what had hit him. That she might not deserve him would never even enter her mind.

"No, I don't think so." _Please don't ask why, please don't ask why_. I loved my sister dearly, but she didn't understand that sometimes damage runs too deep to be repaired or overlooked.

"Why?" Her voice was incredulous. "I thought you liked him."

"I do. That's the problem." I looked down, sadly tracing the frost on the window. "Just drop it, Rose."

The determination I had been admiring seconds ago now came forward to bite me in the ass. "No, I want to know what's going on. Did he say something to you? Do something? Is there another girl?"

"No, no, and no. It's just that . . . he isn't going to want me, no matter how well you teach me things. Really Rose, who's going to want a girl who's damaged goods? Who's going to flinch every time he tries to touch me sexually, and who doesn't know the first thing about guys? One who might not even remember him tomorrow? I'm not good enough for him." I slowly rubbed out the heart I had drawn in the frost.

"Maybe you're right." Her voice was contemplative.

Of all the things she could have said, that one nearly shocked me to tears. Despite my harsh words, I had been hoping that she would shake her head and tell me that they couldn't possibly be true. Instead she was confirming my worst fears.

She nodded slowly. "After all, who would want him? What girl is ever going to put up with a guy who flinches when you touch him at all, or whose body is a scarred-up mess? Who's going to love a guy with a fucked-up brain and a damaged soul? Who might not even be here tomorrow, unless someone gives him a reason to stay? He's probably not good enough for you." She shrugged. "If you aren't willing to fight for him, Alice, and fight hard, don't get near him at all. He can't take any more rejection."

How dare she say those things about Jasper! Okay, so they might have been technically true, but she didn't mention any of his good points! "Someone will! He's smart and funny and a perfect gentleman. He's strong; he had to be to survive." It only took a few seconds to realize I had jumped right into the trap she had laid. "It's not the same thing."

"Of course it is. It's two people who got dealt a shitty hand in life, but have a chance to make things better for themselves. He's no better than you are, and both of you deserve some happiness."

It couldn't possibly be that easy, could it? "It's not that easy."

Her eyes rolled again. "Of course it is. This part, at least. The relationship itself it going to be hell, at least for a little while. He has problems, and you have problems, and you'll probably find out that the pair of you have problems together that you haven't even considered yet. But this part? It's as easy as looking him in the eyes and asking if he'd like to go out with you."

"He'll say no." Even if he did like me like that, and I was still having a hard time believing he might, now was a completely inappropriate time to ask him out. "Besides, right now he just needs me to be family to him."

"Why, so it can seem totally creepy later? _Hey, Jasper, I know I've spent the last few months acting like a sister to you, but let's have sex?_ Yeah, that's not going to be awkward or anything."

No matter what objections I tried to raise, she batted them aside. "You think he'll say yes?"

"Alice, that poor boy looks at you like you absolutely hung the moon and all the stars. Of course he'll say yes." She slid an arm around my shoulders. "Just don't let him be pushy. If he does anything you don't like, or aren't ready for, just tell him no."

I saw a golden opportunity to bring up something I could have never said to Mom. "What if he gets mad about it?"

"Then he's an asshole, and I'll follow up with that threat to castrate him." She sounded totally flippant, but I could hear a slight undercurrent of truth to her words. "Trust me, Alice. Deep down, he wants you to tell him that. Boys like to know where the boundaries are in a relationship, rather then feeling like they have to guess and might push too far. Most men aren't like those perverted assholes that got us first. Most men want to please you and make you happy. Honestly, _chica?_ I don't think rushing into sex is a good idea for either of you."

Just the thought of having someone, even Jasper, touch me down there brought the blood back to my face. "No, I know that."

She picked up her magazine and returned to it as if nothing had happened. "I like him, and I think the two of you are good for each other. Just don't turn into Eddie and Bella, and we'll be fine."

Try as I might, I just couldn't imagine Jasper going into long, drawn-out declarations of love like Edward did. Edward wrote Bella songs and stayed on the phone with her for hours on end. If I were lucky, Jasper would jot a few words down on a sticky note, and grunt out a few sentences about his day.

But his eyes. Dear God, his eyes. They were so incredibly expressive that they more than made up for what his mouth didn't say. Their color shifted from grey to green to blue, sometimes seeming to be all three at once. By watching the flares of color in their depths, I could easily judge his moods, much more so than if he had been willing to speak. No one else in the family saw it, just me. For once, I was the one who was special, the only one who understood Jasper's mood swings.

"Don't worry, Rosie, there's no danger of that."

"Then don't worry so much." She looked past me for a minute, then gave me a devilish smirk. "I'm going to go back up and check on Emmett. I think his fever's finally breaking, and he might need me. By the way, Jasper's here." She took off before I could reply.

All thoughts of sex fled my mind as I leapt up and ran out the door, throwing myself into Jasper's arms. He grunted in surprise, but caught me easily, strong arms coming around my back. "Hi."

He didn't sound particularly excited, just a little amused, but I knew he was happy. His eyes were showing me their colors, and he looked around the front room contentedly. Yes, everything was the way he had left it, which pleased him to no end. He had never said it, but I thought he had been expecting to come home and find everything different. Like maybe all of his stuff in bags near the front door and a social working waiting to come collect him.

Edward was out with Bella, and with Rosalie conveniently upstairs, it was just the two of us. Well, the two of us plus Mom and Dad, but they were busy unloading the car. I put an arm around his waist. I would have gone for his shoulders, but I wasn't quite tall enough to pull that off. "Come on, let's go see your room. We painted it Monday, and the nasty paint smell is finally gone. If you'd have come home yesterday, you probably would have suffocated."

I wasn't going to draw too much attention to what had happened, but I was determined not to let it be pushed under the rug, either. If there was ever an election for President of Denial, Jasper would win in a landslide. What really surprised me, though, was that everyone seemed to be perfectly happy to let him get away with it. If my situation had taught them nothing else, it was that repression and denial of terrible things would only lead to worse problems. Jasper didn't need any of this continually thrown in his face, but ignoring it would only be worse in the long term.

"We picked that color you liked, but it went on a little darker than we thought it would, so it's more green than blue. It looks really nice, though. The sheets don't match anymore, though, so we'll probably have to get new ones. We didn't want to pick anything out that you didn't like, so you and Mom can go sometime this week."

I caught myself there. I was starting to babble, and if no one stopped me, I could go on for hours. Eventually, I might say something embarrassing, like that I wanted him to ask me out, or that I had discussed him with Rosalie. "So, um, yeah. Do you want to see it?"

"Okay." He followed me up the stairs in silence, a grim reminder of his first night here. Even the way he kept darting looks at me out of the corners of his eyes was the same. We had reached the doorway before he spoke again. "Uh, did I make you mad or something?"

He sounded so tentative that I immediately felt bad. "Of course not; why would you think that?" I wondered if I gave off some scent or something that completely confused men.

"You aren't talking to me. I thought maybe I did something wrong."

Of course he thought that. No matter what went wrong, Jasper was sure that it was his fault. Wait a minute, he liked hearing me talk? No one could put up with my rambling for more than a few minutes. "No, you didn't. I just didn't want to bother you."

"You don't." He didn't say anything else, just looked into my eyes. "I like it when you tell me things."

Those few words endeared him to me more than a thousand speeches could have. For the first time ever, there was someone who not only didn't mind my oversharing, but seemed to actually enjoy it. "Oh, cool."

Now that he had said that, I couldn't think of a single thing to say. After it became apparent that I was stuck, he sighed. "I have to go see the doctor tomorrow. Not the hospital one, the lunatic one." He gave me one of those sideways looks, the one that suggested he was about to judge my reaction.

I had to think about it for a second, before I could make his words make any sense. "Oh, they're sending you to a psychiatrist?" I kept my tone light, like it was an everyday occurrence. Hell, in this family, it _was_ an everyday occurrence.

"Yeah. I was supposed to go before, as a condition of me being here, but they were having trouble finding someone who would take me and that the social worker would approve of. But now the hospital is insisting, you know, with my diagnosis, so they magically pulled someone out of their asses."

I tried to think of a way to say what I wanted without further wounding his already fragile pride. I drew a blank, so I ended up just being blunt. "That's probably a good idea."

His eyes darkened from light grey to nearly black. "So you think I'm nuts, too?"

Oops, apparently blunt wasn't the way to go. "No. I just think that sometimes it's easier to talk about things with someone who isn't part of the family. Someone who's just there to listen to you." The fact that he was still referring to it as 'my diagnosis' instead of by name told me that a little therapy would probably do him a world of good.

"But you forget." Even though that didn't seem to be a complete thought, he stopped there.

I took the bait, cursing myself as I did so. "I forget what?"

For the barest of seconds, he stopped, looking as though he wished he had never opened his mouth. His need to make a point was greater, though, and he gave me a careless shrug. "The Cullens aren't my family. I'm like the puppy they have to take care of for a few months, but that doesn't make me family."

He was wrong. He couldn't have been more loved or wanted if Mom had given birth to him herself. "That's not true. We love you."

He jolted, as if I had said something shocking. "I know that. Of course you guys love me; you wouldn't put up will all my shit if you didn't. But have you every heard that old country song? You know, 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough?'"

"No." I knew I sounded petulant, but his words were upsetting. I felt like he was telling me to back off, that he didn't want a relationship with me at all. Only it wasn't just me he didn't want, it was all of us. He was just ticking off the days until he was legally free to do whatever he wanted.

"Loving someone doesn't make them family. It might make them friends, but not family." His tone was unreadable.

I moved myself in between him and the door. "If love doesn't make a family, what does?"

When he looked at me, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen. "I wouldn't know. I'm going to go lie down."

I was starting to think that Jasper slept during the day to avoid having to deal with things, which was probably one of the reasons he slept so poorly at night. He was about to get an ugly shock, because the entire family was on to him. "Nope."

"Excuse me?" For a second he seemed to tower over me, and I almost lost my nerve.

"The doctor told Dad that you need to be getting a full night's sleep, or you're going to keep having seizures. If you keep sleeping during the day like this, your schedule is going to get all messed up, and you won't be able to sleep at night. So no more naps."

"I don't get full night's sleep no matter what I do." There was no real malice in his voice, just a weary acceptance. If we had changed the rules on him, so be it. He would go along with that, because he knew that he had no other choice. Adults were unfair, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

"I know. Maybe the therapist will have some suggestions." I did my best to sound chipper, even though I knew by now that Jasper would see right through it.

"Maybe."

He looked so pathetic and unsure that I gave him another hug. "I'm glad you're home. I've missed you a lot."

When he smiled at me, I knew that he had missed me, too. "Yeah."

Our stalemate was broken by Dad calling for Jasper. He sighed softly and looked into my eyes. He wanted something — wanted to _ask_ something, or tell me something. I waited, but like always, he just couldn't force the words out. Instead he lightly touched my cheek, so tenderly that I almost thought I had imagined it. He left before I could ask him what it was he needed. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Sure." It was obvious that I was upset with him, but I couldn't force any more cheer. The love of my life (even if he didn't know it yet) had just slammed the door on any possibility of a relationship. I think I might be entitled to a little sulking. I wouldn't cry, though. I had decided a long time ago that I wasn't about to cry for any man, and that included Jasper.

Rose was at the top of the stairs, no doubt lying in wait for me. She took in my trembling lip and the abject misery in my eyes in an instant. "Uh-oh, come on." With a gentle hand, she guided me into her room. "Let's talk about it."

I flopped down on her bed, pointedly ignoring the beautiful pictures of her and Emmett scattered all over the room. Damn them and their happy relationship. Edward and Bella, too. Mom and Dad were all right, I guessed, but no one else. No one else deserved to have a relationship if I couldn't.

"What did he say?" Rose slid two candy bars out of her sweater drawer, the only place she could hide them from Emmett. "Did he turn you down?" She sounded shocked about that. After all, she was beautiful and had huge boobs. She had probably never been turned down in her life.

"Not exactly." I couldn't force myself to continue. It was one thing for the rest of the family to think that Jasper had just turned me down. It was another thing for them to find out that he didn't consider any of us to be his family.

She kept pushing. "Which means what, specifically? That he doesn't want to go out with you, or that he doesn't want to go out with anyone, or did you even ask him?"

"I didn't ask him. I didn't have to, Rose, he made it very clear that he isn't interested."

Even now, she didn't back down. "Specifics, _chica_, specifics. What did he say, word for word?"

Fine, if she was so interested, she could hear the whole truth. "He said that he isn't really part of this family, that he's just a puppy dumped on the doorstep. So I told him that we loved him, and we didn't think of him liked that. But he said he already knew that, and that it was all right. I believe his exact words were 'Sometimes love isn't enough.' If that's not a rejection, I don't know what is." I blurted it all out as fast as I could, wanting to get it over with. Quickly, like pulling off a Band-Aid.

It was right then that Rose did something that surprised the heck out of me. She laughed. "Alice, that wasn't a rejection. Well, it was, but not a personal one. He's not quite sure about the concept of this new family, but it doesn't mean anything as far as how he feels about you."

I wanted to believe that, but couldn't quite. I turned her own words back on her. "Specifics, Rosalie, specifics."

Luckily, Rosalie had a much better sense of humor than she ever got credit for. "Okay, let me explain it to you. Jasper, right now, is having trouble with the concept of us being a family. He doesn't understand how the six of us as individuals fit into the larger group known as 'family.' That's what's confusing him. It doesn't mean he's rejecting any of us, least of all you."

I still didn't understand. Rose must have read my look, because she gave a heavy sigh. "Think about it, Alice. First it was him and his mother. Then one foster home, then another, then another. Some had two parents, some had one. He might be the only kid, he might be one of twelve. Someone who was there when he went to school might not be there when he got home. Sometimes the parents were nice, sometimes they ignored him, sometimes they were cruel. Rules changed from house to house, from moment to moment. And he was used to it."

Now I did get it. "Change is the only constant."

"Exactly. Now he's stuck with us, and we're telling him this is how it is. It will be this way today, and tomorrow, and the next day. It will even be this way after you turn eighteen and are legally no longer our responsibility. He's terrified. He isn't used to the rules lasting for longer than a few months at the very most. Mostly not for more than a few days."

"It's too much. I would be better off sticking to just him and me."

She bit of piece of her candy. "Yes. Listen, Alice, I think I've been giving you some bad suggestions. Your instincts are telling you that now isn't the right time, and you should be listening to them, not me. For whatever reason, Jasper has picked you, and you have to be strong enough for the both of you."

No one in the family had ever expected me to be strong before. I was always frail, delicate little Alice. Don't put too much pressure on Alice, she's sensitive. Don't talk about anything that might upset her, or she may freak out completely. It was a new sensation to be expected to carry even myself, let alone Jasper, too. "Really?"

"Really. Once you two figure it out, come back to me. After you've gotten the guy, I'm the one to come to for advice. As far as the actual catch, that's all up to you."

"Maybe he'll just ask me." I doubted the words even as I was saying them. It would take an incredible surge of courage for Jasper to ask me out, even if he was interested.

"Sure, it could happen." Rose sounded doubtful herself. "Just don't get your hopes up."

"I'm not." I leaned back, wondering where I should go from here. "I don't want to talk about Jasper any more." He was confusing enough in my own mind, and when you added in Rosalie's opinions it became unbearable.

She smiled. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know . . . puppies?"

Rose started laughing. "Has Emmett gotten to you, too? He's already been trying to convince Jasper to talk Mom into getting a puppy."

He hadn't, but I would have gone along with it if he had. We hadn't had a pet in the house for years, and I was ready to have another one. When Mom and Dad had first adopted me, they'd had an older cat named Sunny. He had been a rather aloof cat, but had slept at the foot of my bed for years, until his eventual death of cancer. It had been an enormous comfort for me to wake up in the middle of the night and know that Sunny was there, keeping watch. "No, but I think it's a great idea."

"You would. Mom's going to say no; she always does. We're all almost grown, and who will take care of it when we're gone? Dad works, so all the responsibility would fall to her."

It was the truth, and I knew it. "I guess. It would still be nice, though." I thought of a little puppy running through the house, maybe with a little boy chasing it. A little boy with scruffy blond hair. . . . I shook myself mentally. What the hell was wrong with me? If Jasper wasn't interested in dating me, he sure as hell wasn't going to want to make babies with me. But the mental image had a strong ring of truth to it. Someday, there would be a baby in the house. Maybe it wouldn't be my child — after all, Rose and Emmett could have a blond baby of their own — but he would be there.

The image gave me courage. "Thanks Rose, you're a good sister, the best."

"Of course I am. Now go find your Jasper and make up with him." She picked up a discarded novel. "Go!"

Finding Jasper was no easy task, even at the best of times. He was so quiet that you could overlook him easily, even if he were right in the room. He also wouldn't always respond if you called him. I liked it, though. It was like going on a treasure hunt, with him at the end. Dad thought he wouldn't answer a call because he was afraid that he was in trouble. Edward thought it was because he got wrapped up in other things, and failed to listen. Emmett insisted that Jasper must have a hearing problem, no matter how many times you told him that the hospital had checked, and his hearing was fine. I personally though that it was more a test with him. If he didn't answer you, would you come looking for him? Or would you just give up? If you didn't care enough to keep looking until you found him, you didn't care enough, period.

He didn't ignore you every time, though. Maybe only one time out of five or six. So I called him as I bounced from room to room. "Jasper? Jaaaasssperrr?"

"Living room!" He didn't sound like he was still upset, but you never knew.

Dad was in there with him, carefully setting up a chess board. "Hey, baby, I'm trying to teach Jasper here to play. You want to help him out a little?"

I wasn't very good at chess, but was good enough to help a beginner. Jasper was sitting on the ottoman, his eyes focused on the board. I slid in next to him, enjoying the closeness that this new position caused. "Do you know the pieces?"

"Carlisle showed me, I think." He didn't sound very sure, but his memory was excellent, so I wasn't worried there.

Dad was the best player in the house, but he was taking it easy on Jasper tonight. To my surprise, he really didn't need that much help. Other than me reminding him how certain pieces could move, I didn't need to do anything other than watch him play. All of the strategies were of his devising, and I could tell that Dad was impressed. He and Jasper joked and laughed together, both of them clearly pleased with having something to share.

I quickly grew bored with watching them play, so I watched Jasper instead. I had never seen him look more attractive than he did right now. His eyes were bright and focused as he leaned over the board. "I think I lose."

"Not quite yet, son, look here." Dad leaned over and nudged a piece. "See, you can move here and pull yourself out of check. If you really didn't have any moves, I would have said 'checkmate' instead of 'check.' If someone says check, you can still wiggle free."

One of Jasper's eyebrows flicked upward at the term of endearment, but he didn't call Dad on it. Instead he nodded shortly. "Okay. Will you play me again?"

Good God, they were going to go again? At this rate, they would spend all night playing each other and I wouldn't get a chance to have any time alone with him. Dad looked over and I shook my head as minutely as I could. "Tomorrow, as soon as I get home from work. But right now, I need to help Esme with dinner. Maybe Alice will play you."

"Okay." He sounded disappointed, but covered it quickly. "Alice, would you like to play? Or we could do something else."

"Let's go for a walk." It would be nice for him to get some fresh air.

Our breath fogged in the evening air and our feet crunched over the frozen ground. It was too dark to go into the woods, but at least we were able to get far enough away from the house so we could have some privacy. I was still trying to work out what to say when Jasper looked at me. "Listen, I think I was a little rude earlier. It's not that I don't like you guys, because I really do. It's just that I don't want to get too attached to you, just in case."

It was hard for me to know what to say to that, because I had never felt that way. It had never occurred to me that foster placements could fail, and certainly never that adoptions could. When Mom and Dad had first arrived to take me home, I had just assumed that that meant I was theirs forever. Jasper knew that things could change in the time it took for someone to swing a poker, and he was just trying to protect his too-fragile heart. "It's all right. Things will work out eventually, and it won't feel weird when they do. At least, I hope not." No point in telling him that I meant things between me and him, not just him and the rest of the family.

He smiled at me, that crooked little grin that even Rose admired. "I guess. Thanks, Alice; you're a good friend."

A good friend. Not exactly what I had been hoping to be to him, but at least it was a start. Plus, it could have been way worse. He could have called me a good sister. Friendship could blossom into something more, but you didn't suddenly develop a sexual attraction to your sister. Not even in this family. True, we had Emmett and Rose, but they had never been like brother and sister, not even when he first came. There had always been something there, something charged in the air around them. Hopefully, eventually, Jasper and I could find the same.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Edwards POV is probably the most difficult to write, which is why this chapter took so darn long. I have no idea why this should be so, but it is. Enjoy this one, and hopefully the next one will be up soon. **

**Edward's POV**

E flat, G chord, crescendo to the end. I performed the tasks without conscious thought, my fingers automatically finding the correct positions. I've been composing for a few years now, but nothing of this magnitude. It wasn't just that this was the most complex thing that I had ever written, but that it was for Bella, and it had to be perfect.

When I finished, I was so nervous that I couldn't even look up. Did she like it? My family claimed to love everything I wrote, but they had to say that; they were my family. Bella was under no obligation to spare my feelings.

She was smiling. Not a big one, but one of those soft smiles you see in paintings. The kind that suggests not joy, but a certain utter contentment. "It's beautiful. You really wrote that for me?" She didn't sound as though she could quite make herself believe it.

I slid the CD case out of my backpack, where I had been hiding it all day. I had thought about giving it to her at school, but whether she liked it or not, music sounded better when it was performed live. The rest of the family had scattered, so it was just Bella and me in the house. Dad was at work, Mom was at the doctor's, and Emmett and Alice had gone out for ice cream. Considering there was still snow on the ground, it was a rather transparent excuse, but I appreciated the gesture. Rosalie had taken Jasper to his therapy appointment, and vanished afterwards. She might have gone to class, or she could be down in the basement. I didn't really care where she was, as long as she wasn't here to make a scene.

I wasn't quite sure why Rosalie disliked me so much, any more than I knew why I disliked her. I had resented Mom and Dad bringing her home at first, I would admit to that. She was noisy and abrasive, throwing any affection she was offered right back in our faces. Unlike Alice, who slid effortlessly into our family, Rosalie fought and screamed, refusing to surrender even a tiny bit of her independence. Despite my parents' assurances that she wouldn't be like that forever, I quickly became fed up with her and her dramatics. After all, what was the point of trying to deal with her? No matter what we tried, this would never be the life or family she would have chosen for herself, and she was determined to make us suffer for it.

As the years had passed, Rose had mellowed and come to first accept, then eventually love us, but I could never quite forget the way she had nearly caused our family to implode. Things improved rapidly when Emmett was placed with us, but there was an underlying hardness to Rosalie, something not quite right. Alice swore I was imagining it, but I just didn't trust my older sister. She was like a perfect statue of a woman: tall, beautiful, and utterly cold.

Yet she had taken right to Jasper. Maybe it was because they had both slipped through the cracks (okay, the big gaping holes) of the foster care system. Maybe it was because they looked so much alike that people frequently asked if they were twins. Or maybe it was just that, like Emmett, Jasper didn't talk back to her. Whatever the reason, I couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous.

"Edward? Is that for me?" Bella's voice was still soft, but it was enough to draw me from my thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah, it's for you." I was aware that my face was flaming red, a fairly common occurrence around Bella. I held out the CD, which was simply labeled "Bella's Lullaby."

She traced the letters through the clear case. "It's for me." Her arms came up to wrap around my neck, her lips pressed to mine. "I love it."

Nothing she could have said would have made me love her any more. Except maybe when she smiled again. "Play it one more time?"

I would have played it a million more times if she had asked. But before I could even sit back down, I heard voices from downstairs. The volume level told me that Alice and Emmett were home. Sure enough, impossibly light feet came clattering up the stairs and Alice tossed herself through the door. "I thought you guys were up here! Hi, Edward." She barely spared me a glace before giving Bella a hug. "Bella, how have you been? You smell good; is that a new body spray? Come talk to me, I'm dying for a little female companionship."

Bella gave me one last look and a quick 'what can you do?' shrug. Alice was Alice, as unstoppable as a hurricane. But she was also sensitive and a good sister. She wouldn't have stolen Bella without a good reason, and she would bring her back as soon as she was done. Of course, according to Alice, lip gloss was a good enough reason to steal Bella.

Emmett was at the kitchen table, laboriously plodding through his homework. He had been making a real effort lately to get his work done on time. I strongly suspected that this had less to do with a sudden interest in scholarly matters, and more to do with trying to ease some of the strain Mom was under. Though we had yet to have a family discussion about it, it was common knowledge that she was going to have to take Jasper to the police station so he could make a formal statement against his old foster mother. Less common was the knowledge that he might end up in court, called as a witness. I wouldn't have known about that, except I had overheard Dad on the phone last night.

Emmett looked up when I came into the kitchen, obviously glad for the distraction from the tedium of Algebra II. "Bella still here?" His smirk suggested that he thought she might be frantically redressing.

"Alice kidnapped her to talk about lipstick or something." I retrieved two Cokes from the fridge and tossed him one. "Pervert."

He laughed. "Nothing wrong with acknowledging that you're a man, Edward. She's fucking hot."

Bell was hot, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but I would never defile her like that. With a girl as special as she was, you had to wait for marriage. Not that I cared what Emmett did with Rosalie; it just wasn't right for Bella and me. To do anything less would be disrespectful. "Worry about your own girlfriend and leave mine alone."

His eyebrows rose. "Ooh, hit a sore spot there? I'm sure I could give you a few pointers if that's the problem."

I was deeply afraid of any pointers that Emmett might give me. "I understand how it works, you moron. Bella just isn't ready for sex, and I respect that." That was much less likely to lead to merciless teasing than admitting the truth, which was that it was me who wasn't ready.

He nodded serenely. "That's good. You always need to respect them, Eddie."

There was no point in telling him not to call me Eddie. He knew how much I despised that nickname, but if nearly six years hadn't stopped him, nothing would. "I know that, stupid."

The phone rang before he could think of a scathing reply. I hopped onto the counter and snagged it out of the cradle. "Cullen residence, Edward speaking."

A warm voice greeted me. "Hello Edward, this is Chief Swan, Bella's father. She and I have been invited to see an old friend out at the reservation, so I'm going to need her home by six. Is that all right?"

I was a little disappointed, but I knew that Bella would be thrilled to see Jacob. She was always complaining how hard it was to get their schedules coordinated. "That's fine, Chief Swan, I'll be glad to give her a ride."

The line beeped, telling me I had another call, but really? Scoring points with my girlfriend's father was a little more important. It kept on beeping while I kept talking to the Chief, before abruptly silencing. Almost as soon as that happened, Emmett's phone began to vibrate across the table. Oops, it must have been one of the family members. I quickly said my goodbyes and hung up.

Emmett grabbed his phone. "Hey, baby! . . . Really? How come? . . . No, I can't, you took the engine out of my Jeep, remember? . . . Hang on, I'll ask Eddie." He covered the mouthpiece with one hand. "Jasper's done way early at the shrink and Rose won't get out of class for an hour. Can you go get him? My Jeep is down and it sounds like he needs someone now."

Having to get Jasper would mean I would have to leave right now in order to get Bella home on time. I hated to lose even a minute of time with her, but on the other hand, Jasper so seldom seemed to require anything from any of us that I knew I couldn't refuse. This might actually be the first time he had needed anything from me, or even the first time we would be alone together. Emmett raised his eyebrows, still waiting for an answer. "Yeah, I'll go get him."

He relayed the message back to Rose, while I went upstairs to find Bella. She and Alice were sitting together on my bed, deep in discussion. "So, do you think I should go for it? Rose says yes, and Mom says yes, but I can't help but feel like Jasper is saying no. If he says no, does it matter what anyone else thinks?"

No to what? It was wrong of me to eavesdrop, but Bella spoke before I could make my presence known. "He's saying no with his mouth, but men lie. You said he has expressive eyes, so what are his eyes saying?"

No matter how badly I might want to know what they were talking about, I forced myself to step into the room. Alice smiled at me, but it was a sad smile, before turning back to Bella. "They say 'help me.' But I don't know how to help him. I can barely help myself."

I could only assume they were talking about Jasper, whom Alice had developed quite an attachment to. "Bella, your dad called, and he wants you home so the two of you can go out to the Rez today." Bella gave an excited squeal and leapt off the bed. "We have to leave now, though, because I have to pick up my brother at the . . . doctor."

Hopefully she wouldn't notice my slight hesitation on the last word. Being in therapy wasn't anything to be ashamed of, but it was Jasper's own business, not Bella's or mine.

If she did notice, she gave no indication. "All right. Bye, Alice, I'll think about what you asked me."

She reached out and took my hand as we went down the steps. "So, are we still going to the movies tomorrow?"

"Of course." I was up for doing whatever Bella wanted to. The Volvo clicked as I unlocked it, and I hurried around to the passenger side so I could open her door for her. "I'm going to swing by and get Jasper first, so he's not left waiting, all right?"

I was afraid to leave Jasper alone there for too long. He was supposed to be with the doctor for another hour, and the fact that we had been called early was troubling. It meant that Jasper, for whatever reason, had been unwilling or unable to continue his session. He was probably upset, and would do better in the quieter environment of the car, with just two people to deal with.

Bella fiddled with the radio before settling on something soft. A thought occurred to me, and I absently brushed her hair back. "What did Alice ask you? Or is it something I don't want to know?" If it was about tampons or chick flicks, or just how cute Orlando Bloom was, I could probably pass on knowing.

Her dark eyes met mine. "She asked me if blood doesn't make a family, and love doesn't make a family, what does make a family?"

It almost seemed like a riddle, the kind that would have a funny ending, except she had asked me the same thing yesterday. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. I didn't know what to say."

I hadn't, either. But we were pulling up in front of the psychiatrist's office, and if anyone knew what was happening, it would be Jasper. A light rain had begun to fall, so I parked and walked up the stairs. The place was familiar, as he had all been here before, both individually and as a family. Felix, as the doctor preferred to be called, had seen us after Rosalie's adoption, in a futile attempt to smooth things out, and briefly after Emmett. He was a no-bullshit kind of guy, so if he thought Jasper had had enough, he was probably right.

Sure enough, Jasper was sitting quietly in the lobby, looking like he was about two seconds from either throwing up or passing out. A magazine was open in his lap, but he was mostly just staring off into space. His glassy eyes rolled over mine, showing no sign that he recognized me.

I started to go over to him, but was distracted by the receptionist signaling me over. I went over to her and leaned against her desk. She sighed softly. "Mr. Whitlock passed out during his session. He was only out for a few seconds, and he seems fine now, but make sure he gets something to eat, and keep an eye on him this evening."

Great. I schooled my tone to be as gentle as possible before approaching Jasper. "Okay, then. Jasper, are you ready to go home? We have to take Bella by her house, but that shouldn't take too long."

He rose up quietly, carefully closing the magazine and replacing it on the rack. He didn't smile at me or even make eye contact, just slipped past me like a wraith. In the space of just one therapy session, he had regressed to being worse than when he had arrived. I followed him, mimicking his silence and giving him some space.

We were almost to the door before he spoke. "Thank you from coming to get me, Edward. I know you were busy with Bella."

Guilt rose up that he had seen through me so easily. "No problem. Family first, right?"

He shrugged, leaving me with the impression that I had somehow said something wrong. This wasn't going well, and it was going to get worse when he was faced with the stranger in the Volvo. "Are you feeling all right?" He sure as hell didn't _look_ all right.

"I won't puke in your car." Jasper tipped his face upwards, seeming to enjoy the rain on his pale face.

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I didn't care about the car. If he started to get sick, I could pull over and let him out, or clean the seats later. I was much more concerned about Jasper's mental state. "I just meant you look really pale. But you know your own body best." I kept my tone light, no criticism.

Bella was still in the front seat, singing cheerfully along with the radio. Jasper looked at her for a few seconds without moving, his face unreadable. Then he opened the door to the backseat and slid inside.

I decided to give them the first nudge myself. Jasper couldn't do it, and I could already tell that Bella was intimidated by his staring. "Jasper, this is Bella, my girlfriend. Bella, this is Jasper." Again, I wasn't sure how to introduce them. Referring to Jasper as 'my foster brother' seemed sort of rude and would raise unnecessary questions in Bella's mind. On the other hand, I didn't think Jasper would appreciate 'my brother,' either. His behavior became uncomfortable whenever he was referred to as a member of the family. He didn't believe the words, no matter how well intentioned they might be.

"Hi." Bella's voice was timid, and she raised her hand in a slight wave.

Jasper caught her eye in the rearview mirror and held it, working his jaw in silence. He wasn't being deliberately rude or intimidating, despite appearances. He just tended to get stuck for words, and sometimes needed a few seconds before he could get the right ones out. Dad said it was from having his brains rattled (he put it in a much nicer way, of course), and that it would hopefully resolve itself in time. In the meantime, we shouldn't baby him or put words in his mouth. He would get it eventually on his own, without our help.

After fifteen seconds or so, he released a breath. "Pleasure to meet you, Bella." When he spoke, he treated her to onc of his particularly sweet smiles.

Bella relaxed immediately and smiled back at him. I had noticed that when he was working at it, Jasper had a real way of putting someone at ease. It didn't seem to work on his own self, but he was great with other people. It cost him, though, I could tell. "Would you rather sit up front?"

"No, lady's choice." He didn't hesitate this time.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Bella was still a little too shy to say much in Jasper's presence, and Jasper seemed lost in his own world. I tried several times to engage one or the other, but neither one took the bait. I wished that I had brought Alice along. She might not have been able to get Jasper talking either, but at least she would have filled the silence herself.

By the time we got to Bella's house, I was ready to be done with this day. Jasper appeared to be sleeping, his head cradled by the seatbelt. He wasn't supposed to sleep during the day, but I just wasn't up to fighting with him. I left the engine running so he would have some heat, and walked Bella to her front door. She gave me a kiss. "So, that's Jasper." She smiled at me. "He's sweet."

It hadn't really ever occurred to me that Bella had been curious about my reluctant foster brother, though it did make sense. She had met the rest of my family, and I had met Charlie. She must have wondered if we were hiding Jasper from her, and what our reasoning might be.

"Yeah, he's a nice guy." I didn't bother telling her that the sweetness wore off pretty quickly. Whether he was upset by his pending trip to the police station, or still unsettled from being in the hospital, he had had all of us up every single night with his screaming. Tuesday, he had managed to get us up twice. Don't get me wrong, I felt bad for the guy and all, but the lack of sleep was getting to us all. But I wasn't going to tell Bella any of that. No point in letting her know that, in some ways, our family was as weird as everyone said we were.

It wasn't until she was nearly inside that I remembered something I had wanted to ask. "Mom wants to know if you and Chief Swan would like to come over for dinner next Friday. You know, the whole embarrassing 'get together and share humiliating stories about our kids' thing."

She laughed. "You can go ahead and call him Charlie; I do. We'll be glad to come."

One more kiss and she went inside, my CD still clutched in one hand. I stopped on the porch and waited for a bit, just until I saw the light go on her room. Now that I was sure she was all right, I went back to the car. Jasper was still asleep, and for a minute I debated whether I should try and wake him or not. In the end, I thought I might get in trouble if I didn't at least try, so I reached into the back and gently shook his shoulder. "Hey."

He snapped awake with absolutely no warning and seized my wrist, bending it back almost to the point of breaking it. Shock caused me to lose my voice, and for a minute I actually thought he might come over the seat and attack me. I forced my arm to go limp. Fighting with him now was only going to make this worse. Jasper was running on pure survival instinct, and I didn't want to do anything to incite him. _Stay cool, Edward, calm and collected_. "Jasper, it's me."

My voice seemed to break through to him, and he released me immediately. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay." I rubbed at my wrist; wincing at the finger shaped bruises I could already see forming. "Do you want to come up front?"

His eyes narrowed for a second before he nodded and got out of the car. I knew what that look meant. It meant that Jasper didn't trust me, that he thought he was in trouble. Even now, he didn't trust us, didn't trust that we lacked some ulterior motive for being nice to him. His foster mother must have terrorized him.

The passenger door opened and Jasper climbed in. He looked a little better than he had at the clinic, but not much. He always came home from these sessions pale and moody, and would either cling to Alice like a lost puppy or retreat to his room. He never looked unburdened or uplifted or any of the things you were supposed to look like after a long session of purging your demons.

Now that we were in the front seat together, I had no idea what to say to Jasper. He didn't seem to have anything to say to me, either, but Jasper was most comfortable in silence so he wasn't the slightest bit disturbed by this fact. I wanted to say something comforting, to let him know that I wasn't angry and that our family would stand behind him no matter what. But in the end, I said nothing. Jasper believed in actions, not words, and I had done nothing to earn his trust.

I turned the radio on in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. I had no clue what type of music Jasper liked, or really much of anything else about him, so I turned it to a classical station. By the time we made it to the house, Jasper was listening intently, staring at the speakers as if he could actually see the notes pouring out.

"That's Bach." My voice surprised both of us and successfully brought Jasper's attention back to me. His eyes asked me for clarification. "Cantata 105. It's one of his later works."

"I know this song. I don't remember where I first had it, but I know it." He looked into the distance, and I couldn't tell if he was pleased or disturbed by that fact. "Can you play it?"

For the first time, I felt like we were actually bonding. "Yes, would you like to hear?"

His troubled eyes met mine, clearly weighing his options. Finally, he must have decided it was worth the risk, because he nodded. "If you want." His tone tried to be casual, but something about it told me how very badly he wanted me to.

"Sure, I can do that." As strange and stilted as this conversation was, it was at least a real conversation, with some give and take involved. The composition ended, and I killed the engine. "We're home."

Rosalie greeted us at the door, something that irritated me. The community college was within blocks of the therapist's office, so she could have easily gotten Jasper herself. "I thought you had class."

She gave a disinterested shrug. "I did, until Dustin set the engine of his Coupe on fire and we got dismissed early." Her voice was the same as it always was when she spoke to me: haughty, as if I were the worst sort of inconvenience.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. If I had known I would be getting out early, I would have come and gotten you." Translation: _Edward is an idiot who absolutely cannot be trusted to do anything right._

Jasper must have sensed my growing anger, because he gave her an uneasy smile. "It's all right. If I had known I was going to be done so early, I would have made other arrangements. Do you need any help with dinner?" He rubbed at his eyes again, obviously worried.

I wasn't about to let Jasper become a tug toy in the middle of the never-ending battle between Rose and me. He was so anxious already that I could easily picture him having some sort of nervous breakdown, even before this whole trial thing started. So as soon as she shook her head, I gave him a nudge towards the stairs. "Do you want to go now?"

He would understand what I meant, I was sure of it. Jasper had a very one-track, very focused mind, and he had probably thought of nothing else since I had agreed to play for him.

"Sure enough, he nodded in recognition. "Yeah."

I very seldom had visitors in my room, but luckily it was still clean from Bella's visit. Jasper didn't sit on the bed or futon; instead he stood stiffly by the piano. He was here on a mission, not for a social visit. "Like I said, this is Cantata 105."

For a horrible minute, I thought I wasn't going to be able to play at all, that Jasper's presence would get me so stressed that I would choke and miss the notes. Then the moment passed, and I was playing smoothly. I had learned this particular piece years ago, and was thus able to watch Jasper instead of a musical score. He didn't move, didn't blink, just watched my hands as I played.

It was eerie to sit like this, the setting sun the only light. Jasper gave off a strange sense of nothingness, as though his body were only a paper cutout, and would disintegrate as soon as I was done playing. I wondered where he was mentally right now, but I just kept playing. A soft smile played around the corners of his mouth, making him look not happy, exactly, but at least content.

I let the last notes die out slowly, my fingers still pressing down the keys. Once the last tones had faded, our eyes met. "My mom used to play that song. Not as fancy as you do it, but she would play it at night."

I strained to remember the last time Jasper could have seen his mother. She had died back in 1998, and I knew he had been in foster care for a while before that. I also knew that she had been a good mother to Jasper while she was able to be. Dad had been a little vague about what had actually happened to her, just saying that she hadn't been able to take care of him. Us kids had discussed it to death among ourselves, and concluded that she had gone crazy, but I would never bring that up in front of Jasper. "Do you remember her at all?"

"Not really. I was only five when Social Services came. I've seen pictures, though, and I look a lot like her."

I wasn't trying to be mean, or push him too far. I couldn't remember either of my birth parents, something that made me a bit of an oddity among the Cullen kids. As far as I was concerned, Carlisle and Esme _were_ my real parents, but I couldn't help but be curious about Elizabeth and especially Edward Senior, for whom I had been named. In that way, Jasper and I were very much alike. We had both been wanted, loved, and nurtured through our first few years. I had just been luckier than him when I entered the system.

"Could you teach me how to play that? By my birthday, I mean."

He sounded so hopeful that I didn't have the heart to tell him no, even though it was an extremely difficult piece and I had never taught anyone before. "Maybe. There are things you have to know first though, the keys and how to read music — "

"I can read music!" The fact that he had been brave enough to interrupt me was a pretty clear indication of how badly he wanted to hang on to this memory of his mother. "I used to play guitar."

"How come you stopped?" It would be nice to have someone else in the family who appreciated music.

Jasper immediately turned cagey. "Oh, you know, the guitar I had was really old, and it got broken. By then I had a lot more responsibility with the little kids and I just never scraped up the money to have it fixed."

I wondered if that guitar had had a little help breaking, possibly from an enraged foster mother. I knew that if I asked, though, all I would get would be evasion and lies. "Well, if you can already read music, it helps a lot. It's a really hard piece, though, and I don't know if you can learn it in just a few weeks. But we can try. Even if you don't get it by your birthday, it shouldn't be too long after. Any particular reason why you have to know it by then?"

He gave me a tentative smile. "I guess not, if you're willing to keep helping me afterwards."

It was then that the penny dropped for me. Jasper wanted to be sure he learned the song, because he still didn't believe he had a chance of staying here once we were no longer legally responsible for him. "Sure, I'll help you for as long as you need it."

Considering how motivated he was, it shouldn't take long. I hoped he could hear the undercurrent in my words, the one that suggested I would help with more than music, if only he would ask me.

Whether he did or not, Jasper remained as mysterious as the Mona Lisa, unwilling to give up his secrets. "Good."

Anything else he might have wanted to say was cut off by Mom calling up the stairs. "Edward, dinner! Do you have Jasper up there with you?" At my affirmative, she called again. "Jasper, time to eat!"

As we walked down the stairs together, I couldn't help but feel a little bit of hope. Slowly but surely, Jasper was coming out of his shell. We had actually had a real conversation, and that meant a lot. Plus, he had given me a good suggestion about what to get him for his birthday.

Just before we got to the kitchen, he met my eyes. "Thanks, Edward."

"You're welcome."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So, who else thought Jasper was looking really, really fine in Eclipse? Damn! Special thanks to my beta, thesoundandthefury, because I think I put her through the wringer with this one! Next Chapter will be in Emmett's POV, which everyone seemed to like the last time. **

**Esme's POV**

Everyone was dragging this morning. Jasper was asleep at the kitchen table, his head in his arms and his breakfast untouched. I shook his shoulder as I passed, causing him to pick his head up groggily, looking like something that could be starring in a zombie movie.

Carlisle and I had both forgotten to set the alarm on our nightstand last night, so we were all running forty-five minutes late. Emmett and Edward had nearly gotten into a fistfight over who would shower first, an argument further complicated by the fact that Rosalie and Carlisle had used nearly all of the hot water. Edward, being the fastest, had managed to race down the hallway and get in first, so Emmett had retaliated by drinking the last of the milk.

Even Alice, my ever-cheerful pixie, was in a rotten mood, though hers had nothing to do with anything that had happened today. She was upset because I wouldn't let her go with Jasper and me today when he had to give the police his statement. No matter that there was going to be absolutely nothing to see, as Jasper would be alone in the room with just a police detective and a representative from Child Services. They wouldn't even let me, his legal guardian, stay. Alice was convinced that Jasper needed her, and would be comforted by her presence. Whether that were true or not, I wasn't going to pull my daughter out of school the week of midterms just so she could spend hours hanging around the police station.

There was no denying that Jasper adored her, though, and he did seem more relaxed when she was around. If it came down to it, I would be more than willing to pull her out of school if he ended up having to testify at the trial. So far, I hadn't said anything to her about it, since I had yet to bring it up with Jasper himself, but I was pretty sure he would be fine with it.

"Mom! There isn't any milk!" As both the baby and the first child of the family, Edward was used to getting his own way. "Emmett drank it on purpose!"

"I did not! I needed it for my cereal." The smirk on Emmett's face told a different story.

"Emmett! Edward!" I was too tired to finish the thought. It was times like this that I understood why certain animals ate their young, or at the very least left them to fend for themselves. Consumed with worry about Jasper, I hadn't fallen asleep until nearly one in the morning. Jasper had woken us up around three-thirty, but it was Carlisle's turn to go deal with him, so I had gone back to sleep. It was a little callous, but at this point, we all needed that extra sleep.

With the way the kids were behaving this morning, though, I might as well have just stayed in bed. "Just knock it off. Edward, we have three different kinds of juice or water; deal with it. Emmett, quit antagonizing your brother. If you want the first shower, get up earlier."

Without saying anything, or even raising his head, Jasper slid his full glass of milk across the table to Edward. For one terrible minute, I considered calling Demetri and telling him that I would be glad to keep Jasper, as long as he took the other two back.

Edward accepted the glass. "Thank you, Jasper. _You're_ a good brother."

Emmett flipped him off, but he took no notice. Jasper gave him a thumbs-up, and retreated to his sleepy posture. His eggs were surely cold and rubbery by now, so I couldn't imagine him wanting them at all. Emmett, who would eat anything, grabbed his bacon. "Thanks, bro. I figure if you want to share with Eddie, you'll want to share with me, too."

"Whatever. Take the eggs, too."

"Fuck, no; how long have those been sitting there?" He gave Jasper a hearty slap on the back, one I noticed Jasper didn't flinch away from.

"Language. Go on, all of you. If all you can do is complain, just go on to school. Go through a drive-thru or something on the way if you're that hungry." I was fed up with all of them. "I'll see you this afternoon, and I love you."

They grumbled and filed out, probably sensing that I meant business. Jasper, woken again by the sudden flurry of activity, stood up and began clearing away the breakfast dishes. At first he had done this nervously, every single morning, as if he were desperate to prove that he was doing something right. Now he seemed calmer about it, more sure. I hoped that that meant he was doing it to make me happy, or because he had accepted that doing chores was part of being in this family, and clearing the breakfast table just happened to be one of his. Whatever the reason, he did it each morning without fail.

"Thank you, sweetheart." There it was again, that quick nervous grin. "Did you get anything to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." He flipped open the pill organizer and took two with a sip of water.

"Are you nervous about today?" It was a foolish question. Of course he was nervous. He had to go into a room full of strangers and spill secrets that he had never told to anyone, so a woman he was deeply attached to could be found guilty and sent to prison. But I wanted to let him know that I was here if he needed to talk, and that I did care about his well-being.

"Yeah, kinda." The words were mostly mumbled into the table top.

"Just tell the truth, as best as you remember. That's all you have to do for now."

If he caught the implication in the last part of my sentence, he said nothing. I scrambled briefly for something to say, but ended up settling for a good old-fashioned bribe. "You need to put something in your stomach. Why don't we go to the diner, and then go from there? Then you can have a meal to yourself, without Emmett and Edward stealing from you."

There was a split second flare in his eyes, the one that meant he was trying to figure me out, trying to understand what my motivation for being nice was. He was willing to accept my help, but he couldn't quite accept that I was totally on his side. "Okay."

This had to be some sort of record. Jasper never agreed to anything that quickly. Most of the time, it involved a thirty-second to one-minute stare-down, while he tried to read every possible intention into our voices. Then he would finally, if reluctantly, give you an opinion. "Great. Go got dressed, and I'll finish up here." It was generally best if you didn't give him a chance to change his mind.

By the time I was done, he was just coming back down the stairs. I had wanted him to look nice for the police station, as proof that someone was trying to take care of him the way they should. He had balked at a tie, but I had managed to coax him into a nice pair of slacks and a blue sweater. "You look very handsome."

He flushed a little and looked down, looking a little bit like he wanted to melt through the staircase. He was embarrassed, yes, but I didn't miss the quick flicker of pleasure in his eyes. Like any other teenage boy, he liked having his ego stroked.

As we drove, I debated whether or not to say more about the trial. I clearly remembered his reaction the last time he had felt lied to, and I wasn't eager to repeat the experience. But he was already so anxious that he could barely eat, and I didn't want to risk him passing out at the station. Maybe it would be better to wait until we were actually inside the diner, as I was willing to bank on his reluctance to make a scene in public.

These were the debates that all foster parents had with themselves. I supposed that every parent did it to some degree, but it was more intense with a foster child. You were constantly weighing how much to tell them and when. With a kid like Jasper, whom we had only had a short time, it was harder still. Was bringing up the trial going to help by keeping him abreast of things, or was I traumatizing him further? What if he got so upset that he wasn't able to give a statement to the police?

Fortunately, Jasper seemed unaware of my inner struggle. His nap on the kitchen table seemed to have done him wonders, and he was downright chatty. Well, chatty for Jasper. He rather pointedly didn't mention where we were going. "Do they have stuffed French toast? How do you stuff French toast, anyway?"

French toast wasn't something I would have chosen to talk about, nor was it something I was particularly knowledgeable about, but anything was better than silence. "I don't know, and I'm pretty sure they don't have it. Would you like to go somewhere else?"

He looked at me for a second, trying to figure out what it was I wanted him to say. I ignored him and focused on the road. If I didn't give any indication of my preferences, he would be forced to assert his own. "No, it's okay. Unless, you know, you don't want to take me there."

"What do you mean?" If I asked a direct question, most of the time he would give me an honest answer.

He studied the car roof for a few seconds, tracing the fabric with a finger. "Everybody in town goes to the diner. I thought that, maybe, you would rather not go with me. People talk."

In other words, he was concerned that I would be embarrassed to be seen with him. "Let them talk. The more it looks like we're hiding you, the harder it will be in the long run." Now was not the time to tell him that he had been the hot topic of discussion for the entire town before he had even arrived.

He gave me another shy smile. "Can I have an omelet instead?"

"If you want." I wasn't about to play into his food issues by telling him what he could and could not eat. When he had first arrived, I had thought he was doing well on that front. Most of the time, he didn't shove his food down like he was afraid we would take it. Instead, he ate in careful, precise movements, taking his fair share and nothing more. True, he ate less than I thought he should, but he didn't seem to be losing weight, so I let it go.

I had been naïve, perhaps deliberately so. His hospital forms clearly stated that he was underweight upon admission, and had gained quickly while hospitalized. That should have told me that the lack of eating was not his choice. The fact that he was tightly controlled enough not to let me see his issues didn't mean that they weren't there.

Had Jasper been any younger, I would have been tossing his room regularly, looking for drugs, alcohol, food stashes, or anything else that didn't belong. But Jasper was very nearly an adult, and I had been less comfortable going through his stuff without any signs that there was an issue.

Thus, it had been an unwelcome surprise when Alice and I had cleaned his closet out to paint it and we found a stockpile of Pop-Tarts and canned food hidden in the back. I had noticed that we seemed low on both, but with five teenagers in the house, it was possible that any one of them had eaten the items, so I didn't think much of it. The sight of those items stashed away like that bothered me more than it should have, considering how many times I had been through this before. Food was always available here, and he had never been turned down when he asked for it, so I hated that he still felt insecure enough that he had felt the need to steal it.

Carlisle and I had discussed the issue to death, and in the end, we had said nothing to Jasper about it. I had taken the items back to the kitchen, and was keeping a very close eye on what was in the cabinets. So far, nothing else seemed to be disappearing, so either he was getting over his fears or had become much more sneaky.

The diner was close to empty, as it almost always was at nine a.m. on a weekday. Jasper remained close to my side, his usual position when we were out in public. This wasn't really indicative of trust on his part, more of a sort of wary acceptance that I was the lesser of the two evils.

We were seated by a smiling waitress, who took our drink orders and left us to peruse the menus. The food was pretty standard diner fare — nothing too fancy, but plenty to satisfy a teenage boy.

"Well, Mrs. Cullen, how nice to meet you here." The voice was unexpected, and both of us jumped. Jasper hunched down towards the table, trying to make himself invisible.

I smiled at the man I had known for years, but only recently become acquainted with. "Hello, Chief Swan."

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen. Is this Emmett or Jasper?" The last words were directed at the top of Jasper's head, as he wasn't looking up.

I wasn't sure if Jasper was willing to answer or not, but I wanted to give him the chance. He refused to take the Chief's outstretched hand, but he was able to raise his head and softly say, "Jasper."

"Nice to meet you, son." He didn't seem particularly put off by Jasper's rude behavior, which I appreciated. Of course, Chief Swan had dealt with many of my foster kids, so he was well aware that a little rudeness was the least of his concerns. As if he sensed how uncomfortable being the center of attention was making Jasper, he turned his attention back to me. "I'll let you get back to your breakfasts. I'll see you Friday with Bella; is there anything we could bring?"

The thought of having dinner guests brightened my mood considerably. "Nope, just yourselves."

"Bella always comes home raving about your meals. I'm not much of a cook myself, so the poor girl's been stuck feeding both of us." His dark eyes shone when he talked about the daughter he was just now getting to know.

"Esme's a good cook." Never in a million years would I have expected Jasper to contribute to the conversation.

Charlie grinned. "That's what I hear. You two have a good day."

I thanked him and Jasper mumbled something indistinct, but that was probably some variation of 'Thank you' also. The waitress took our orders, and I steeled myself for what I was going to say. "Jasper, there's something we need to talk about."

He shut down immediately, his entire posture deflating and his eyes going blank. Here it was, the speech about how he was going to have to find some alternate living arrangement. "Okay." The word was so defeated that I wanted nothing more than to gather him into my arms and tell him that it _would_ all be okay eventually.

"Do you understand the charges being brought against Maria?"

He flinched visibly at her name, but nodded. "Yeah."

At least he was attempting to talk to me. "Okay, now, do you understand what a plea bargain is?"

"I'm not stupid." He had begun to pick nervously at the sleeves of his sweater. Something was wrong, he just knew it.

"I never said you were. Well, Maria is refusing to take a plea bargain, which means that she will go to trial. If that happens, it's very likely that you will be called as a witness for the state."

I had been watching him closely as I spoke, figuring that his reaction to this news would be as subtle as most of his reactions. Instead, his head snapped up, and his eyes bored so deeply into mine that I felt sick. He was breathing hard, and the fear written all over his face made me feel as though I were doing the wrong thing by telling him this.

"No." Though there was considerable force behind it, the word came out as mostly a rush of air. "No, I can't."

I was forced to revise my previous thought. Jasper might not willingly make a scene in public, but he was rapidly losing control. "Jasper, look at me and be calm." I made my voice firm but not harsh.

He did neither, so I repeated the command. His therapist had recommended the technique, after Jasper lost it in his office several times in a row. He compared these episodes, which were essentially panic attacks, to a balloon that had lost its tether. Jasper couldn't prevent himself from floating away, so he needed someone to ground him. Alice was particularly successful at it, though Carlisle and I could do it quite well, also.

"Jasper." Before I could get the rest of it out, his panicked eyes swung up to meet mine. "Good boy; now be calm."

The key to it all was the repetition, and staying calm myself, which was harder than it sounded. Jasper was fearful, yes, but I had seen fear spiral into rage before, both with him and with other children. Even now, the memory of the feral blackness of his eyes that day at the hospital was enough to make my breath hitch.

Slowly, slowly, his death grip on the table relaxed. His pupils, which had been so dilated that I could barely see any blue at all, shrank back down to normal size. When he spoke, it was in a normal voice, though the anguish in it made me cringe. "Esme, I can't."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, if we ever do. Now eat." I was aware that we were attracting curious stares, both from our waitress and from Chief Swan, and I wanted to do something to dispel the tension. Seeing him eat would soothe their minds and hopefully prevent someone from calling DSS on us.

He shoved an entire strip of bacon in his mouth, then sat quietly, trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. I could have told him it was a lost cause. Explained agencies and procedures and the penalties for lying under oath until I was blue in the face. I could have made him understand that I was as powerless in all this as he was.

But I didn't. Though legally he was almost an adult, mentally and emotionally he was still a child. He needed to have that tiny child's bit of faith that told him that I was magic, and I could do anything. My gut was telling me that if I lost that, I was going to lose everything. The trial, Jasper, absolutely everything. "It may not come to that, but I want you to be ready, okay?"

He nodded, nervously bolting his last few bites of egg. "You'll come to the trial, even if it happens after my birthday?"

Or maybe he was beginning to trust us after all. Not enough to believe that he would be living with us once the checks stopped coming, but enough that he seemed to draw a certain amount of comfort and strength from our presence.

I had to tread lightly here. "I hope you'll still be living with us then, but even if you choose to move out, we will always be there for you."

I could have gone on, told him how much we loved him, but something held me back. It was too soon, and I didn't want to take the risk of alienating him.

He didn't say anything else, but there was an almost visible release of tension. Jasper was so quiet that it was easy to forget the amount of worry and stress he was carrying on a daily basis. Not only from the upcoming trial, but from trying to remember how to live comfortably in a family. I knew he had Felix to talk to, but the man had already admitted they weren't making much progress. He hung on to his emotions and secrets, giving the outside world only tiny peeks into his mind.

"All right, then, let's go. The faster we get there, the faster we can get finished." Jasper rose calmly, his face and eyes completely devoid of any signs of his early panic. He was quite good at shutting his emotions off like that, a trait that may have been one of the reasons he;d survived as long as he had. Without being asked, he picked up my coat and held it out, allowing me to slip into it.

Had it been anyone else, even Carlisle, I would have found this behavior overbearing. When people found out about my MS, they overcompensated by attempting to do the simplest things for me, as if I were an invalid child. Even my own kids could get that way, never letting me lift heavy objects or play rough games.

With Jasper, though, it was different. He treated both Alice and Rosalie with the same careful courtesy, almost as if he had been raised in a different century. He was constantly opening doors, carrying shopping bags, and generally making sure that the women of the house went first and got the best parts of whatever we did. "Who taught you to be such a gentleman?"

"My mom. She said that that was how my dad swept her off her feet, and hopefully I would do the same for some girl one day. Of course, I still thought that girls carried cooties back then, so I didn't want to. Now it's just a habit, I guess."

Oh, boy, the dreaded talk about birth parents. There were so many things that could go wrong here that I regretted ever bringing the subject up. Did Jasper miss Samantha? He must. But there would be other, more complex, emotions at work here.

Did he resent her for abandoning him, first to foster care, then with her suicide? Maybe. He was certainly capable of understanding that she had been very ill and not in control of herself, but emotions tend to defy logic. There was always love in his voice when he talked about her, but he had to at least feel the small sting of that desertion.

This was the hardest subject to broach with adopted children. Rosalie refused to acknowledge that she had ever had another family, and rejected any attempts by them to contact her after she turned eighteen. Emmett, too, had no interest in seeing his mother, who was still serving a life sentence for murder. She wrote him occasionally, and he saved all of her letters, but he hadn't seen her since the day the police came and removed him from the house. Once a year, he saw his siblings, but that was the extent of his contact with them. He had more than a dozen nieces and nephews, whom he seemed to enjoy, but knew very little about. They had us, and they had each other, and that was good enough for them.

Alice was the complete opposite. She was in frequent contact with her birth family, and always chose gifts for them at Christmas and their birthdays. She saw them several times a year, and was free to call them as often as she wanted. They were good people, and good parents, but they simply hadn't been capable of coping with her needs. Every time I brought Alice to see them, I saw the pain in Sarah Brandon's eyes when she heard her little girl call some other woman 'Mom.' But Sarah never failed to hug me, and thank me for doing what she could not. Alice's younger sister frequently came along, and I was glad to see that the girls were forming a sisterly bond.

Edward, like Jasper, was a true orphan, but unlike his brother, he had no memory of his birth parents. Both had died of a particularly vicious flu outbreak when he was just a toddler. Edward, too, had been very ill and not expected to survive. But he had defied the odds and been placed in our home two days after his third birthday. Carlisle and I had saved a large box of memories from his parents, including photographs and pieces of jewelry. Edward didn't know we had it, though I intended to show him soon. I had been waiting for him to bring his birth parents up, but it didn't seem like he was going to do that on his own. I wondered sometimes if he thought he would hurt Carlisle's and my feelings by asking, but he deserved to know about that part of himself.

"She sounds like a nice lady." I wished I had never brought this up. I would rather explain that Santa wasn't real to a school full of kindergarteners. Why couldn't Jasper have just wanted to know about sex?

"Yeah, she was a good mom." He sounded a tad defiant, as if he had already compared us and found me lacking.

"I don't doubt that." His tone both worried me and gave me hope. He felt the need to emphasize how much he loved his birth mother, so he would have an excuse not to bond to me. As long as he held on to her so tightly, there would be no room in his heart for someone else. Of course he loved her — she was his mother, after all — but he also used her as a shield between himself and anyone who wanted to get close to him. I just needed to find a way to let him know that it was all right to love his mother, and it was also all right to love the rest of us.

"Yeah. She was just too sick to keep me, that's all. She didn't want to give me up." He didn't sound completely convinced.

"I know. She really did want to get you back." I felt confident saying that much, at least.

He suddenly became very focused. "How do you know?"

"I've read your file. Right up until she . . . passed away, she was doing everything possible to get custody of you back."

He didn't say anything after that, just opened the car door for me. He was smiling a little bit, though, and I could tell that he was pleased. It was nice to have a third person confirm that you were wanted, after all. Even if it was just me. "How long is this going to take?"

I went along with his need to change the subject. "I don't know; I've never had to do this before."

He glanced over. "But you have had to take one of your kids to the police station?"

More times than I cared to think about. "Yes."

"How come?"

I exited the highway as I thought. "We had a break-in once, and I took Alice and Edward with me when I made the report. Then I took Rose after she ran away — "

"Rose ran away? Why?" He sounded shocked, and not only a little bit impressed.

"She decided that we didn't love her any more, and she would be better off in another family. She was gone for three days." Three of the worst days in my entire life.

He sat back, trying to digest this new information. "But she's your kid. She loves you guys."

I was going to have to choose my next words very carefully. I had to be clear to Jasper, but not overwhelm him. "She was our foster daughter then, and she did like us, but that was part of the problem. She was afraid that we would leave her, so she made sure to leave us first."

He nodded slowly, pointedly studying his lap. My stomach turned a nervous flip. I had a great fear that Jasper would run, and that if he did, we would never see him again. He had already proven that he wouldn't fight back, so his only option was to run. I didn't know how to tell him that even if he did, we would look for him, and do everything we could to bring him home.

"Can we go to a movie after?"

Apparently he was off on his own mental track, one that had nothing to do with my worries. Also, he didn't seem to have that embarrassment that most teenagers did about being seen in public with an adult. "Sure, if we get done in time. If not, we can go tomorrow." It would be nice to get out of the house.

"Okay."

Before I knew it, the police station was looming up in front of us. Jasper tensed, and his knuckles whitened as he clutched the armrest. For a few horrible minutes, I was plagued with visions of needing to have the police pry him out of the car, kicking and screaming. He got up on his own, though, and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Let's get this over with."

The receptionist seemed to be expecting us, and we were quickly ushered back into a room. Three men were waiting, their faces welcoming. One stepped forward. "Hi, Jasper, I'm Mark Davis, and I'm a guardian ad litem appointed by the state. My job is to see that your interests are protected during questioning. Is that all right with you?"

His tone suggested he was talking to someone much younger, and I could tell that Jasper didn't like him. But he managed a mumbled 'Yes' and sat down where the man had indicated. Mr. Davies smiled at me, a slick smile that I didn't quite like, either. "I'm sorry, Mom, but you need to wait outside."

I rather took offense at the title, but I couldn't afford to alienate anyone right now. Jasper looked up, his face a grayish-green and his eyes begging me not to leave him. Almost without thinking, I dropped a kiss on top of his head. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

One of the officers, the one who didn't look that much older than Jasper himself, led me out. "This could take a while, so can I get you a coffee? We have a lot of history to go over."

I didn't need anything to further ramp up my already racing nerves. "No, thank you."

"Just let us know if you need anything." Then he was gone, and I was left alone with my roving thoughts.

I needed plenty of things. Some more time to try and get Jasper ready for this. An infallible book of parenting, so I would understand how to motivate Emmett, or help Edward socially. Most of all, I needed a time machine, so I could go back and prevent any of them from suffering in the first place.

Time passed; first one hour, then two. People came and went, their eyes never quite meeting mine. One of the officers assigned to Jasper came out and took a smoke break. He gave me a smile that went nowhere near his eyes. "We'll be finished shortly. He's holding up very well."

Finally, close to two and a half hours after he had entered, Jasper reappeared. He was pale and blinking a lot, acting slightly dazed. He came toward me without hesitation or complaint and flopped bonelessly into the chair next to mine. I stroked his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. "Almost done, I promise."

The cop nodded at Jasper. "You did very well, son. We'll be in touch about the trial, and you have my card if you think of anything you forgot to tell me today."

Jasper nodded. "Sure." His tone was calm and easygoing, but I knew he would do no such thing. Jasper didn't reveal his secrets unless he was forced to. He looked at me. "Can we go to the movie now?"

For a minute, I was too shocked to answer. I couldn't believe that, after being grilled for almost three hours, and being forced to reveal his most intimate secrets and experiences, he wanted to do anything but curl up into a ball and give up on the world. "If you want."

The rest of the day passed in a sort of a hazy blur. At the theater, I broke my own rule and bought a supersized tub of popcorn and two sodas. Jasper watched the movie intently, and laughed in all the correct places, but there was something distant about it all. Afterwards, he couldn't tell me his favorite part, or any of the characters' names. I didn't mind being his distraction, but I couldn't help but worry about him. Even though he gave the impression of being completely put together, I could tell we weren't that far away from a nervous episode.

At home, he bounced from activity to activity, never settling down. For the first time since he arrived, he was funny and social, commanding everyone's attention. The rest of us could only stare at this new, charming version of Jasper. It was like looking at a shade of what he could have been, if only life had been a little different to him.

Toward the end of the evening, though, he began to wear out, cracks showing in his otherwise happy demeanor. Rosalie looked from him to us, her eyebrows raised and her face a giant question mark. I shrugged my shoulders. Yes, I was worried about him, too, but every time I asked, he insisted he was fine. There just wasn't much I could do for him.

Watching him spin from one side to the other, a passage I had once read came to mind. Jasper was a little bit like the mythical swan. On the surface, he was graceful, calm and unruffled. Underneath it all, he was paddling as fast as he could, just to try and stay afloat.

Once eleven o'clock rolled around, I started shooing the kids upstairs. I didn't really care what time they actually went to bed, but if I didn't point them in the right direction, Alice would spend all night stretched out in front of the television, and Emmett would help himself to an additional two meals, at least. If that boy took in any more calories, he was going to end up seven feet tall and 400 pounds.

If I had had my way, I would have blown up the old air mattress, and put Jasper in with Carlisle and me for the next few nights. It was a trick you learned fairly quickly when you dealt with traumatized kids. There were times when you had to forget the physical age and work with the age they were functioning at. Right now, Jasper was at an age where he needed plenty of parental comforting.

It should have been simple, but of course it wasn't. Guidelines clearly stated that a foster child was never to share the same room with the foster parents. In the past, I would have said 'screw it' and put the kid in question in the corner anyway, but this time it was different. Jasper was being very closely monitored by the head office, and I had no doubt that the slightest misstep on our part would lead to him being removed from our home. So, instead, I bid him good night, and told him to come get us if he needed anything. He wouldn't, of course, but I never lost hope that one day, he might. Then I left him to whatever demons waited for him at night.

There wasn't much left to do, so I went to bed shortly after midnight, when Carlisle came home. He sat on the edge of the bed, giving me his sexiest smile. "How did it go today?"

"Jasper's losing it, and the rest of them are acting like a pack of wild animals. Other than that, it went great."

He pulled his socks off, raising one eyebrow. "Did he do all right at the police station?"

"Yeah. He was in there forever, almost three hours, but that's good, right? I mean, the more details he can give them now, the less likely it is that he'll have to actually testify later." Even I could hear the desperation in my voice. How did Jasper deal with this alone, in silence?

"Hopefully. What's up with everyone else?"

The real issue was probably that they were picking up on the tension that had pooled in every corner of the house. "Just sibling spats. You know, he took the milk, she used all the hot water, nobody loves me, that sort of thing. Today it was just all of them. Except Rose, she was the only one behaving herself."

He laughed. "You know it's a messed-up day when Rosalie is the best behaved of the bunch."

"She's settled a lot, though. Actually, she's done really well since Jasper came. I think she likes him, thank God. I wouldn't wasn't to set off another Rosalie versus Edward issue."

"I actually noticed that, but I think she — "

Whatever he might have thought, he didn't get to tell me. Jasper started screaming, the same way he had last night, and the night before. Carlisle stood. "I'll get him."

Only this time, there was something different. For the first time, he spoke. "Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mom!" It was absolutely heart-wrenching.

My husband's eyebrows rose, nearly into his hairline. "I think he wants you, Mom."

I got up, popping his shoulder as I passed. "He wants Samantha, Carlisle."

"Well, she isn't here, is she? You're the only Mom available, so go get him."

Emmett was in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe. "He talks." His voice was blurry with sleep. Like the rest of them, he knew he wasn't allowed to go in there. Though Jasper had yet to be violent with any of us, there was always the chance he would accidentally lash out, and I didn't want any of them hurt.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time for Emmett right now. He was a big boy and capable of taking care of himself, at least at the moment. Jasper went into another round of "Mommy, Mommy!" followed by more choked-off sobs. It was only times like right now, when he wasn't in total control of himself, that I ever heard Jasper cry. He was out of bed, sobbing inconsolably, as he looked right through me, his eyes half-lidded and swimming with tears.

I approached him cautiously. "Hey, honey, it's Esme. Let's get you back to bed, all right?"

His eyes focused on mine. "Mommy." He didn't sound as if there were any question in his mind.

I had so badly wanted to hear him call me that, but I wanted him to mean it. I didn't want to hear it when all he saw was a shade of his dead mother. There would be time later for me to feel bad about what I was about to do, but right now, Jasper was my main priority. "Yeah, it's me. Come on, sweetie, let's lie down."

He came easily enough, and I had no problem tucking him back into bed. He had been aware of my presence, and even able to interact appropriately with me, so this didn't really have the signs of one of his night terrors. More likely, it had been a plain old sleepwalking episode. Still, I couldn't deny the fierce surge of protective affection that his words caused. Jasper was mine, my child, and I would be damned if I would let anyone take him from me.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay on this folks! Hopefully it will be worth the wait. As a minor pimpage, I have a cannon story ready to go up also, so please check it out! The title is Hell Hath No Fury, and it should be up shortly.**

**Emmett's POV**

"Jasper? Jasper? Jaaasssspppeerrrr?" I dragged the last one out as long as I could. The lump under the covers still didn't move, which told me he was faking being asleep. If he had actually been sleeping, he would have bolted upright the minute I called his name. Jasper was doing better in a lot of ways, but he was still pretty skittish about being approached when he was trying to sleep.

I poked the comforter, about where I thought his back should be, and got no response other than an irritated grumble. If it had been Edward, I would have just thrown the blankets off and physically dragged him from the bed, but that probably wasn't a good idea with Jasper. I mean, God only knows that the guy sleeps in, and there are parts of my brother I just don't need to see. So instead, I picked up his kiwi bird and smacked the lump lightly with it. "Get up."

He sat up and shrugged the covers off. "Why? It's Saturday."

Like he went to school anyway. I took a quick moment to note that Jasper did, after all, wear pajamas, before grinning at him. "It's almost eleven, and you've been up here since ten last night. You aren't resting, you're sulking. Now come on; you and I are going out for pizza."

His eyes widened at me, looking almost cartoonish in the odd light seeping around the curtains. "Huh?"

"You" — I pointed at him — "and I" — I pointed at myself — "will be going" — I made little walking gestures with my fingers — "out to get some pizza." I mimed eating something. "Do you need to hear it again?"

He stood. "No, I got it. Why are we going out for pizza?"

I swear to God, Jasper has to analyze everything to death, which is why nothing ever gets done. "Because I'm hungry, simple as that. Not everyone's in some big conspiracy to do you in. Now, if you want something other than pizza, now's the time to tell me."

"Pizza's okay." He looked a little stunned, but I couldn't tell if it was because I had woken him up, or he was just surprised that I wanted to do anything with him when I wasn't being forced. I pulled open a dresser drawer and chose a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt at random. "Get dressed."

He tossed the shirt back. "I don't wear short sleeves."

If he had been anyone else, I would have given him the finger and told him to deal with it. But it was so hard to get Jasper to express an opinion about anything that I let it slide. This time. "Fine, how about this one?"

"Yeah, that one's good." He pulled the clothing up to his chest and scowled at me. "Are you going to fucking watch me change? Go away."

He had a point. After all, I had my beautiful Rose, why in the world would I want to look at another dude naked? "All right, come meet me downstairs."

I was halfway down the stairs before it hit me. Jasper wasn't bothered by the thought of me seeing him naked, he was trying to keep me from seeing his scars. None of us kids knew exactly what they looked like, but I knew they were bad. Mom had actually cried after seeing the pictures.

I understood his reluctance, certainly better than my siblings, and maybe even better than Mom and Dad. I had a long rip across one thigh from where my mother had thrown a platter at my dad. It had missed, but shattered against a table and cut me with one of the shards. Because they had both been falling-down drunk at the time, neither parent was willing to drive me to the ER. My brother Evan had fixed it as best he could with gauze and a few butterfly bandages.

The next morning, I had been prepared for the usual fussing and repeated apologies, as well as sloppy promises to quit the booze and do better for us. Not that I had believed them, even at the age of five, but I still expected to hear it. But when morning came, neither one of them even remembered the plate being thrown, much less that I had been injured. It had eventually healed without further attention, jagged and ugly. Even now, I wouldn't let Rose touch that scar. So yeah, I understood how Jasper felt, understood the shame of having a permanent reminder to prove just how little you had mattered to someone else.

But now wasn't the time to dwell on either of our pasts. Today, I was getting Jasper a date. And not just any date, either. I was going to hook him up with Alice. It had been a tough decision. After all, Alice deserved the absolute best, and I had to make perfectly sure that Jasper was it. Sure, he was a little bit fucked up, but I knew he would do anything for her. That much was obvious from the lovesick way he stared at her, and they way he did anything he could to make her happy, even at his own expense. He would be good to her, I was sure of it. Now I just had to talk him into it.

"Come on, you supermodel! Jesus, Rosalie takes less time to get ready!" I knew he had a little trouble dressing and getting ready, with his hand being the way it was, but I just loved ragging on the guy. He seemed to understand that it was all in good fun, and would give me one of those goofy wide smiles, instead of the tense ones he usually gave us.

"I'm coming; keep your panties on." He hopped down the steps, looking as comfortable and at home as I had seen him yet.

"But Jasper, my darling, I wore the lace ones just for you." I let my lashes flutter flirtatiously.

He laughed, one of the few times I had heard him do so. "Later, babe."

Rose had finally fixed my Jeep, thank God. I was so sick of having to use one of those tiny little wimp wagons that the rest of my family preferred. Jasper started to jump up, and then paused. "Wait, I still have to take my pills."

Good thing it was Jasper who ended up with a medical condition requiring daily medication instead of me. There were still days when I forgot my backpack or to brush my teeth. Pills twice a day? Forget it. I tossed him the keys. "Remember to lock up!" He nodded and vanished back into the house.

I used the lull to pull the Jeep around (no easy task when you considered the sheer size of that thing) so it was facing outwards. Jasper, probably thinking he was going to be left behind, bounded out the front door, crossing the driveway in a few fast bounds, and pulled himself up into the passenger seat. "I was only in there a minute!"

Looking at him, I had to admit that he looked a lot different than when he first arrived. He definitely limped less, and I thought he used his hand better, too. The first time we had gone somewhere in my Jeep, I'd had to give him a tug because he couldn't get up there on his own. Now it was no problem. He had gained some weight, too. Don't get me wrong, he's still a skinny little fucker, but at least now he doesn't look like he's been starved. He very rarely looks happy, but he doesn't look scared now, either.

For reasons best known only to each other, Edward was trying to teach Jasper how to play the piano. Seemed like an odd choice for someone who had a hard time using one hand, but Jasper persevered, same as he did with everything else. It was actually kind of neat to listen to the jumbled notes become smooth. Dad thought that it was absolutely great for his finger dexterity, and Alice practically swooned every time she heard it. What was it with women and guys who played instruments, anyway?

I reached into the glove compartment and pulled out an envelope, tossing it at Jasper. "That's for you."

He picked it up absently, barely looking at it. A casual observer would have thought him uninterested, but I knew better. In one quick glance, he had noted that it was addressed to him, the bank logo on front, and that there was something unyielding inside. "What is it?"

I didn't reply at first, too busy trying to navigate that one tricky curve about a half-mile down the road. "Your debit card. It's not active yet, because you need to activate it from the house phone and I forgot to give it to you yesterday like I was supposed to, but it's yours."

He spun the card around in his fingers. "I don't have any money, so why do I need a debit card? I can't get a job, because your parents won't let me, and now I can't drive, anyway."

This had to be handled very delicately, which led me to wonder how in the hell I had ended up with the task. "Dad puts an allowance in every month, because it's easier for him to do it that way than keep cash on hand for four — I mean, five — teenagers. I think he's putting some of the money the state sends you in there, too, but I'm not sure. I don't know how much money there is, because I've been forbidden to peek, but enough for the things you need."

The card was no longer spinning. "I get an allowance? How much?"

"Hundred bucks at the beginning of the month. Don't ask Dad to advance you anything if you run out. He'll do it, but you'll have to sit though such a long boring lecture on budgeting and responsibility that you'll regret ever asking."

He carefully replaced the card in its envelope and put it back in the dash. "I've never had an allowance before." His eyes were downcast, and his tone gave no clue if he were pleased or not.

"Everyone gets an allowance for pitching in and doing chores. Didn't you do chores in your other house?" Nobody else liked bringing up his previous placement, but I didn't mind. Like it or not, those four years had happened, and it didn't seem right to deny that fact. We had all had lives before we were Cullens, and those lives needed to be remembered.

"Yeah." He drew the word out thoughtfully. "But we didn't get paid for it. We were just supposed to do them."

That would never work in our house, not in a million years. "Wouldn't work here. If we did it that way, nothing would ever get done."

When Jasper looked at me, I wished I hadn't said anything. "Maria had ways to make us listen." His tone was grave.

Beatings with a fireplace poker, perhaps? I probably should have stopped there, but his was the first time I had heard him indicate directly that Maria had been cruel to any of them. We were at the pizza place, but I circled the block again, hoping he wouldn't notice. If I lost this moment, I might never get it back. "Yeah?" It was a perfect answer. It expressed an interest in what he was saying, but wasn't too pushy if he didn't want to continue.

For a second I thought he wasn't going to answer, but he finally pulled his sleeve back and pointed at a wide scar on his forearm. "I wouldn't do the dishes, because it was Mark's turn, not mine. So she threw a plate at me."

I was more shocked by his actions than his words. Even this morning, he had refused to change in front of me, keeping the worst marks out of sight. I easily discerned the scar he was talking about, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the others. His skin (and I couldn't even see up to his elbow) was littered with old burns and scars, too many for me to even begin to count.

Luckily, he was too caught up in the story to notice my staring. "I got cut, and she had to take me to the ER. I mean, my skin was just gaping open and I was bleeding everywhere. So she wrapped my arm up in this little dishtowel, and put me in the van. The whole time we were in the car, she kept telling me to say I got cut doing the dishes." He gave a humorless little chuckle. "It wasn't even a lie. I _had_ gotten cut on a dish."

We both sat in silence for a minute before he gave me a weary grin. "That's the pizza place, and don't think I didn't notice that we've driven by it three times."

Apparently he wasn't as unaware of his surroundings as I had thought. I had been about to make a fourth circle, but now that I was caught, I just gave him a sheepish grin and pulled into a parking spot. "So, what happened then?"

"They took me to the back and gave me nine stitches. Then they brought in a woman from Social Services to talk to me, because they have to do that any time a kid gets hurt under suspicious circumstances. She was this really nice older black lady, and she looked right at me and said, 'Jasper, this is an awfully deep cut to have come from picking up a broken dish. Tell me, did somebody at home hurt you?' And you know what I said?"

I did. "You said no."

He nodded tightly. "I said no. That was my one shot to help myself, and I said no. If I had said yes then, I would have not only been getting myself out of a bad situation, but the rest of the little kids who were depending on me." He sounded exhausted and disgusted with himself. "I don't know why I said no."

I knew that, too. "Because she told you to. Because you loved her and would have done anything to please her."

He raised an eyebrow, silently asking me to tell him my own story. Normally, I would have refused, but this time I felt that it was only fair. I tapped at my thigh, my fingers ghosting over the decade-and-a-half-old scar. "My mom hit me with a platter and put a big mark on my leg, right here. She didn't take me to the hospital, but if she had, I would have lied, too." I considered it briefly, then added the rest as an afterthought. "She was drunk."

"Maria wasn't. She never drank." He opened the door, but paused before jumping out. "You know the best part? We were at the ER for four hours, and when we got home, she points to the kitchen, which had my blood all over it, and says, 'Now clean up that mess in there and do the goddamn dishes like I told you to.' I did it, and that was the last time I ever questioned her, whether she was being fair or not."

I guessed the saddest part of his story was that it didn't surprise me at all. There are a million ways to wound a child, and some parents seem to know every single one of them. Jasper stood waiting for me, leaning expectantly against the front fender. He didn't look upset, just a little anxious that I hadn't gotten out of the car yet. So I gave him a smile that I wasn't feeling at all and jumped onto the pavement. "Okay, I'll feed you today, because you don't have your card activated, but next time, you're paying. You're my brother, not my date."

He waited until we were side by side before he started walking. "At the house you said you were wearing your lace panties just for me. Emmett, do you not love me anymore?"

More and more, I was seeing flashes of humor from him. Apparently, his true personality, when it wasn't being smothered by anxiety, was quite funny and easygoing. It would have to be, otherwise he would have ended up putting a gun to his head. Honestly, I don't know if I could have survived what he had. Barring that thing with the plate, and a handful of similar alcohol-fueled incidents; my parents had never been abusive. Neglectful to the extreme, yes, and we were certainly unwanted children, but we had never been burned with cigarettes, or hit with pokers, or left with deep, mysterious burns. I had never been molested or raped, like my sisters had.

Out of all of us, Edward was the only one without a sob story, and even that was questionable. I had seen pictures of him from when he'd first arrived, barely three years old and fresh out of the hospital. I was sure that part of his pale, drawn appearance was the result of being so ill, but a lot of it was mental. In just a few days, he had lost his mother, his father, his home, basically everything. His relatives had packed some clothes and a few toys and handed him off to strangers who expected to be referred to as "Mom" and "Dad."

No wonder the kid in the pictures was crying often, and scared-looking when he wasn't. Kids are resilient, though, and it didn't take long before he began to laugh, and settled in quite nicely. I guessed his story wasn't anywhere near as tragic as Rose's or Jasper's, but it was sad nonetheless.

But I had already spent too much time dwelling on the past today. We were all here now, and the future was important, too. I slid an arm around Jasper's shoulders and tugged him towards me. He overbalanced on his right leg, just like I had known he would, and stumbled into me. I gave him a sloppy kiss on the side of his head. "I still love you, babe. It's just a good thing that you're a cheap date."

He had been starting to look worried, since it had taken me so long to reply, but now he nodded and smiled. "That's me; I'm cheap all around."

There was probably some deep significance to that, but I had had more than enough deep thinking for the day. "What do you want?"

We'd had pizza as a family before, but only as a pick-up. Jasper seemed willing to eat anything, but he had never really had a chance to pick just what he liked. "They'll split it in half, so pick whatever you want and don't worry about me."

Jasper went over to the list of toppings, wrinkling his nose as he read some of the more exotic offerings. I noticed that when he read, he put his face pretty damn close to the menu and squinted a little. Maybe I should suggest to Dad that Jasper get his eyes checked. He looked up at me. "Barbecued Chicken?"

"Hey now, those are fighting words. BBQ chicken pizza is absolutely delicious." He still didn't look convinced. "How about this: I'll get BBQ chicken on my half, then you get whatever you want on yours, then we'll switch slices."

"Okay." He ordered extra cheese, pepperoni, and bacon, a man after my own heart. I took our number and sat down at a table near the window, Jasper trailing after me like a puppy.

I waited until he had hopped up on one of the tall stools before giving him a serious look. "Okay, you and I need a battle plan."

"'Bout what?" He took a sip of his drink, his attention mostly on the people he could see through the window.

"About you asking Alice out, you dumb shit." It was all right for me to call him that, since he knew I was teasing him.

He flushed darkly, telling me that I had scored a direct hit. "I . . . uh . . . I wasn't going to ask her out." He was stuttering a little bit, which he always did when he got nervous.

I gave his shoulder a thump. "Obviously. But the rest of us are sick of watching the two of you make tortured baby cow eyes at each other. She's got this real problem with not thinking she's good enough, so she's never going to ask you. Therefore, you need to be the one doing the asking. Simple as that."

He drew a little pattern in the condensation left by his glass. "She thinks that _she's_ not good enough for _me_?" He sounded disquieted by the notion. "How could she think that?"

Oh, no; I wasn't about to reveal my sister's darkest secrets. Those were things the two of them needed to figure out for themselves. Jasper looked up, his blue eyes beseeching me, but I just shrugged. Love was hard, and it was going to be harder for the two of them than most. They could make it, though. Alice would do anything for Jasper, and Jasper was used to fighting for absolutely everything he had. I just had to convince him to fight for Alice. He gave a soft, disgusted sigh. "I don't know how. I've never . . ."

That came as a surprise. Sure, he was skittish as hell, but he was attractive enough, with his dark blue eyes and gentle demeanor. "Never? You haven't ever had a girlfriend?"

Eyes trained on the table, he shook his head. "No, it was always just . . ." He trailed off, shrugging helplessly.

A thought occurred to me, one that could derail this entire plan. "You aren't gay, are you?"

"No, I like girls." He didn't sound particularly offended that I had asked. Not that I cared about his sex life, but if he was gay, I would need to make some new plans for the afternoon. No point in spending hours trying to fix him up with Alice only to find out that he would rather be dating an Alistair.

"But you do like Alice, right?" I needn't have asked. Every time I mentioned her name, he got his dopey look on his face.

"Yeah. But what am I supposed to do? I can't drive her anywhere, like to a movie, and I sure as hell don't want to ask her out to just sit around the house. That's creepy."

"Mom and Dad won't let you have dates in the house. Also, no making out in public areas of the house, and absolutely no sex in the house." I watched him carefully when I brought up sex. He had said he hadn't had any girlfriends, but that didn't necessarily mean he'd never had _sex_. His face, which had gone back to a normal color, turned bright red. Yep, still a virgin.

The pizza arrived, and conversation paused while we each had a slice. Jasper picked nervously at his, his lips moving silently as he tried to get the words out. Finally, he looked up, his eyes intense. "I don't want to take Alice out just so I can have sex with her. She's a real lady, and deserves to be treated like one."

Jasper had never struck me as the screw-'em-and-leave-'em type, but it was nice to hear that he had honorable intentions from his own mouth. "Of course not. If you did that, I would have to kill you. Now, here, try a piece of the chicken pizza."

I watched him carefully as he took the slice, curious about whether or not he would react to my threat. Rosalie had told me how badly he'd flipped out when she had threatened to cut his balls off (though to a guy, castration was a far worse threat than death). But whether he was more comfortable with us, or he just didn't think I was as big of a threat — or maybe both — he just shrugged. "I know. This is actually pretty good."

"Of course it is." We fell into a companionable silence, both eating whichever half of the pizza we felt like. When it was just Jasper and me, we could just sit there, without the uncomfortable need to fill the silence with words. I didn't have to be a good son, or perfect boyfriend, or nice brother. I could just be his friend. One day, probably soon, he _would_ be a real brother to me, with all the trials and tribulations that went along with that. Right now, though, I was happy with things the way they were.

"I . . . Uh, can I ask you something?" He was playing with an abandoned crust as he spoke.

It was hard, but I managed to repress the urge to tell him he just had. "Sure."

"How did you ask Rose out? I mean, what did you say to her so she would say yes?"

Not a good question. Not because the subject was sensitive or anything, just because I couldn't help him. "I didn't. She came into my room one night and told me that I was going to be taking her out to dinner that Friday. Good thing, too, because I was way too nervous to ask her myself. Doesn't do much for you, though, does it?" He shook his head. "I don't know — flowers, candy, singing telegram?"

"No, none of that is right." He was starting to look dejected already, and he hadn't even asked her yet.

"We'll figure it out. Come on, let's go." I waited until we were in the parking lot before I continued. "So, I thought we could do a double date, you and Alice, Rose and me. Then I can drive us. Dinner and a movie; it's classic." And I would be able to keep an eye on him and protect Alice's honor if it became necessary. Perfect.

He nodded enthusiastically. "That's good."

We drove aimlessly for a while, both trying to think of a good way to ask Alice out. We looked at flowers, but he shot down everything I offered. No, roses weren't right. Lilies were too big, violets too small. By the time we left, I was ready to strangle him. It was four-thirty when we got home, and we were no closer to an answer than we had been first thing this morning. "Well, we have until Friday, so we don't need to do it right away."

"I guess." I hated that he sounded so upset, so I patted his shoulder again. "You want to play Nintendo?"

The Xbox was downstairs, since it belonged to the entire family, but I had an old Super Nintendo hooked up to the television in my room. Jasper loved it and was really good at most of the games, so I let him play whenever he wanted. To my relief, he brightened up and nodded. "Can we race?"

Playing Mario Kart sounded like the best plan we had come up with all day. "Yeah. I get to be Yoshi, though."

"No, I'm Yoshi. I'm sick of being Princess." He had that stubborn look in his eyes, and I knew it was going to be a race for the controller. There were eight characters to choose from, but Yoshi and Princess were really the same driver, with the same strengths and weaknesses in the way they raced, and I we liked to match. Otherwise, how would we know for sure who was the better driver?

For a minute, his blue eyes met mine defiantly, good humor lingering in their depths. Then, without warning, he broke for the stairs, no doubt intending to beat me up there and get his favorite character. I chased after him, but he was good at zigzagging on the steps so I couldn't pass him. "Asshole!"

We slammed hips in the doorway, both groping for the lead controller. The two controllers were so tangled up that neither one of us could tell which was which, so I grabbed the closest one and hoped for the best. We were both pounding buttons so quickly that we were three screens in before we figured out that Jasper had the lead. He grinned at me, then paused. "Let's be Bowser and Donkey Kong instead."

This happened every time he managed to get the lead. He would either want to be one of the other characters, or play Battle Mode instead of racing, or he would let me be Yoshi after all. He was getting better about standing up for himself and having his own opinions, but when it came right down to it, he always backed down. I just wasn't sure how to call him out on it without upsetting him. "Sure, we can be Bowser and Donkey Kong."

We raced best two out of three, which I won, but just barely. He kicked my ass in battle mode, though, and we remained locked in friendly competition for over an hour. It was almost time for me to start my homework before I gathered up the courage to say what I had been thinking. I paused the game. "So, there's something I wanted to ask you."

He leaned back against the beanbag. "Okay."

There was probably a really nice and gentle way to put this, but I would rather just come out and say it. "So, you've been having a lot of really bad nights the past few weeks, and I was wondering if you would rather sleep in here with me. You know, maybe that would help? We have a blow-up mattress for Mom when we camp, so you don't have to lie on the floor."

He was staring at me, giving me the strangest look, so I backpedaled a bit. "I mean, if you don't want to, it's cool, but I thought I'd at least ask."

Relief flooded his eyes so quickly that I felt kind of bad. How long had he been hoping that someone would ask? But Jasper was Jasper, always suspicious. "I don't want to bother you, or wake you up."

I snorted. "Dude, you're waking us all up, anyway. You're freaking loud. It's all right, though, you won't bother me by being in here."

He looked at me for another few seconds, then nodded. "Yeah, that would be all right."

Good. I had been worried that he would take the offer the wrong way, but he seemed pleased. "I'll go get the mattress; you take the sheets off your bed."

The mattress was in the hall closet, but the pump was up in Edward's room. Don't ask me why; I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. By the time I got both of them together and back to my room, Jasper was already there and playing Nintendo again. He leapt up when he saw me, and for the first time, I saw pure happiness on his face. "She said yes!"

"Who said yes?" Jasper's brain sometimes runs on a different track than everyone else's. "Alice?"

"Yep. You weren't back yet, so I went down to her room and asked her if she wanted to go out with me on Friday." He sounded exceedingly pleased with himself.

"Just like that? After all the planning we did?" I couldn't possibly be that easy. After all, this was Jasper we were talking about, and nothing ever went that easy for him.

"Uh-huh. I remembered what you said about Rose, and everyone says that you should just be confident, so I went into her room and just asked." He cocked his head slightly. "She squealed."

We were all familiar with Alice's squeals. They meant she had gotten exactly what she wanted — in this case, Jasper. Thank God.

"Great! And we didn't even end up having to get her anything. We can save that for the actual date. Now help me get this thing pumped up."

He did so without question, his eyes dreamy. His good mood held for the rest of the evening, even though I absolutely slaughtered him in everything we played on the Xbox. Once he was ready to go to sleep, he just said goodnight and curled up, not seeming bothered by either the light or me still moving around. He was asleep within moments, his breathing going soft and deep. I worked a little bit on my homework, then settled down myself, turning off the lights.

That night was the first night in two weeks that Jasper didn't wake us all up.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thank all of my reviews so much for being so patient with this story. I really, really tried to get this out sooner, but Jasper crossed his arms over his chest, sulked, and faced that wall instead of talking to me. I finally bribed him with a cupcake and made him talk. The next update will not take so long, I promise, and will be from Alice about the date.**

**Jasper's POV**

I snapped awake in an instant, my mind fully alert even though my body didn't move. This was my one chance to suss out my surroundings without giving myself away. I was on something soft, so I hadn't been sleepwalking again, which was always good. There was light touching my closed eyelids, so it was morning. I stretched my ears out and heard a rumbling that sounded like a chainsaw. Emmett. I was on the air mattress in Emmett's room, and I had survived another night.

I stretched my body lazily, not feeling my usual urge to jump up before anyone could see me lying around. Carlisle and Esme didn't seem to care what time we all got up, unless they had something planned, and there no little kids here to get into things while I was trying to sleep, so I was happy to stay still.

At least I was happy until the alarm went off. Even though I knew it was coming, the unrelenting screech felt like it was tearing through my skull. My heart started pounding and my vision sharpened. It was a stupid reaction, but it happened every time I was startled, which was about twenty times a day. Felix calls it hyperviligence, and says it was actually a good thing when I lived with Maria. It kept me alert for danger and might be what saved my life on more than one occasion.

Now that I lived with the Cullens, I didn't need to be like that anymore, but my body didn't get that message. It was used to living in a highly stressed, highly aroused state, and, like an addict, I could no longer function properly without the massive doses of adrenaline and stress hormones. I closed my eyes and willed my heart to stop racing.

"Motherfucker, it's too damn early." Emmett slapped at the clock. "Screw this, I'm ditching school."

We both knew that he was all talk, so I didn't bother replying. I didn't need to get up, but I was so anxious that my muscles were actually twitching under my skin. I stood up and rubbed at my face, carefully keeping my back to Emmett, who had no problem stripping naked with me in the room. He gave me a push. "Go distract Edward so I can have the first shower."

This was the fifth day in a row that he had wanted me to do that, and I had only been sleeping in his room for six nights. Still, I kind of felt like I owed him. I had only had one nightmare in those six days, and was feeling rested for the first time since I had woken up in the hospital. Edward wouldn't be fooled by my attempts to distract him, but I would give it my best shot.

It turned out to be a moot point, because Alice met me in the hallway. She was wearing red baby doll pajamas, and no makeup, and I thought she might be the prettiest girl I had ever seen. She raced up to me and gave me a huge hug. "Jasper! Good morning. Did you sleep all right? Well, I know you slept all right, because you didn't wake any of us up. I mean . . ." She trailed off, looking embarrassed that she had been so forward, both with her words and with the hug.

She didn't need to be. I loved that she was so freely affectionate, always willing to give us a hug or pat on the back. I had been like that, too, at one point, but not anymore. Shit, I could barely accept being touched at all, and it was nearly impossible for me to force myself to touch someone back.

I liked it when Alice touched me, though. She was so gentle and affectionate that she didn't seem dangerous at all. Good thing, too, because I was pretty sure she wasn't going to want to date me for very long if she couldn't even hug me. "It's okay. I slept really good."

Her face lit up in a glorious smile. "I'm really looking forward to our date tonight, even if we have to share it with Emmett and Rosalie." At my silence, her face clouded slightly. "You do still want to go out with me, right? It's okay if you don't."

I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't think that, that I would never give her up, not now that I had barely found her, but my throat had clogged and stuck. Of all the times for my stupid speech problems to act up, why did it have to be now? I cleared my throat over and over, trying to force myself to make a noise, any noise.

Luckily, Alice seemed to understand what was wrong. She took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's all right, Jasper. Give it a minute and don't try and force it."

I took another deep breath. "Of course I want to go out with you. I've been looking forward to it all week." There, that was good.

I could have looked at her resulting smile all day long. Without warning, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you soon, then." Then she flushed and hurried away, leaving me stunned. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had kissed me at all. Maria certainly hadn't, and though some of my other foster parents must have, I couldn't recall a single time. While I was still standing there in a daze, Edward pushed by me and stole the bathroom. Oops. Hopefully Emmett wouldn't be too upset with me.

Since I had failed at my assigned task, I headed down to the kitchen. Alice was making everyone breakfast, already flipping French toast and singing to herself. "Can I help?" I was an all right cook. Not fantastic, but I could keep myself and the little kids from starving to death.

She must have still been a little embarrassed about kissing me earlier, because she didn't even try to meet my eyes. "Can you make the bacon, please?"

I nodded, glad to be able to do something. The package was already on the counter, so all I had to do was put it in the pan and put the pan in the microwave. I had never seen a pan just for bacon before I came to live with the Cullens. At my old house, I just put it in a frying pan and prayed that no one got burned and that I didn't set the smoke alarm off.

Alice kept her back to me, busy with the toast, and I wondered if I should try making conversation. I knew that my lack of social skills was a hot topic when they didn't think I could hear them, but I might be better off saving it for tonight. I was still pretty much confined to the house, unless Esme had me go with her on errands, so the chances of something interesting enough to have an entire conversation about happening today were pretty slim. Yeah, definitely better to wait. It was cool, though; when Alice was around, I didn't feel so desperate to say something, anything.

"Jasper, why is Edward taking my shower?" Emmett gave me a light tap with one of his textbooks. "You were supposed to be distracting him!"

I was pretty proud of the fact that I neither yelped nor flinched away from him when he did that. Emmett showed his affection physically, through pats and taps, and he didn't mean me any harm. It was a compliment, really, and while I didn't look forward to him touching me, I didn't dread it, either. "Sorry. I was the one who got distracted, I guess."

He scowled, then brightened. ""Well, you're going to have to take a cold shower, too, because Rose is in the downstairs bathroom. Between them, Mom, and Alice, there isn't going to be any hot water left for you, either."

Nice try. "I'll just wait and take one later. I don't have anywhere to be. Unlike you."

He pointed at the calendar above the counter. "Wrong. Looks to me like you have an appointment with your headshrinker at ten."

Instantly, my stomach started churning. Felix was all right, I guess, if you didn't count the fact that he had made me throw up once and pass out on three different occasions, but he was so damn smart. He could get me talking about one thing, no problem, but then he would steer the conversation until I was telling him things that I had never told anyone before, things that were better kept secret.

Emmett must have read my face, because he gave me a light shrug. "It's cool. Felix isn't that bad."

I appreciated his attempt at comfort, even as I swallowed hard. "No, I guess he isn't."

The microwave dinged and I carefully transferred the bacon to a plate. As I put it on the table, I checked the whiteboard calendar over again, hoping that Emmett had made a mistake. Damn, there it was in bright orange: _Felix, 10 a.m_. Each of us was assigned a color of ink, to make it easier to keep track of which appointment went with which kid. Esme had offered me my choice of the remaining colors, which had been red and orange. The red was too dark and reminded me of blood, so I had picked orange. I liked the way it looked up there, mixed in with all the other colors. It looked like it belonged.

Once the bacon was safely on the table, I set out glasses for everyone. This was good: keep it all nice and in its proper place. God knew nothing else was. Alice set a plate of food in front of me, and a much larger one in front of Emmett. I noticed that he got the bigger plate, but she let her fingers linger on my back, so I figured I got the better deal.

Edward came downstairs a few minutes later, smirking playfully at Emmett and I. "Guess we know who's getting the cold shower today!"

I flicked a pat of butter at him, and Emmett flipped him off. Of course, with my luck, all of this happened right in time for Esme to come into the kitchen. "Jasper and Emmett." Her tone was a warning and we both mumbled apologies.

She was over it in a heartbeat, and I wondered how I could have ever thought that she would hold a grudge and turn on me later like Maria had. "Jasper, I have errands to run today, so I'm just going to drop you off at the doctor's. Afterward, will you help me grocery shop?"

Even though I knew she was just asking because she had trouble carrying the heavy bags, it still felt good to know that she needed me for something. Not just because her needing me would ensure that I would have a place to live, at least until I turned eighteen, but because she had asked me to. After all, she drove me where I asked, chose foods that I liked in the store, and was always willing to keep me company if I was anxious or couldn't sleep. I couldn't do much for her that her husband or other kids couldn't do, but I could do this, and I wasn't about to fuck it up like I always did. "Yeah. Yes." I corrected myself quickly. Mom always said that it was fine to say 'yeah' with other kids, but an adult deserved more respect.

"Thank you, sweetheart." When she smiled at me like that, I would have done anything for her, and not because I was afraid of her, either. I would have done it because I liked her, and I was desperate for her to like me back.

Everyone ate in relative quiet, occasionally looking up to ask that some condiment or the plate of bacon be passed. Rosalie had already left for class, and Carlisle was still asleep after working the late shift, so it was just the five of us. Once everyone was done, I gathered up the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. Usually everyone did their own, but I was already getting nervous about my upcoming appointment and I needed to feel like I was doing something useful.

Once that was done, I excused myself to take a shower before my appointment. The cold water was a shock, but living in a house with a dozen or more foster siblings and a hot water heater that only worked half the time meant I could take it. Still, it may have been one of the fastest showers on record. It was still shivering when I pulled my clothes on.

Esme was waiting for me in the kitchen, a manila envelope sitting open in front of her. I sat down, hoping that she would tell me what it was without my having to ask. She did. "These are your school records, Jasper. I needed them so I would know what courses you still need to take, so your tutor can be ready. I requested them as soon as we decided to have you tutored this summer, and they just got here."

A surge of joy went through me, quickly followed by one of panic. Esme had remembered what she had said about getting someone to help me out. She actually did care about me, and was trying to make things easier for me in school next year. That feeling quickly faded when I realized that she would be able to see just how terrible of a student I actually was. I wondered if there was a way for me to creep back out of the room unnoticed.

She was flipping through the pages. "Your history grades are very good. Art, too. It looks like you could use a little help in math, though."

That was a bit of an understatement. Math had always been hard for me, and the past few years had been horrible. I had managed to squeak by in Algebra, but I was in the process of failing Geometry for the second time when I got hurt.

She glossed over the math. "What part of history do you like best? I always loved the ancient Greeks."

I was happy to chance the subject. "Civil War. I had this really nice book that had all of the battles and the different important generals and stuff, but it got lost." I had a strong suspicion that Maria had had something to do with it, but I had been too afraid to ask.

She tucked the papers into a neat stack and stood up. "I need to stop by the post office, so we should get going."

I wasn't sure if that was an improvement or not. It freed me from having to explain why my grades sucked so badly, but I didn't really want to see Felix, either. "Okay." Even I could hear the reluctance in my voice.

She touched my back. "We can go out to lunch after."

It bothered me that her words were enough to make me feel better, just like I was a little kid. It didn't bother me enough that I would turn down a free meal, but it bugged me all the same. I followed my foster mother to the car, dragging my feet like a sullen toddler. The post office didn't take as long as I was hoping it would, and too soon we were heading for the therapist's office.

We were idling at a red light when Esme turned to me. "Jasper, honey, this is a little awkward, so I'm going to come right out with it. I don't think I have to tell you to act like a gentleman tonight. This is Alice's first real date, and I want things to go smoothly for both of you."

Now was probably not the best time to remind her that it was my first real date, too. She was likely counting on at least one of us knowing what we were doing. I didn't need to worry for more than a minute, because she kept right on going. "I know that this is your first date, too, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

Luckily, we were at Felix's office before I had to think of a nice way to tell her that I would die of shame before I ever tried to talk about sex with her. For the first time, I leapt out of the car so I could get away from her faster. She laughed, like she knew what I was up to, and waved. "I'll see you in an hour!"

There were thirty-two stairs on the way up to Felix's office. I knew, because I had counted them on several occasions, and probably frozen on at least half on them at one point or another. I forced my body to keep moving. At the door to his office, I pulled my head up and my shoulders back. I was getting sick of cringing like a baby all the time. Taking a deep breath, I went inside.

Jane, the receptionist, waved. "Hi, Jasper. I'll get you signed in."

I wondered sourly if she recognized all of her clients, or just the ones that could lead to lawsuits. A lawyer had come to see me in the hospital, and told me that I was in an excellent position to sue both Maria for assaulting me and the foster system for failing to protect me. At the time, I had been too intimidated at the thought of seeing Maria again, so I had refused. Now I was starting to get more afraid when I thought about how I was going to support myself with no ability to drive, few social skills, and a brain filled with scars. Maria had money, I knew she did, and even a portion of it would go a long way.

"All right, Jasper, Felix is ready for you." Jane was pretty, I guessed, with her long blond hair and delicate features, but no one, not even Angelina Jolie, could ever be as pretty as Alice. Now I just had to figure out a way to not fuck up the first date, like I tended to fuck everything else up.

Felix had a couch in his office, just like the therapists in the movies, but I had never laid on it. I liked the big, overstuffed, reclining chair that was against the opposite wall much better. That way I could waste time rocking myself while I tried to think of a suitable answer for his harder questions. I flopped into it and looked up at Felix. He would start things off, just like he always did. "Good morning, Jasper. Is there anything specific you would like to talk about today?"

"No." It was what I always said, even if it wasn't true. There was a certain comfort in the routine.

He sat down and turned on the tape recorder. I probably wouldn't have known he was doing it, except Peter had warned me that all therapists recorded their sessions. "So, how have you been for the past few days?"

If I didn't think of something to say about my present, he was going to start badgering me about my past again, and I didn't want that. "I have a date tonight." My voice sounded obscenely proud of it.

His eyes widened. "Really? With whom?"

"Alice." I noticed that he didn't seem at all surprised that I was going out with my foster sister. Of course, he had already seen the rest of the family, so he knew about Emmett and Rose.

"That's wonderful. Where are you taking her?"

That was a good question. "Emmett knows a good Italian restaurant. Then we're going to a movie. It was supposed to be a double date, but then Edward's girlfriend got the night off, so now it's a triple date. Carlisle's going to take Esme somewhere fancy, since none of us kids are going to be around."

Felix gave me a long look, as if I had said something wrong. I raced back through my previous words, but everything seemed fine to me. "And how are things with Carlisle and Esme?"

Alarms started ringing in the back of my mind. I was being set up, but I couldn't figure out how. "Things are okay. Carlisle's been helping me with my hitting, and he's says that I can play baseball with Edward and Emmett when his work has their annual game. I don't limp as badly as I used to, so I can run pretty fast." I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say, and that was making me blurt things out.

"And Esme?" Was it my imagination, or did he seem particularly interested in my answer?

"She's running errands." I spoke slowly, trying to buy myself some time.

He kept watching me. "Are you still spending a lot of time with her?"

Well, yeah. "She's the one who's home with me all the time. I like helping her." Maybe that was what he wanted to hear?

"How do you get along with her personally?"

"Okay, I guess." No, that wasn't right or fair. "No, I like her a lot." To my utter horror, my mouth kept moving, despite my best efforts to stop it. "Sometimes I wish she really was my Mom."

The words hung in the air, defeating my efforts to call them back. I didn't need Esme for a mother. I had a real mother, even if she was dead, and Esme had four kids of her own. What did she need me for? I hastily tried to back up. "I mean . . ."

Felix gave me a few seconds, during which I floundered pitifully. "What do you mean, Jasper?"

My heart was pounding so hard that I would have been surprised if Felix couldn't see it through my shirt. I didn't know how to explain to him that as much as I wanted, and sometimes even needed, Esme, I had to keep a distance from her. Getting too attached to a woman had never brought me anything but grief.

A thought occurred to me, one that hadn't before. Alice, too, was a woman. Would it be different with her, because I was looking at her as a girlfriend and potential lover instead of a family member? Or would it be more of the same?

I was aware that Felix was speaking my name, but only because I could see his lips moving. I couldn't hear anything, because of all the blood rushing around in my ears and even my vision was starting to dim. Then a brilliant light rushed over everything and I couldn't see anything but white. Oh, God, I was going to die.

Cold hands touched my skin, one of my forehead and the other underneath my chin. "Damn it, Jasper, breathe!"

I always tried to listen to adults, especially adults who were actually touching me and thus in a position to harm me, but my chest had tightened until my breaths were whistling in and out of my throat, reducing my air intake to almost nothing and making blackness scroll across my vision. I couldn't feel anything at all.

There was no way to tell how long I was unconscious, but I suddenly felt something cold on my face. Even though it was an enormous effort, I forced my eyes open, rolling them until I met Felix's concerned gaze. He gently wiped my face with the damp paper towel again before sitting back. "You back with me again?"

"Yeah." My chest ached, and when I tried to draw a deep breath, I started coughing.

He pulled me upright, making me realize that I had slumped way down in the chair. "Easy. Jane went to get you something to drink, so you just rest for a minute."

I could do that. Shit, the way I felt right now, it was about all I could do. Within a few seconds, she appeared with a soda and a straw, which I accepted gratefully. "Thanks."

Felix waited while I took a cautious sip of the soda, then a longer one when the first one stayed down. The cold liquid tasted good and pushed away the lingering dizziness, so I drained the glass. Once I was done, I raised my eyes to meet Felix's. "Jasper, you do understand that you're safe in this office, right? Not only physically, but mentally, too. I am legally bound to not repeat anything you say to me. Not to Social Services, not to the police, not even to Carlisle and Esme."

At my nod, he continued. "Feelings are never wrong, and it's all right for you to feel attached to Esme. She's a very kind lady, and she does nice things for you. It's natural for you to want to be around her and be kind back. It's also natural for you to feel a little guilty about that, like you're rejecting your own mother. You aren't, though. You can love your mother, and love Esme, too."

There were times that I forgot that Felix specialized in foster children and their issues. No matter what I threw at him, he had probably seen it before. As if he read my mind, he spoke again. "This happens a lot with foster kids not knowing how to treat their foster parents."

This was exactly what I meant when I said that he sometimes got me to say things that I shouldn't. It was hard enough to admit to myself that I wanted Esme to treat me the same way she treated her own kids, especially since it would never happen, but it was another thing entirely to have to say it out loud. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

The words sounded feeble, and Felix ignored them. "I'm sorry, Jasper, but it doesn't work that way. As your therapist, part of my job is to give you new ways of coping with your issues. Right now you're having panic attacks and getting sick, and that isn't helping you in the long run."

He had a point. I really didn't want to be like this forever. "How did the other kids end up?" What I meant was, am I going to be fucked up forever?

"Well, it depended on a lot of things. Younger kids, especially those who were long term or permanent placements were more likely to call their foster parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'. With older kids, it's about fifty-fifty. You shouldn't get caught up in what to call them. The main thing is your relationship towards them. Now, if there were no boundaries, what would you want to say to Esme?"

I played with my empty cup. "I don't know. I guess, maybe, thank you for taking me?" At his nod, I continued. "And, um . . . maybe that I love her?" I knew full well that she wished I would say those things, or at least give her some indication that I was happy in her home.

"Good." Felix's voice was very gentle. "Now, what would you say to Carlisle?"

"Uh, the same? Thanks for giving me a chance?" I hated not knowing what I was expected to say to someone, so I treaded very lightly. Usually I was good at reading someone's mood based off their face, but Felix was good at being a blank wall.

"You answered that pretty quickly. Much faster than when I asked about Esme. Why is that? You've already told me that you spend most of your day with Esme, so it ought to be easy to think of things to say to her. Why do you think it's so hard?"

He had a reason in mind, I was sure of it, but I couldn't guess what it was. "I don't know." I managed to clamp down before I said something else, something along the lines of _I'm sure you can tell me_.

"Your father died when you were just a baby, right?"

"A car wreck, yeah." I had only seen a few pictures of him, but it was enough to see the resemblances between us. He was twenty-four when he died, not much older than I was now.

"So, you were raised alone by your mother for five years, then in various foster homes, then with Maria for four. Do you think it's fair to say that you've never really been that attached to a man? I know there were men in some of your foster placements, but how long did you actually stay in each?"

I was starting to see where this was going. "You think it's easier for me to accept Carlisle, because I don't really have any father figures to compare him to. I just accept him as Carlisle. With Esme, though, I've had the two extremes, Mom and Maria." I felt extremely pleased with myself that I had worked that out.

"I think so."

Now that he had led me to this place, I couldn't help but keep poking. "So, what do I do?"

He was quite for a long time. "Jasper, I'm going to explain something to you about attachment. Think of it like a journey down a road. First you start out in the womb, where it's just you and your birth mother, bonding for nine months. This is one of the reasons that so many adopted children, even those adopted at birth, feel such a strong urge to connect with their birth parents. Then you're born, and begin to bond with other people. Your father, siblings, grandparents, et cetera. In a few years, there will be friends, though the bond is different than that with the immediate family. Once puberty hits, the child begins to date, and develops sexual attachments, which eventually lead to marriage and babies and the cycle continues. Are you with me, so far?"

Any lingering fuzziness from my earlier fainting spell was gone. This was important, and I needed to be as focused as possible. "Yes."

"Now, what I'm talking about here is normal attachment, what happens to the majority of people on this planet. Attachment can be disrupted at any point. If the birth mother, for example, is abusive or neglectful, the child might fail to bond with them. Without that first bond, it then will be difficult, if not impossible, for the infant to bond with anyone else. Still with me?"

More than he knew. I could think of several foster siblings over the years who had had never attached to me, no matter what I did. It had just never been named to me before. "Uh-huh."

"Good. Even when the bond between a parent and a child is healthy, it can still be damaged. When a child enters foster care, the bond is not only damaged, it's forcibly severed. The more foster placements, even if the foster parents are as kind as possible, the more damage to the child's psyche. The loss of each successive parent figure weakens the bond, makes the child feel insecure about the world and his or her place in it. Eventually, the bond has been pulled in so many different directions, cut and frayed so many times, that the child loses the ability to bond at all."

Logically, I understood his words, but they didn't make much emotional sense. The thought that a child could be so badly, or even permanently, damaged at such a young age was frightening. What did that say about me, at seventeen?

Felix must have read my face, because he backed up a little. "Think of it like this. Say I was to ask you to hold out your hand, but every time you did, I slapped it. How long do you think it would take before you quit holding your hand out?"

With me, probably only once, but I could see how some people would keep trying. "Not very long, I guess."

"Exactly. Now imagine someone saw me doing that to you, so they said we couldn't see each other anymore, because it was damaging to you. So you get a new therapist, and he's very kind to you. You like him a lot, and you tell him most of your secrets. Then, for no reason, they decided that you need a new therapist, and you never see the old one again. After this happens four or five times, would you want to tell the newest therapist your secrets?"

"No."

He sighed softly. "All right, now let's get out of the hypothetical and talk about you. Every foster placement you had was like being sent to a new therapist. By the time you got to Maria's, you were probably already having some problems."

I wanted to deny that, but it was probably true. The night terrors hadn't started with her, though I couldn't exactly remember when they had.

"And then she did nothing to help and everything to hurt. So, now here you are."

It was a lot to take in, and for a moment I couldn't speak. I knew that I was a fucked-up mess, but it still hurt to have someone point it our so bluntly. "So you think I have this . . . attachment problem? I won't ever be able to love anyone?"

"No, that isn't what I'm saying, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like it was. A complete inability to bond is one extreme end of the attachment spectrum. I do think that you're showing some signs of a milder attachment issue, especially towards Esme, but there's no reason to think that the bond won't come in time. Actually, I think it's already trying to form, which is why you're suddenly feeling so conflicted and panicky about her. I just don't want you to feel like this is your fault, or that you're the only one who has these problems. In older foster kids, I would say that the rate of issues like this is more than half, and almost one hundred percent in the kids I see."

So I was still a freak, but I belonged in a large pool of freaks instead of a small one. I wasn't quite sure if that made me feel better or not. A little, I guessed. "So, I'm not ruined?"

It was my biggest worry. If had never had a normal relationship, how would I know how to treat Alice properly? I had a pretty good idea what not to do from movies and stuff, but I was pretty sure the nuances were escaping me. Even worse, how would I ever be able to nurture a child of my own? Maybe I was getting too far ahead of myself. After all, one date didn't infer a lifetime commitment and cribs full of babies.

Only it did. Somehow, I was sure that Alice was the one, and I would never want anyone else. Provided she never noticed what a loser I was, of course, and didn't find someone who could offer her much more.

Felix gave me a hard look. "Of course not. Everyone is capable of change, and the biggest factor in these cases is whether or not the child wants to heal. You obviously do, and that's a step in the right direction. I'm not saying that it will be easy, or fun, but it's entirely possible."

"So, just a little ruined, then?" As hard as I tried to keep my voice light, I could still hear the fear echoing around in it.

"Yeah, just a little ruined. Certainly fixable." He gave ma fond smile and brushed the hair out of my eyes. "Esme isn't your mother, Jasper, and she knows that, but she does love you. It's not wrong for you to love her, too, okay?"

This was another one of those things that was usually easy to understand with my mind. My mother was dead, and had been for more then two-thirds of my life. She was beyond things like jealousy, and even if she hadn't been, I knew that she would have wanted me to accept Esme, so that Esme could provide me everything that she couldn't. Yet I couldn't help feeling a tightening in my gut every time I thought about it. But Felix was still waiting, so I nodded minutely. "Okay." After all, Mom _had_ left me first.

He sat back and clicked off the tape recorder. "I think you did very well today. I'll see you Tuesday at eleven. You have a good weekend, Jasper, and I'll be very eager to hear about how your date went."

Of course he was. Whether the date went well or poorly, I was sure it revealed a lot about me and my issues. Or maybe he was just jealous. I had never heard him mention a girlfriend or a wife, but then again, we weren't here to discuss him. "You have a good weekend, too."

Felix always told me that I had done well in my sessions, whether I actually had or not. It made me happy to hear it, like someone thought I was good at something.

I was cautious as I stood up, waiting to see if the dizziness would return. It didn't, but I did feel a little lethargic, like I could use a good nap. Maybe I would still have time after we got home. Jane waved me to the lobby, and I raised a hand back. The thirty-two steps seemed to waver a little bit under my feet, but I made it down without tripping or otherwise embarrassing myself.

The dark blue car was recognizable in an instant, and I crawled gratefully into the passenger seat. Esme started to smile, but then drew back. "Oh, honey, you look pale. Are you sick?" Her hand rested on my forehead, cool and comforting.

"No, I just got a little dizzy during my session." I prayed that she wouldn't push it, but Esme had a mother's instincts and she kept talking.

"Did you get sick? Pass out?"

I let my eyes close. "No, and yes. But I'm fine now, I swear."

She sighed, and I sensed her eyes roaming across my body. "Jasper, look at yourself."

When I opened my eyes, I could see that she had pulled down the sun visor and opened up the mirror on the back. I barely recognized the pale, sweaty stranger looking back at me. I looked beyond sick. No, I looked more like I belonged in a hospital. "Oh."

She put the car in drive. "Are you hungry? If you want something to eat, we can stop and get it."

"But we were supposed to go shopping." I really didn't know why I was arguing with her. I didn't feel like shopping, or even trying to interact with people.

"We'll go tomorrow. Since none of you kids are going to be home tonight and your father is taking me out, it doesn't really matter if we go today or tomorrow. I'm going through the Wendy's drive-thru for myself, so if you want something, speak up. It's probably good for you to get something in your stomach."

I nodded dumbly, too shocked by her words to formulate a reply. For the first time, she had referred to Carlisle as 'your father'. Felix was right; she did accept me into the family. She noticed my staring. "What? Do you feel sick?"

A little, but it was mostly nerves. "I'm all right."

She ordered the food, remembering exactly how I liked my hamburger. It was a small thing, really, but it meant as much to me as a thousand declarations of affection. Esme carefully passed me the food, and I held it for the drive back. I didn't trust myself to speak to her, so I closed my eyes again and rested. By the time we got home, I looked and felt a little less like a dead man walking, though I was still pretty pale.

Esme picked up both drinks, leaving me with the bag. "Jasper, why don't you lie down on the couch and I'll make you up a tray?"

A part of me felt kind of embarrassed that she was fussing like that when I was perfectly capable of sitting at the table like a normal person, but another part appreciated the special attention. I couldn't remember anyone bringing me a tray when I was sick, except for at the hospital, and that didn't really count. I still didn't feel that great. I never did after a panic attack.

I lay down gratefully, turning on a game show, and was a little lost in it when Esme appeared with my food and a fleece blanket. "Once you eat, I want you to try and rest a little. I don't know late the movie's going to run, and the doctors said you need plenty of sleep."

Lack of sleep could cause seizures. So could too much stress or excitement, missing doses of my medication, illness, and rapidly flashing lights. Then there were the seizures that were bound to happen, even if I did everything right. Epilepsy sucked, but I knew how close I had come to dying, so I wasn't about to complain too much.

"All right." I hadn't really wanted the food when it was ordered, but my instincts were still telling me to never turn down food when it was offered, because it might not be offered again for a long time. Now that Esme was actually bringing it, though, I found that I did want it after all. We ate together, enjoying the quiet that came when everyone else was at school or work. Once we were done, Esme patted my shoulder. "Try and rest now, and I'll come check on you in a little while."

I desperately wanted her company, but pride prevented me from flat out asking for it. Something must have shown on my face, though, because she paused. "Do you want something?"

Every part of me wanted to say yes, or beg her to stay, but I couldn't make my mouth work. So I finally gave my head a miserable shake. Even when I curled up on my side and closed my eyes, I could feel her still looking at me, trying to understand. Good luck. I could barely understand myself.

With my back pressed into the back of the couch, I felt secure, if not actually safe, that no one would try and sneak up behind me. I would be able to hear Emmett from a mile away, even when he tried to be quiet, so I would know as soon as everyone else was home from school. Sleep pulled at my body, and I surrendered to it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Alice's POV**

This day was never going to end. Who cared about trigonometry or ancient Egypt when there were much more important things happening? Things like my first date, the one with the most handsome man who had ever lived. I wondered what he was doing right now. Was he nervous? Well, this was Jasper, so he was always nervous, but maybe he was more so than usual. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing. If he got any more tightly wound, he would probably explode. Still, it would be nice to know that he was at least a little bit worried, so it wasn't just me and —

"Miss Cullen."

Mrs. Stevens didn't sound very happy. I looked down nervously, then tried out my most beautiful smile. "Yes?"

Her grey eyes narrowed, and I got the sinking feeling that she knew I hadn't been paying the slightest bit of attention to her. "Would you like to tell the class which Egyptian god is most often compared to the Christian Devil?"

The only Egyptian god that came to mind at all was Ra, the sun god, and I knew that he wasn't the right one. Bella kicked the leg of my chair and angled her paper in my direction, allowing me to read the letters in the margin. "Set?"

"Very good, Miss Cullen. Now why don't you quit daydreaming and focus on the material? Miss Swan won't be able to help out during a test." Thankfully, she moved on after that. I gave Bella a grateful smile and went back to counting the minutes until the bell rang.

By the time it finally did, I was ready to blast off through the ceiling and fly home. Instead, I was stuck waiting for my brother. Edward would no doubt be hanging around Bella, as if he wouldn't be seeing her in a few hours anyway. "Come on, come on." I bounced from foot to foot in my eagerness.

A pair of huge hands gripped my shoulders and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Emmett's booming voice sounded in my ear. "Ready to go find Eddie? I seem to have misplaced him."

It took a bit of searching, and the crowds around the school had thinned considerably before we found Edward. He was standing outside the music quad, deep in conversation with a stranger. That surprised me, since I was pretty sure that I knew all of Edward's friends, the few that there were. He was a loner, completely happy with just us and a few of his music friends. It made me feel a little sad to think that Edward was out there, having friends and acquaintances that I knew nothing about. We had always been best friends, ever since we were little kids and Mom and Dad first brought me home. We didn't keep secrets from each other, not a single one.

It wasn't that I didn't know that this distance between us was normal. We weren't babies anymore, playing around in the backyard. He was a man and I was a woman and we needed to move apart a certain amount. Unless, of course, I wanted to look at him like I looked at Jasper, the way I might look at a potential husband. _Ew._ Edward was my brother and he could never be anything more.

"Edward?" I sounded tentative and afraid.

He jumped. "Alice! Listen, can you and Emmett take the Volvo home? Caius and I have something to take care of at his place." He tossed the keys to Emmett, who caught them smoothly.

"You sure?" Emmett sounded as uncertain as I felt. Edward was hiding something from us, but why?

"Sure, it's fine. I'll see you at home in a little while."

I didn't like this, not that there was much I could do about it. Emmett held up the keys, offering to let me drive, but I shook my head. I was distracted today, and unfamiliar with the Volvo. I didn't want to risk sliding on the rain-slick roads. I waited until we were in the car to ask softly, "Who's Caius?"

He reversed carefully, not really used to this car, either. "I don't know. That whole thing was really, really weird. When was the last time he wanted to go to someone else's house, especially someone we don't know? You don't think Eddie's doing drugs, do you? I mean, he's been acting really funny lately."

Despite my own worries, I felt compelled to defend Edward. "He's just gotten his first girlfriend, and a new brother. I'd say we're all acting a little differently than normal."

He laughed, his worries vanishing as if they had never been there at all. For as long as he had lived with us, Emmett had never been able to hold onto his negative emotions. Fear, worry, anger . . . they all flared up quickly, but vanished just as fast. "Not Rose. I actually think she's more normal now."

I couldn't argue with that. Rosalie had always been a bit of a mother hen, and had accepted Jasper completely. He was allowed access to her garage without question, and she was never too busy to talk to him, or just sit down with him if he was having problems. "True."

We pulled out of the school zone, causing Emmett to gun the engine and me to clutch the armrest in fear. The Volvo wouldn't go anywhere near as fast as his Jeep (which I strongly suspected had a modified engine, thanks to Rosalie), but it also wouldn't hold up as well in a crash.

Emmett cleared his through uncomfortably. "So, as your favorite big brother, I feel obligated to remind you that if Jasper so much as puts one finger out of line, I'll be glad to break if off for him. He's a pretty easy target; I won't even have to leave my room."

I had to smile at his protectiveness. "First of all, you're my only big brother, and second of all, you don't have to worry about it. I'm sure Jasper will behave himself."

"Yeah, well, if he doesn't . . ." He held up a fist meaningfully.

We both knew that he would never hurt Jasper, and that Jasper wouldn't dream of ever attempting to hurt me or force me into anything. I couldn't have said how I knew it, but I did. "I can take care of him, Emmett."

The Mercedes was in the driveway, which meant Dad was home early. He was in the kitchen, reading the paper and frowning. I threw my arms around his neck. "Hi, Dad!"

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Hey, darling."

Mom came in from the living room, her face lit up with the pleasure of seeing her kids again. "Hey, you guys. Where's Edward?"

So he hadn't told Mom that he had plans, either. "He went home with a friend from school. He said not to wait for him, that Caius would give him a ride."

"Oh, really." Her lips were pursed in a way that suggested that Edward was going to be in huge trouble when he got home.

I decided that this would be a good time to leave, so I grabbed an apple to eat on the run. "Where's Jasper?"

"Asleep in the living room. He's been sacked out since we got home." Mom's tone softened a little when she talked about him, just like it always did.

"Did he have another seizure?" Seizures were exhausting, and Jasper could easily sleep deeply for twelve hours straight after having a bad one.

"No, I think he's just tired. Has he been okay at night?" The last part was directed at Emmett, who was putting together a sandwich.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, he's been all right. The air mattress crackles so much that he wakes me up if he gets twitchy. But mostly he settles down if I talk to him for a little bit and pat his back a few times." Emmett's tone suggested that he found nothing unusual about this arrangement.

I left them to discuss it among themselves, and went into the living room. Jasper looked so sweet when he was asleep, the lines of worry and anxiety erased from his face. He had one hand curled up against his chest, and I reached out to stroke it, not thinking of the danger. He stirred restlessly, his fingers twitching against mine, but he didn't wake up. Even though the memory of the still healing bruise on Edward's wrist had sprung to the forefront of my mind, I couldn't help but stroke the hair back from his face. "Jasper?"

He must not have been sleeping very deeply, because his eyes flickered open. "Hey." He sounded groggy, but made no move to harm me.

"Hey, yourself." I brushed his hair back again, tucking it behind his ears. He closed his eyes again, but this time he simply looked content rather than sleepy. "How are you feeling?" I suddenly realized that I was probably being a bit over-familiar with him, so I placed a hand on his forehead, pretending I was doing nothing but checking for a fever.

He sat up and yawned, stretching his arms out in front of himself. "I'm okay. I was just a little dizzy earlier, that's all."

It was hard, but I managed to resist the urge to cuddle into his side. "Oh, all right. I just thought that if you didn't feel good, maybe you would rather stay here tonight."

He gave me one of those quirky grins, the ones that showed me his dimples and set off a thrilling in my stomach. I smiled back. "So, I guess I'm going to go get ready, then."

He looked a little puzzled about that, but, then, he was a guy. He didn't have to do anything but shower, which he had done this morning, and put on some clothes. He didn't have to apply makeup, or do his hair, or put together an outfit or any of the other hundreds of things that I had to do. I didn't say any of that, though. I just rolled my eyes and started off up the stairs.

My bedroom window faced out to the driveway, so it was easy for me to hear the unfamiliar car as it made its way up the drive. Edward got out of the dark blue Toyota, then eased around to the back, where he removed a huge box. He gave the driver, whom I guessed to be Caius, a thumbs-up and started to carry the box inside.

Overcome by curiosity, I raced back down the stairs and into the hallway, right into the middle of an argument between Edward and Rose. Again. The gist of this seemed to be that Edward wanted a favor, but didn't want to tell Rose why. "Can you just do it, Rosalie?"

She crossed her arms over her ample breasts, the kind that I would never have, even if I lived to be a million. "No. Not until you tell me why."

I wanted desperately to get between them and smooth things over, but I forced myself to be still. Edward and Rosalie's bickering was none of my business. Finally, Edward gave in. "Because I got something for him, and if he sees me bringing it in the house, it won't be a surprise anymore. Come on Rose, I know you don't like me, but you do like Jasper. Do it for him."

"Fine. Give me two minutes and go. Jasper! I need help downstairs!"

I ducked backwards as Jasper appeared, one eyebrow raised. "With what?"

"Car stuff. I need you to hold stuff. Now, before you change clothes for your date."

He went along, easygoing as always. Their voices faded as then went down the stairs, so I wandered back into the kitchen to see what was up with Edward. He was waiting at the back door, the box cradled awkwardly in his arms. "Hey, Alice, want to give me a hand?"

I was dying of curiosity here, but there was a blanket on top of the box, so I couldn't see in. "What is it?" My half of the box, when I reached out for it, wasn't heavy at all.

"You'll see." Edward had such a cute smile when he was excited about something, such a little-boy grin. The house was silent, everyone involved in their own tasks, so it was easy to creep up the two flights of stairs to his room, setting the box on the bed. Edward took the blanket off the box to reveal . . . a guitar? My eyebrows rose of their own accord. "Does he even play?"

"He says he does. He told me last week that he used to play, but the guitar got ruined somehow. You should have seen his face, Alice; you could tell how much he missed playing. So I asked around school, and Caius said he had an old one that he hadn't played in a few years. I looked it up online, and it's a really nice model. Fifty bucks later, I had a guitar."

"That was nice of you." It was more than nice; it was inexplicably generous of him not only to think of Jasper, but to go out of his way to get a gift that he knew would be appreciated. "When are you going to give it to him?"

He slid the case under his bed. "Well, I was originally going to wait for his birthday, but now I'm thinking sooner. It might need strings or something. Caius said that it was all right, but he only played it for a few months before he switched to percussion. Plus, I kind of think that Jasper needs a pick-me-up, don't you?"

I wondered if I should point out that Jasper had me, and I was plenty of pick-me-up, but I didn't really want to say that in front of my brother. Gross. "I'm sure that he'll love it."

Rosalie leaned against the doorframe. "Are the two of you done? I still have Jasper downstairs, but I need to start getting ready for the date, too."

"We're done. Thank you, Rosalie." The words were correct, but his tormented expression said that he found having to say them totally distasteful. I loved Edward with all of my heart, but he was just as guilty as Rosalie when it came to their fights.

Her eyes turned to mine, and I wasn't quite sure that I liked the look in them. "And by get ready for tonight, of course, I mean you, Alice."

I had already chosen an outfit, a skirt and peasant top that Jasper liked, but hair and makeup was Rosalie's specialty. With any luck at all, she could do something that would make me look more like a woman and less like a ten-year-old boy.

We sat down in front of my vanity, both studying my face in the mirror. "So, what can you do?"

She pulled out a makeup case. "I've been waiting forever to do this. You have the most beautiful eyes, and tiny, perfect little features. We just need to draw attention to them."

She whipped out some applicators that looked more like instruments of torture then my usual lipstick and mascara. "If you've been waiting to do this, why didn't you? I would have let you if you'd asked."

"No, you wouldn't have. You're only letting me do this now because you want Jasper to think that you're hot. News flash, _chica_: he already does. You need to be making yourself beautiful for you first, not to impress the guy who would think you were perfect if you showed up dressed like an Amish woman. Now lean forward so I can do your eyes."

I complied, my mind dancing with the possibilities. I wondered if that explained the look Jasper got sometimes when he first saw me. It was a quiet look, and usually lasted only a few seconds, but it was definitely there. Was it an impressed look? A general fondness?

Rose continued on. "You have the boy hook, line, and sinker, Alice, so don't even worry about it. If you show up all tense and worried, Jasper will flip out before you even get to the theater."

That was true. I had never met anyone who was so in tune with the emotions of everyone around him. If anyone in the family was sad, he would mimic that emotion and stay close to them, not really saying anything, just sitting close. If one of us was angry, even if it wasn't directed at him (and no one ever expressed anger at him, for fear of terrifying him), he would vanish so suddenly that it was as if he had never been there in the first place. I guessed that that wasn't too surprising, considering what he had been through, but it was more than that. He seemed to read the most subtle clues, things that none of the rest of us got, even though we had been raised in this family for years. Even more surprising, he was never wrong. Even if the person who was upset tried to deny it, Jasper always knew.

"So, you need to let him pay for dinner. I know you probably want to split the bill, but let him pay. Men love that, it makes them feel as manly as if they had hunted dinner down themselves."

I started giggling at the mental image of Jasper stalking a plate of lasagna with a spear clutched in one hand. Rose slapped my leg. "Stop moving so much, you're going to make me smear it. Now, at the movies, he buys the tickets. If you want snacks, he pays for the small soda and either candy or popcorn. If you want more than that, offer to split it."

If I followed her logic, this was going to be a seventy-five-dollar date. "I shouldn't offer to pay for either dinner or the movie?" I felt hopeless for even asking, like the biggest loser on earth who didn't even know how a date was supposed to work. Luckily I had a big sister to help me, and answer all of my questions.

"Absolutely not. He was the one to ask, therefore, he's the one to pay. Within reason, of course."

"But what if he thinks that, you know, because he paid for everything, I have to . . . do stuff with him?" God, I couldn't even say the words. And if I couldn't say the words to Rose, how was I ever going to actually do it with Jasper?

She paused, looking me straight in the eyes. "If he tries to pressure you at all, kick him where it hurts and scream. You never owe a guy anything, no matter what he does for you. Jasper wouldn't, though; he's an old-fashioned gentleman."

I didn't think so, either, but, despite my brave words to Emmett earlier, I wasn't one hundred percent sure. Sweet as he was, Jasper was still a man, and men could be unpredictable. Rose patted my shoulder. "Alice? Are we clear?"

"Yeah." There wasn't much to say besides that. Either Jasper would try something or he wouldn't; there was no way to be sure. I didn't control him, just myself, so I needed to quit worrying. "Okay."

We continued on in silence, while Rosalie finished my makeup and started on my hair. To my surprise, she pulled out several tubes and jars of products I had never seen before. "I have a great idea for your hair."

Like most of Rosalie's great ideas, it took close to an hour for her to get things just how she liked them. "There, what do you think?"

I looked . . . pretty? Yes, I was actually pretty. My eyes were outlined in smoky black, which made me look mysterious. My hair, usually just a short cut, flipped up at the ends, making me look older. I was not only pretty, I was sexy for the first time in my life. "Wow. I love it!"

Even though I was nowhere as beautiful as she was, Rose smiled. "I told you that you would. Now you stay here while I go get ready. Do _not_ let Jasper see you before we make our grand entrance in fifteen minutes."

She walked off, even though it was hard to imagine her getting any better. Once she was gone, I looked at myself again, and doubts began to creep up. Was I sexy, or did I just look slutty? Jasper was going to think I was a whore for sure. The longer I looked at myself, the more fault I found. I was just about to sneak into the bathroom and wash it all off when Rose reappeared. "Ready?"

"I don't want to."

She laughed. "Too bad, Alice. Prince Charming is down there already, and you don't want to break his heart, do you?"

I guessed not, so I stood up and reluctantly allowed her to make a few last-minute adjustments to my hair. My feet dragged, and I was sure that I looked more like I was on my way to my execution than my first date. I looked trampy and I didn't want to send Jasper the wrong message.

He and Emmett were both waiting at the bottom of the stairs, no doubt at Rosalie's instructions. Emmett was calm, looking around at this or that, but Jasper bounced anxiously. I wondered if it was me making him nervous like that. The thought, ridiculous as it was, gave me enough courage to step in front of Rosalie when we started down the steps.

Jasper heard me immediately, just like he always did, and looked up. Shock, and no small amount of admiration, blazed in his dark blue eyes. For a second, his jaw worked, but nothing came out. Emmett looked over Jasper's shoulder and he looked shocked, also.

It took until I hit the bottom of the stairs before Jasper as able to speak. "You look beautiful, Alice. Prettier than a model." He pulled a hand out from behind his back, presenting me with a yellow flower.

If I had been expecting anything from him (and in my most secret fantasies, I had been hoping for something), it would have been roses. There were classic and beautiful and every guy's first choice. Not Jasper. He had chosen a daffodil, which was my favorite flower. It took it, stammering and blushing, and went to go grab a glass for it. I ran upstairs and put it right next to my bed, so I would be able to see it first thing in the morning. Even if the rest of this date was a disaster, I would still be able to remember this one perfect moment.

Jasper was still waiting when I came back down the stairs. "Thank you, Jasper. Daffodils are my favorite."

His face transformed as he gave me a radiant smile. "Really?"

"Yeah. Where are Emmett and Rose?"

He put a cautious arm around my shoulders. "They went to get the car. Are you ready to go?"

His voice was nervous, and his touch comforting, not at all awkward like I was afraid it would be. I let him lead me out to the car (a normal one this time, not the monster Jeep). Emmett drove, and Jasper and I sat together in the backseat. He seemed happy enough, though I could practically feel him vibrating with nervous energy. Emmett glanced in the rearview mirror. "So, do you remember the Italian I taught you?"

The vibrations increased. "I think so."

"Because, you know, you don't want to look stupid in the restaurant." I was starting to get the distinct impression that Emmett had been teasing Jasper over the past few days.

"I got it."

Rosalie turned on her boyfriend. "Remind me again why Jasper needs to know Italian?" Her voice had that dangerous _Don't fuck with me, Cowboy_ edge to it.

He laughed nervously. "Because they only speak Italian at the restaurant. It's fancy like that." He was in trouble and he knew it.

She gave his shoulder an exasperated slap. "Emmett! For God's sake, leave Jasper alone. If you absolutely must torment someone, Edward is right upstairs. Jasper, honey, the restaurant isn't that fancy. It's more like Olive Garden."

That didn't seem to do the trick, as Jasper gave me a puzzled look. It was then that I remembered Japer saying that, until he had joined our family, he had never gone to a restaurant where they gave you individual menus as to opposed to you looking up at the big one over the counter. I squeezed his hand. "They speak English."

He huffed out a breath. "Thank God." Then he flickered his eyes up to meet Emmett's in the mirror. "Was that real Italian you were trying to teach me?"

"Nope. I had you going though, didn't I?"

To my surprise, Jasper gave him an easy grin. "Yeah, you had me going. Asshole." He didn't seem at all angry. Actually, he sounded pretty pleased.

Emmett sounded pleased, also. Looking at them pair of them, both grinning like fools, it occurred to me that Jasper might be exactly what Emmett had been wanting. A brother that he could play pranks on, and play video games with, and feel perfectly comfortable hanging around. He and Edward loved each other, don't get me wrong, but Edward was more of an old soul trapped in a teenager's body. About the only thing he and Emmett had in common was a love of baseball. Jasper not only understood Emmett's immature side, he reveled in it.

Despite both my and Rosalie's assurances, I don't think that Jasper fully relaxed until we made it into the restaurant and he could see for himself that the servers all spoke English. Edward and Bella came in just as we were ordering drinks, with her blushing a little and looking totally intimidated. I decided to take pity on her and make this a little less worrisome for us both. "Bella, come and sit by me."

She did. "Sorry we're late. Charlie was too busy interrogating Edward to notice the time."

We ordered, the six of us falling into a natural conversation. Even Jasper was talking. Granted, it was mostly to Rose or me, but he was trying. I was his date, after all, so I guessed that it was normal for him to focus on me. About halfway through, Rose nudged me under the table. "Us girls have to go to the bathroom."

Apparently this was something that happened in real life, not just in the movies. All three of us stood before the mirror, pretending to reapply lip gloss, but mostly just gossiping. Rose was perfecting her already perfect makeup. "How are you doing, _chica?_ Jasper can barely look at his food; he's so busy slobbering over you. Edward's drooling over you, too, Bella, but we already know that you have him whipped."

"I'm good. I'm having a great time." It was true. There was a softness in Jasper's eyes when he looked at me, and several times he had lightly touched my hand under the table. It would have been nothing to Rose, but to me it was like Christmas had come early.

"It doesn't feel like you're out with your brother?"

Ew! "No!" I couldn't believe that she would actually say that.

"Just checking. Bella, is Edward behaving himself?"

She gave an irritated huff. "Of course he is. Edward always behaves himself. I'm the one who has to practically strip to get anything out of him!"

All I could do was stare. Here I was, the thought that Jasper might want more than holding hands or a chaste kiss making me feel sick, while Bella was practically begging for more. I felt a surge of irrational jealousy that she would be so comfortable.

There was no point in rushing things, though. If the time was right for her and Edward to be intimate, then the time was right. I just had to trust that the time would eventually be right for Jasper and me as well. Hopefully.

Our gossip done, we marched back to the table. The boys were mostly done eating, with only Emmett still sopping up the last of his sauce with a breadstick. Rose tapped her watch. "We need to hurry if we're going to make the movie."

Emmett smirked at her like they were the only ones in the room. "Hey, gorgeous. The waiter already took the checks, so we should be ready to go in a minute."

I bit down on the urge to ask Jasper if we ought to split it. He grabbed the bill and signed at the bottom, taking great care not to let me see the total. Guess that answered my question. He glanced up, but looked down shyly when our eyes met. "Ready?"

I nodded and he stood up to help me with my coat. Even though I knew he would have done the same for Mom or Rose, I couldn't help but feel like a princess.

This time Rose drove, and Jasper and I were left in the backseat, listening to a rather uncomfortable conversation. Emmett was rather insistent that the pair of us could catch a ride home with Bella and Edward in the Volvo. That way he and Rose could skip the movie and go have their own fun. I wasn't even sure what half the things he was whispering to her meant, but Jasper flushed bright red and slumped down in the seat.

By the time we got to the theater, we were late and the show was sold out. There was brief discussion, during which the boys made a brave plea for us to go see _Death Saw III_. Even the rational one, Rose pointed out that she and Emmett were the only ones over eighteen, and while Jasper might slip through, there was no way Bella or I could. They accepted that, though not without a certain amount of grumbling. Emmett did his best to negotiate. "Not a chick flick, please not a chick flick."

We compromised with a comedy, but had to wait a half hour for it to start. Emmett and Edward wandered out to the handful of arcade games, but Jasper sat by my side. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, shocked at my own daring. "Go on."

He seemed a little surprised, one hand reaching up to touch his cheek, then nodded and chased after his brothers.

Rose mimed casting a fishing pole. "Hook, line, and sinker."

I hated to be so insecure in front of Bella and Rose, but I had to ask. "Have I been doing all right? I mean, Jasper seems really happy, but . . ."

This time Bella answered. "Alice, relax. Jasper is enjoying himself, and you should be, too. Do you really want to look back on your first date and realize you spent the entire time so tense that you couldn't enjoy any of it?"

The words made sense, and I tried to force myself to relax. At the same time, Jasper reappeared, clutching something in his hand. He held it out to me. "I got this for you."

It was a pink and purple stuffed cat, no doubt pulled from the claw machine. I flipped it over and realized that it wasn't just any cat. It was the Cheshire cat. Jasper cocked his head. "Like from _Alice in Wonderland_. I saw it and thought of you."

He couldn't have possibly done anything nicer for me. "Thank you, Jasper, he's wonderful."

He grinned again, showing me his dimples, then ambled back over to the games. Rose squealed the minute he was out of earshot. "He's like a puppy! You say one nice thing to him and he all but rolls over for a belly scratch. Adorable."

We sat for another ten minutes or so, listening to the occasional bursts of laughter and playful ribbing as the boys raced each other. I wanted to join them, and I would have just a few weeks ago, but that wouldn't be ladylike, would it? Jasper probably wanted to see me act more like Rose and less like a ten-year-old tomboy.

Bella checked her watch and stood to gather up the boys. "Come on, guys, there's a line forming for snacks."

Jasper started to reach out like he wanted to put his arm around me, but then thought better of it. I tried to tell myself that he was just being shy, but I couldn't help but feel that the problem might be me, that he didn't want to be seen with me in public. "What would you like?"

A quick glance at Emmett and Rose revealed that they were still debating what to get. Since I knew she would be distracted, I made one feeble offer to help pay. "Are you sure I can't get this? You paid for dinner."

His blue eyes sparkled cheerfully at me. "Nope. I asked you out, so I pay. Now, popcorn or candy?"

"Popcorn, I guess." This still wasn't sitting exactly right with me, but Rose and Jasper both thought that this was how a date went, so it must be true.

Jasper must have sensed my distress. "Next time, I'll let you pay."

I was so busy nodding that I almost missed the bigger implication. When it finally hit me, I barely refrained from shrieking. I had to be sure. "Are you asking me out again?"

He suddenly looked down. "Well . . . yeah. Why, are you not having a good time?"

I had to remember that he was incredibly sensitive, and tended to take things as a criticism when they weren't. "No, I'm having a great time! I kind of wish that it was just us tonight, though."

"Next time." He smiled again. "Next time we'll go wherever you want." We were finally at the front of the line, so he ordered softly. "Medium popcorn, two small Cokes, please."

Once everyone had their food (and judging by the amount of food we ended up with, we probably should have just gotten together and ordered an extra large tub) we found our theater and seats, sliding in just in time to start the previews. I made sure that Jasper wasn't on the end, since he was still a little skittish with strangers. From the look he gave me, I could tell that he was both grateful that I had given him the seat he wanted and that I hadn't drawn any attention to it.

Almost as soon as the lights went down, he tentatively put an arm around me. My heart jumped and started hammering so hard against my ribs that I was sure he could hear it. It might not have seemed like much to Rose, or even Bella, but I had been waiting for years to have a boy (and not just any boy, but _this_ boy) do just this. I leaned my head against his shoulder and actually felt his own heart jump in response. He smelled like toothpaste and soap and I wanted to memorize every detail of exactly who he was, right now.

As the movie began to play, the world shrank to just Jasper and me. I wondered if I was falling in love with him on our first date. No, that was silly. Of _course_ I was falling in love with him. I had started falling in love with him from the moment I saw his picture in the file, before Mom and Dad had even agreed to bring him home. That was why I had been so sure that he would agree to live with us. Fate could be cruel, but not cruel enough to dangle my soulmate in front of me and then not bring us together. Cruel enough to bring him here and not have him feel the same way, or to have him run when he found out about James, certainly. But not cruel enough to take him away entirely.

The movie ended, and I couldn't decide if I was disappointed or thrilled. I didn't want Jasper to take his arm down, which he had done as soon as the lights went on, but I couldn't help but be curious about what happened next. Would he kiss me goodnight? I surprised myself by hoping that he would.

The ride home was wild and noisy. Jasper proved to have an absolutely phenomenal memory, and spent most of the time recreating dialogue with Emmett. When they ran out of material from the movie we had just seen, they moved on to another one without blinking.

The house was dark when we got home, so Mom and Dad must still be out. Emmett must have realized the same thing, because he gave Rose a meaningful look and the two of them snuck upstairs together. Jasper wrinkled his nose. "Guess I'm sleeping in my room tonight."

Since by now we both knew that Edward would hang around at Bella's until Charlie all but chased him out with a shotgun, and Rose and Emmett weren't going to be fit company for the rest of the night, that just left Jasper and me. Finally. Still, he seemed a little unsure when he looked at me. "Do you want to watch TV or play a game or something?"

The offer set off a spark of pleasure. "Can we play Scrabble? I love Scrabble!"

It was only once the words were out of my mouth that remembered that 'playing Scrabble' could also mean having sex. Oh, God, what if he actually thought that I wanted to . . . He wouldn't, would he? Maybe I should just make a run for it now.

Luckily, Jasper didn't seem to notice at all. I had noticed that a lot of things like that went right over his head. Maybe it was because didn't have teenaged friends who might use the slang around him, or maybe he had just never heard the terms, but he just gave me a smile. "Sure."

I rushed to get the board, both because I was still embarrassed and because I didn't want him to change his mind before I got back. When I brought it into the kitchen, I found that he had already cleared the table and was waiting for me. We chose our letters and picked to go first. I won, and carefully lined up the first letters. "_Quip_. Take that."

Looking at Jasper, who was bent over his tiles, it occurred to me that this was going to be a cutthroat game. He arranged and rearranged them, looking for the best word. This was exciting. None of my other family members liked playing with me. Edward could occasionally be guilted into it, but words really weren't his forte. Dad slaughtered me every time we played and it was way too easy to beat Emmett. Mom and Rose weren't that fun to play with, as they tended to let me win.

"Your turn. I got twenty-eight." He had added the world 'wimple.' At my raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "It's that little dishtowel thing that nuns wear on their heads."

I wasn't one hundred percent sure I believed him, but I didn't want to risk challenging him too soon, either. "Okay."

As the game wore on, it became clear that Jasper had a huge vocabulary. No matter that the part of his brain that affected speech had been damaged — he hadn't had his Scrabble skills disturbed at all. "Good one!"

We were still playing when Mom and Dad got home, followed shortly after by Edward. He all but floated up the steps, a dopey look etched onto his face. Jasper watched him drift away. "Think I can make the word 'twitterpated'?"

Did he just . . . yes, Jasper had actually made a Bambi reference. "Too many letters, I think."

We were within a few points of each other until close to the end, when Jasper laid down a sixty-four-letter word. Even though I went out first and stuck him with both a 'Z' and a 'J', he still won. I immediately smiled to let him know I wasn't upset about it. "Winner packs up the box. It belongs in the hall closet."

While he was taking the board back, I looked at the clock and realized that it was nearly one in the morning. "Jasper? I'm going on to bed, all right? Rematch tomorrow." I double-checked the alarm, making certain that it was correctly set.

A series of thumps sounded as Jasper bounced across the kitchen tiles like a gazelle. He skidded to a stop in front of me, looking a bit uncertain. Then he slid a hand under my chin and kissed me softly on the lips. "I had a really good time tonight, Alice."

While I was still too shocked to speak, he turned and bounded up the stairs, as if he had never been there at all. I touched my fingers to my lips, which were still tingling. "Yeah, I had a really good time, too."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Another long wait for this one, sorry guys! Jasper is a stubborn little devil, but Carlisle can be even more so. Thanks to my beta Thesoundandthefury, for making this readable!**

**Carlisle**

I was trying hard not to let my nerves get the best of me, especially in front of the rest of my family, but it was proving to be an impossible task. My stomach was churning nervously, my palms clammy. Today was the day that Jasper was expected to appear in court, and the tension in the house was rising with each passing minute.

Esme was scrubbing the breakfast dishes, a task that she had already completed twice. She had already wiped down every surface in the kitchen, as well as cut up a salad for dinner. She was muttering to herself, but shot me an evil look when I asked if I could help her. Duly noted.

Jasper was supposed to be changing into the suit we had bought last week, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he was up there fashioning his bed sheets into a rope he could use to throw out the window and shimmy down the side of the house to escape. When I went up there, however, it was quiet, and the door was firmly closed. I laid a hand against the wood, unsure if I should knock and remind him of the time, or respect his silent request for privacy.

The coward in me wanted to summon Alice up to speak to him, knowing that he would never refuse her entrance, but I forced those thoughts back. I was the adult here, and Jasper was depending on me to hold myself together. I tapped firmly. "Jasper, can I come in?"

Footsteps shuffled across the carpet, and he slid the door open. He was dressed, except for his tie, which he held in one shaky hand. "I can't tie it."

I put my hands on his upper arms and tugged him gently to stand in front of me. "It's an acquired skill. Now hold still." I looped the tie around his neck, but before I could even cross the ends, he brought up a hand to lightly graze my wrist. His touch was as light as a butterfly's, the pads of his fingers barely making contact. Even so, I could feel the pulse pounding beneath his skin.

I stopped, sure I had scared or offended him in some way, but he didn't say anything. He just watched me with those strange, knowing eyes. I was afraid to break the spell we had fallen under. Instead, I slowly finished with his tie, barely aware of what I was doing. Jasper didn't speak, didn't move his hand, barely seemed to breathe. When I was finished, his hand dropped and I took a step back, out of his personal space. "How are you holding up?"

One eyebrow quirked, telling me what a stupid question I had just asked. But when he spoke, his tone was neutral. "I'll survive."

Of course he would survive. I just wanted a little more for him than mere survival. "I wish I could do this for you." It was the only thing I had to offer him, pitiful as it was.

"I know." He looked at me again, his face inscrutable. "And if bullfrogs had wings, they wouldn't smack their asses on the ground." For a second he paused, and I thought that was all he was going to say. But then our eyes met again. "Thanks, though."

There was nothing left for me to do here, yet I sensed that Jasper wanted me to stay with him, that the soft touch had been an unspoken request. "Do you have any last-minute questions?"

"No." He started out of the room, closing the bedroom door behind him. "I know what to do."

I was sure that he did. In fact, we had all gone over the entire procedure with him so many times that Emmett swore he heard Jasper mumbling parts of it in his sleep. The only thing we hadn't gone over was his testimony itself. I wanted it to be as natural as possible, not coached or rehearsed-sounding. All I could do was gently remind him to tell the truth, no matter how horrible. It was just easier for him to deal with now. Of course, I didn't even like thinking about how hard it would be up on the stand, when he was face-to-face with his tormenter.

If this had been a movie, I'm sure this would have been the point where he and I had a beautiful heart-to-heart talk before going downstairs, my arm slung over his shoulder, so we could face this together. Since this was real life, we went single file, me leading and Jasper, who disliked having anyone behind him on the stairs, trailing in silence. I wanted to say something comforting and appropriate, but Jasper would see through all of that, so I kept my mouth shut.

Fortunately, Alice was waiting at the foot of the stairs, and she never had a problem talking. "You look great, Jasper. Are you ready to go? Traffic's going to be bad, so we need to leave some extra time to get there early. Emmett wanted to tell you good luck, and don't get too worked up. Edward says be calm and Rose said to go kick some ass."

He gave a soft laugh, the first I had heard from him in days. "I won't, I will, and I will." He didn't seem totally sure about any of it.

"Oh, before I forget, this is for you. You're probably going to be bored out of your mind waiting, so I though you could at least have some music to listen to." She held out the iPod she had received for Christmas. It was a bright, almost neon pink, and it looked ridiculously small in Jasper's hand. "There's all kinds of music on there, so you should be able to find something that you like."

This time his smile was natural enough that it showed the small dimple on one cheek. "Thanks."

Since she seemed to have things under control, I walked out to warm up the car. Some instinct told me to enjoy this last minute, because I was going to need this small measure of peace in order to get through the rest of the day. I placed my hands flat against the wheel and prayed hard for the strength to get through this. That God could, just this once, keep a special eye out for my foster son.

Esme, Jasper and Alice shuffled out of the house, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Both Alice and Esme seemed worried, their dark eyes darting around and their mouths pressed into thin lines. I had never seen them look so much like biological mother and daughter as they did right now.

Jasper, on the other hand, was a blank slate, no emotion showing anywhere. He didn't return my brief smile, just crawled into the back seat and sat in stony silence. Alice climbed in next, and gently manipulated his tense body until his head was resting on her shoulder. She spoke, but it was so soft that I could barely hear her. Still, it seemed like they were doing all right, so I left them alone.

They were certainly an interesting pair. I had been extremely worried when Alice had told me that Jasper asked her out, for both of their sakes. Alice would be ashamed to bring up the past, and it would probably never occur to Jasper to ask. He could easily frighten or devastate her without meaning to.

But it was more than that. Jasper was all over the place, mentally and emotionally. Most of the time he was like an adult, sometimes seeming even older than Esme and me. Experience and far too much responsibility had aged him. Other times, though, he could be quite impulsive and immature. He was a champion when it came to surviving, but he had no idea how to act like a normal teenager. Suddenly had had more freedom then he had ever had before, and he was determined to test his limits.

It wasn't that he did anything to be spiteful, or deliberately cruel. No, it was the sort of behavior I had experienced when Edward was thirteen or fourteen, testing and figuring out new ways to relate to your parents. His was a sort of passive resistance, mostly consisting of a mild refusal, or 'accidentally' forgetting to do something. It was nice to have a break from the melodrama that had accompanied both girls, the shrieking tantrums and wails of _I hate you_ and _Nobody loves me_, but Jasper had other ways of expressing his displeasure.

He had an eerie way of fixing his eyes on yours when he spoke and refusing to look away. Even I felt a little uncomfortable under that icy gaze. That was the point, of course, to see if he could intimidate us into giving him his way. For the first time just recently, I had grounded him, restricting him to the house and denying him access to the television and Xbox. A mocking had shown in his eyes then, a silent question of _That all you got, Carlisle?_

I hadn't risen to the challenge. The rules had been set down clearly, and so had the consequences for breaking them. It was Jasper's choice to follow the rules or not follow the rules, but I wasn't going to back down on his punishment.

I sounded harsh, but it was exactly what he needed. All of Jasper's life, the rules had been changing, inconsistently applied, or just plain absent. The punishments for breaking them were arbitrary and far too severe. I needed to make it clear, through my actions as well as my words, that things would always be consistent here, and that once his punishment was over, it would be truly over, and not brought up again.

I was willing to be gentle, though. Jasper was definitely testing, but he was also undergoing the most stressful period of his life. I had to be both understanding and fair, and sometimes I didn't feel like I was doing a very good job of being either.

"What?" Alice's voice was a little louder than it had been. "Okay, hang on a minute. Dad, pull over! Jasper says he's going to throw up."

A quick glance in the rearview mirror confirmed that Jasper was deathly white and sweating bullets. "Ok, I'm stopping. Try to hang in there."

Esme rummaged frantically through the dash, looking for something to try and contain the mess. I grabbed an empty McDonald's coffee cup out of the cup holder and shoved it into Alice's outstretched hand. "Jasper? Take a few deep breaths and try to cough. It will bring your blood pressure up a bit. Spit in the cup, all right? A lot of times swallowing is what actually triggers you to throw up."

Alice managed to deftly juggle Jasper, the cup, and a handful of the napkins Esme had given her, as well as get the car window rolled down. "It's okay, it's okay. Deep breaths." Her voice was background noise as I struggled to get us pulled into a gas station. Behind me Jasper coughed twice and gagged miserably, but I couldn't quite tell if the gagging was productive or not.

I finally pulled in and parked. When I looked into the backseat, it was quiet. Jasper had his head back against the seat, his eyes squeezed shut. He didn't look like he was in any immediate distress, at least not at the moment. "Feeling any better?"

When his eyes opened, the desolate expression in them made me want to cry. "I think so."

I killed the engine. "Did you get sick?"

His eyes drifted shut again. "Jus' spit." He straightened up in the seat, suddenly looking much better. "I'm okay now."

"Come on in, anyway. We'll get you a Sprite or something to settle your stomach." I looked meaningfully at Esme, hoping that she would get the message that I wanted her to handle the drinks.

I waited outside the car by the backseat until he forced himself up and out. I looked away from him, but gently held out a hand, just in case.

Even though I had offered, I was still surprised when his clammy hand slipped into mine and held on tight. He allowed me to hold him all the way into the men's room, where he released a soft breath and leaned back against the wall. Just as I had expected, he was putting on a brave front for Alice and Esme.

I wet a paper towel in the sink and used it to wipe the sweat off his face and neck. The fact that he passively allowed me to do so spoke volumes about his state of mind. I wanted to say the right thing, but this was one of those cases where there was no right thing to say.

"Is your stomach better?" He nodded weakly. "Are you ready to go out there, or do you want another couple of minutes?" I tried to keep him focused on the immediate future, instead of what was going to happen at the courthouse.

"Now's fine. I think I just got nervous, and the longer I wait, the worse it's going to end up being."

It was undoubtedly the truth, so I nodded and stepped back. "Okay, then, let's go."

He didn't take my hand again, but he did hang quite close until we reached the car, where Alice and Esme were waiting. Alice passed him the soda, which he sipped gratefully. "Thanks."

"No problem." She reached out again, and he snuggled gratefully back against her shoulder. He almost appeared to be asleep, except for the fact that he would occasionally take another sip of his drink.

We split when we made it to the courtroom. As a minor, Jasper was entitled to have a parent or guardian stay with him until he was called upon to testify, and he had been quite emphatic about wanting Esme. I had been a little put out about that at first, until Rosalie had unintentionally revealed the reason for his preference. He had confessed to her that he didn't want Esme to hear what they were going to say about him, and what had gone on in that house, which she would if she were seated in the courtroom. His desire to protect her brought a lump to my throat.

I gave his back a final pat. "We'll be right there when it's your time to be called up, all right?"

He was looking a little green again. "Okay." Esme slipped an arm around his shoulders and led him away. Alice and I stood there watching them go. Esme glanced back at me, but Jasper didn't turn. His shoulders were back and his head up. He was going into this with all the dignity he could muster.

They turned a corner, and now it was just Alice and me. I wasn't surprised when her small hand found mine, like Jasper's had just a short while before. Her grip was strong and sure, unlike Jasper's tentative yet desperate grasp. "He can do it."

I would have given anything to have her confidence. "I hope so."

I had testified in court before, in a few cases involving the hospital, but I had never actually sat in the gallery. The judge's podium and witness stand looked more intimidating from here than they did when you were in them. We chose seats in the front, sitting as close to the witness box as possible so that Jasper would be sure to see us.

We still had quite a bit of time before the trial started, so I excused myself to use the restroom. The closest one was being cleaned, so I found myself wandering around until I found one in a deserted hallway. I was about to push open the door when a hand came down on my shoulder. "Sir, you aren't allowed to be back here. Can I see some ID?"

I turned and realized that I was in the hallway used to allow prisoners to go to the bathroom. The guards, one male and one female, flanked a Hispanic woman in an orange jumpsuit. Flushing red, I fumbled for my wallet, finally finding my hospital ID. "I'm so sorry."

The female guard took it. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

The woman in the jumpsuit burst out laughing. "Dr. Cullen? Oh, this is _fantastic_!" We all looked at her surprise. She managed to catch her breath long enough to say, "So you're the bleeding heart they stuck that kid of mine with!"

Sudden recognition made my gut clench. I had been so worried about what would happen when Jasper saw Maria again that I had never considered what might happen when I saw her. Cold fury rose up, making my vision swim. Not only had this woman tortured my child, beat and burned him and made him wake up at night screaming in terror, but she was actually standing there laughing about it. I gave her my coldest stare, unwilling to let her see she had riled me. "That's confidential information. How did you get it?"

When she smiled at me, I was struck by how beautiful it made her. I had been wanting to imagine her as a hideous crone, someone whose outside was as foul as her heart. But she was young and very pretty. The sort of woman who might have warranted a second look if I had seen her in my OR or out at a restaurant. Her dark eyes met mine defiantly. "There's very little that happens here that I don't know about. I've been keeping track of Jasper, for everyone's sake. "

Common sense told me to just walk away, to not engage her in conversation of any type, but I couldn't help myself. "I really don't think that Jasper's welfare is any of your concern. He's being cared for, and that's all you need to know." As much as I wanted to lunge at her, to make her hurt more then she had ever made him, I forced myself to be still. Anything I did would only damage the case and make things harder for Jasper.

She nodded sagely. "I hope your _care_ involves a lot of close supervision and keeping him away from anything sharp. He's dangerous, you know."

I was familiar with the 'blame the victim' mentality, but it still rankled me that she could stand there and say this with a straight face. "I've seen no evidence of that. Jasper is so sweet and eager to please that I've hardly had to discipline him at all."

She raised an eyebrow at my smug tone. "Really? Did the head of Social Services tell you that he pulled a knife on me?"

There had been no mention of that, if it were in fact true. I tried to school my features, but I could tell that she knew she had scored a direct hit.

"Huh, I guess not. Don't worry, they didn't tell me jack shit about him being dangerous, either." She smirked at me, and for the first time, I saw the monster in her eyes. "I know you don't believe me, but you will. Trust me, you will."

The guards, who had been as transfixed by the scene as I was, abruptly stepped in. "That's enough. Dr. Cullen, there's a restroom two hallways over for public use. Ms. Teresa, if you need to use the restroom yourself, this is going to be your only chance."

My thoughts were troubled as I used the bathroom and walked back down the hall. Could she be telling the truth about Jasper? I was a pretty good judge of when I was being lied to and everything indicated that she was telling the truth. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that I had been given a child without full disclosure of violent or antisocial tendencies.

I forced my brain back to the task at hand. Whether Jasper had actually pulled a knife on her or not, it didn't matter right now. What mattered was that I had promised to be there in the courtroom, and I couldn't break that promise.

Alice was quiet when I made it back, with none of her usual exuberance. Instead she just quietly took my hand. I stroked her hair. "What's wrong, baby?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to be here."

After the fit she had thrown to be allowed to come along, I couldn't believe she was changing her mind now. "Why not?"

Her eyes filled with tears. "Jasper isn't going to be the only one up there. The doctors are going to be, and his brothers and sisters, and maybe even . . . her. I don't want to know what she did to him."

I had been so busy considering Jasper's feelings, and trying to get him ready for this, that I had never considered how Alice might be feeling. She was so sensitive, especially when it came to someone she loved. Especially when that someone was Jasper. Maybe she just wasn't ready for this. It was a lot to ask even of an adult, much less a seventeen-year-old girl. "Do you want me to get your mother and have her take you home? I can sit with Jasper."

She bit her lip. "But I promised him I would be here."

"I'm sure he'll understand."

She looked down, kicking at the floor. "No. I don't want to be here, but he needs me to be. If I want to be with him, I have to get used to this and put his needs above mine, at least part of the time. I can do it, Dad, even if I don't feel like it."

My doubts vanished. She was sensitive, yes, and at least some of what she heard today was going to break her heart, but she was nowhere near as fragile as I had been assuming. Somewhere along the line, my little girl had grown up, and I couldn't help but feel a little sad about that. Once this last group of kids were gone, that would be it until it was time for grandchildren.

Belatedly, I realized that everyone was standing as the judge took her place. I stood as well, my nerves suddenly singing. This was it. No trial was ever a guarantee, and Jasper could do his very best and still lose. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would do to him, mentally and emotionally.

Alice squeezed my hand as the charges were read. Felony child abuse, neglect, and attempted murder in the second degree.

We all sat and Alice whispered in my ear. "What does _second degree_ mean?"

"It means she didn't plan out hurting him. She just snapped in a split second. First degree would be if she had thought logically about trying to hurt him, then decided to do it."

"Oh."

Jasper was eight or nine names down the witness list, and wasn't expected to appear until well after lunch. The first witness for the prosecution, and maybe the most damaging, was a familiar face. Peter, Jasper's former foster brother and the one who had made the 911 call. He sat stiffly as he was sworn in, his eyes scared but determined. I noticed that he carefully avoided looking over at the defense table.

The prosecutor walked him gently through the day, starting with an argument over a toy. Peter looked at his hands as he spoke. "It was one of those little games, you know, the kind you plug right into the TV? Joey and Sam wanted to set it up right away, but Aiden was watching _Bob the Builder_ and he started screaming as soon as they touched the remote."

The prosecutor interrupted gently. "Where was Jasper at this point?"

"The basement. He was still sleeping. It was really only about seven in the morning."

I didn't pick up on what he had just said, but Alice did. "He had to sleep in the basement?" Her voice was horrified.

My brain tried to play devil's advocate, reminding me that some basements were completely finished, more like a dorm room than the creepy cellar we were all imagining. That a seventeen-year-old boy might appreciate that sort of privacy from a half-dozen foster siblings. Something inside told me that that probably wasn't the case here, though. Banishment to a dark cinderblock room seemed more in line with what I had heard so far.

Peter continued on with his story. "So, Jasper finally came upstairs, 'cause Aiden was shrieking like a fire siren, and he was going to break it up. He was holding Aiden when Maria came downstairs." He stopped for a second, his voice choking off.

The lawyer stepped in again. "By Maria, you mean Maria Teresa, correct?" At Peter's faint reply in the affirmative, he continued. "Can you point to her now?"

Peter took a deep breath, pointing without hesitation at the defendants table. "Her, in the middle."

"Let the record show that he indicated the defendant. Okay, Peter, what happened when Maria came in?"

He hunched even smaller in the chair. "She was mad. At all of us, I think, but mostly at Jasper. It was his job to keep the little kids from bothering her, and he let them wake her up. She just slapped his face the first time and kind of shoved him back a few steps."

"What did Jasper do when she did that?"

"Gave Aiden to me and kind of signed for me to get the other kids out. He didn't even really look at her, which made her even madder. He just looked down at the floor. Maria didn't say anything to him either, which was how I knew it was going to be bad. His lip was bleeding a little; I saw it drip when I closed the door." He stopped and had to be prompted to continue.

"What happened then?"

"I don't know. I took the kids back to their rooms, and told them to stay there. Charlotte, my oldest sister, was supposed to help keep them there. Maria was screaming, but I couldn't really understand what she was saying because the doors were closed. Then it got really quiet for a few minutes, so I knew that it was over. When I heard someone on the stairs, I was hoping that it was Jasper, but it was her. She didn't look mad at all. She never does after she gets on Jasper for something. She just looked at me and calmly said, 'Go deal with your brother, I'm going out.' I was scared, but I was kinda glad too, because I didn't want her to be in the house if Jasper wasn't all right."

"So, you went back downstairs, and what did you see?"

"Uh, Jasper was just lying there. He wasn't crying or moaning or moving even a little bit. He was facing away from me, and I thought he might be dead, but then I could hear him breathing, so I knew that he wasn't. So I did what I always did: I kind of dragged him over to the couch and put him on it so he would be more comfortable. Then I waited for him to wake up."

The prosecutor barely needed to nudge him now. Peter was getting caught up in the story, his fears seeming to lessen.

"Did he wake up?"

"No. Usually, if she knocked him out, he woke up after a few minutes, but this time he didn't move a t all. I checked, and he wasn't bleeding anywhere but his lip, but you could see where he was getting these big bruises on his face and his arm and he had a big lump on the side of his head, right here." He pointed to his own temple, the absolute worst place to be struck. The bone there was very thin, and in Jasper's case, had broken. The shards of bone being driven back into his brain were probably what had caused his brain damage and epilepsy.

"I didn't know if I should call 911 or not, so I thought I should just wait for Maria to come home and tell me what to do. I shouldn't have done that. I should have called an ambulance when he didn't wake up after a few minutes."

This time he stopped and didn't start again. Tears dripped down his face, and we all held our breath, waiting to see if he would be able to continue or not. After a minute and a drink of water, he accepted a tissue from the judge and wiped at his face. "So, I stayed there with Major . . . um, that's what I call Jasper sometimes. And he started shaking. Not really bad, just kind of shivering like he was cold, only it was his whole body. I put a blanket on him, but it didn't stop. Then it was getting worse and worse. Suddenly he really started jerking around, like a convulsion fit. I thought that I was supposed to put something between his teeth to keep him from swallowing his tongue, but I didn't have anything. Then he started turning all blue, and I thought he was really going to die. So I called 911 and an ambulance came and took him away. The social worker picked us all up right after and put us in different homes. No one would even tell me if Major was alive or not."

The prosecutor held up a hand. "I'm going to play the 911 tape now."

There was a moment of static, and a panicky voice filled the room. "I need an ambulance! My brother is dying!"

The responding voice was cool and professional. "I have you as being on 659 Vine Avenue, is that correct?" At his confirmation, she went on. "What is the emergency with your brother?"

"My mom . . . I mean, he hit his head. He's shaking and he won't wake up."

"Do you know what he got hit with? Did he hit his head on the floor, or did he hit something else? It's very important to know what caused the injury, so we know how best to treat it."

"Um . . . he might have bumped it against the poker for the fireplace. He's got a big bump on the side of his head." His attempt to cover up what had happened was pathetic, but he was still trying.

"So he may have been hit with a metal poker. What's your brother's name, sweetheart?"

"Jasper."

The prosecutor stopped the tape. "It goes on for another few minutes, until the ambulance arrives, but the salient points have been heard. Now, Peter, had you seen Maria strike Jasper before?"

"Yeah. Usually she'd just hit him across the face. Sometimes she'd hit him with something. She said he was too big for her to hit with her fist."

"How often?"

"I . . . I don't know. Whenever he messed up, I guess. He was supposed to keep the little kids quiet because she said that their crying made her want to kill someone. So usually, if she hit him, it was because of the crying."

I didn't want to hear any more. Didn't want to know about pokers and fists and all the things that she had done to try and break his spirit. But the prosecutor kept talking, oblivious to my mental pleading. "Did you ever see her do anything to hurt Jasper besides just hitting him?"

"Yeah. Hitting him was for when she was just mad and she didn't have time to plan things. If she had enough time to think, she had another system."

"Which was . . . ?"

"She didn't smoke, but she kept a pack of cigarettes on the table in the hallway. Sometimes she would burn us with them. How many burns depended on what you did. That was for all of us, even the little kids. Uh, sometimes she would hit Jasper or me with the cord for the vacuum. Just us, though, because she was afraid that she would hurt one of the little kids if she did that." He was crying steadily now, tears streaming down his face. Alice, too, was crying, her sobs choked off as she tried to keep quiet.

There really wasn't much for the defense to say to him. The attorney did manage to get him to admit that he hadn't actually seen Marie hit Jasper with anything except her hand, much less a poker. He had been on a different floor when the beating had occurred. Other than that, he was unshakable. I knew his abject misery was going to resonate with the jurors. Even now, he was obviously devastated at his betrayal of his former foster mother.

A few minor witnesses came and went, and then it was the doctor who had treated Jasper in the ER. He listed the injuries, starting with his head injury, and working though the dozens of old scars. I had read his report, so nothing the man said came as a surprise. I turned my attention to Alice, doing my best to comfort her. She jerked slightly with each injury listed, as if he could feel it in her own body. The doctor confirmed that Jasper's injuries were consistent with being struck with a poker, and that, more specifically, they matched a poker recovered from the floor of the house.

On cross-examination, he did say that Jasper's injuries could have possibly come from another object, but refused to move on his position that Jasper's injuries could only be the result of being struck, and could not have been caused by him falling to the floor and hitting his head.

There was a pause before the next witness, and my heart began to pound. It was Jasper, I just knew it. Was he all right? Had he frozen in the hallway? Even though he had Esme with him, he might need both of us. I was about to get up when he finally came through the doors. His voice was very quiet when he was sworn in, but it was steady. His eyes scanned back and forth across the room, seeking desperately for Alice and me. She stood up halfway and he visibly relaxed when he noticed her.

The prosecutor had been warned about Jasper's nervous nature, and proceeded more gently than he had with previous witnesses. He asked a few easy questions, establishing Jasper's full name and age, then solicited a few facts about his life now. Once he had Jasper sufficiently relaxed, he started on life at Maria's house. He had to tread carefully here, and he knew it. Jasper didn't remember the last beating, the one that had put him in the hospital, and, without that, I wasn't sure he would be able to say anything with Maria sitting right in front of him.

"Can you tell me what happened on the day you got hurt?" The man knew that this was the weak point of Jasper's testimony, and he wanted to get it out of the way quickly.

"I don't know. I just remember waking up in the hospital. I don't remember what actually happened." To my horror, he looked shyly over at Maria and tried to smile. He was going to lie; I could already feel it. Alice could, too, because she poked me. "Dad! Don't let him do that!"

I tried to catch the attorney's eye, but had no success. He was still pushing Jasper. "What was that like, in the hospital?"

"I was scared." Even with the microphone on, it was hard to hear him speak. "They had a tube down my throat because I couldn't breathe when they brought me in, but I started choking on it. One of the nurses got me to calm down, but I couldn't talk and no one would tell me what happened. I thought maybe I had been hit by a car, because I hurt so much."

"It didn't occur to you that Maria might have injured you?"

"No." At this point it was pretty clear to me when Jasper was trying to lie. He always looked down at his hands, as if he thought they might trip him up by telling a completely different story.

"Why not?"

This was it. I could almost see the lie forming on his lips. "Don't do it, Jasper, please don't do it." Alice's voice was so low that I could barely hear her myself, but I would swear all my life long that Jasper looked at her when she said it. His eyes met hers for a split second before he looked away and back at the attorney.

"She never hurt me bad enough to go to the hospital before."

He had done it. For the first time that I knew of, he had admitted that Maria had abused him. Alice and I gave simultaneous sighs of relief. The rest of the testimony would still be hard on him, but he had jumped that first hurdle and seen that his world hadn't exploded.

"But she had hit you?"

"Yes."

"With her hand, or with an object of some sort?" His tone was gentle and understanding; almost as if Jasper's reply wasn't what we had all been waiting so desperately for.

"Her hand. Sometimes something that she picked up. Sometimes me and Peter got it with the orange vacuum cord, but just us, not the little kids. One time she threw a plate at me." His words were rough, fading at the end.

"Anything else?"

Jasper's eyes fluttered closed in a slow motion flinch. "Sometimes with the poker."

Ever so gently, the last question was asked. "How many times with the poker?"

"Ten or fifteen. Maybe eight or nine hits each time."

"Thank you, Jasper. You've been very brave and did a great job. Now, I need you to stay on the stand for a few more questions."

I tried not to look at the defense lawyer, I really did. She was just doing her job to make sure the trial was fair to both Maria and Jasper. But why should the trial be fair for Maria, when she had been so unfair to a defenseless child?

"Hi, Jasper. I just have a few quick questions for you, then we're done."

He just looked at her, no expression on his face. Perhaps sensing that she wasn't going to get a response, she moved on. "How long did you live with Ms. Teresa?"

"Almost five years. Four and a half, I guess."

She nodded, almost as if they were friends. "And you're telling me that she treated you abusively during those four and a half years?"

He looked down, finally having to admit the truth to both himself and the court. "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell anyone that things were so bad?"

Any sympathy I might have had for her and her position vanished. Jasper was the victim here, not the one on trial. Why he hadn't asked for help didn't matter, any more than it mattered why he had been in foster care to begin with. What mattered was that Maria had hit him in the side of the head with a poker, and almost killed him by doing so. Everything else was just muddying the waters.

Jasper picked at the cuff of his jacket. "Because I loved her."

The courtroom fell silent, as if his words had been a shot. I glanced from juror to juror, hoping that just one of them had once been in a dysfunctional relationship, forced to live on the thin hope that things would get better.

Apparently sensing that she had gone too far, the woman changed tactics. "All right. Now you told the prosecuting attorney that you don't remember that day at all, is that correct?"

"Yes." His voice was suspicious now.

"If you don't remember what happened, how can you be sure that Maria is the one who assaulted you?"

Jasper didn't flinch. "I didn't say that she was the one who did it. I told the police that I had no idea who did it. The police were the ones who said that she was the one who hurt me." His eyes were hard, making him look far older then he actually was.

She tried gallantly to save the cross examination, thought it was clear to all of us that Jasper had outmatched her. "But to be perfectly clear, you still don't know who attacked you?"

"No."

"No further questions. Thank you for your time."

He didn't respond to her, just gave her that level, too-adult stare. It was an impressive show, but I could see the strain. Jasper was tired, and scared, and feeling pretty poorly about himself right now. He needed the adults in his life to step in and take the responsibilities away from him again. He stood, moving with exaggerated care, and left through one of the side doors. I was glad to see Esme waiting on the other side, and even gladder to see her gather him into her arms in the split second before the door closed.

I met the prosecutor's eye and nodded at him. He complied by calling a recess so Alice and I could escape and take Jasper home. Neither one of us wanted to stay and hear any more of this. Our hearts had been broken more than enough for one day. Jasper's part in the trial was over. He was performed admirably, but now it was out of our hands.

Alice had her phone out as we moved through the crowd, her small fingers dancing over the keys. "They're waiting at the car. Mom doesn't want Jasper to be hassled."

It was a good idea. Jasper was intolerant of strangers in his face on a good day, and I could only imagine what he would be like today. Due to his age at the time of the assault, he had never been publicly identified, so this was the first time anyone from the media was getting a good look at him. It was smart of Esme to take him away from all that.

As we approached, I could see Esme talking to Jasper, who was huddled pitifully in the backseat, his head down. He tried to pull away from Alice when she reached for him, but she wouldn't let him. "Come here, you dumb cootie."

He complied, nestling against her and sighing heavily. In that sigh, I heard all of the strain it was taking for him to just keep himself together. I touched his knee. "I'm very proud of you, Jasper. You did a good job and didn't let the lawyers push you around."

His hollow eyes bored into mine. He didn't think he had done a good job, I could tell. In his eyes, he was an accomplice to betrayal, forced into it by Esme and me. He was wrong, of course, and I'm sure that deep down he knew it, but right now he needed someone to take the blame for what had happened, and he wasn't quite ready for Maria to do it yet.

Alice kept up a steady prattle as we drove home, her hand never ceasing the steady stroking of Jasper's back. He tipped his head towards her, but he never really looked up from his hands, which were folded in his lap. Sitting there, he seemed to not only be mentally absent, but physically gone as well, as if I might look up and see his spirit floating somewhere around the roof of the car.

He was almost totally shut down, and the best thing for him would be a long rest, followed by a few days of relaxation. But Maria's words kept playing in my head, an infinite, taunting loop_. He's dangerous, he's dangerous, he's dangerous. Did they tell you he pulled a knife on me? He's dangerous, pulled a knife on me, he's dangerous, he's dangerous. You'll believe me, he's dangerous_.

I was still at war with myself when we made it home. Esme had turned the slow cooker on this morning, and dinner was simmering away. She had made Swiss steak, which she perceived to be Jasper's favorite. Alice drifted upstairs to grab her schoolwork, which we had gotten in advance. I heard her tell Jasper to meet her in ten minutes so they could do their work together. It was her little way of bringing him up to speed on his schoolwork without wounding his fragile self esteem.

If I was going to do this, it had to be right now. There was no time to debate it with Esme, whom I thought would probably strongly disagree with what I was about to do.

"Jasper, may I see you upstairs for a minute?"

He just looked at me, his eyes apprehensive. Something in my face was setting off warning bells, but he really had no choice, and he knew it. "I guess."

"Good. Why don't you change your clothes and meet me in my office?"

"Uh, okay." He was looking nervously from side to side, no doubt hoping that Alice would come out and save him.

Once I was in my office, I took a calming breath. Regardless of what Jasper said, it wouldn't affect his place here, or the love I was starting to feel for him, but I had to know the truth.

He tapped the door a few minutes later, then crept in nervously. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes." I decided that the best way to handle this was to come right out with it. "Jasper, before the trial started today, I ran into your former foster mother. She told me something that worried me, and I wanted to know if it was true. I didn't want to make a judgment without hearing your side of the story."

His brows drew together as he mentally went over the list of everything he could have possibly done wrong. He wasn't about to speak, though, and risk revealing something I didn't already know. "Okay. What did she say?"

"She told me that you threatened her with a knife. That sounds very out of character for you, Jasper. Did you actually do that?"

He didn't speak, but his eyes dropping away from mine was all the confirmation that I needed. My gut tightened. He had actually done it, and I had naïvely accepted a dangerous child into my home. But the thought of a knife-wielding manic didn't fit with the Jasper I knew, so I found myself repeating the question. "Jasper? Did you pull a knife on her?" My tone betrayed the depth of my shock.

His tongue darted out to lick at his lips, his usual nervous habit. He drew in a breath and held it for a count of ten, just like Felix had taught him. When he lifted up his eyes, they were totally dry and focused on me.

"Yes."


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Sorry again for the long delay. I promise I do work really hard on this story, but it's the most difficult one that I write, and requires the most research, so it takes the longest to get up and running. I do read every single review, and love all of the encouragment you gusy give me!**

**Jasper**

The air around us was electrified, making my stomach churn with fear. I should have known that he would find out eventually, no matter how hard I tried to keep it a secret. I was done for. At the bare minimum, I was out of here. Worst case scenario? I left in another ambulance. I cringed down into the chair, trying to make myself as small as possible. "I didn't mean to." Even I could hear how weak that sounded.

"What do you mean?" He was trying to keep calm, but I could tell he was pissed. Not only that, he was suddenly afraid of me. I was already afraid of him, had been even before this latest confrontation, and I could tell that this wasn't going to end well. Desperately, I looked from side to side, hoping that Esme would appear to help me. Not that I thought that she wouldn't be just as angry, but maybe they would get distracted trying to figure out how to punish me, and I would be able to escape. No one came.

"Jasper, I'm trying to understand what happened, but I can't do that without your help. Please tell me." He tried to slide a hand under my chin so he could force my face up, but I flinched back. No matter how gentle he was pretending to be, he was angry, and gentle hands didn't tend to stay that way.

I closed my eyes and tried to make my body relax. If he was going to hit me, he would do whether my eyes were open or closed. Blows always hurt more if you were tense. Just stay calm and as still as possible, and it will be over eventually. My throat was so tight I could barely breathe, much less beg him not to hurt me.

"Jasper, hey!" Now his voice was sharp, and I forced my eyes open. He looked less angry, and more worried, which could end up being a good thing. "Are you all right? You spaced out on me for a minute."

No, I hadn't. I might have appeared to be out of it, but I was nevertheless fully aware of my surroundings. However, anything that took away some of his anger was fine with me. "I'm okay." Head down, voice soft. No eye contact, nothing that might provoke more anger.

Carlisle sat down on the sofa, which made him seem a lot less intimidating then he had a minute ago. He steepled his fingers in front of his chin, and I had to fight off a crazy urge to laugh. He looked just like a James Bond villain when he did that. "I don't want to make any judgments without hearing your side of the story. Why would you pull a knife on Maria?"

I wondered if I would ever hear that name again without flinching. After a few minutes of mental debate, I decided to give him the truth. "I didn't know it was her." I wanted him to believe me, to understand that I would have rather used that knife to kill myself then kill anyone else. I had considered it then, my fingers tracing over the silvery edge, but the thought of leaving all those little kids with no one to take care of them had stayed my hand.

He made a move like he wanted to touch me again, but thought better of it. "Who did you think it was?"

"Riley." Even talking about him made my ears start ringing. It suddenly occurred to me that Carlisle wasn't going to know who Riley was, so I hastened to clarify. Anything to try and stay in his good graces. "Her boyfriend."

"You didn't like him." He didn't sound surprised, just very sad.

I didn't like admitting this part, but I wanted Carlisle to understand why I had done what I had. "I was afraid of him. He was just . . . scary." That wasn't the word I wanted, but I was blank on the one I did.

"Did he do something to you?" For the moment, at least, the knife was forgotten.

No, not exactly. I shook my head. "He was really nice at first. He showed up around mid-November, and he cooked Thanksgiving dinner for us." I had done it myself the year before, only the turkey was still raw in some places, and I got in trouble. Big trouble, not just the usual kind. I decided to leave that part of the story out. No point in telling Carlisle everything. "He was always nice."

He didn't say anything to that, just waited for me to gather my thoughts and continue. I liked it when he did that, because I felt less pressured to just blurt something out. "I think he was a pervert."

That got his attention focused on me like a laser. "Why would you think he was a pervert?"

When you do your foster parent training, they teach you how to ask questions like that. This way it was really clear that he wasn't leading me into saying something that wasn't true. I'm not really sure why they worry so much about that happening, when the truth is usually much worse than anything that you can make up.

This was also the part where things got a little bit sticky. It wasn't one single thing that Riley had done that I could point at as being wildly out of line. It was just instinct that told me to stay clear of him, and keep the little kids as far away from his as possible. "He just . . . I don't know. I didn't like the way he looked at us."

Carlisle kept watching me, waiting for me to continue. "For Christmas, he dressed up as Santa and brought us presents. Nice presents too, like really popular dolls for the girls and action figures for the boys. Name brands. He even brought presents for Pete and me, even though we hadn't been getting Santa presents for a while. But . . ." This part still creeped me out, even years later. Plus, it was humiliating. And what if Carlisle didn't believe me?

I forced the last part out in a rush. "He wanted us all to sit in Santa's lap to get our presents. The way he smiled at Pete and me when he said it, he liked it, you could tell."

His blue eyes closed, as if he was steeling himself for what I would say next. I'm not stupid; I know the statistics as well as anyone else. Nationwide, one-fifth of all children are sexually abused before they hit the age of sixteen. The number for foster kids officially hovered around three out of four. From my unofficial polling of my foster siblings, I would put the number at way, way, closer to one hundred percent. I could have told him horror stories about the things my foster siblings had told me, but I didn't. Something told me that he already knew, and that he could tell me horror stories of his own.

"He never actually tried anything, at least not with Pete or me. In a way, though, it was almost worse. He had me so paranoid trying to keep all the kids away from him that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't eat, I barely slept. I never knew if he was going to be at the house or not, but it seemed like was there all the time." The memory of those days made me feel dizzy.

"Where was Maria during all this?"

Despite everything he had found out, Carlisle still seemed to think that Maria would eventually come to my defense. "She was there. Shit, she was taking pictures of all the kids sitting in Santa's lap."

He didn't bother trying to correct my language. We were beyond that right now. "Did you tell her about Riley?"

"No." Maybe I should have, but honestly, the thought had never occurred to me. Unless she was angry for some reason, Maria was sort of a nonentity around the house. I was the parent, and the cook, and the housekeeper, not her. "She wouldn't have believed me anyway. I mean, what was I supposed to say? 'He creeps me out'?" The thought was so ludicrous that it actually made me smile.

"Anyway, after a while, he started ignoring the little kids and really focusing on Peter and me. I guess he wasn't really a pedophile, just sort of creepy. He liked them young, but teenager young, not toddler young."

Carlisle had to interrupt me there. "A man who is attracted to fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys is still a pedophile. It's still a man in a position of power using that power to manipulate boys too young to give proper consent."

Blah, blah, blah. I'd heard all of that before. What Carlisle was failing to see was that if there was a pervert lurking in the bushes, it was way better to have him looking at kids who at least stood a chance of fighting back than a three-year-old. If I said it, that would make me sound like a much better person than I actually was. I had stuck up for the little kids to Maria, and taken some of the blows when I could, but that didn't make me a good person. If I were really a good person, I would have reported Maria four years ago, the first time she decided to put her cigarette out on my forearm.

I was so busy mulling over my internal thoughts that I had lost the thread of the conversation. Carlisle hadn't, though, and he pushed me back in the present. "But we were talking about a knife."

Right, right, the knife. "I'm getting there. So, when Riley would come over, he would make little comments to me and Pete. Tell us how nice we looked, or he would put his hand on our shoulders or backs. Even if I was covered in baby spit-up, he kept saying that I was gorgeous." I stopped there, because words couldn't quite portray the hopelessness of the situation I had found myself in. Not to mention the creep factor of being stalked by a man twenty years older than you. My head was pounding, and I was suddenly unsure if I had taken my pills this morning. Please, God, don't let me stress myself into a seizure right here. All I wanted was for Carlisle to leave so I could lie down and rest.

"Then I woke up one night and he was in our room. He had knocked on the wall to wake us up, just so we would be sure that he had been there, and that he could get in any time he felt like it." My eyes blurred, but I wasn't going to give in to the tears. I needed to stay as alert as possible in these strange circumstances. All of a sudden, Carlisle, who had been nothing but kind, was acting as aggressive as Maria had. Not that I hadn't known it was coming, but it still bothered me. I had actually been starting to trust him.

He was leaning forward now, making me press back against the back of the chair. Usually he was really good about respecting my space, but the rules were different now. He wasn't thinking logically, so I had to. Anything could happen. His blue eyes bored into mine, and I knew that time was up. "Jasper, the knife." His voice was hard.

My tongue swelled in my mouth, so I blew out as hard as I could, forcing my airway open. Something told me that he wasn't going to have any sympathy for me and my plight. I understood. After all, he was just trying to protect his family against a potential threat. It was natural for him to want to keep them safe, and if I had to be removed for him to do so, so be it. I wouldn't judge him for that.

"After I saw him in our room that night, I figured I had to do something to protect myself. So I got a knife out of the kitchen. It was a little bit bigger than a steak knife, but not like a butcher knife or anything. I hid it under my pillow. I thought that if he tried to get in bed with me, that it would be the last thing he would ever try and use his dick for."

I was kind of aware that I was talking louder and louder, but I needed to make sure that he could hear me over the blood rushing in my ears. "When someone grabbed me in the middle of the night, I thought it had to be him, so I grabbed the knife and slashed at him with it. But it wasn't. It was Maria, and I came really close to cutting her, and I didn't mean to hurt her, I didn't want to hurt her, I swear, it was just that she scared me and I would have never done it if I had known it wasn't him and—"

Now I was babbling hysterically, but all of my carefully held control was gone, just like it had been severed with a knife. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and everyone in the house could probably hear me, but I was finished. In the space of a few hours, I had managed to fuck up my own life, ruin Maria's, and tear this family into little pieces.

Carlisle seemed to soften, his body moving back from mine, but it was too late for that. I hadn't realized that I was crying as well, but tears had soaked the collar of my shirt and were drying in itchy trails down my neck. The actual sobs were trapped in my chest, and I forced them to stay there. There was no way I was going to let Carlisle know just how badly he had broken me.

"Carlisle!" The voice was female and absolutely furious. "Do you mind telling me why you're terrorizing my child?" Esme must have heard my screaming, and had come in without either one of us hearing her. "Come here, precious." Her arms were held out for me.

I went to her. Not because I really trusted her, but because she was currently the lesser of the two evils. Well, for the moment, at least. There was nothing to prevent her from turning on me as quickly as her husband had, but Alice was nowhere to be found and I needed someone to be on my side right now. Her arms tightened around me. "It's all right. Carlisle, what the fuck is wrong with you? I could hear the two of you screaming from downstairs in the living room. Do you really think that this is the appropriate way to ask questions of a kid?"

The shock of hearing Esme curse unlocked my chest, and the first strangled sob forced its way out. Great, now they were fighting because of me. "I'm sorry." Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew that there was no way she was going to be able to hear them.

Sure enough, neither one of them so much as noticed. Esme was still busy chewing out Carlisle, something that made me feel unexpectedly good. She was acting like a mother ought to. One hand rubbed gently at my back. "You know what? I'll deal with you later. Just go downstairs and make a salad. Jasper, you stay here."

If I had been able to think at all, I probably would have been impressed at the way she told Carlisle off. As it was, I was too busy trying to stop the damn babyish crying that my traitorous body insisted on doing. Esme kept patting my back. "Come sit on the couch with me."

She wouldn't be so nice if she knew why her husband did what he did. I wanted to tell her the truth, to shout it at her and see her perfect fantasy of who I was crumble. Then maybe she would just leave me alone. That I understood: being banished away from the rest of the family until I could get myself under control. Even a hard knock to the head and an order to quit sniveling would have been understood. But I was lost in the face of her kindness, which was probably why I was completely unable to control myself. In fact, her words were only making me cry harder.

I put my face against her shoulder, hoping to just suffocate myself and be done with it. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I just ended fucking everything up. Esme was fighting with her husband, I had probably just sent Maria to jail, and Edward was too embarrassed to bring his girlfriend over to the house. He didn't think I knew that, but I did. The only time I was ever allowed to be around her was when we were in part of a larger group. I understood, of course, but it wasn't fair to him or Bella for him to be too worried to use his own house. The only thing I hadn't managed to ruin was my relationship with Alice, but I didn't doubt that I would. When you hung around Jasper Franklin Whitlock, it was only a matter of time.

All of these thoughts flashed through my head in an instant, but I couldn't do anything about any of them. Esme would find out the truth soon as soon as she talked to Carlisle. Undoubtedly, she would be furious, but, even worse than that, she would be disappointed in me. I just hoped that she and Carlisle would talk in private, so I wouldn't have to see her face when she found out.

The suffocation theory wasn't working out so well, but I was reluctant to move. I had no idea where Carlisle was, and I didn't want to have to face him either, so I just stayed where I was, my tears soaking through her shirt. If she would just take all of the responsibility off of me for one hour or so, I could make it. Otherwise, I was going to go crazy, sitting in on the couch in my foster father's study. Only I couldn't draw enough breath to tell her that.

Luckily, she got it without me having to tell her. She let me cry until I was down to the hiccups and choking noises before smoothing my hair back. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I shook my head once, just back and forth and she backed off. "He wouldn't have hurt you. I know that he scared the living daylights out of you, and I'm so sorry that he did that, but he would have never raised his hand to you. Believe me, though, he's going to hear about this later."

I still couldn't get my whimpering under control, but she didn't seem to mind it, so I just gave up and listened to her voice. "Sometimes Carlisle gets so caught up in things that he doesn't think before he speaks. He does love you, though, you have to believe me. He really does."

I wasn't so sure about that. I did know that Carlisle liked me just fine. He took the time to talk to me, and help me with things if I had trouble, but love me? Doubtful. I wanted her to feel like I was listening, though, so I nodded slightly.

She must have taken it as agreement, because she kissed to top of my head. "I love you, too, you know."

That I _could _believe. Esme was the sort of person who could love a rabid sewer rat if one was to show up looking for a home. She was just born to be a mother. Her every emotion was written on her face, and I could tell that she was telling me the truth. I didn't want to lie, so I didn't tell her that I loved her back. I liked her a lot, and I felt like I could actually grow to love her, but not quite yet.

I did like this, though. I liked being able to put my head down on her shoulder and not be pushed away or have her demand to know what my problem was. The hand that was still running up and down my spine was nice, too.

She didn't say anything else, just kept rubbing my back until I stopped crying. Now my head hurt and I had a bad case of the hiccups. I picked my head up and sighed miserably. I didn't have any idea what to say to her. Thanks? Don't be mad at Carlisle? Go away? All of those thoughts went through my mind, but none of them were what I really wanted to say.

Again, she stepped in for me. "Poor baby. Why don't you go rest for a little while? I'll call you for dinner. Or I could stay here, if you would prefer."

I really wanted her to stay, but her words reminded me that I wasn't the only one depending on her. If I kept her here with me, there would be no one to cook dinner and the entire family would go hungry. "No, I'll just go lay down." That sounded a little abrupt, so I gave her a shaky smile. "Thank you, though. Like, thank you a real, real lot." _For everything._

I helped her up, surprised at how wet her shirt was. I hadn't realized that I had been crying that hard. Actually, I couldn't remember the last time I had cried at all. Not in the hospital, not during court, not even when Maria had burned my arm so badly.

She gave me a soft smile of her own, and I noticed for the first time that there were tear tracks on her face, too. Had I hurt her? Or was she just sad because I was? I probably should have asked, but I didn't. I was just so tired of it all that I couldn't make my lips form the words. Instead I forced myself to look away and drag my tired body down the hall.

I wanted my own room and my own bed, but all of the sheets were on the new mattress on Emmett's floor. The thought of going in there, stripping the mattress, and then making up the bed in my room was too much, so I just curled up here. I tried not to this during the day, because the room wasn't really mine. Emmett was being really nice to let me stay here at all, and I didn't want to do anything that might cause him to revoke his permission. I didn't even have the energy to undress, so I settled for taking my shoes and socks off and curling up with an old throw. Reflexively, I groped for Frank the kiwi, and found him buried at the bottom of the blankets. I always slept with Frank under one arm. He was a reminder of Alice, the one thing in my life that I hadn't fucked up. If I couldn't sleep with her, I could at least keep one of her presents close. As exhausted as I was, it only took seconds for me to fall asleep.

I woke up confused and groggy. The room had gone completely dark, except for a light in the corner by the bed. Emmett was huddled close to it, trying to do his homework in the dim glare. My limbs felt weighted down, and I panicked for a second, before realizing that I was under a heavy comforter. I pushed it aside and sat up.

Emmett looked over, his face breaking into a wide smile. "The dead has risen! Damn, I thought you were going to sleep right through until tomorrow!"

I struggled to make sense of his words. "Whattimeizit?" The words were slurred, but Emmett seemed to understand.

He looked over at the clock on the nightstand. "11:47."

At night? Had I really been asleep for eight and a half hours? "Huh?"

"Yeah. I tried to wake you up for dinner, but you barely moved. Just sort of flopped around. It was great. Then I made you sit up and you tried to punch me. So Mom said to just leave you alone." He stood. "Anyway, there's a plate in the fridge for you. I'll go get it."

When he got to the doorway, he turned on the overhead light and studied me. "You feeling okay? You look kinda bad."

I felt kind of bad, too. My headache hadn't receded completely, and my face felt stiff and hot. Not to mention my lingering disorientation. "I think I just need to wake up."

He nodded and went on downstairs before I could call him back. I felt kind of stupid being treated like an invalid when there was nothing wrong with me but a bad headache. But he was gone and I didn't want to risk waking up the rest of the family.

While I waited for him to come back, I went into the bathroom and washed my face. I looked flushed, and there were creases form where I had lain too long in one position all across one cheek. I was looking kind of rough. The cold water woke me up a little, and my stomach started to complain loudly.

Emmett was back in just a few minutes, holding a tray with two plates of food, two cokes and two glasses of milk. At my raised eyebrows, he hastened to explain. "Well, I thought you might be lonely if I tried to make you eat all by yourself. Brothers share." He nudged the Dixie cup I was just now noticing towards me. "Pills for you. Brothers do not share that."

With all of the drama of the day, I had completely forgotten them. "Thanks." I took them with a gulp of the milk, then changed my mind and drained the glass. Nothing in the entire world had ever tasted as good as that milk did.

Seeing that I was going to eat after all, Emmett grabbed his plate and dug in. "So, what happened? Mom spent all of dinner glaring at Dad, and Alice wouldn't even kiss him goodnight. She _always_ kisses him goodnight. Did he do something to you?"

_No, I'm just a colossal fuck-up, that's all. I ruin every family I get sent to._ That probably wasn't the best thing to say, so I settled for a noncommittal shrug. "No, he just got in my face and scared me. Then I got upset and Esme came in and I was crying and she got mad at him. I guess she told Alice." I really wished she hadn't found out. Not just because I didn't want her to know about Riley and the knife, but because I didn't want to turn her against her father. That was a special relationship, and I didn't want to spoil it.

"Okay, how come he was in your face? Did the trial go wrong?" He was still chewing as he asked.

Honestly, I had been so caught up in the Cullen drama that I hadn't really had time to think about or process the Teresa drama. When I did, though, it was nearly enough to make my cry again. I had betrayed Maria, who had taken care of me for almost five years. Things had been bad a lot of the time, but not always. Sometimes we were more like a real family. "Yeah, it went wrong."

He sat back. "Did they not believe you? Did you choke? Tell me what happened, and we'll figure out how to fix it."

Emmett seemed to understand how to be a brother instinctively. He didn't ask if it was my fault, he just assumed that it wasn't. He and I were brothers by sufferings, and that made a bond maybe even stronger then one of blood. "I didn't choke, and I think that they believed me." Maybe. I hadn't been able to look at the jury box at all. I had only been able to see Alice, Carlisle, and Maria. My future, present, and past, all tied up in a neat little bow. "I just . . . it was hard seeing Maria again. I guess I never really thought that I would have to. I mean, I knew that she would be there, but . . . I guess I had hope that she wouldn't. Or that she would at least try and say something to me. But she didn't. She just gave me that 'You're in big trouble now, Jasper' look. She was just the same as before, even though she almost killed me."

As always, Emmett understood. "Sorry, dude." He took another few bites before he spoke again. "That's why I won't go and see my mom. I don't want to go and find out that she hasn't changed at all." He didn't look up as he spoke.

"Yeah, I wish I hadn't." There wasn't much more for me to say, so I focused on finishing my dinner instead. I was sopping up the last of my gravy when he spoke again. "Oh, Eddie wanted to see you if you woke up while he was still awake. He's probably still up if you want to talk to him. If not, I'll tell him you never woke up."

I didn't feel like I owed Edward the same way I did Emmett, so I took a few minutes to think about it. I was curious, though, and I finally nodded. He smiled. "Cool. I'll take the plates back downstairs if you want to go now."

"Thanks Emmett. You're, uh . . . you're a good brother." It was the first time I had referred to him, or any of the Cullens, as my family, and it felt a little strange to do so. Strange in a good way, though.

He gave me a grin that suggested he both appreciated my words and understood how difficult it had been for me to say them. "Of course. I mean, come on, I'm a prince among brothers."

His comment took the pressure off the moment and allowed me to smile back. "You're a prince among assholes." This was the sort of teasing I had missed, the sort I would have done with Peter.

"What can I say? I multitask." Emmett was a faster thinker then I was and I was forced to concede the point.

The hallway was dark when I went out into it, but I was familiar enough to navigate it without incident. After all, I had done it multiple times in my sleep. I hadn't made very many improvements with my sleepwalking, and for a period things had even gotten worse. Carlisle kept saying that it was no big deal, that it would resolve itself when it did, and getting upset about it would only make things worse, but I couldn't help but worry.

What if I hurt someone? Esme? Alice? Emmett said I had never been anything but gentle and calm during the many, many times he had been forced to chase after me, but I recognize both my own temper and the depths of my fear. I had elbowed Carlisle in the chest two weeks ago, when he tried to restrain me during a nightmare, and his chest was still bruised. He had been cool about it later, but if I could hurt him without meaning to, I could hurt anyone, including Alice.

Really, the best thing I could do for her would be to break things off right now, and allow her to find a nice normal guy. No, better then a normal guy, because she deserved perfection. Certainly she deserved better than me. But I was too selfish to let her go. I needed her in a way I had never needed anyone else, and I was going to hang on to her as long as I possibly could.

Edward's door was closed, but I could hear the soft music from inside. I tapped softly, not sure if I wanted him to answer me or not. In my experience, being singled out for a talk was never a good thing. Just look at me and Carlisle this afternoon.

As usual, luck wasn't on my side and the music stopped. "Come in."

His face relaxed when he saw that it was me instead of Esme, who would have told him to stop playing and go to bed. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

I was starting to suspect that I was going to be asked that question by every member of the family before tomorrow was over, probably multiple times. "I'm okay. Still kind of tired."

"Oh. I told Emmett not to wake you up. It's not that important." He shifted uncomfortably.

"He didn't." I was feeling a little awkward. Edward was always nice to me, but this was the first time he had really gone out of his way to seek out my company. It was unsettling, to say the least.

He started to shift again, then caught himself and held still. "Well, you see . . ." Hr stopped there and took a deep breath. "I got you a present. I was going to save it for your birthday, but I thought that maybe you might need a pick-me-up after today so I thought you might rather have it now. Also, it might need a little work, I'm not really sure." He gave me a hopeful look.

My mouth dropped open. I had seen some of the things that the Cullens considered presents, and I didn't want anyone spending that sort of money on me. But he had said that it might need work, so maybe this wouldn't be so bad. "Really?" My voice was embarrassingly excited, but, after today, I was getting very used to those feelings of humiliation.

He laughed. "Really, really. So, uh, do you want it now?"

The curiosity was nearly overwhelming. Back when I had been allowed to have Christmas presents, I had been the sort of person who would just tear into the gifts. I was more courteous now, but there was a certain thrill that never went away. "Yes."

He started to reach under the bed, the stopped. "It's not wrapped or anything, so you need to close your eyes."

I wasn't sure that I liked that idea. If my eyes were closed, he could do any number of things to me and I would never see them coming. But this was Edward, who had never given me any reason to distrust him. Of course, before this afternoon, Carlisle hadn't, either. Edward waited out my mental battle patiently, never pushing or saying a word. Finally, I closed my eyes and stretched out a hand. If it was shaking a little, neither one of us said anything about it.

There was a shuffling, and a sliding noise. "Two hands, Jasper. It's kind of heavy."

The instant he placed the case in my hands, I knew exactly what it was. My eyes flashed open, almost unable to comprehend what was happening. I ran my fingers over the rough case, staring at it in fascination. There was something inside, I could tell by the weight of it. I set the case down on the bed and flipped the latches. The instrument inside was absolutely gleaming. It didn't look like it needed fixing. Actually, it didn't even look like it had been touched.

Edward spoke up. "If you don't want it, Caius said he would take it back. I just thought . . . you said you played before, and maybe you might want to play again."

"I do. It's a great present. Thank you, Edward." I wasn't sure what else to say. Just 'thank you' didn't seem like enough, and certainly didn't express how grateful I really was, but I had no idea how to express what I really did feel. I didn't like to hug unless the situation was dire, and he probably wouldn't want to be hugged anyway. I just wasn't a fan of touching, unless it was Alice. I always wanted to be touched by Alice.

The boyish smile spread across his face, and I felt like he understood what I was trying to say. "It's cool. Maybe once you get it tuned up, we could play something together."

"Great." I touched the strings, running my fingers lightly across them. They were out of tune, but that could be fixed easily enough. I picked the guitar up and cradled it against my chest. "Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah." He grinned against and gestured to the door. "Listen, I hate to kick you out, but I still have homework to do."

Even though I knew that Emmett was still awake and waiting for me to come back, I took a detour and went back to my room to think. Edward had always been the family member I understood the least. Emmett and Rose were my friends, Alice was my girlfriend, and Carlisle and Esme were the parents. Those there all roles I understood (with the exception of the girlfriend part, of course, but I thought I was doing a pretty good job of figuring that out.). Edward, on the other hand, didn't fit anywhere. He certainly didn't have any power over me, and I wasn't about to date him, which should have put him in the friend category, same as Emmett and Rose.

But he wasn't. Even now, I couldn't force myself to fully trust him, or even to trust him much at all. We were acquaintances more than anything. We spoke, and did each other favors, abut that was about it. I would have defended him, and I thought he would have defended me, too, if it came to that, but we weren't friends. Except now he had done this. If this wasn't an offer of friendship, nothing was.

I supposed I could have consulted Emmett for his opinion, after all, he had never steered me wrong before, but it seemed a little strange to ask a question like that about his own brother. Ditto for Rose and Alice. Before today, I might have asked Carlisle, but I didn't think it would be a good idea to ask anything of him for a very long time. Maybe ever.

"You change your mind?" Emmett had approached without me hearing him, and was leaning up against the doorframe of my room. "'Cause I'm turning off the lights, so unless you want to stumble around in the dark or sleep in here, get your ass in gear." He looked past me, at the guitar on the bed. "Oh, is that what he wanted?"

"Yeah." I probably should have said more, but I was still so surprised that nothing was coming to mind.

"Cool. I know he's been saving it. So, is it a good one? Caius told him that it was, but Caius wouldn't know the truth if it bit him in the ass. At least not according to Rosie, and she had classes with him when she was a senior."

I snapped the case shut, gently laying it on the floor, so I didn't have to risk it falling off the bed. "It's one of the best. Edward picked out a really great present. I'm just not sure why he gave it to me."

"You'll figure it out. Come on, one of us has school in the morning." He put a hand on my back and pushed. "Let's go."

I went along, even thought I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I had a hard enough time settling as it was, and it was nearly impossible for me to relax when I got all keyed up like this.

Still, my night vision sucked and I didn't want to risk slamming into any of the various objects scattered around Emmet's floor. "All right."

If nothing else, I could sneak back in here after he fell asleep. I couldn't play without waking the rest of the family up, but just being able to look at the guitar and touch it gently was enough for now.

I curled up on my mattress, making myself as comfortable as possible. I was scared, and tired, and still unsure about everything that had happened today. One thing was sure, though. I couldn't trust Carlisle now. Period. I could still trust Esme, at least a little. Maybe. After all, she was Carlisle's wife first, and the other kids' mom second, and my foster mom third. Distant third. So probably not Esme, either.

But I still had Alice. Emmett said that she was pissed at Carlisle, so she was picking me over him, at least for right now. It made me sad that they were fighting because of me, but I needed at least one person in the house on my side. Anyway, it as only for another few weeks. Then, I was out of here.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I know, another long delay. But I'm almost finished with the next chapter, so it shouldn't be as long. Thanks for all the reviews, and a special thanks to my long-suffering beta reader, The Sound and the Fury, who had to beta this chapter twice after I created rather large plot hole.**

**Emmett**

"You can't do that." The voice wasn't very loud, but it woke me up anyway. Fuck, again? "No, you aren't supposed to. Because that's what the court said. You can't do that."

I groaned and flopped a hand over the edge of the bed to try and pat his back. Sometimes I could cut him off right there and he would behave for the rest of the night. Otherwise he was next to impossible to settle.

But my hand passed through empty air. Shit, if he was already up and sleepwalking, I was in for it. He never hits or anything when he sleepwalks, but he's stubborn and doesn't always go back to bed when you want him to. Sometimes I follow him around for a while, just to see what he's up to. Usually it's nothing. He just walks around a little, and talks to himself, and then either lies down or comes back to bed. I always try to get him back to bed, because he'll just flop over in the hallway or the bathtub, and I'm always afraid someone will step on him in the morning. Or, worse, he'll get a peek at my girl naked.

I love the guy, but not enough to share Rose with him, even if it's only his eyes that touch her.

With a heavy sigh, I sat up and got ready to do a little midnight Jasper-chasing. I swear the guy has no idea what I go through for him on a regular basis.

Then again, when I think about everything Jasper has had to go through on a regular basis, getting up once a night doesn't seem so bad. Even when—Oh, sweet! Jasper hadn't even stood up yet. He was just balanced on his knees, talking to the wall. I leaned over and grabbed his shoulder. "Bedtime, Bro."

You have to say it just right with Jasper, or he gets all stubborn on you. I must have sounded way too demanding, because his head jerked around and looked straight at me. Except it wasn't really at me, more like through me, like I was some sort of ghost. It's kind of creepy, but I'm used to it by now. Plus, the way Jasper looks at you sometimes when he's awake is creepy, too.

"You're not the boss, either." He sounded like a kid when he said that, which was good. He needed to sound like a kid sometimes.

Also? This was great. Sometimes you could have a whole conversation with him when he was like this, and who would have thought that Jasper could be funny? "Who _is_ the boss, then?"

"Carlisle. He's the boss and we listen to him." Then he gave me a quick grin, only I think the smile was more for himself, just aimed in my direction. "Just on the outside, though, never on the inside."

It would be funny, except it wasn't. It would have been funny if it were Alice, or Rosie, or even Edward. Someone who I knew didn't mean it and was just being playful.

But it's not funny with Jasper. He had just flat out told me that the only reason he listened to Carlisle was because he knew he had to. Not because he loved him, not because he trusted him, not even because he really respected him, just because he knew he had to. What did he think would happen if he didn't?

I knew the answer to that, of course. Beatings, getting burned, being thrown out of the house, even death. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't like that here, but I knew that he wouldn't believe me even if I did. I knew because I'd already tried it like a million times.

The worst part was, I almost had him believing me. Even though all of this bad shit had happened to him, Jasper was still hopeful that, this time, it would be better. He'd been here long enough to see almost all of us acting like bitches and spoiled brats, and to see that nothing much happens to us.

Then the trial came and Dad had to go and act like a huge asshole and undo all of my hard work. The worst part is, I'm still not really sure what happened. Everyone thinks that they know, but everyone knows something different. If you believe Rose, Carlisle all but mauled Jasper up in that study. I tell her that I do believe her, but I really don't. She'll always blame Carlisle, because he's the adult man. Whether it's really his fault or not, she always makes it like it is.

Edward, on the other hand, blames Jasper for getting out of control and freaking out. But he has the opposite problem. He never blames Carlisle, because he's a total Daddy's boy and he can never admit that Carlisle can do anything wrong.

Mom doesn't say anything except that it's a matter between Jasper and Dad, and that it's been resolved, so quit asking me about it, Emmett. She doesn't pretend that it didn't happen, but she won't tell us anything, either.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. Way, way more than I love my first mom, who was kind of a selfish bitch. I still love her, because I came out of her, and I think she did try to take care of me. I just don't think she knew how to do it, and she wasn't willing to learn. But as much as I love Esme, sometimes she has no idea what she's talking about. If things had been resolved, I wouldn't have to get up with Jasper every single night.

Dad doesn't say jack shit about what happened, but he feels terrible, whatever it was. That's how I know that Edward's wrong, and it was partly Dad's fault. See, I might look stupid, but I can put the clues together when I feel like it.

Alice isn't sure who to blame, or even if she should be blaming anyone. Of everyone, she's the one I agree with the most. Jasper hates it when people get too close to him, and Dad can be a little in your face without meaning to. And once things start, Jasper doesn't know how to tell someone to back off. He thinks he just has to take it, which is what he does. Except he can only take it for so long, and he ends up freaking out. I've been working on him standing up for himself, but it's really hard to teach a guy to do something in just a few months when he's been taught not to for his entire life.

Speaking of Jasper, he had just climbed to his feet. "Hey, Jas, don't do that." I tried not to sound so bossy, hoping that I wouldn't have to get up.

"Why? I'm hungry and I want some eggs." He sat down and went back to staring through me.

Yeah, because I was really going to let him sleepwalk his way down to the kitchen and play with a hot stove. But if I said that, he would get huffy and storm down there anyway. So I tried a different tack. "I'll make us some omelets, no problem. But why don't we talk first?"

"Sure. Do you know you have a giant bird on your shoulder? I think it's an emu." He reached out and made a swishing motion. "You know that thing will crap on you if you don't get it off."

See what I mean about him being funny? I brushed the air about four inches above my left shoulder. "Did I get it?"

He gawked at me. "It's on your _other_ shoulder, Emmett." His tone suggested that he didn't think I was very bright.

At least he knew who I was. I'd been called everything for Peter to Aiden to Shelby when he got like this. I brushed my other shoulder. "How's that?"

His glassy eyes tracked something down to the floor. "I don't want it to peck me."

This was the first time an emu had made an appearance in our nighttime chats, and I was having trouble keeping from cracking up. I grabbed my pillow and swung it through the empty space a few times. "Go on! Go on, you evil emu!" I looked over at Jasper, who was watching me with a goofy smile. "Is he gone?"

"He's gone. Maybe he'll peck Carlisle." Then suddenly he was laughing hysterically, doubled over on the floor. "Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck!"

Even though he was being kind of mean, I had to laugh, too. Jasper doesn't laugh very often, and he never laughs like this when he's awake. Alice can make him laugh, at least most of the time, but it's always just a chuckle or two. This was a full out belly laugh. And it was kind of contagious. It would be really fun if Jasper laughed more often.

When I finished, I realized that he had gotten really quiet. I leaned over the side of my bed and, sure enough, he was passed back out on the floor. That was the weird part about his sleepwalking and sleeptalking episodes. He could be talking to you one second, and right back to sleep the next. But I'm a big believer in looking on the bright side, and at least I didn't have to get up with him tonight. "Night, dude."

The next morning was Saturday, which usually meant we all got to sleep in. But today we were going across the border so we could go camping. It was later than we usually went, but we'd had to go through all of this bullshit with Social Services before we could take Jasper across state lines. Usually a foster kid's biological parents can tell us we can't do it, but Jasper didn't have any. That should have made it easy, right? All we should have to do was tell Social Services where we were taking him, just in case, and off we'd go.

Of course it wasn't that easy. First they dragged their feet until we missed the first date. Then they didn't want him to go because they were concerned he would have a seizure and be several hours away from medical care. Apparently it doesn't matter that Jasper's meds work really well, and that he doesn't need to be taken to the hospital after his seizures, and that, oh yeah, Dad's a doctor! If it were me in charge, I would have told them that Jasper wouldn't _have_ seizures if they had been paying attention and hadn't let his old foster mom bash his head in.

Dad kept trying, but no one wanted to let Jasper go with us. They kept telling us to send him to respite, which is kind of like babysitting for foster kids. The problem was, most foster parents won't take teenage boys, especially ones with medical problems. The only home that was willing to do it was three hours in the other direction.

Plus, how was Jasper supposed to feel like he was part of the family if we dumped him off somewhere any time the rest of us got to do anything fun? That's just mean.

Finally, Dad went all the way up to the top guy, and reminded him that not only had he taken Jasper when no one else would, but that he was a very important man in the community and did a lot for the foster system without any compensation. Wouldn't it be tragic if family circumstances forced him to stop doing that?

They changed their tune really quickly after that, and now Jasper was allowed to come, which was going to be cool. He'd never camped before, and had only spent a few nights outside. Mostly those were nights that Maria put him out of the house for some reason, but that was just between me and him.

Mom came in and woke us up at the buttcrack of dawn, which is always the worst part of the trips. Everyone's stumbling around and everyone's cranky and even though we always decide who's driving and where everyone's going to sit in the car the night before, no one remembers or likes their assigned spot. Today it was supposed to be Dad driving the SUV with me, Rose, Jasper, and Alice. We'd also have the three tents. Then Mom, Bella, and Edward were taking the little car and the rest of our gear.

Jasper and I were side by side at the bathroom sink, both brushing our teeth, when the first argument broke out. His balance is still a little off first thing in the morning, so he was leaning against me, his hip and shoulder touching mine. At Edward's raised voice he startled and spun, nearly falling over. I grabbed him by the shirt, which meant I smeared toothpaste all down the side of his arm. He glared at me, but craned his neck to see what was going on.

Today's episode of Cullen vs. Cullen was the result of Edward wanting to ride with Dad, because the SUV had a better sound system. I was hoping that Dad would tell him no way, because I didn't want to spend the next seven hours listening to classical shit.

By the time we had both spat and rinsed our mouths, Rosie was shouting that she would gladly trade places so she could ride with Esme. Jasper perked up. "Me, too. I'll trade!"

Lucky he didn't say it very loud, because that wasn't going to happen. We had specifically arranged it so Jasper would have to spend time with Dad. Well, not _with_ with him, but at least in the same car. That way they had to be close, but Jasper would still feel totally safe, since there was no way for Dad to try and touch him. It was a little thing, but we had to start over with them. Rose wanted to trade with Edward because she didn't really want to be with Dad either, but that's normal.

It didn't take long for it to all get worked out. And by that I mean Dad told Edward that spots had been decided the night before and we weren't changing things now.

I nudged Jasper. "Grab your little bag."

We were in the car and ready to go by 5:12, which had to be some kind of record. Dad did a quick double check that we had all packed our little things, like toothbrushes and medication and deodorant (Geez, forget it one trip and the family never lets you forget it again), and we took off.

Rose was riding shotgun and acting as the navigator. I was in the far backseat, sneaking the Doritos that I had hidden under the seat the night before. Jasper and Alice had the middle seat, which meant I had a pretty good view of what they were doing.

And just so we're clear, I'm not one of those creepy guys who stares at other couples and jerks off or something. It's just that Jasper's my boy and all, but he has the social skills of a monkey. Alice doesn't always know the difference, and most of the time I don't think she cares when she does notice, but I usually try to head off his social problems at the pass.

Too bad there wasn't much to see today. Jasper had his head on Alice's shoulder, and, judging by the soft snoring, he had gone back to sleep. Lucky dude.

Since there was nothing else for me to look at, I kept watching them and thinking. Alice ran her fingers through Jasper's hair and down his neck, over and over again. It was kind of hypnotizing.

It was also kind of weird. Alice doesn't touch men, except for Dad. She doesn't even really like touching Edward or me very often, especially since we're not kids any more, and we've been siblings for, like . . . always. Well, it feels like always, but it's really only six years for me and eight for Edward.

But she touches Jasper. Light, gentle touches, rubbing his back or stroking his hair, but she touches him all the same. And let me tell you, she's wanting to touch a whole lot more than his back.

No one else in the family wants to think about it, but it's true. Alice is seventeen years old, for God's sake! When I was seventeen . . . well, when I was seventeen I had already been sleeping with Rosalie for a year, but that's not the point. The point was that I wanted to have sex, bad. So does she.

Yeah, I noticed. And, yeah, it's super gross to think about your sister wanting to have sex, but not thinking about it doesn't make it not true. I've seen the way she looks at Jasper when she doesn't think he can see her. She totally checks out his chest and ass. She sometimes also puts her hand under his shirt when she rubs his back. I know that those are tiny little things, but considering that this was Alice and Jasper, those things are pretty huge.

It was probably time I had another man-to-man talk with Jasper about sex. I don't think he knows much, and he'd die before he'd ask Dad anything. He could try asking Edward, but I think he and the Last American Virgin are going to have a tough time without some outside help. Just saying.

Actually, I might be able to nail two birds with one stone this weekend. By the way? Pun definitely intended. Since our family was too big and way too old to all fit in one tent, we now had three. Mom and Dad slept in the tiny one, then Rose and Alice shared a larger one, and Jasper, Edward and I had the biggest one.

Edward had been desperate to invite Bella, which was a whole new can of worms. Charlie hadn't been too excited about the thought of his baby girl spending a weekend with her boyfriend and his family, whom Charlie hardly knew.

In the end, though, Dad charmed him. Dad charms everyone, except for Jasper and Rose. We were supposed to call and update him every night, and I was sure Bella had to promise her father the moon and stars, but we were officially a family of eight for this trip instead of a family of six. I would've thought that it would be weird, but it felt kind of right.

Around nine, Rosie's cell phone buzzed, which meant that Mom and Edward were ready to stop for breakfast. Sweet; my Doritos were gone and I was starving! Alice woke Jasper, who startled and looked around groggily. She giggled and tapped him on the nose. "Breakfast, silly."

He didn't exactly giggle back, but he did laugh a little. That boy was über-whipped, which meant I really needed to have that talk with him. Rose gave me a parent kiss, which is the kind you give someone when you have an audience. If we don't, Dad starts blabbing about things like 'decency' and 'lewd behavior' and it kind of kills the mood.

Once we had ordered seven buffets and all sat down to eat, Edward made a second ploy to ride with Dad. Again he got turned down, which led to a spirited debate about the quality of the sound systems in American versus foreign-made cars. Normally I would have been all about that, but I was too busy watching Jasper to contribute much.

At home, it's a fight to get Jasper to eat enough. He'll eat whatever you put on his plate, at least most of the time, but he doesn't really ever seem hungry. He just eats because that's what you do when someone puts food in front of you. He never asks for seconds, but he'll eat them if you offer.

Looking at him, you would think that he doesn't have taste buds, either. He never tells you that he doesn't like something, even when he should. It took almost three weeks for Mom to notice that Jasper had to force himself not to gag when he ate fish. Further questioning revealed that he couldn't stand fish, but didn't want to make Mom mad by refusing it. To Jasper, it was better to make himself sick then risk angering the adults in the house.

Mom reassured him that she would be glad to make extra sides on fish nights for him, and that all he had to do was tell her he strongly disliked something and it wouldn't be put on his plate, but he seemed afraid to try that out.

Today, though, when presented with as much food as he could hold, plus enough for everyone else in the restaurant, he was eating like a horse. Plenty of bacon, French toast, and even those gross scrambled eggs you always get at buffets. He might even have been eating more than me, which might be some kind of record. Good; he was scrawny as hell and an extra ten pounds wouldn't hurt him any.

Hopefully he wouldn't get carsick, though. Edward used to get nasty carsick when he was younger, and there's just something about seeing or hearing someone else hurl that always makes me want to puke, too. I'm a big guy, but I have the stomach of a little girl.

We were almost done eating when Rose leaned over and wrapped her arm around Jasper's shoulders. "Jasper? Can I ask a favor of my favorite brother?"

She made sure that she said it loud enough for Edward to hear. He glanced over at Mom and Dad, to make sure that they weren't looking, then flipped her off. From the wince that suddenly crossed his face, I'm pretty sure that she kicked the shit of out him under the table.

Luckily, Jasper didn't notice. He loves Rosie, and I mean he _loves_ her. Not like he loves Alice, but like Rosalie's his second (or third, or fourth, or fifth. Shit, I don't know how many moms Jasper's had by now) mom or something. Way, way more than he likes Esme. I wish I knew how she won his trust like that, so things would be easier for the rest of us. He would do anything for her, so I knew he would do whatever she asked.

Sure enough, he was staring adoringly at her and nodding. "Sure."

"I've got a little bit of a headache, and I'd like to be able to lie down for a while. Do you think you could take over the navigating duties for a little while? Alice gets nauseous if she reads a map in the car, and Emmett isn't allowed to do it after he drove us three hours in the wrong direction one time."

Did she have to tell him everything? I was trying to be a cool big brother here, and she should know better than to bring up the great '06 disaster.

As much as he loved Rose, Jasper did balk a little at the thought of being put in the front seat with Dad. He visibly squirmed. "I don't know how to read a map, so I'd probably get us way more lost than Emmett did."

"Please, Jas?" She gave him her most pitiful look and he nodded. There isn't a man alive who can stand up to Rose's sad eyes.

"I guess I could learn how. I mean, it can't be that hard, right? I'll trade seats with you." He said it in a nervous rush.

That's Rose for you. Everyone else was just going to let Jasper and Dad dance around each other, but she would actually make them interact. God, I love that girl.

As it turned out, Jasper was a pretty good navigator. He notices everything, all the time, so he doesn't get all distracted like the rest of us do. Dad spoke softly, and was very careful to never reach for him, but he heaped on plenty of praise. Even though I could tell he didn't really want to, Jasper was softening a little bit towards him. Hey, everyone likes getting complimented.

Since we didn't get lost this time, we actually made it to the campsite with enough time to spare. That was awesome, because if we got the tents set up fast enough, we might have some extra time to swim before we made dinner. Wait, could Jasper swim? I could teach him if not.

Like I've said before, I'm a prince among brothers.

Of course, it didn't actually happen that way. We were each supposed to set up our own tent, which is always kind of a race between us. Rose said that it wasn't fair because there were three of us boys now and we were so much bigger and stronger than them. Like life is fair, anyway.

Except it was really just me doing all the work. Eddie's kind of useless when it comes to this stuff, and Jasper had never done anything like this before. He tried, but I was the one who got everything together.

Mom and Dad won the tent race, which meant that they didn't have to do the crappy jobs like getting firewood and digging the latrine. They decided to go for a walk together instead. Joke's on them, since if they have to be all mushy and gross, we'd rather they be anywhere but around us.

Since the girls were chicks, they got the easy jobs, like unloading the food from the car and making a fire pit. Funny how they're strong and capable women ninety-nine percent of the time, but the minute they have to do something hard, they're screaming for one of us to do it. It must rock to be a girl.

I made Edward start in on the latrine, since it was his fault we didn't get done faster. He bitched a little, but I ignored him. "Jasper, come on, we're getting the firewood."

I didn't bother to look and see if he was following me, since I was sure that he was. Jasper will go along with anything, whether it's a good idea or not.

I made sure we were far enough away from the campsite that we wouldn't be overheard before I got around to asking what I really wanted to. "So, how are things with Alice?"

He blushed and shrugged his shoulders. "Good."

I waited, but apparently that was all he was going to say. "How was your date the other night?"

"Good." This time he must have gotten that I was looking for a little more, because he tried again. "She said I was really cute and creative, and she liked everything."

Jasper had spent two weeks ago in a panic, trying to figure out what to do about a date with Alice. He didn't want to do a double date, and he didn't want me to drive them and drop them off, and he didn't want anyone's help in deciding what to do. He wanted to plan it all himself.

It's actually a good thing that he has some pride and self-confidence, even if it does drive me crazy sometimes. Not that I actually had any good suggestions for him, but I would have at least tried. In the end, though, Jasper decided he would make Alice a picnic lunch, then take her on a walk up to a little lake on the property. Rose helped him make the lunch sandwiches, and I kept everyone distracted while they were gone. Mom and Dad have suddenly figured out that Alice isn't a baby any more, and they don't exactly like her and Jasper spending a lot of time together unsupervised. I could have told them that they were too late with this one, but it never hurts to let your parents think they're the ones in charge every once in a while.

Not that I thought Jasper and Alice were having sex. It was too early and they were both too scared. But they would. Not tonight, or next week, or maybe even six months from now, but eventually. Since Jasper was only slightly less repressed than Edward, I probably still had a while, but the sex was happening, whether anyone wanted to acknowledge it or not.

And let's face it: When it comes to sex? I am the MAN! I could tell Eddie and Jasper things that would shock them so badly they wouldn't be able to look at their girlfriends for a week. Positions, toys, tricks for not getting caught—I knew them all, and I was willing to share my wealth of knowledge with my brothers, whom I loved so very much. Plus it's fun to watch Edward turn purple.

"That's great. Did you kiss her?" I wanted him to be comfortable telling me things, but we were still in the stage where I had to give him a little nudge every once in a while.

"Yeah." He smiled big enough that I could see the dimple on one side. "A bunch of times. And I, uh . . ." He trailed off and made a few embarrassed gestures with his hands. "Never mind, it's private."

Normally I would agree, but I this was all part of the beautiful dance of helping my bro out but not having to hear him get to graphic about groping my sister. Plus, I had to make sure that he wasn't pushing things. He might not know how to say no to someone, but neither does Alice. She'd let a man use her because it wouldn't occur to her that he can't do that. "You did what?"

"I, um . . . I put my hand under her shirt." He must have seen my eyes get big, because he started babbling right away. "Not on her boobs! I swear, I didn't touch her boobs. I didn't even touch her bra! Just on her stomach, I promise!"

"Easy, dude, it's okay. I'm not Dad, and I'm not going to be upset." If I didn't stop him here, he might go into a total panic attack, and I didn't want to explain that to Dad. "What did she say when you did that?"

"Nothing." His ears were so red I could have used them as road flares. "But I think she liked it. I wouldn't make her do anything that she didn't like."

Usually, Jasper's the most mature kid in the house. Way more mature than me, and probably even a little more than Rose. If Dad threw him out on his ass tomorrow, he would know how to cook for himself, and clean, and could probably figure out most of what he needed to get by. Plus, he just has this way about him that makes you want to trust him and put him in charge.

Sometimes, though, it gets smacked home just how little he actually knows about some things. He's seventeen years old, almost eighteen, and he's never been to second base. That's really, really, sad. I patted his shoulder. "It's fine. I'm sure you're doing everything right."

He gave me a tentative smile. "I don't know. Sometimes I think so, but then I think that she deserves to be treated like a princess, and I don't think I can do it."

See? This was one of those times when he needed his big brother to teach him how to handle a woman. "I wouldn't say that in front of her. If you say that, all she'll hear is that you can't treat her the way she deserves, which she'll take to mean you think she should be treated poorly. Trust me on this one, there's nothing you can say that won't make her feel like crap. She loves you, dork, and you love her back. Quit worrying about who's good enough for who."

He still didn't look convinced, so I sat down, gesturing for him to do the same. "Look, Jas, I gotta be honest with you here. We're guys, which automatically means that we aren't good enough for our ladies. You think I'm good enough for Rosie? Hell, no! Look at me: I'm twenty and still in high school! I've failed two grades, and I've been close to failing another one. I'm clumsy and I'm way too big. She's like a goddess. But if I actually told her that, she'd kick my ass. Trust me, dude, chicks have this crazy ability to see the cool parts of us that we don't know are there."

"So just let her do whatever she wants?"

I gave him a hearty thump on the back. "Now you've got it." I compared his armload of sticks to mine. "That should be enough for a first load. Let's get back and see what the girls are up to." If I played this exactly right, we would have the wood gathered and still be back before Mom and Dad. Then Rose and I could sneak off for a little walk of our own. And by 'walk,' I mean 'booty call.'

The cooler was resting in between the three tents, and the fire pit was a perfect circle when we got back. Both Alice and Rose ran over to us like we were some sort of conquering heroes returning with the day's hunt, instead of just some sticks. Bella looked around hopefully for Edward, and hung back when she didn't see him. Jasper shuffled his load and held out a flower that he had managed to pick on the way back. "This is for you."

Alice all but swooned, and Rose shot me an evil glare. I gave the glare right back to Jasper, who was totally ignoring me. Okay, after Sex Ed, we needed to have a talk about not showing your brother up. Because, dude? _Weak._

Though I had to give the boy some props for romance. Especially since he was probably going to be the only one getting a chance for it tonight.

Rose leaned over and kissed Jasper on the cheek. "You are _so_ romantic. I wish that _my_ boyfriend was romantic like that."

And there went the booty call. Damn. But there's no point in crying over missed opportunities, so I pulled out a deck of cards instead. "Come on Jas, I'll teach you how to play Rummy."

We were two games in when Edward came back, all sweaty and gross. "Thanks for the help, you assholes."

"We got the firewood, you dug the latrine. Everyone had a job, and you had to do yours. Do you want me to deal you in next hand?"

He accepted defeat. "Sure."

By the time Mom and Dad got back, all six of us were battling it out. Jasper and Rose were working together, using some weird system of hand signals and shoulder movements. I would call it cheating, but I don't think that there's any rule against there being teams in Rummy.

We made hot dogs for dinner, and it was great. No one fussed about the mosquitoes, no one complained about the amount of calories in the hot dogs, and, best of all, no one fought. Even Rose and Edward were polite.

Afterward, we had s'mores. Can you believe that Jasper had never toasted a s'more before? Of course, that meant that we had to toast the entire bag of marshmallows, just so he could taste everything from a marshmallow that was barely browned to one that had been lit on fire and burned black. He liked the one that was dark, but not charcoaled.

The entire time we were making dinner and having dessert, Dad was explaining things to Jasper about what we were doing. The rest of us already knew about fire safety, and basic camping skills, except maybe for Bella, but we listened along. Jasper pretended that he wasn't paying any attention, but I knew that he was.

Finally, it was time to retire to our tents. Dad made sure that Jasper took his pill, and we laid out our sleeping bags. No one said anything about it, but Edward and I made sure that Jasper was in the middle. Just in case he needed anything, we would both be there.

I waited until the lights in Mom and Dad's tent went out before I sat up. I knew that my brothers were both awake by their breathing. I leaned over and poked Jasper. "Get Eddie."

He passed the poke along. "Edward, Emmett wants you."

He rolled over, all grumpy and making a pissy face. "What?"

"Sit up. You, too, Jasper. We have to have a bro talk. And keep it quiet; we don't need the girls to hear us."

They both groaned and grumbled, but they did sit up. Jasper scrubbed at his eyes and Edward propped himself up against the side of tent. "What are we having a talk about?"

I was only going to get one chance to punk them both, so I waited until they were both focused on me. Then I grinned at them. "Sex."

There was no other word in the English language that could have caused the effect that it had on them. Jasper stiffened up and froze, his eyes going so wide that I could see my reflection in them. Edward turned purple (told ya so!) and squawked, "What?"

"Sex. Intercourse. Fucking. Making the beast with two backs. Wrangling that dangle. Shagging. Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. The horizontal mambo. Do I need to keep going?"

"No!" Trust Edward to recover his voice first. "Why would you want to tell us this?"

"Because the two of you need to know. Of course, I could always get Dad to give you the lecture . . ."

He gave a big prissy sniffle. "Thank you for thinking of us, but neither one of us wants to hear it. Do we, Jasper?"

"Actually, I kind of do." Jasper's fingers were sunk so deeply into Frank's fur that they were all but invisible. "I don't want Carlisle to do it."

Now that it was two against one, Edward crumbled. "This is wrong."

"No, it isn't. This is practically tradition, with the older brother passing his knowledge down to the younger brothers. Sit back, ladies, and let the master share his tricks. Now, tell me how far you've gotten. You first, Jasper."

He squirmed. "Didn't we just talk about this?"

"Well, yeah, but we were talking about just that one date, not in general. Besides, Eddie wasn't there, and he needs to know, too. This is the honestly tent, and there are no secrets here." Yeah, I watched a _lot_ of Dr. Phil while I was suspended.

"Itouchedherbra." Jasper said it as fast as he could. "Just the bottom of it, but I felt it."

Well, he hadn't mentioned that little tidbit the first time around. I sifted through my mental files to remember the first time I had groped a girl's bra. I think I was about thirteen. "Good. See, Eddie, we're all going to share. Now tell me about you and Bella."

"Not that far. Just kissing." He looked down as he spoke.

Really, Eddie? I mean, Jasper and Alice at least had an excuse. His only excuse was that he's kind of a prude. But I was here to educate, not act like a jerk, so I nodded at him. "Good. So we're starting from the beginning with both of you. You do get the basics, right?"

"Insert penis tab 'A' into vagina slot 'B,' got it." Jasper chuckled a little to break up the tension in the tent.

See what I mean about him having a sense of humor? "All right, at least you know that much."

Edward didn't laugh. Actually he didn't even seem to be listening to us. And when Eddie-boy is silent, that usually means that he's trying to figure out how to say what he wants to. "Something you want to share?"

"I think Bella wants more. She's kind of pushing for it."

Well, _duh_. Bella was probably dying of repressed lust. "Do _you_ want more?"

"Kind of." He was doing that squirming thing that meant it was more than kind of. I wish he would just talk sometimes, because he really looked like a toddler that needed to pee.

"If you want more and she wants more, how come you aren't giving her more?" Jasper's voice was quiet, but curious.

"I . . . I don't want to suck at it. She's expecting something awesome, and I have no idea what I'm doing."

Never mind what I said about Jasper being the naïve one around here. Edward was worse. "Of course you're going to suck at it! Everyone sucks at it the first time. Even I sucked at it the first time. Of course, now I'm an expert, but the first time never goes as smoothly as you want it to. Which is why I keep telling you to get it out of the way now."

"But I want to respect her. Girls don't like a guy who's pushy." He was grasping at straws and he knew it.

"Girls also don't like a guy who doesn't listen to what they want. If she wants more, and you don't want to give it to her, you have to be honest about that. Anything else is _dis_respectful of her and her feelings." For once I sounded pretty darn smart.

"How do you know what she wants, though?" Jasper poked at my arm. "Do you just ask or something?"

"In your case, yes. Remember, Alice is my beloved baby sister, and if you make her cry, I will make you cry. That is not negotiable. She's been through a lot, so you need to be extra careful." It was up to Alice herself to tell him about the rape, and I couldn't force it.

"I already know about all of that." He was nodding to himself. "But I get you, just ask her."

Thank God she had already told him. "Eddie, you can just go for it. Believe me, if a girl doesn't want to, she'll let you know. Probably with a good slap to the face, but don't worry about it. It'll make a man out of you."

They were both staring at me now, totally enraptured, which meant I had to move quickly. "Let's start with safety. There is no excuse for not using protection. None. Neither one of you wants or needs a baby in your lives. And there may come a day when you want to sleep with other women, and, believe me, neither one of you wants me to pull out the pictures of what an STD will do to your junk."

"I've seen them." Edward spoke up quickly. "Believe me, Jasper, they're bad."

"I've seen them, too. Sex Ed is mandatory, and I was actually in school that week. It was horrible."

Oh, no, my dear brothers. Horrible was about to happen. "Good, so you both understand why protection is important. Now, do either one of you actually know how to use it?"

"No." They spoke simultaneously.

"Don't worry, I'll show you." I pulled out my little bag. "I've been planning this for a while."

I held out the foil square in one hand and ripped it open. "This is a condom. It comes all rolled up like this." In my other hand, I produced a banana. "All you have to do is figure out which way it rolls out, and there you go." I rolled the condom onto the banana smoothly. Trust me, I get plenty of practice. Like, ten times a week worth of practice. I am, after all, a stud."

Neither one of them said anything, though Jasper did make a little 'huh' noise in the back of this throat. Then he grinned. "Can I have the banana when you're done with it? I'm kind of hungry."

"In due time, Grasshopper." I held the banana out. "Now, these things come in different sizes. If you get it too big, it'll fall off or won't protect you. If it's too small, you're going to strangle your dick to death."

"If you tell us to drag our . . . penises out to be measured, I'm out of here. I'll go sleep in Mom and Dad's tent tonight." Edward sounded horrified, but I wasn't sure whether it was because of what I said or because he had to say the word 'penis.'

"No one in this tent wants to see your junk, bro. I'm just letting you know this for research purposes. Figuring out what size fits is all you. Now, when you're done, you have to make sure the condom doesn't fall off when you're pulling out. If it does, you're going to have to drive three towns over to _their_ ER so no one tells Dad what you've been up to." That, by the way, was one of the more embarrassing nights of my life. "Tie the thing shut, and throw it away. Do not flush it or it might clog the pipes. Are the two of you getting all this, or should I write it down?"

They both mumbled that they got it, so I tossed Jasper the banana. "Break me off a piece of that, will you?"

He offered some to Edward as well, but was gently refused. _Come on, Eddie, it's not like the condom touched the fruit part._ "Do the two of you have any questions yet?"

They exchanged quick looks, neither one wanting to be the pervert who spoke up first. This time, though, Edward was the one who lost the staring contest. "How do you know what to do? You know, when you're . . . down there."

"Trial and error, my student, trial and error. Every woman is different, and they all have things that they like and don't like. They'll let you know when you've got it right."

There was a sudden horrified shriek from one tent over, making all three of us jump. Jasper's eyes went wide. "It's a mountain lion!"

For some stupid reason, Dad had thought that it was a good idea to talk to Jasper about all of the different wildlife we might encounter. He probably thought that my bro would appreciate knowing exactly what he might be seeing on our trip. This just proved that he has no idea what Jasper can and can't handle.

The reality was that Jasper fixated on the idea of being attacked by predators. I explained over and over to him that they wouldn't bother us. That we kept our food away from the campsite, and we didn't stray from the campsite after dark, when they were most likely to be active. We would be fine, but he didn't really believe me.

"Jas, that's a girl squeal, not a mountain lion squeal. They're probably giggling about Orlando Bloom or something like that." Edward tried to play it off, like he hadn't been just as startled as Jasper was.

Actually, that wasn't it, either. Rose and I were actually working as a team on this one. I was doing Sex Ed for the boys, because they desperately needed it, and Rose was hitting the girls. This way, no one got embarrassed by the parents, and no one ended up screwing things up for their first time.

"Maybe the girls are getting attacked by a mountain lion!" Jasper just wasn't going to let the thought go.

"No screaming. No mountain lion is going to get anyone, Jasper, I promise."

He relaxed, but only a tiny bit. "Are you sure?"

"Do you want to go check?" Leaving the tent right now would mean being devoured alive by mosquitoes, but it was still better than letting Jasper work himself up into a panic. This was supposed to be a fun trip, not one where he ended up freaked out and miserable.

He nodded weakly. "I'm just used to taking care of everyone. It freaks me out not to know what's happening."

I had already known that, but this was the first time he had said it out loud. "It's okay, dude. We can go check on them if it would make you feel better."

Edward already had his phone out. A shrill buzzing sounded from the other tent, and Rosalie's voice came over the speaker. "What do you want?"

He didn't give in to her bitch tone. "Jasper heard screaming and thought that a mountain lion was eating you. We were just checking up on you."

"Put Emmett on." Like I've said, Rose had never had much use for Edward.

I took the phone. "Hey, baby."

Her voice dropped so that no one else could hear. "I was trying to explain a blow job, and Alice freaked out. There were pictures."

Why hadn't I thought of that? Maybe I could convince her to send the porno over to the boys' tent for tomorrow night. Strictly for educational purposes, of course. "We haven't even gotten there yet. But I'll let Jasper know that you're all okay."

From across the tent, I could see him visibly relax. Well, that was something, at least. We were all okay, and that meant Jasper could lay down his arms for at least a little while. "Okay, we just wanted to know that you were fine. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow." Educating my socially and sexually confused brothers took precedence over a booty call.

"Good night, baby. I love you, too."

I slowly closed the phone and shot both boys a predatory look. "So, moving on to blow jobs . . ."


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I had planned to stop the camping trip here, and move on to the next plot point. However, I've gotten a ton of requests for Jaspers swimming lesson as well, so I'm going to leave it up to you guys. If we do one more on the camping trip, it will be Rosalie's POV, if we move on it will be Carlisles. Carlisle's chapter is about half written, but Rose is so fun to write that it shouldn't take long.**

**Alice**

I love camping with my family. I love the closeness, and giggling with Rosalie after Mom and Dad go to bed, and making our meals over a campfire. I also love the fact that all the rules regarding junk food and soda are out the window while we're on the trail, so everyone spends the entire weekend in a crazy sort of sugar and caffeine high.

This time, though, is even more special than usual. Because now Jasper's with us, and our family is complete. Plus, we have Bella, too! So not only are we complete, we're balanced with boys and girls again.

It's good when everything works out so it's neat and balanced.

Even though we live in the same house, it's hard to find time to be alone with Jasper. No matter where we go, everyone else is always there! Mom and Dad are always in the living room, or the computer room, or the den. Rose has her workshop, and Edward and Bella are always sitting on the porch. Emmett spends a lot of time in the room he and Jasper share. We can't use my room, because Mom and Dad have a rule about no boys and girls alone together in a room. It's either one of us or three or more, but not two. There's a reason for that, beyond the obvious one, but I can't remember what it is. Something about when we had more foster kids in the house. . . .

No, it's gone. But my point is, pretty much everything I do with Jasper has an audience. Not that I want to do something dirty with him or anything! But I do want to be able to hug him, or stroke his hair, and not have the five other pairs of eyes watching us. Sometimes it's like being back in the institution.

I do remember the institution, even though we don't ever talk about it. By the way, that's by my choice, not Mom and Dad's. They've always made it clear that there's nothing to be ashamed of, and that I can feel free to talk about it with them, or my siblings, or a therapist, but I don't want to. The institution wasn't terrible, but it wasn't a home, either. Now that I had a real home, I wasn't going to dwell on it. Why should I think about things that just make me unhappy?

Which was why I was so happy for a long car ride where it was just Jasper and me in the middle seat. Yeah, Dad and Emmett and Rose were in the car, too, but Dad and Rose were focusing on the road, and I was pretty sure Emmett was asleep. He usually falls asleep on car rides. So does Jasper. It's really cute how hard he tries to stay awake, but I think that the car is one of the few places where he feels safe, so he can't help but relax and doze off. Of course, I may have helped matters by allowing him to cuddle against my shoulder and running my fingers through his hair. I wanted him close to me, so that I could take care of him.

It's strange for me to think about taking care of Jasper, because he never acts like he needs it. He's never rude about it, but to him, asking for help is the very, very last resort, which means sometimes he's irreparably messed things up before he'll do it, and then he has to start over.

He also won't ask for comfort from anyone but me. If Mom offers, he doesn't push her away, but he won't seek her out, either. He just kind of stands there and lets her hug him. Sometimes he hugs back, and sometimes he doesn't, but he never looks comfortable or happy. He used to let Dad do the same thing, but now he hates Dad and doesn't even like to be in the same room with him.

The only ones who really know what happened the day of the trial are Jasper and Dad, and neither one of them are saying anything, no matter how nicely I ask. I'd like to know the truth, since that's the only way I'm going to know which one of them to smack, but Dad keeps insisting that it's nobody's business but his and Jasper's, and Jasper just looks sad and tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it.

I'll get the truth eventually, because I'm every bit as stubborn as Jasper is, but I was all right with backing off for now. He'd tell me when he was ready.

There's the one song from Winnie the Pooh called Eeyore's Lullaby, and it's Jasper's favorite. If he can't sleep, sometimes I sing it for him, and it usually calms him down. I hummed it softly under my breath now, and was rewarded by his breathing growing even and slow.

Having Jasper touch me like this is a little strange and sometimes even scary. It would be different if it were Emmett or Edward. They're boys, of course, but not real ones. They're brothers, which means that they're all but neutered in my mind.

Jasper is different. He looks like a man, and feels like a man, and smells like a man. Not that it's a bad smell, but it's a masculine one, and one I would normally shy away from.

Since he was asleep and couldn't tell what I was doing anyway, I looked down the long lines of Jasper's body, staring at him and thinking about everything. Even though his body was somewhat frightening to me, I couldn't help but feel a thrill in my stomach when I looked at it as well. I hadn't seen Jasper with his shirt off, not even once, but I could feel his body when I hugged him. It wasn't big like Emmett's or small like Edward's. He was skinny, but you could feel his muscles, too.

I let my eyes go a little further down, almost to the front of his jeans, and then snapped them back up, my face hot. What was wrong with me? How sick was I that I was looking at his . . . his . . . _privates?_

And yes, I know that that body part has a name, and that there's nothing dirty or shameful about it, but I couldn't help but feel like there was. I had never even seen one in real life, just pictures, and those were diagrams in sex ed, not photographs. I'm sure that I saw James', but I don't remember it. Was it really as silly looking as the diagram made it appear?

Jasper woke up for breakfast, even though he was a little groggy. He's cute when he's like that, all soft and sleepy. Once we were done eating, Jasper perked up and settled in to play a card game on Dad's laptop for the rest of the trip. Once we were there, all of the electronics would be locked up in the car for the weekend, but they did help make the ride go faster, and were much less slippery and more convenient than real cards.

Once we got there, we had our race to get the tents up as fast as possible. Mom and Dad should have been at the disadvantage, since there were three girls and three boys and only two of them. And since Rose, Bella, and I were way smarter than the boys, not to mention that we can actually read the directions, we should have been able to beat them, too.

Except it didn't work out that way. Neither Bella nor Jasper had ever set up a tent before, so it was really two girls, two boys and two parents all competing. And Mom and Dad won, which meant that they got to go for a romantic walk, while the rest of us did all the work of setting up camp.

Rose assigned the tasks, giving us the easy jobs. The boys made faces, but no one wants to make Rose mad by telling her to go screw herself, so they stomped off. It's awesome to have her as a sister.

As soon as they were out of earshot, she turned back to me. "So? How are things going with Jasper? Is he still being a gentleman?"

"Yeah, he's been perfect. No pushing at all." Even if there was a slutty part of me that wished he would push things. When he put his hand under my shirt the other day . . . wow. I had no idea that anything could feel that good.

"Good. Bella? How's Edward doing on that front?" Both her tone and face said that she was very interested in the answer, which is kind of unusual for Rose.

As much as I love my sister (and I do!), she's not always a nice person. Mostly she's mean to Edward, but sometimes to other people, too. I don't think she's really that mean, not in her heart, but it's the only way she knows how to keep people at arm's length. Even though Bella's been coming around for almost as long as we've had Jasper, Rose really likes Jasper yet still doesn't trust Bella.

But maybe this camping trip would change things. Once you're in with Rose, you're in with her for life, and she'll do anything in the world to protect you. Jasper's her absolute baby, and she would gladly claw out the eyes of anyone who tried to hurt him.

"We're still stuck on second base. And by second base, I mean under the shirt, over the bra. He won't try anything else."

Rose rested a fingertip on her chin, like she was deep in thought. "Bella, have you ever considered that Edward might be . . . how can I put this lightly? Gay?"

Bella gave an over dramatic sigh. "He's not gay. Believe me, at least then I would know that it wasn't me. No, he likes it, I can tell, because he gets all . . ." She blushed madly and made a little gesture near her crotch.

"Ah." Rose grinned at her. "Well, then, your issue is easily solved. The next time you know you're going to be able to get him alone, don't wear a bra. Once he's gotten his first taste of those things, he won't be able to help himself. The first time I let Emmett under my top, he followed me around like a drooling puppy dog for weeks."

Bella's lips formed a smirk. "That's a good one."

I didn't have anything to add to the conversation, but I was listening as closely as possible. Bella wanted the same thing I did, but she didn't feel bad about it. She wasn't a whore for wanting more with her boyfriend. Did that mean that I wasn't a whore, either? I loved Jasper with all my heart and soul.

This was something I could have never talked to Mom about, no matter how much I loved her, and I would sooner die than bring it up with Dad. He still thinks of me as his baby girl, and I didn't want to ruin that image he had of me.

"Alice? You look worried." Bella squeezed my hand.

Maybe I could talk to them. "Do you promise not to tell anyone? Not even Emmett, Rose?"

"Of course not. Chicks before dicks, you know how it is." Behind her, Bella nodded, too.

I took a deep breath before blurting out the shameful truth. "I wish Jasper would touch me under the bra!" Once the words were out, I shrieked and clapped my hands over my mouth.

To my shock, they both applauded. Rose actually cheered. "Go Alice! Release your inner sex kitten!"

Wait, what? They should be horrified. I mean, sure, Rose had sex with Emmett, but she was Rose. She was hot and confident, and just screamed sex. I was just shy, mousy little Alice, doomed to spinsterhood.

"No you aren't." I suddenly realized that I had said that out loud. "Alice, you're gorgeous. You have the most beautiful features, like a doll. And you walk like a dancer. If I had even half of your natural grace, I would be in great shape."

"She's right." Bella looked over at me. "You're like a beautiful fairy princess."

Sometimes when I looked in the mirror, I _did_ think that I was pretty. I definitely thought I was pretty when Jasper looked at me. In his eyes, I really was the dancing fairy princess. And maybe, in the end, that was what mattered. I was beautiful because he made me beautiful.

Rose put her hand on my shoulder. "And you are not slutty for wanting more with Jasper. Slutty would have been doing it on the first date, or even the first night he was here. Wanting a piece of that hot thing is perfectly normal."

"So I should go braless?" True confession: sometimes I did anyway. My breasts were small enough that you couldn't tell.

"No. Not in this case." Rose sounded completely sure.

"No?" How could it be no? Why was all of this so confusing? "But you told Bella yes."

"I know. But Bella and Edward aren't Alice and Jasper. In your case, I would suggest talking to Jasper, and telling him that you want a little more. Trust me, I know Jasper's type. He's a gentleman through and through, which means you could go marching into his room completely naked, and the only thing he would do would be to offer you his jacket. He would never do anything that you didn't actually tell him was okay."

That made sense. "So I should just talk to him?"

"Yep. I'm telling both of you, it's as easy as that." Suddenly, her head cocked. "They're coming back."

Sure enough, Emmett and Jasper came ambling back into the clearing, clutching loads of firewood. Rose immediately went over to Emmett, cooing about how strong and manly he was, carrying all that wood. I didn't want to stare, but I couldn't help it. Flirting came so easily to her. Every time I tried it, I just felt foolish.

"How does she _do_ that?" Bella whispered to me. "I always feel stupid when I try and act like that."

At least I wasn't the only one. But before I could reassure her that I felt the same way, Jasper approached me and held out a flower. "This is for you."

It was a gorgeous flower. And, beyond that, he had given it to me for no reason at all, just because he loved me. I tucked the flower into my palm, wanting to save it for later so I could press it and keep it forever.

Rose gave Jasper a kiss. "You are _so_ romantic. I wish that _my_ boyfriend was romantic like that."

Speaking of her boyfriend, he was giving Jasper the dirtiest look ever. But even Emmett's dirty looks have a little bit of fun in them. Not that Jasper noticed. He was too busy looking hopefully at me. I kissed his lips, feeling them turn up against mine in a devilish smile. "Thank you, Jasper."

Apparently Emmett saw this moment as his chance for revenge, because he wasn't going to give us any chance to be alone. "Come on Jas, I'll teach you how to play Rummy."

I suck at Rummy, but I could see where Jasper would be good at it. No one can strategize like my man, and Rummy is all about strategy. He had confided to me once, right after he came to our house, that he had thought about joining the army when he turned eighteen. Once he was in, he was confident that he would be able to use his natural charm and ability to strategize to move quickly through the ranks.

All that was before they confirmed his epilepsy. Now he was ineligible for the armed forces.

I hadn't said anything about it to him, because I hated to be the one to crush his dreams, but I knew that he was aware that he would never join the army now.

Honestly, I don't think he was that serious about it to start with. He would have joined not because he loved his country and wanted to defend it, but because it was just the best of what he saw as a poor set of options. The army would tell him when to sleep, where to go, and what to do, just like Social Services had been doing for most of his life. Same old story, just a different government agency acting as the boss.

There was even a part of me that was glad about it. Not that he was sick, but that he wouldn't be able to run away from our family now. Maybe not having the army as an option would allow him to look at our family a little harder, and see how much we all wanted him to stay.

As I had suspected, Jasper picked up the rules of Rummy very quickly, especially since Rose was helping him cheat by making little gestures and eye movements to tell him what to do. Mom and Dad finally came back from their walk and joined us for the last few hands.

Usually we try and eat healthy, but these trips are different. The first night we always roast hot dogs with all the trimmings, and have chips to go with them. Dad bought this thing that roasts a half dozen hot dogs at once, which is a good thing, since otherwise Emmett would spend all night long making his dinner. Good chips, too, not the baked or pita chips that Dad usually keeps in the house. Jasper and Emmett were devouring Doritos at an amazing rate.

Once everyone was done eating dinner, Dad pulled out a bag of marshmallows. "Easy does it this time, guys. I don't want anyone sick, and I'm not picking marshmallow out of anyone's hair again."

Both of those things had only happened once. Four years ago, Rosalie had 'accidentally' dropped a freshly roasted marshmallow on Edward's head. This was back when her problems were really bad, and it was flat-out war between them. She had been punished, but to this day, I don't think she cared in the slightest. Edward had made her angry, and she had retaliated swiftly. Period. He had deserved it. The sick part had involved Emmett, an entire bag of marshmallows, and nine chocolate bars. It had been disgusting, and made me very glad that I didn't have to share a tent with him.

Jasper took a marshmallow along with the rest of us, but he seemed unsure of what to do once he had it. I knew that he would be too embarrassed to just ask, so I made sure my body was turned so he could see how I put my stick in the fire to get rid of the bark, and then threaded the marshmallow on. He mimicked me, but didn't put it in the fire. He just stood back and watched everyone else.

I thought that he might feel a little crowded, but once everyone had gone back to the picnic table to assemble their s'mores, he was still standing there frozen, his eyes fixed on the flames. He was skittish around the fire, and he didn't want to get any closer. I stepped closer to his side and tickled lightly. "Why don't you let me? Here, you can have my s'more."

I handed it over, watching as he nibbled on it. He was cautious, like it might try to bite him, but that's usually how Jasper takes new things. Then he grinned at me. "It's good."

"Have you really never eaten s'mores before?" Emmett sounded horrified.

"No." He licked at his fingers.

"Dude, that's really sad. But we'll figure out what you like, don't worry."

Pretty soon we were each roasting a marshmallow, from burned black to barely warm. Jasper took a tiny nibble of each, mindful to not overdo it and make himself sick. It was really sweet to see him lose his inhibitions for once and interact happily with the rest of the family. He even accepted a s'more from Dad.

It was a nice note to end our first night on. We all said goodnight and retreated to our respective tents. Rose took a minute to whisper with Emmett, which made me roll my eyes. What that actually meant was that they were going to sneak off together later tonight. Usually they would kick Edward out of the boys' tent, do their thing, and then switch back before morning. I think Mom and Dad knew, but they never interfered.

But now there were Jasper and Bella, and the tents would be too crowded. Maybe they would just sneak off into the woods. Then I had to giggle at the thought of them getting mosquito bites in some very personal places.

Once we decided on the sleeping order (Rose by the tent door, then me, then Bella) and the tent was zipped closed, I thought the night was over. "Okay, good night."

"Freeze." Rose wasn't loud, but she wasn't brooking any arguments, either. Bella and I both obeyed her, staring with wide eyes. "We're not going to bed yet. We're going to have girl talk instead."

Okay, this was a little weird. Don't get me wrong, Rose and I have sisterly girl talk all the time, but we never just come out and say it like that. Maybe it was because Bella was here?

Still, girl talk with Rose is always fun. She can give you a French manicure that looks exactly like it does when a professional does it, and no one puts on makeup like her. I lay down on top of my sleeping bag. "What are we going to talk about?"

"The most important thing in the world. Sex. I am going to rock your virginal worlds." She was trying not to laugh, but failing miserably.

I barely managed to contain a scream. Of course Rose and I talked about boys, but not like this. We talked about which boys at school were cute, and which movie stars we would like to marry (she wanted Matt Damon, I liked Orlando Bloom) if we had the chance. We didn't talk about _sex._

Bella gasped, her brown eyes wide. I'm sure my own eyes looked exactly the same. Rose sat cross-legged on her sleeping bag, looking like a princess. "Oh, come on, we're all girls here! We can talk about a little penis."

"Is that what Emmett has? A little penis?" Bella recovered much quicker than I did.

"Oh, honey, no. Emmett is quite well hung, but I won't horrify Alice by discussing the intimate details of her brother's genitalia." She gave Bella a dirty wink. "Ask me later in private. Now, speaking of penises, have either one of you seen a real one?"

"No." I was so horrified I could barely get the word out.

"I have." If it was possible, Bella sounded more embarrassed then I did. "My last boyfriend, before Edward. He pulled the thing out and wanted me to touch it. It was hideous. Like an overgrown worm."

"They _are_ kind of ugly. But here, take a look." She reached into her backpack and pulled out a stack of magazines. Yeah, _those_ kind of magazines. I have no idea where she got them from. She opened the nearest one to show us the centerfold of a naked man. My eyes were drawn to . . . _it. _The part, the one that was different from all the others.

Bella was right, it did kind of look like an overgrown worm. Hysterical giggles bubbled out of my throat. How did any self-respecting girl look at one of those and not burst out laughing? What did a boy do with it when he sat down? Question after question fought for dominance in my brain.

Rose started passing out magazines. "Come on, girls, school is in session! Start studying." She was clearly enjoying this. She's actually a pretty good sister most of the time, but sometimes she likes to tease.

Who would have thought that there were so many different magazines with naked men in them? There was _Playgirl_—even I knew about that—but she must have had six or seven others. And who knew that men shaved themselves down there, too?

Bella was flipping through her own magazine. "These are so much more impressive than Ben's." She couldn't tear her eyes off of them, which made me feel a little better about staring myself.

"Alice, do your homework! I assign you to look at some wang."

I obeyed, checking out the different men. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think about Jasper. He had one of those, too. I had always kind of thought that they all looked the same, but the ones on these men didn't. Some were bigger and some were smaller and some were thicker and some were . . . what was wrong with that one? I held it up questioningly. Rose looked over. "Oh, that guy isn't circumcised. Jasper probably is; most guys are."

Blood rushed to my face, leaving it flaming. "I wasn't thinking about Jasper! I was thinking about . . ." I stopped there, because I couldn't think of a lie that was even slightly believable.

"You weren't?" Bella cocked her head. "Really? Because I was thinking about Edward."

I appreciated her attempt to put me at ease. "You were?"

"Of course she was. Alice, it's okay to think about Jasper like that. He's your boyfriend, and part of dating him is being sexually attracted to him. There's nothing wrong with it."

Tears pooled in my eyes. "It doesn't make me a slut?"

"Of course not! It makes you a normal girl with normal feelings. It just feels strange to you because you've never felt like this about a boy before." She rubbed my back gently. "It's fine to be curious. Now, do you have any questions? Anything you see make you curious?"

_Everything_ I was seeing made me curious. But I had no idea what to ask. Even if I was able to see Jasper naked, I didn't know what to do with him. What if he wanted to put it inside of me? "How do I stop him when . . . _if_ we start?"

"By saying 'stop.' Jasper will listen, and, if he doesn't, scream the walls down. But you have to say it. You can't just trust that he'll read your mind and know when you're uncomfortable."

"He won't be mad?" That was my biggest fear. That Jasper would lose interest if I didn't put out for him.

She rolled her eyes. "Alice, that boy thinks the sun rises and sets on your every whim. He won't be angry at you for making the limits clear.

"Now, Bella, that penis you saw, did you touch it?" Rose had turned on Bella, and I was glad to have the attention off of me.

"No! I took one look at it and started laughing. Alice, you can't imagine how stupid it looked, just bobbing and waving hello. He was pretty offended." She giggled at the memory. "It didn't go down, though."

Rose laughed, too. "Boys to tend to get a little offended when you insult it, and laughing counts. Like having a penis is that great." Then she flicked an eyebrow. "Well, it _is_ kind of great, but only in a 'what can it do for me' sort of way. Other than that, they're just weird."

I snuck another look at the pictures that were still on display. Weird didn't even begin to cover it. How could I possibly ever let Jasper shove one of those inside of me?

"What should I do with it?" Bella couldn't tear her eyes off of the pictures. "I mean, provided I can get him to acknowledge that he has one."

I would be perfectly happy to spend my entire life without anyone acknowledging that Edward had a penis. Emmett, too. Even Jasper. No, not Jasper. Jasper was allowed to have one. I just didn't want to see it yet.

"Whatever you want to. Remember, Bella, boys don't expect that you'll just put out for them the first time. They don't even expect that you'll suck it. Considering that you're dealing with a pair of virgins, you may not even have to directly touch it. Just try rubbing over the underwear. That should get him off the first couple of times."

I couldn't even imagine doing that. "What if he wants to touch me?" The words popped out of my mouth before I could stop them. There was the slut in me again, running her mouth.

"If you want him to, let him. If you don't, tell him no. Remember, no man, no matter how much you like him, has the right to touch any part of you if you say no." Rose kept repeating that, but I couldn't imagine myself telling Jasper no in real life.

"Have you ever told Emmett no?" Emmett was twice Jasper's size, so if Rose could put him off, maybe I could do it to Jasper.

"Alice, Emmett has to hear no at least once a week. Sometimes I don't have time, sometimes I don't feel well, and sometimes I just plain don't want to. He has a perfectly functional hand if he's that desperate for sex.

"Okay, girls, do you know what this is?" Rose reached into her bag and pulled out a . . . was it a curling iron?

Bella covered her mouth and gasped. "Oh my God. Where did that thing come from?"

"The internet. , if you want to be specific about it. I named it Bob."

Oh, God. That thing wasn't a curling iron, it was a sex toy. And it was _huge. _My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

"Alice! Chill out, girl, it's okay." Rose dropped her hand, pulling the offending item out of sight. "There's no reason to be upset."

Easy for her to say! She didn't have that horrible contraption pointed straight at her! "It's not okay! It's horrible!" If Jasper's . . . you know, his_ thing, _was anywhere near that size, I was breaking up with him right now. There was no way I was getting anywhere near it.

I realized that I was reverting back to being a little girl, unable to even use the correct word for a body part, but I couldn't help it. I was scared, and tears were already forming in my eyes.

"No, it isn't." Rose was gentle. "It's not horrible, and it's not going to hurt you. That's the nice thing about one of these. You're totally in charge of it. No one can force you to do anything, or put it anywhere that you don't want to." She held it out gently, and I surprised myself by taking it.

It felt . . . strange. Like poking Jell-O right after it set. Only this thing didn't squish when I gave it an experimental squeeze. Was this what an actual penis felt like?

Bella pushed me aside. "Alice, you're hogging it. I've never seen one up close before." She poked it herself. "How weird." Then she made a horrible face. "Wait, this thing is clean, isn't it?"

That thought was enough to make me shudder and drop it on the ground. Rose smirked. "Well, it was until Alice dropped it. Don't worry, ladies, this thing is brand new. If you're lucky, I'll let one of you take it home with you after this weekend."

I had no idea how I felt about that. Bella retrieved the toy from the ground and started poking. "Does it—" A buzzing filled the air. "Oh, God, it does." The thing was now vibrating like an angry hornet. This might just be the most educational night of my entire life. When Dad talked about sex, he talked about the physical act and the consequences that it could cause. He made it sound like something out of a textbook. When Mom did it, she talked about love and respect and tenderness. She made it sound like something out of an old romance novel. Rosalie was the one who made it sound like something that a person would want to do. And if she and Emmett were any indication, it was something that you wanted to do a lot. She was the only one who acted like it was not only loving and kind, but fun as well.

Bella poked me with the buzzing toy, which made me laugh. It reminded me of a vibrating light saber, and it kind of broke the tension. Maybe Rose was right. After all, it was just rubber and a motor. Plus, it was purple. How seriously could I take a purple sex toy?

She let us play with it for a few more minutes before holding out her hand to take it back. "All right, girls, relinquish the plastic penis."

Since neither Bella nor I could tear our eyes off of it, she hid it in her bag. "Time for your next lesson. Girls, it's time to talk blow jobs."

I screamed. Later on it would embarrass me that I freaked out so badly, but I couldn't help it. Rose clamped her hand over my mouth. "Quiet, Alice! Do you want Mom and Dad to come over here?"

The last thing I wanted was for Mom and Dad to come over and see dirty magazines and a sex toy in our tent. I shook my head frantically, and she let go. "Good. Now, this is getting a little ahead of ourselves, but I may not get another chance to have both of you completely alone for a while. Bella, there is _no_ privacy whatsoever in our house."

I couldn't deny it, since I had been having the same thought this morning. Before I could say that, though, Rose's phone rang. She wasn't really supposed to have it, so she snatched it as quickly as possible. "What do you want?" It was a strained hiss.

She listened for a minute, then rolled her eyes. "Put Emmett on."

Must be Edward on the other line. Rose would never be mean to Jasper like that. He must have given the phone to Emmett, because Rose's entire body went soft and she automatically made what I always thought of as Flirty Face. "I was trying to explain a blow job, and Alice freaked out. There were pictures."

Not of the blow job! Emmett was going to think that we were looking at dirty pictures in here! I looked at the magazines again and shuddered. Dirti_er_ pictures, then.

Rosie twirled her hair around her fingers. "I love you, too."

Bella gave me a desperate look. "How does she do that? If I did that, I would look stupid. She looks like a sex kitten. Life is very unfair, Alice."

My hair wasn't long enough to twirl like that, but I was sure that I wouldn't look like a sex kitten, either. At best, I would be cute, like a normal kitten. "Yeah, it really is."

Rose hung up her phone. "Now, where was I?" Her blue eyes were sparkling, and I knew that she remembered exactly where she had been. "Ah, yes, the blow job."

"Why?" The word popped out without my permission. "Why would anyone want to do that?" I didn't want to sound judgmental, since I knew that Rosalie had to do it for Emmett, but I really didn't understand. It was disgusting.

"I'm with Alice. No offense, Rose, but it does sound gross."

I wasn't sure if Bella was telling the total truth there or just trying to stick up for me. Her hand found mine and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Of course it sounds gross. But you don't do it for you, you do it for them. When you love someone, you want them to feel good all of the time, and boys feel good when you do it. Not that you ever _have_ to, but you'd be surprised about how much you'll _want _to."

I certainly _would_ be surprised. Because Jasper would be crazier than I am if he thought that I would ever do that. But what if he just found someone else to do it for him? I wasn't sure who I thought that person might be, since Jasper never saw anyone outside the house, but I have a very fertile imagination and an endless capacity for worry.

"But . . ." I stopped because I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. I didn't want to contradict her, because I was sure that she was right. But I just couldn't imagine doing that in a million years.

"Alice, I've already told you how this works. When you're ready to do these things, and he's ready, it won't seem weird or gross or wrong. Don't get yourself all worked up over nothing."

Tears pricked at my eyes, but I wasn't going to let them fall. I was already acting like a baby, and I didn't want the other girls to think poorly of me. I didn't mind being one of the babies of the family, and I certainly didn't mind being taken care of sometimes, but I hated it when people talked around me, or didn't tell me things because they didn't think I could handle it. That's kind of why I always make sure to be honest with Jasper, even when I know it's hard for him. "I'm not getting worked up over nothing." I could hear a childish whine in my voice and hated myself for it. Buck up, Alice. Whining like a little girl isn't going to make them treat you like a woman.

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, just like when I was a kid and she was the cool older sister that Mom had brought home for me. "No, it's not nothing. Sex is wonderful, but it's not something that you should take on lightly. But when it's time, I promise that none of this will seem like a big deal. You'll be able to look at the guy and just know. That guy may not be Jasper at all; some relationships never get that far. So don't feel that there's some timeline for things like this. Just do what feels right, _when_ it feels right."

Most of that made sense. The only part that didn't was about guys other than Jasper. There wouldn't be any. Period. Done. Game over. If I never had sex with Jasper, then I would die a virgin. Well, at least as close to a virgin as I would ever be after what James did to me.

But I didn't tell her that. I love Rose, but she doesn't always believe that I know things like this. She always says that she does, and I do think that she tries to, but she's just a naturally skeptical person. I know in my bones that Jasper's the only one I'll ever love, and I'm fine with that thought.

Which I guess should be my answer right there. If I was going to have Jasper forever, then Rose was right. There was no reason to rush, not when there were seventy years stretching out in front of us like this. If I could get Jasper through the next few months, and get him to stay with us and the family, I could have him forever.

I just wished that that didn't seem like such a big _if._


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Ok, so this chapter is a little short, but the next one is huge! Updates should happen a little faster now, as I know where I'm going for the next few chapters. Also? That rushing sound you are all hearing? Yeah, that would be the shit headed for the fan at a rather high rate of speed. Expect much suffering for our favorite little Jasper.**

**Rosalie**

"Come on, Jasper, let's go. Just come to me; it's fine." I kept my voice calm and sweet, like he wasn't driving me crazy.

Ten feet away, Jasper wrapped his arms even tighter around his body and shook his head. "Can't I just stay here?"

Alice nudged my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "I don't think he can swim."

Thank you, Queen of the Obvious. If Jasper could swim, he wouldn't be standing in ten inches of water, shivering and looking like a kicked puppy. I rolled my eyes at her. "No shit."

"What should I do?"

I had thought she was already doing it. It was more than slightly possible that someone packed Alice's new bikini, which had the advantage of not making her look like a twelve-year-old boy like her one-piece did. Actually, Jasper hadn't crossed my mind at all when I packed it. I had just been hoping to avoid tan lines for later this summer. My sister is as beautiful and delicate as a doll, and she's petite enough to pull off strapless tops without a bra. But tan lines would ruin it, hence the bikini. I knew that she wouldn't wear it out in public, but we were all family here. And if that cute little thing coaxed the water chicken in to swim, that was just an added bonus.

But Jasper wasn't so much as nibbling at the bikini bait, though I noticed that he kept sneaking glances. But he wouldn't come any further in, no matter how much I coaxed. "Come on, Jas, I promise nothing will happen to you."

He shot a nervous look at Edward and Emmett, and shook his head again. They were out quite a ways, trying to get a makeshift diving board on some rocks, and paying absolutely zero attention to what was going on over here. "I don't want to. I'll just build a sandcastle." With that he started to back up and out of the water.

No way. He hadn't even gotten his brand-new swimming trunks wet, much less the white long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. Even now, he wouldn't let any of us see his chest or back. I had a few guesses why, mostly ones that made me want to stab his former foster mom to death with something blunt and rusty, but I didn't know for sure. Emmett had slapped on a shirt as well, just so Jasper wouldn't feel singled out. See how sweet he is? "Sorry, it's a family rule. You have to at least be able to do a dog paddle, just in case there's an accident and you fall in. I won't let those two idiots dunk or splash you, I promise."

Jasper still looked uncertain, but he took two small steps forward. Great, now he was almost up to his knees. At the rate he was going, it would be dark before he would get up to his chest. Still, it was progress, and I rewarded him with a smile. "Good job. Now come on."

His blue eyes cut over to Alice before coming back to me, and I suddenly got it. No boy likes looking foolish in front of a girl he's trying to impress, and Jasper was even more worried about these things than most. There was yelling from halfway across the lake, followed by a stream of cursing from Emmett. "Hey, Alice? Why don't you see if you can help those two doofuses before they kill each other? I don't think Bella's quite up to the task of corralling them yet."

Luckily, she was astute enough to get my actual meaning, and she nodded quickly. "Of course."

Then it was just Jasper and me, standing there eying each other like a pair of gunslingers in the Old West. I narrowed my eyes. "You know that this is going to happen, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Good, so we've established that. Now, here are your choices. Either you come on over here and I teach you the basics while everyone else is distracted, or you keep pushing it off until you have to learn it in front of everyone else. Your choice."

"What if I go under?" He still seemed uncertain, but he was starting to relax his grip on himself.

"I know CPR."

"What if I have a seizure?" That was his new worry about everything and, while I couldn't say that I was totally unconcerned about it, I wasn't going to let him back me down now.

"Again, I know CPR, and I'll pull you out. We're only fifteen feet from shore, and we don't have to go any further out."

I could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to come up with some other excuse, but there was nothing. Finally he crept forward so we were even with each other and sighed. "Okay, let's do this."

He couldn't have sounded less enthusiastic if he had tried, but I chose to ignore that. "Has anyone ever tried to teach you to swim before?"

To my surprise, he nodded. "Yeah. When I was younger, before she could leave me alone, Maria used to dump me off at this respite home that had a pool. The foster dad there tried to teach me, but I hated it." For a second he looked off into the distance. "I think they wanted to keep me. The respite family, I mean. I don't know for sure, but the mom really, really liked me and always said that I could call her any time if I needed help."

Since I'm an untrusting person, I had snuck into Dad's office one day while no one else was in the house and gotten Jasper's file out of the safe. (Really, if Dad wanted to keep things hidden from us, he shouldn't use Mom's birthday as the code. That's just common sense). It wasn't because I was nosy, per se. It was just that I had to know everything about him before I could know what to do. Everything about us is in those files. Why we're in foster care, how many homes we've been in and why we left each one, what we've been accused of doing, whether it was a proven charge or not. It would let me know if Jasper had been accused of being physically or sexually violent at any point. Rude, yes, but I wasn't going to risk my safety or that of my mom and sister.

So I knew something that Jasper probably didn't. There had been two phone calls to Social Services from another foster family, both very concerned about Jasper and the possibility that he was being mistreated by Maria. This respite family had to be the ones who had made the call. Both times the charges had been investigated, and both times Jasper had told the social worker that things were just fine, so they left.

It chilled me to think about how different his life, and the lives of our entire family, could have been if he had told the truth back then. He could have been legally adopted by someone else, with a healthy brain and a loving family. It wouldn't be _our_ family, but not knowing Jasper was a price I would gladly pay for him to have suffered less than he had.

I also could have told him why he hated to swim, because I had felt the same way when Esme first taught me, and I was more like Jasper than anyone else in the house. It was the simple fact that you can't control water. You can't outrun it, you can't outfight it, and you can't outstubborn it. If Jasper tried to pull his usual trick of locking up and refusing to move until it was over, he would go under and drown. Nothing would help him learn to swim except letting go and working _with_ the water instead of against it, and that loss of control was frightening to him.

The water here was up to my shoulders, which was mid-chest on him. "Okay, the first thing we're going to do is teach you to float on your back. Even if you can't swim, floating will keep you up until someone can come help you." There was no way in this world I was going to tell him that this was actually called the Dead Man's Float. If I did that, he would be out of the water so fast I would never catch him.

The natural buoyancy of the water allowed me to support him with a hand on his back. "Relax, relax. I won't let you go until you say it's all right." I never, ever wanted Jasper to feel that he had any reason not to trust me. "Arch your back just a little bit . . . good. Do you want me to let go?"

Even now, Jasper didn't really like my hands being on him, but he much preferred it to me letting go. "No! Just one minute more?"

"How about a six-count?" If I let Jasper start his 'one minute more' crap, I would still have my hand under his back an hour from now. He nodded weakly. "Six . . . five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one!" I pulled my hand away quickly, and he stayed afloat. Thank God, because I don't think he would have given me a second chance if he had sunk. "Good."

I didn't expand on that, because things just aren't like that with Jasper and me. I don't do fawning and coddling and all but putting him back in diapers. We both know it, and he respects me for it. When he gets praise from me, it's because he's totally earned it.

Jasper's lips moved as he counted to ten, and then he flipped himself upright. As scared as he was, his pride wouldn't allow him to just straighten up immediately. He had to prove to me and himself that he was in control here, and he wouldn't let panic rule him. It was a brave, if ultimately pointless, show.

Slowly and patiently, I worked my way up to actual swimming. First the basic movements, with his head out of the water. Then practicing holding his breath and blowing out, with his face just barely under. That was the part that worried me the most. Nothing he had said or done so far indicated that he had been either forced underwater or suffered any other deprivation of air, but you never know. When I was six years old, I got stuck under a float in a pool, unable to break the surface and get any air. To this day, it's still one of the most frightening things I've ever gone through. I didn't want Jasper to feel that fear.

Jasper was graceful and coordinated, even now, so he must have really been something before he got his brain bounced around. That's what caused most of his problems. Not the actual blow from the poker, but the fact that she hit him so hard that his brain actually bounced against the far side of his skull, then back to smack the side she hit, which pushed pieces of his skull into his brain. Two surgeries later, the pieces were gone, but the scars on his brain were still there. That, by the way, was _not_ something I learned from snooping. I learned that by asking Dad face to face. I only snoop when I don't think I'll get honesty any other way.

I didn't want Jasper to know what I was thinking, so I just nodded at him. "Okay, ready to put it all together?"

"Do I have a choice?" He smiled, though, so I knew he was holding up all right.

"Not really." I backed up ten feet or so. "Just swim to me. I won't let you go under and I won't let you get off course."

His eyes, as changing as the water around us, met and held mine. "Do you promise?"

I couldn't help but feel like he was asking me for far more than what he seemed to be, but I nodded anyway. Jasper was my brother, if by hearts rather than blood, and I would do anything for him. "I promise."

He nodded and took a deep breath, going under with a quick shudder. His swimming wasn't straight and it wasn't refined, but he was moving underwater and not drowning. Anything beyond that was icing. I shifted so I could grab his shoulders and pull him upright. He was breathing hard, but his eyes were triumphant. I squeezed him into a hug, something he had just started tolerating from us. "See, that wasn't so bad."

His insulted glare told me that it had been miserable for him. "So, I swam. Swum. Swimmed. No, swam is right. Can I get out now?"

Normally I would have had him try it again, but something had caught my eye and derailed my thoughts. The shirt Jasper was wearing was long-sleeved, but it was also white. The minute he got it wet, the thing turned all but transparent. Every mark on his body stood out, and dear God there were a lot of them. I tried to look down, or over at the rest of my siblings out on the rocks, or anywhere but Jasper's body.

"Fine. But you have to help me build a sandcastle."

Not the most eloquent of replies, but at least it bought me a few minutes while we both made it back to the beach. It wasn't long, but it was enough for me to get my emotions under control, and make my face calm again. It was a lie, but I've used the fake happiness so often that it fools everyone. Shit, there are times when it almost fools me.

It didn't fool Jasper, though. The only way he had survived as long as he had was by learning how to read the tiniest changes in emotion of the adults around him. He stared quizzically at me, no doubt trying to figure out what had changed in just a few seconds. It only took a quick glace down for it to hit him, and he crossed his arms defensively over his chest, his blue-grey eyes shuttering and turning distant. "Whatever."

"Jasper." My voice was pleading, but I wasn't sure what I was asking for. He continued to stare at me, waiting. We both knew what the problem was, but neither one of us was willing to acknowledge it. "Never mind."

I trailed him back to the beach, where he shook the water off of himself and sat down in a desolate heap. I sat next to him, torn between my desire to comfort him and wanting to give him his space. Finally I reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He didn't tense up or push me away, but he didn't relax into me like he usually did, either.

I had no idea what to say. Telling him that they weren't that noticeable or not that big of a deal was a lie and we would both know it. But not saying anything at all would just cause the issue to fester between us, which I didn't want either. I already knew that Jasper was going to run when he hit eighteen, and I didn't want him to have any excuse to think that I, and by extension the rest of the family, wouldn't want him back.

Jasper, meanwhile, appeared to be in his own little world. "I wish I could be over here."

"Over where?" He was already here, and his words didn't make sense.

He pointed to the rocks, where all of our siblings were roughhousing and playing. "Here. If I could swim better, I could go over here and play. But I'm stuck."

He meant 'there' instead of 'here,' but it wasn't something that I was willing to call attention to. He was doing so well, but his brain was still damaged and there's no fixing that. Confusing or losing words was part of that, a part that had improved greatly since he arrived. He tended to revert more to it when he was tired or upset.

"I could get them to come over here." There was something deeper going on here. In his mind, there was a line between him and us, and there always would be. He was apart because of what he couldn't do — in this case, swim. But it could really be anything. Short answer was, Jasper didn't feel like part of our family, no matter how hard we tried to convince him that he was. Sure enough, he shook his head.

But today was a step forward, even if a very small one. For the first time, he was indicating that he wanted to be a part of the group, even though he also seemed to think that it was never going to happen. I laid my head on his shoulder and he only paused for a second before resting his cheek against my hair.

His body relaxed slightly, and that was enough to give me a surge of courage. This had to be handled very, very delicately. If Jasper got even the slightest hint that I pitied him (and I did. Even covered over by his shirt, the scars were terrible, and I couldn't help but feel pity for the child who had to endure them), it was going to ruin things. I squeezed him and went for the direct route. "Alice won't mind them, you know."

"Alice will never see them." His tone was final.

Right. This was the King of Denial I was talking to. "Do you plan on remaining fully dressed for the rest of your life?"

"Just a little while longer." His tone was vague, but I'm not an idiot. What he was saying was that Alice would never see his scars because she wasn't going to see him after he ran. None of us were.

"Oh. I'll miss you." In for a penny, in for a pound. "I wish you wouldn't go."

He twisted around to look at me. "Really?"

You would think that no one had ever told him that before. Wait, _had_ anyone told him that before? Dad had told us over and over not to pressure Jasper, to give him time to bond to us and make his own choices. But maybe we had pushed things too far in the other direction, not letting him know how much we cared about him. "Really. You're my favorite brother."

He grinned a little. "Only because you hate Edward. Jack the Ripper would be your favorite brother if Edward was the other choice."

"True, but I would take you over Jack the Ripper any day. No matter what happens, you'll always be my brother. Mom and Dad love you, too, and Emmett. Even Edward loves you, in his own prickish way. We all want you to stay."

"That's good."

He was squirming now, and I knew that it was time to back off of the subject. He was slipping away from me, from all of us. "Will you at least call me, wherever you are? Just so I know that you're safe, and you aren't hungry or scared?"

"Yeah."

I had probably already pushed Jasper too far, but I so seldom got the chance to speak to him alone like this that I had to do it. "Alice won't care about those scars, Jasper."

Jasper was silent, but he did look at me, so I knew I had his attention. "Girls love scars, you know."

He snorted. "Girls love battle scars. Bullet scars and knife scars and that sort of stuff. Scars you get rescuing a litter of kittens from a burning building. They don't love cigarette burns."

Even though I had suspected that was what they were, my stomach still clenched and rolled at the thought. Still, he had made it through, and that made him strong. "What do you think those are if not battle scars? You got them fighting to survive, and you _did_ survive. That makes them battle wounds."

"I . . . I didn't think of them that way." His lips moved, as if he was repeating my explanation to himself. "Do you really think so?"

To my horror, I saw that the rest of our siblings were off the rocks and coming back towards us. It was hard enough for Jasper to talk to me, even though I was kind of like another mother to him, and I knew he would never do it in front of the rest of the family. I leaned over and whispered quickly in his ear. "I do. It's your body, Jasper. Own it."

That had been a lesson that I had a hard time learning myself. After what Royce (may the bastard burn in hell) did to me, I refused to own, or even claim, myself. After all, I had given my body a chance, and it had repaid me by advertising itself to a pedophile.

God, I was a silly little girl back then. I thought that having breasts and a pretty face made me a grown woman, instead of a child pretending to be one. I was pretty, and I liked to flirt, and I never once realized that there are some men in this world for whom the word 'no' is a meaningless syllable. Foolish, foolish little girl.

But I got my revenge on it. I couldn't do a damn thing about my breasts, which insisted on getting bigger no matter how sternly I told them to stop, but I could hide them under a million layers of baggy clothes, which I did. My hair had once fallen in thick, blond curls, but I shaved them nearly to my scalp. No makeup, no heels, no plucking or shaving. I looked like a ten-year-old boy, and I was fine with that.

But Royce knew the truth. He knew that, no matter how badly I tried to hide it, I was still a girl who was rapidly turning into a woman. Of course he did; he had seen it all. His complaints, coached in fake worry, became commonplace.

_Rosie, my angel, why aren't you wearing the pretty clothes I brought you? You know I like you to dress like a beautiful woman and not a punk._

_My precious flower, why did you do that to your hair? It's not feminine, and do you know how long it will take to grow back out?_

_Little girl, this has gone on long enough. Go upstairs and take a shower, and when you come back down, you better look like a young lady and not a vagrant. There's no point in covering your beauty._

My beauty. My femininity. What he liked to see. It was never about me or the fact that I was suffering. It was all about what pleased him, and his ability to show off his beautiful foster daughter to everyone else.

But he didn't touch me again. He was attracted to a beautiful girl, and by making myself no longer that way, I took away his interest. So what if I looked terrible, felt terrible and was consumed with guilt over both what had happened and the fact that I was hurting him now? At least I was safe.

I was destroying myself, but there was one thing that I didn't do, one thing that could have stopped everything in its tracks. I never once called for help. I don't know why, except that the thought literally never occurred to me. So I understood why Jasper hadn't asked for help either. Some things look really easy from the outside, especially to adults, but they can be confusing to kids who don't know any better, and who don't think they'll be believed if they do tell.

I was nearly seventeen, and had been with the Cullens for four years, before I could see myself as anything other than a piece of meat for men to ogle. Royce King the Third (and yes, the douchebag actually made people call him that) had done his work well.

Then Emmett came. Emmett with his huge body and comically outsized hands and feet, like a puppy with enormous paws and mischievous eyes. Emmett who picked me flowers and baked me a cake (it was a three-fire-alarm fiasco, but at least he tried), and who never told me that I wasn't good enough because I wasn't pretty anymore.

Still, I rejected him. Royce had been kind at first, too, right up until he got what he wanted. Then I was yesterday's news.

But I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards him. His goofy smile, his awkward stumbling, the way he never gave up or got offended. No matter how many times I rejected him, embarrassed him, or just plain told him off, he was back the next day with another trick to make me love him.

That didn't make me trust him, though. Sure, he treated me well now, but if he saw what I looked like when I was normal, he would turn out just like Royce had. So I decided I had to test him. My hair was still short and unflattering, but I gelled it into something that was at least cute, if not outright sexy. To top it off, I put on one of the nice dresses that Emse had bought me and I had stubbornly refused to wear. The refusal had as much to do with the fact that she had bought it as the fact that it looked gorgeous on me, but I had to know for sure.

When he first saw me, Emmett had been speechless. His eyes had gotten huge, and they had been drawn directly to my body. He was disgusting, just like Royce had been.

Only he wasn't. That one look was the only time I caught him staring at my breasts (though later on there would be a confession that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about them for weeks). He had gallantly offered me his arm and opened the car door for me. When he spoke, he looked at my face and not my body. He treated me like a lady and not a piece of meat placed on this earth solely for his pleasure.

So I let him in. I let him take me on a few dates, and even kiss me. No further, though. He still snuck the occasional look at my breasts, but there was no way I would let him touch them, not even over the shirt.

And somehow, I fell in love, despite myself. Emmett wasn't bad, even if he was a little goofy at times, and he never pushed for more than I was willing to give. Except it turned out that I did want to give it to him. Not because he demanded it and not because I felt like I had to in order to keep him, but because I was making the choice.

I hadn't been ruined by what Royce had done to me, any more than Jasper had been destroyed by what Maria had done to him. But, like me, it he couldn't see that himself. He needed someone else to help show him, and Alice was more than equal to the task. The problem was getting him to see that.

Speaking of Jasper, he had just poked me. "Rosalie? I don't think I can own it."

He was one of the only people in the family who called me by my full name. With his accent, it sounds beautiful, like something a fairy princess would be called. "You can. It might take a little while, but I have great faith in you. You're nothing if not capable."

There were about a million more things I would have liked to say to him, but there was no time. Everyone else was back, splashing and shouting, and the moment was lost between us. Jasper pulled into himself, his body hunching over. It wasn't that he didn't like the rest of the family, but he was always a bit apart. I think he feels like he has to put on a show for them, so they'll accept him better. With me, he's just Jasper.

Emmett tossed himself down next to us, shaking himself like a dog and spraying us with a mixture of sand and water. "How come you guys didn't come out there? We have an actual diving board now!"

"We didn't because we didn't. Now, do you want to build a sandcastle?" Distraction was usually the best way to go with Emmett, and he loved all things that he could do with his hands.

"Totally! Jasper, man, you in?" He's so enthusiastic about everything that Jasper nodded and delicately unfolded himself. "Great! Should we start with the moat or the castle itself?"

"Castle." Jasper was pert and competent, with no sign that he and I had been discussing anything more serious than playing with sand and water. It was amazing how well he could hide things when it suited him.

"You're the boss. Let's back up a little, though, or the waves will ruin it by tonight. Rosie, do you want to get some shells for decoration? Here, you can use my T-shirt to hold them in." He stripped it off in one smooth movement. "Here you are, my lovely."

When I leaned forward to take it, he kissed my cheek, then whispered in my ear. "I know what you two were really doing in here. You're the best big sister in the world."

And to think, I almost let my fears get the best of me. If I had, I wouldn't have given this man a chance. I wanted Jasper to be able to have the same thing with Alice, but I had a sense that that wasn't going to happen yet. Jasper would run, and I couldn't get a good enough read on him to know if he was ever coming back.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe Jasper was just as happy as he pretended to be, and his eighteenth birthday would come and go with nothing but a party to mark this new stage in his life.

Yeah, maybe that could happen.

Maybe.


	27. Chapter 27

**This one is really long, so does it make up for the wait? I like Carlisle's POV.**

**Carlisle**

This was going to be a great party. It would be a small one, with just the immediate family and Bella, but that was all right with Alice. The entire dining room was decorated in silver and blue, her favorite colors, with streamers and balloons hanging everywhere. Jasper and Esme had done a wonderful job planning while the rest of us were busy at work and school.

Speaking of Jasper, where had he vanished to? I could have sworn he was at my side just a few minutes ago, but when I tried to say something to him, he was gone. His behavior for the past day or so had been odd, and I kind of wanted to keep him close.

"Jasper? Will you come back in here and help me hang the banner?" I tried not to shout, since Esme was upstairs resting, but made sure I was loud enough that he could hear me in the next room.

He appeared almost instantly. "Sure."

It all seemed very normal, except it wasn't. He was just . . . lifeless. Even when Jasper was at his most withdrawn, there was still a spark there, a tiny ember that could be revved up into a burning fire. Now there was nothing. "Are you feeling all right? You're very quiet."

"Yeah, I'm fine." No enthusiasm in his voice. I put a hand on his forehead, but he wasn't running a fever. "I'm just kind of tired, that's all."

That surprised me, since he was doing much better with his night disturbances, even well enough that he was back to sleeping in his own room. Maybe he was back to having nightmares, just not the sort that woke the rest of us up. "Did you sleep poorly last night?"

He shrugged. "I guess. I don't remember waking up, but I don't feel like I slept well. I have kind of a . . ." He trailed of, gesturing vaguely around his face.

"Headache?" I cursed myself as soon as I opened my mouth. I was always after the rest of the kids not to put words in Jasper's mouth, and here I was doing exactly that.

"No, not really. It's more of a . . . pressure? Not really that, either. Just a sort of fullness. It doesn't hurt, but it's a little uncomfortable. I'm okay, though. It's probably just a bad night's sleep."

Maybe that was all it was. After all, he had been almost as excited as Alice about this party, which we had been planning for weeks. Edward had taken him shopping for a gift, an excursion filled with enough secrecy and snickering (I had been informed rather forcefully that boys did _not_ giggle) to rival any girls' day out. I still hadn't seen the present, which he insisted was a surprise, but knowing Jasper, it was something Alice would love.

Or I guessed it could be allergies. There were none listed in his file, but minor seasonal allergies weren't something most people thought to list. More likely, someone had just given him a Benadryl and called it a day. Either way, it wasn't something to worry about unless he got worse.

"Okay, you stand on the back of the couch, and I'll take the chair."

He leapt up without the slightest hesitation or stumbling. It was amazing to see the transformation that had happened in just two months. He still limped a bit, worse when he was tired, but he was at least ninety percent improved. I gave the credit for that to his brothers, who didn't even realize they were doing it. They just included Jasper in everything they did, whether it was baseball or soccer, or just running around in the woods. If he really needed help, one of them would give it, but only after he had tried for himself. Because it was coming from his contemporaries, not some adult whom he didn't trust, he went along with their suggestions and wasn't afraid to try and fail. Sure, they might rag him about it later, but it was all in good fun, and he knew it.

"Carlisle? The tack?" He had one hand extended for it, and I hurried to hand it over. "Is it straight?"

I told him it was, and he carefully took my extended hand to help himself down. His grip in mine was sure, and he allowed me to take part of his weight as he came down. He didn't meet my eyes, but then, he seldom did lately. That was new. Usually when he took my hand, he would allow me to guide him, but he remained entirely contained and untrusting, never letting us support any of his weight. Every day now he was showing us some new behavior, something that gave Esme and me hope.

"It looks good, right? You think she'll like it?" He was studying the banner with a critical eye, his head cocked to the side.

"It looks fantastic. I had no idea you were artistic." It had come as a surprise to all of us when Jasper had brought the banner down last night, lavishly decorated. Colorful, fancy letters spelled out the words "HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY ALICE!" each one hand-drawn with excessive care. Surrounding the letters were tiny pictures, each one skillfully rendered. The Cheshire cat lounged on the cross of the H, while a white rabbit peeked out from around the '1', his watch clutched worriedly in one small paw. The detail in each drawing was amazing, pulling you right into the scene.

He flushed, still unsure of how to take my compliments. "Yeah, I like to draw."

Now was the time to back off a little, before I overwhelmed him. "It's very nice, and she'll love it."

He gave me a tiny smile, but didn't take his eyes off mine. He seemed to be waiting for something, and I cast about desperately, trying to think of something else he might need. He was showing more and more interest in me, and wanting to do more father-son activities again, and I desperately wanted to encourage him. I had paperwork to do for work, but it would be there later. Jasper might not be. "Do you want me to help check over your homework?"

"I guess. I'll go get it."

Jasper had made the unfortunate mistake of whining about how bored he was last week. In my opinion, if he was bored, he needed something to occupy his time, so I had arranged for the tutor to start coming now, as opposed to at the beginning of the summer. He had accepted it with good grace, and was doing fairly well. Right at the moment, he was reading Hamlet, and suffering his way through Algebra II.

He was a good reader, and seemed to sympathize with Hamlet's plight. I loved Shakespeare, especially his tragedies, and enjoyed hearing someone else's interpretation of his work. Jasper was quite intelligent, and once he determined that I really did want to hear his opinion, he could lay out a logical argument and defend his points well. I was coming to like this side of Jasper, the interesting, sweet side that had been repressed for way too long.

Math, on the other hand, was a bit of a challenge. That had actually come as a surprise, despite the grades faxed over from his previous school. Jasper was such a logical, pragmatic person that I expected math would be a strong point for him. The answers were concrete and unchanging, and you always got them the same way. That should have come as a comfort to someone who had been yanked around as much as Jasper had.

Should have, but didn't. He struggled with math, and struggled hard. He had been frustrated to the point of throwing things on several occasions, and given up entirely on others. No matter how gently you tried to correct him or offer help, he just wasn't prepared to accept it. Even the smallest mistake could send him into a sulk that lasted a day or more.

Alice had done her best with him, even though she was still in Geometry and couldn't do much but try and calm him down. She would never betray anything Jasper confessed to her, but she made a few oblique comments that made me think that someone, at some point, had either said or done something to him because of his grades, and it had traumatized him. She never said what happened, and certainly didn't name names, but I wasn't stupid. Was Jasper never going to be free of what Maria had done to him?

I recognized Jasper's tread in the hall by the slight hesitation on every other step. He walked fine when he wasn't thinking about it, but once he got a little self-conscious, he would have done Igor proud. He crept inside the room, holding a short stack of papers and his math textbook. "I'm done with English, and most of the way done with math."

I looked over the outline for his essay on Hamlet's tragic flaw. To my utter shock, he had chosen Hamlet's inability to trust others over the more obvious choices of pride or mental instability. "Really? Give me your logic."

I had told him over and over that no answer was wrong, provided he could back it up with textual support. Jasper had taken that almost as a challenge, trying to find the most off the wall theory he could, then twist the text to support it. He's gotten kind of sassy, though in his own quiet way.

His grin made me think he had chosen this topic exactly so we could have this discussion. That was his other new behavior. He liked having my attention, but he was still a little too unsure to flat out ask me to do something with him. So he went the long way around and chose a topic like this, or came to me with a medical question that had nothing to do with him and his various diagnoses. "Well, Hamlet doesn't seem to trust anyone's opinion but his own. He hears there's a ghost, from his best friends no less, and he's not satisfied until he's checked it out for himself. Ophelia tries to set him straight, and he doesn't believe her, either. Everyone who tries to help him, he just pushes them away."

I could have gotten all this from his outline, but I loved watching him when he was passionate about something. His eyes lit up, and he lost that habitually nervous look he seemed to carry all the time. He stood up straighter and looked like he was in control of everything. If I could get that side of him to become dominant, he would be able to do anything in this world. I decided to give him a nudge. "Is that Hamlet being untrusting, or Hamlet being too full of pride? _No one does it better than Hamlet_ sounds more like hubris to me."

He didn't miss a beat, something else that I was enjoying. At any other time, he would have backed down and agreed with me any time I challenged him. "No. If Hamlet was that arrogant, he wouldn't question himself. He would just think that everything he did or thought was perfect. Plus, arrogant people don't commit suicide. At least not alone. If they plan on killing themselves, they take someone else with them."

I tried to steer the conversation back to less morbid ground. "Do you think Hamlet committed suicide? I thought it was more of a last stand."

"Of course he did. He broke into the castle, armed to the teeth, and charged the king. When you do something like that, even to avenge someone, it's suicide. He had to know he would die going in."

I had to concede the point. "I hadn't looked at it like that, but I can see what you mean. Just make sure you put your definition of suicide in, just so you're clear to the reader. I think you have a good outline here, and an interesting idea. Now let's see your math."

He was a little more hesitant here. With a steadying breath, he opened his textbook and held out a piece of paper. It had been folded and reopened a bunch of times; I could see smears all over it where he had erased things over and over. "Uh, I tried really hard."

"That's all I can ask for." I looked over the paper, even though I had no idea what he was doing. I vaguely remembered taking Algebra II myself, but I was pretty sure that I hadn't used any of this stuff since high school. I wasn't about to tell Jasper that, though. If he found out he would never need to use it, he wouldn't put forth any effort to learn it. "How long did this take you?" I had strict rules about no more than two hours of homework a night. Any more than that and it just wasn't fair on the kid.

"Hour and a half. Mostly on the math though; the English was easy." He smiled a little. "Do you need anything else?"

"No, you can go on. Ask Rosalie to help you with your Algebra. She's always gotten straight A's in math." I didn't want him to feel pushed out, but he was clearly getting eager to leave.

"Okay." He stopped for a minute in the doorway, seeming to work up his courage. "If I, uh, need help with my essay later, will you help me?"

Tears actually formed in my eyes at his whispered question. Finally, finally, he was asking me for something. Not just an object, but for my time and attention. He was actually choosing to spend time with me. "Of course."

"Good." There was that quirky little smile again, the one that showed a flash of his dimples. "I have to go get ready for the party."

In other words, he was going to go take a shower and fuss with his hair for an hour. He had actually gotten in cut last week, much to my unending shock. His hair had been too long since he had arrived at our house, but the thought of someone holding scissors behind his head had been too much for him, and he had nearly gotten sick with nerves every time I brought up a haircut.

In the end, I had let the subject drop. Hair was nothing for me to get bothered about, and there was no point in making Jasper upset. Then, one day last week, Alice had shown up with one of her fashion magazines, and pointed a male model out to Jasper. "He's so handsome. I'll bet you would look great with your hair cut like that." Then she had been off and chattering about something else, her mind working at a thousand miles an hour.

We had been at the salon the next day, making Jasper look like he did in her fantasy. No fuss, no getting sick and no trauma involved. He had simply made the decision to do it, so he did. I hoped that the experience would give him the confidence to face and take control of some of his other fears. He was tougher than he realized.

It wasn't until I sat back down that I realized he had left his homework on my desk. Instead of setting it aside and doing some paperwork, I picked up his outline and read over it again. I focused in on Hamlet's fatal flaw, his inability to trust. Was Jasper sending me a message here? Was this essay a warning that he was like Hamlet, unable to trust or bond in any real way with us? Or was he telling me that he had been like Hamlet, but he wanted to try and trust us, to avoid the prince's fate? Or was he just doing his homework? Maybe I needed to stop thinking so much.

Trying to figure out how to bond with Jasper, or really any child, was probably the most difficult part of fostering. When you had been abused by some adults, abandoned by others, it was hard to open up to a foster parent. No matter how hard we tried, most of the children were temporary placements, and they knew it. Why bother bonding with us at all, when they would be moving on in a matter of weeks or months?

Jasper was more difficult than most. This had as much to do with his age as with his experiences. As a late teenager, his mind and body were getting ready to move beyond a mother, father, and siblings. It was almost time for him to start thinking about having a family of his own. To suddenly get a new pair of parents was confusing for him. I couldn't expect him to figure out in just a few months what he had never had in a lifetime. All I could do was lay a foundation, and hope that he would stick around once he turned eighteen.

The abuse he had suffered didn't help matters in the slightest. He had been lacking in normal relationships with adults for at least five years, maybe longer than that. He could spend hours watching the rest of the kids, noting the way they interacted with us and their lack of fear, but that didn't mean much to him. He could logically understand how a family ought to function, but he was still incapable of putting that understanding into action. He was trying, though, and that was all I could ask.

I took the papers with me when I went to go check on Esme, leaving them on the hall table. Jasper wouldn't come into the office if I wasn't there, despite my telling him that he was welcome to borrow the computer in there if he needed it. He was the same way about bedrooms, and the second basement, which he seemed to perceive as belonging to Rosalie only. Respecting other people's personal spaces was a big deal to Jasper, though he didn't really seem to expect his to be respected in turn.

Esme was awake when I peeked in, but not moving. There was only one reason she would be lying in bed on a day this important: she couldn't get up. I felt like crying. Here I was, a strong doctor, head of surgery, and I couldn't even help my own wife. "Esme . . ." I trailed off there, because, really? What was there left to say?

As always, she tried to hide just how poorly she was feeling. "Hey, baby. Is everything ready for the party?"

The fact that she had left Jasper and I to do the setup, not even coming down to supervise, should have told me right away that something was wrong. Esme was a perfect decorator, finding the correct spots for everything, right down to the last silver balloon. I held my voice steady, knowing that pity was the last thing she wanted. "Yes. You should see the banner that Jasper made. It's gorgeous, an _Alice in Wonderland_ theme. We got the balloons blown up and pretty much covered the floor with them. Can I get you anything?"

What I really wanted to do was rush over there and gather her into my arms, to cry and rage about all the things that we couldn't change, but I didn't. Part of our unspoken agreement was that we would treat this like any other illness, like a temporary thing. Maybe it was unhealthy, but it worked for us. To draw attention to the fact that she might never be able to chase after her grandchildren seemed cruel.

"No, I've already taken what I need. Right now, I'm just going to rest for a while, so I can be at my best for the party. Can you ask Jasper to take care of the cake for me? It should be cooled right now, all he has to do is frost it. If he wants to do more, you know where the supplies are."

That cemented in my mind that things were bad. Esme always decorated the kids' cakes. They were a labor of love for her, each shaped perfectly for the theme of the party. In the past, there had been dog cakes with piped-on fur icing, an octopus cake for Emmett, whose sense of humor had always been strange, a castle cake when Rosalie wanted to be a princess, even a caterpillar one made up of a dozen cupcakes. For her to surrender this one (which was shaped like the Cheshire cat) to Jasper's inexpert hand showed a much greater level of exhaustion then I had seen before. "Are you sure?"

She frowned sadly. "I think it's for the best. Alice will understand, and no one has to know it was supposed to be the Cheshire cat. We can just pretend it's a normal cake, frosted like a white kitty."

None of the kids would be fooled, except maybe Jasper, but none of them would draw attention to it either. Esme was right; Alice would understand. They were all old enough to understand that there were limitations to what Esme could do, and those limits might increase over the years. "I'll go find him. Are you sure I can't do anything else?"

"No, but be sure to tell him think you." She accepted my kiss, and the unspoken apology that went with it. She knew that, deep down, I would never forgive myself for not being able to cure her, just like I knew that she would never forgive herself for allowing our biological baby to die. We both bore the ridiculous guilt for things we had no control over, things that no one was blaming us for but ourselves. With a heavy heart, I left her, looking for Jasper.

I found him sprawled out on the couch, a book in one hand and Alice's iPod in his ears. I made sure to come around in front of him, so he could see me, before I made any move to touch him or get his attention. Even with my precautions, he startled when I touched his book, his body going tense.

I hated to see him like that, but I also knew that I deserved it. We had taken a huge step backwards the day of the trial, when I had scared him into tears, and we were still trying to get back on totally level ground. Jasper didn't forgive easily, and he certainly never forgot. I was going to have to earn my way back into his good graces, something that might take a while. I tapped my ear and he responded by taking the ear buds out. "Yeah?"

"Esme wants to know if you'll frost the cake for her. She isn't feeling well today."

He stared. "Esme always frosts the cakes. Alice told me so."

"Yes, usually she does. But she wants to know if you'll do it today." I spoke slowly and deliberately. Sometimes Jasper will zone out and need to hear things more than once. Whether it was the result of small seizures, or just an intense focus on the book he had been reading, he didn't seem to do it on purpose, so there was no point in being upset.

"But Esme always does the cakes." His eyes dilated with nerves.

Something was going on here, something more than just cakes. "Yes, but she doesn't feel up to it today. What's worrying you?"

"I don't want Esme to be sick." He chewed on his thumbnail while he spoke. "She always does the cakes, _always. _Alice said to keep an eye out for the cake, because it would look just like a professional did it. If she's too sick to do them . . . I just don't want her to be sick."

Because this had all happened to him before. His mother stopped being able to do things she had previously loved. Then she stopped taking care of his needs. Finally, she had disappeared altogether. Consciously or not, Jasper was relating this back to his own mother and her illness. He was afraid that the pattern would repeat, and he would lose another person who was important to him. The question was, how could I bring this up to him? "Jasper, it's very nice that you're worried about Esme, but she's going to be fine. Sometimes her condition flares up a little, and when it does, it isn't fun for any of us. But if she rests, she should feel better in a day or so, all right? This doesn't mean that she's going to keep getting worse."

He shook his head, his face turned from mine. I couldn't tell if he was denying my words, or if he was responding to some private thought. That was another thing about Jasper: He had been isolated from proper human contact for so long that he had picked up some very strange habits. One of the odder ones was talking to himself, a continuous, quiet, monologue of everything that went through his head. This came complete with gestures, such as the head shaking or nodding, and, like many of Jasper's quirks, could be quite endearing once you got used to it.

I waited until he turned back to me. "Do you want to talk about this?"

This time the head shake was definitely directed at me. "I'll take care of the cake for her. Is there anything else I can do?"

He was completely transparent, but I let him get away with it. I knew that by trying to take care of the cake, and anything else that might possible help Esme, he was hoping that he could make her better. He felt like if he had done all the right things with his mom, she wouldn't have been so overwhelmed, and might have been able to hang on. He was trying desperately to break a pattern that didn't exist. "No, that's more than enough. Thank you, Jasper. I'm sure Esme is grateful also."

I led him into the kitchen, pointing out the frosting and showing him where the extra decorating supplies were. I made it clear that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to, but I was pretty sure that he would want to. This was Alice, after all, the apparent love of his life. He would do anything to make her happy.

Jasper got to work right away, carefully arranging the different jars of sprinkles and edible glitter. His soft chattering started up again, and I knew I was a good as forgotten. I had to admit, I was more than a little curious about what he might be able to do, especially after seeing the banner he had made earlier, but I knew enough to know he wouldn't appreciate an audience. "I'm going to run out to the store. Do you want anything? Or would you like to go with me?"

"No, I need to get this done. Could you get some popcorn, though? All that's in the kitchen is that nasty kettle corn stuff."

"Of course." There didn't seem to be anything else for me to do, so I left him there among the icing. The entire ride to the store, I turned Jasper's words over and over in my mind. He was afraid he was going to lose us. No, scratch that, he was afraid he was going to lose Esme. I fell quite a bit lower down on his scale of affections at the moment. Probably somewhere between Bella and Edward. He liked me, but in a cautious way. He had been more giving before the trial, but I guessed I understood why he acted the way he did now.

I kept thinking as I chose four flavors of ice cream and some extra soda for tonight. It really wasn't long before his birthday now, a matter of weeks as opposed to months. Even now, I had no idea how he was going to react when it happened. Legally, he could walk out of our house a free man, and I could do nothing to stop him. He could vanish right off the face of the earth, and I would never know if he was all right. Was he hungry? Afraid? Doing drugs or selling himself?

I didn't think he would go to those extremes. At the very least, he would stick around for Alice. Whether or not he would be living with us, he would be close, just so he could be near her. There was quite a bit of money in the account I had set up for him, so it was unlikely that he would end up on the streets.

At least, not due to lack of money. Unfortunately, Jasper was still showing signs of emotional trauma, and that would hamper him far more than money issues ever would. He was wary of strangers at best, downright rude at worst. He had made huge strides since arriving at our house, but it wasn't enough for me to consider him capable of living on his own. Even though those of us who lived with him saw improvement, anyone outside of the family would still see a freak. It hurt me to ever think of him using that term, but I knew that other people wouldn't be as understanding as we were. Anyway, he had just found a loving, supportive family, and I was in no hurry to push him back out of it.

I was nearly to the checkout before I remembered the popcorn, and hurried back to find the brand he liked. It was a little thing, but I was still trying to apologize to him for my terrible behavior a week and a half ago. Yes, I had been afraid and trying to protect my family, but that was no reason to intimidate a child who had already been through far too much in one day.

The kitchen was empty when I got home: no Jasper, no cake. The only sign that either had ever been there was a few scattered sprinkles. That was odd; I would have expected him to leave the cake on the counter. Maybe he had taken it to the living room, where the rest of the party stuff was. Nothing. "Jasper?" He didn't respond to being called, either.

Maybe he was up in his room, though that didn't explain the disappearance of the cake. Still, it was as good a place to start as any, so I went upstairs to check. I never even made it to his room, however, because I clearly heard him in my own bedroom. He spoke, the words indistinct, then laughed.

My hand hesitated at the half-closed door. It was my room, but I still felt like something private was going on in there. I knocked lightly, and immediately heard two voices. "Come in!"

The pair of them were on the bed together, Esme propped against the headboard, and Jasper sitting next to her. He had brought up the card table from the basement, and laid it, the legs still folded up, over my wife's lap. Jasper had carefully balanced both the cake and the decorating utensils on the little table. What had been a vaguely cat-shaped cake an hour ago was now a work of art.

The cake had been frosted white, but one of them had used the red sugar sprinkles to create a bright tabby pattern, the contrast startling. The eyes were golden glitter, and the grin hysterical and mocking. It might have been the best cake Esme had ever created. "We're all mad here. Esme, this is beautiful, you outdid yourself."

She smiled. "Sorry, babe. Credit goes to Jasper this time. He did all of the actual decorating."

Jasper cringed down under my sudden scrutiny. "Not really. Esme showed me what to do and how to use all the different stuff. I just did what she told me to."

Behind him, Esme was shaking her head, but her eyes told me not to push the issue. "It looks wonderful. Jasper, even if you just followed directions, it's better than I could have done. I'm not even allowed to frost them anymore, not after I tore up one of Edward's cakes. I didn't realize you had to wait until it was cool before you frosted it."

He smiled at me then, the first real smile I had seen since the trial. "Will you carry it down? I'm afraid I'll drop it."

Now was not the time to point out that he had carried it up here with no problem. Esme smiled at us both. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready; the rest of the kids should be home any minute."

I set the card table and decorating supplies on the floor by the bed. I could get them later. The cake was the important thing. Jasper was in front of me, which made it easy to see him stumble badly into the doorframe.

It really shouldn't have been that big a deal. He had stepped poorly on his right foot, and the lingering weakness there had thrown him off balance. He picked himself back up immediately, continuing on down to the kitchen, and seemed just fine. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. Jasper had adapted to his limp extremely well, and it had been weeks since I had seen him stumble like that. Alarm bells rang louder in my head. Something was wrong with him, and I had no idea what. "Honey, are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"No. I don't know what's wrong. I don't feel sick, I just don't feel right." He laid his head on the table. "It's like . . . I don't know."

More than ever, I wished I had the answers for him. That anyone did. "Why don't you go rest for a little while? You've already done far more than you needed to, and you're obviously tired. Maybe all you need is a nap."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that. Maybe you could . . ." He trailed off there, unable to force himself to finish the sentence. He just looked hopelessly at me.

"Maybe I could what?" Anything he asked for right now, I would give him. Food? Drink? Some affection? All he had to do was speak the words.

But even with my prompt, he couldn't do it. "Nothing."

I left him then, giving in to his obvious wish to be alone. He retreated back to the couch, picking up his abandoned book and staring at it. I noticed that he chose a chair facing the front yard, so he could see the rest of the kids (Alice especially, I'm sure) as soon as they pulled up.

There wasn't much left for me to do, so I went back upstairs instead. Jasper needed me, but he refused to accept that fact. Esme also needed me, and she would allow me to comfort her. As much as it bothered me to abandon a child in need, I needed to do what I could.

Esme was up and waiting for me, already dressed for the party. I kissed her neck. "That was a good idea, having Jasper bring the cake up here."

"Oh, that wasn't my idea. He just showed up, dragging that card table with him." She frowned. "Do you think he's all right?"

So I wasn't imagining things. "You saw that too, huh?"

"Yeah, he's acting very strange. It was like he wanted me to touch him, but then he didn't. He's anxious as heck, and I can't figure out why. Do you think he's upset about this party, because it's getting so close to his own birthday? He has to be worried, no matter what we tell him."

"Maybe." I wasn't too sure about that. I knew he had to be worried about his upcoming birthday, but I couldn't help but feel there was more to it. He was just so distant, even more so than usual. "I've been watching him."

She looked at me for a long minute. "Keep watching, Carlisle. This is the calm before the storm, and it's going to be a hurricane."

It never failed to surprise me when Esme put my thoughts into words like that. Her theory did make sense. Jasper was worrying over something in his own mind, and he wasn't going to share it with the rest of us until he was good and ready. Still, the thought of him suffering in silence put a knot in my stomach. "Well, we got almost an entire two months before he flipped out, so that's better than Rose or Alice." I tried to have a sense of humor about this now, because there was going to be nothing funny about any of it when he finally blew.

"All we can do is pick up the pieces afterwards and try and put him back together. No use in worrying about it right now. Right now, we have a party to celebrate and Alice to focus on."

That was true. It was so easy to get caught up in Jasper and his needs that we sometimes forgot the others, and that they needed us just as much. "They should be home pretty soon. I'll start the grill."

We were going to be celebrating really early, but I had to be at work by eight and I didn't want to miss my Alice's party. I had made sure there was plenty of food, since Emmett could qualify as a professional eater, and Jasper wasn't far behind him. At least, he usually wasn't. His appetite had been a little off the past few days also. Not enough that it would have meant anything by itself, but added to everything else, I worried.

Jasper was in the kitchen when I got there, working busily in his notebook. The spiral-bound book had been Felix's idea, a place for Jasper to put down all of his thoughts without worry that any of us would bother it. Some days he would carry it all day long, making little notes and sketches, then I wouldn't see the thing again for weeks. Lately, it had been his constant companion. He didn't look up, but he did incline his head in my direction slightly, so he was aware of me.

"Do you want a hamburger or hot dogs?" I was less interested in his answer than I was in gauging how much attention he was paying.

"Hamburger." I should have guessed that he was hyper-aware of every move I made. "No, cheeseburger. Please." Even though he was responding to me, he never stopped writing.

"All right." As I was speaking, his head snapped up and he vaulted to his feet. He vanished so quickly it was as if he had never been there at all. I stood there for a few puzzled seconds, before I heard the engine of Emmett's Jeep. The kids were home.

Even though I knew it was wrong to spy, I couldn't help but peek out the window as they unloaded themselves from the vehicle. Alice leapt out, her backpack falling to the grass as she hurled herself into Jasper's waiting arms. He lifted her easily, laying his chin on top of her head. For a single second, he looked perfectly content, as if all was right in his world.

He wasn't nearly as affectionate with the rest of them, but he did speak. He even nodded at Bella, which was progress. She had been over to the house enough that he was used to her, and was almost always polite. Sometimes, he was downright friendly to her. I wasn't sure exactly what Edward had told her about Jasper, but she seemed to take his quirks in stride, never giving any indication that she finds him anything but normal. It seemed that Edward's worries about Jasper scaring her off had been entirely unfounded.

Alice managed to move around so that she was perched on Jasper's back, her arms secure around his neck. Her lips moved, and I could only assume she was telling him to giddy-up. He bounced her twice and started coming back towards the house. I smiled as I watched his head continue to nod as she spoke. I would have thought he was tuning her out, but the relationship was still new enough that he thought every word out of her lips was pure poetry.

As soon as she saw me, she vaulted off of his back and into my arms. I hugged her tight. "Happy Birthday, sweetie."

"Thank you. Are we going to start soon? Please, please can we start soon? I know it's early but we all skipped lunch so we could eat as a family. Then we can do cake and presents and sing, all right?"

It wasn't about the presents to her, though I was sure she was looking forward to them. It was more that Alice reveled in having us all together, and if there was cake involved, it might be her definition of a perfect day. "Sure. I have hamburgers and hot dogs, what does everyone want?"

The orders were shouted at me so quickly that I had trouble distinguishing one from the other. As near as I could tell, I needed to make eight hamburgers, not including Jasper's, and five hot dogs. Add in a few extras for Esme and me, and I could have been feeding a football team.

The conversation was light and fast-paced, mostly revolving around school. This teacher sucked, that teacher was easy. It was almost as if the adults in the room were invisible. Emmett was regaling Bella with the tale of the exploded lab table, making it sound much more dramatic than it really was. She was giggling, and things seemed to be going very well.

Which was why it was such a shock when things suddenly went very wrong. Jasper was standing up and holding his plate out for another hamburger when he accidentally let it dip too close to the candles I had set up. The paper caught fire, causing him to yelp and drop it to the table. I jumped to my feet reflexively, intending to check if he had been burned.

I never got the chance. Before my very eyes, Jasper changed into someone I didn't recognize. His pupils blew, turning his eyes from blue to black in less than a second. Without warning, he jumped to the side, slamming into Bella and sending them both crashing to the ground.

Everything started happening quickly then. Both Esme and Edward went for Bella, while Emmett and I lunged for Jasper. Rose took Alice, and tried to keep her out of the fray.

Both Jasper and Bella were struggling to get themselves untangled and bolt in opposite directions. They might have managed it, too, if Emmett hadn't reached out and grabbed hold of Jasper. At the realization that a stranger had grabbed him (and I didn't doubt that, right now, we were _all_ strangers to Jasper), he lost it completely and started screaming hysterically.

It took both of us to wrestle him out of there and into the living room. Jasper was a skinny little thing, but muscular, and he had the strength that comes along utter desperation. It was easiest to just collapse into the big chair, pulling Jasper down with me. He didn't really fit in my lap, he was too long and too heavy, but I figured that this way I had the best chance of keeping a hold on him.

Emmett looked into my eyes for a second before nervously releasing his grip. Jasper still struggled, but he couldn't break my hold. Since I didn't think he could understand me, even if I did speak, I addressed Emmett. "I need you to get your mother and tell her to call Felix now. Then keep everyone else under control and out of this room, understand? You're the oldest one here, and I need your help."

He must have understood the seriousness of what was happening, because he nodded tersely and left the room. I started to turn my attention back to Jasper, only to have pain explode in my chest as he head-butted me. I managed to twist so the second smack hit my shoulder instead, as did the third and fourth.

Logically, I knew there was nothing personal in the attack. Jasper didn't see me as his foster father, or even as a person. I was just an object right now, something to vent his terror on before he exploded. If I hadn't been holding him, he would have just as easily slammed into the wall or floor. At the moment, physical pain meant nothing to him. He was too busy suffering mentally.

When he paused to take a breath, I twisted him around so his shoulder was against my chest, and he couldn't get any power behind a fifth hit. Sweat made him hard to hold, but he seemed to have lost the will to fight free. This reality no longer existed for him.

At least until I tried to put an arm around him in a vain attempt to offer comfort. As soon as I touched his upper arm, his back arched up and he started screaming again. I dropped my hand instantly, my worry increasing. After he settled, I tried again, this time sliding my hand up his side and not touching his arm at all. He remained tense, but didn't scream again.

After a few minutes he started to tremble, then mutter, but I couldn't make sense of his words. I whispered to him, but he didn't react in the slightest. He seemed to have lost awareness of me again.

He wasn't totally out of it, though, because he started slamming into my shoulder again as soon as Esme tried to enter the room. He was in a world of fear right now, and unable to recognize her as anything but a threat. The blows didn't hurt, at least compared to before, but I saw tears forming in her eyes. "It's all right, just talk from where you are. I think he feels crowded."

The longing to touch Jasper, to comfort him in some small way was written all over her face, but she stayed in the doorway. "Felix said that we have to trust our instincts here. If we think he's dangerous or suicidal, to call 911 and have him committed."

Jasper continued to shiver, making low whimpering noises, but gave no indication that he understood her words. "I don't think he is."

She nodded. "He thinks Jasper might be having a flashback. He was fine until the fire jumped up at him, so that was probably the trigger. Felix said that we could try putting some ice on him or making loud noises, anything that might shock his body back to reality. If that doesn't work, to just wait and see if he comes out of it on his own. He thinks it's better for Jasper to stay here, where it's familiar and he feels safe, than to have to go to the hospital again. He did say if Jasper wasn't any better in the morning to take him to the hospital. Do you think I should get some ice? It sounds kind of cruel."

From where she was standing, she couldn't really see him shake or hear his cries, otherwise she would have found it far more cruel to leave him like he was. "Why don't you get some ice?"

Normally we would have discussed this together, but this was a crisis, and I needed to make a fast choice. "Just put it in a baggie and toss it over, all right? I don't want to get him all upset again."

She nodded and left. "Well, Jasper, you certainly know how to make life interesting." His hair was matted with sweat and hanging in his eyes, so I brushed it away. His eyes were half open and looking right into mine, though there was no connection between us. The dead doll stare was enough to make me wish I had never touched him at all.

"Here." Esme tossed the baggie at me. I missed the catch and it hit the back of the chair, close to Jasper's left ear. He didn't jump or acknowledge it at all. "Edward took Bella home. I'm going to leave you two alone and deal with the other kids."

I wished that it was her with Jasper right now instead of me. Not because I was eager to get rid of him, but because he loved and trusted her more. I couldn't imagine what it was like to suffer the way he was suffering, and not have a single person around that you trusted. I put the baggie against the back of his neck. "Come on now, wake up for me."

He didn't. At least not totally. Both the muttering and shaking ceased, but he showed no further signs of awareness. His only movements were slow blinks, as his eyes continued to stare vacantly. Unable to bear that strange gaze, I shifted him against me, tucking his head underneath my chin. "It's okay, Jasper. No one's mad at you, and I'll stay here as long as you like."

Esme reappeared only long enough to tell me that she had called the hospital and told them I wouldn't be coming in. Jasper didn't react to her this time, but she still kept her distance. None of the rest of them came in; Esme must have warned them to stay out.

Time passed, and it got dark outside. The only light in the room came from a lamp on the opposite side of the room, casting the pair of us into a gloomy half-dark. I kept on talking, telling him anything I could think of to try and get through to him. There was a red spot on the back of his neck, from where I had been holding the ice, and I focused on it, just so I wouldn't have to look at the rest of him.

After what felt like an eternity, I felt his icy fingers at my neck. Ever so softly, he curled them around the collar of my T-shirt. He didn't look up, didn't speak, and didn't otherwise move, just held on. Jasper was back.

I didn't want to spook him, so I never paused in my telling him about meeting Esme. When I was done, I looked down at him. I could see an angry-looking mark on the side of his hand. He had been burned after all.

Slowly, I slipped my hand under his and raised it up off my chest. His grip on my fingers was no tighter then it had been on my shirt, just tight enough to hold on. He allowed me to raise his hand to my face and look closely. "Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

_Sure, when did you think he was going to do that? In between the screaming fit and shutting down, perhaps?_ I hadn't been expecting a reply, so I was surprised when he whispered "I didn't know."

"Why don't you let me take care of that? It must hurt." I started to ease him off of my lap, so I could stand up and get some burn cream and fresh ice, but he refused to move. His hand returned to its original spot against my neck and he held on tightly. I hastened to reassure him. "It's all right, I won't move if you don't want me to. Would it be all right if Esme came in and helped out?"

He nodded once against my chest, though I could tell he didn't really like the idea. His back was against my chest again, and I could feel his heartbeat grow faster. "Esme? Esme?" She didn't reply, so I reached for my cell phone. She picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Listen, Jasper's hand is burned, but not badly. Could you get the cream out of the bathroom, and some more ice? Come on in, he says it's fine."

She must have run, because she was there in less than two minutes. Jasper turned his face away from her, but he didn't tense. Esme took his hand. "Let me see."

I got nervous when she touched him, waiting for him to freak out again, but he didn't. She treated him quickly, her hand lingering in his. "There you go, all fixed up. Here's some aspirin for the pain."

I hadn't thought of that. For the first time since she came in the room, Jasper looked at her. He treated her to a quick smile, one that caused her to squeeze his uninjured hand. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "Okay. My head kind of hurts, though." His voice was slurred and defeated.

That didn't come as any surprise. "The aspirin should help with that, too. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"NO!" His voice was unexpectedly loud, causing us all to jump, but there wasn't much power behind it. He was totally hoarse, no doubt from all the screaming he had done earlier. Once the word was out, he cringed back against my shoulder.

"Okay, okay. You don't have to say anything. I just thought you might want to. You can go on up to bed if you want, or you can stay here with me, your choice."

Abruptly, he seemed to register the position that he was in and squirmed to get free. I held up both arms, releasing him to stumble to his feet. Even though I had expected that reaction, and was actually surprised he had let me hold him as long as he had, I still felt a tinge of disappointment. I wanted him to be comfortable with being held, I really did.

He wavered a bit on his feet, and for the first time since this started I got a clear look at his face. It was tired, but totally dry. Had I not seen him cry the day of the trial, I might have thought him incapable of actually producing tears. He shuffled nervously from side to side before giving us the most pathetic look I had ever seen. "Uh, I don't want you guys to be mad or anything, but . . . would it be okay if I slept in Emmett's room again tonight? Please?"

We exchanged puzzled looks. "You can sleep wherever you want to, Jasper. Why do you think we would be mad?"

The carpet must have been rather intriguing tonight, because he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of it. "I just thought that, well, you two were so happy when I went back in my own room, that maybe you wanted me to stay there this time. You fixed it up really nice, and all I'm doing is taking over Emmett's floor."

I had to handle this rather delicately, as Jasper tended to have a bad issue with twisting Esme's and my words around. "I was happy when you started sleeping in your own room again because I thought that meant you were sleeping better overall, and you didn't need Emmett around for comfort. I want you to be getting a good night's sleep, whether it's in your room, his room or the living room. As long as you're okay with it, and he's okay with it, I don't care if you sleep on his floor until both of you go to college."

That earned me a wobbly smile. Looking at it, I wondered just how well he had been doing in his own room after all. I had assumed that no news was good news, and that he would tell me if he was having troubles, but he hadn't. His relief at being allowed back into Emmett's room was almost palpable. "Thank you."

I didn't want to say the next part and risk destroying the moment, but I didn't want him to feel betrayed later, either. "I want you to know that you have an appointment at nine tomorrow to see Felix. You don't have to talk to us about what happened tonight, but you do need to talk to someone."

He was very quiet as he digested this information. "I want to. Tell you. But I can't. I can't. I'm trying." The words came out in staccato jerks. "I can't. You'll . . . I can't."

After the scene earlier, I didn't want to do anything to upset him. "It's fine. You'll be able to do it when the time is right and there's no sense in pushing if it isn't. You can go on upstairs and I'll see you in the morning." I tried to stop the last part from coming out, but found myself unable to. "I love you."

His eyes took on a strange green shade in response to my words, but he was unable to reply. His lips moved, forming words that I couldn't understand, and he took a few steps backwards. Then he turned and fled up the stairs.

We both listened as he thumped up the stairs, his steps growing fainter and fainter. Once she was sure that he couldn't double back and hear her, Esme turned to me. "Carlisle, what just happened?"

What had just happened was that Jasper had proved himself to be more disturbed then I had previously believed. "Felix will be able to tell us more in the morning. Maybe I should call Eleazar. Didn't he have that kid who had flashbacks? Greg or Gary or something?"

"Garrett, and you're right. I'll bet he'll know what to do." She didn't seem particularly happy about it. Instead she looked as sad as I had ever seen her.

I didn't want to ask, but I had no choice. "Esme, are you still sure about him? His problems are more than we thought they were." It would kill me to give Jasper up now, but I wasn't going to sacrifice the rest of the family for him, either.

"Of course I am. If he needed us before, he needs us even more now. I can't give up on him, Carlisle, not yet."

That, of course, was the crux of the matter. Despite the appearance of new quirks and problems, Jasper really was trying. He wanted to get better, and most days I felt like he wanted to be part of this family. Maybe not a full part, but he seemed reasonably content here.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't want to let him go, either. Better or worse, he's ours now. We'll call Eleazar first thing in the morning, then we'll figure out how to get through this together."

All the rest of the night, I kept returning to the barely-there feeling of Jasper's fingers curling around my shirt. No matter what he might claim, clearly some part of him found me comforting, and desired my company. He was placing his trust in me, and I somehow had to come through for him.

Even though my father had been a preacher, it had been a long time since I had seriously prayed for anything. I had just seen too much of the horrors that people could commit on the smallest and most vulnerable of us, and it had jaded me. But I needed help now, even if it was just to cast the words into void.

_Please, God, please help me with Jasper. Please show me what to do for him, and make me strong enough for both of us. Please give me a chance to save this one. I'll go to the ends of the earth for him, if you'll just help a little. Give him the strength to face whatever is coming and survive it. Please God, make me strong enough to help this one heal. Amen._


	28. Chapter 28

**Bella**

Edward was pissed. I could tell he was pissed, because he was clutching the steering wheel so tightly it looked like it might break, and I could see his harsh breaths steaming up the interior of the car. "Edward, it's all right."

His eyes were blazing as his head snapped towards me. "It's _not_ all right! You could have been hurt, or even killed. I should have known better than to bring you over there."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Yes, I could have possibly been hurt tonight, but I hadn't. Being killed had never been in the realm of possibility. I kept my voice as calm as I could. "I really don't think it was that bad. Jasper knocked the breath out of me, that's all. He didn't hurt me intentionally, and he certainly wouldn't have killed me."

I would have liked an explanation of what exactly had happened with Jasper, but it didn't look like I would be getting one anytime soon. The shocked looks on both Carlisle's and Esme's faces told me that they weren't sure what was wrong with him either, and furthermore, they had been just as frightened as I had.

"You don't know that. What happened with Jasper . . . well, none of us really know what he's capable of. He could well have hurt you."

Now I was starting to get a little pissed myself. "And I could have fallen down the stairs and been hurt also. Guess I shouldn't use those anymore. Oh, maybe I should walk home, just in case you have an accident. Oops, I might trip and hurt myself doing that too! You can't protect me from everything, Edward!"

He glared at me, but I glared right back until he softened. "Bella, I'm sorry. You're right, I can't protect you from everything, but I don't want to see you taking unnecessary risks. Jasper has problems. No one, not even you, can deny that. It might just be wisest if you kept away from him for right now. Just until he's a little more relaxed."

If you just took his words at face value, they did make sense. Why would I deliberately put myself in the path of someone who was clearly unstable? No, his words made sense; it was his tone I didn't like. He was using his _aren't you precious when you try and think, but I know better than you do_ tone, and it increased my ire. "So, what, you don't want me to come over to the house anymore? No more double dates? Am I even allowed to talk to Jasper?"

Edward sighed softly, then offered me his most charming little grin. _Nice try, buddy, but it's not going to work this time._ "Of course not. You know that my family loves you, and I wouldn't want to take you away from them. No one is saying that you should be rude to Jasper, or not talk to him, just kind of keep your distance. It shouldn't be that hard. He's not very friendly anyway."

No, he wasn't. At least not in the 'lots of hugs and kisses' way that the rest of the family was. But he always greeted me politely, and asked how I was, even if he did have to struggle to get the words out. I kind of felt like we were friends, or at least on very friendly terms. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by backing away suddenly. "So, what are you going to do, keep him chained up in the basement when I come over?"

He flinched visibly, looking down at the steering wheel. "No, I'm not Maria." The words were so low that I barely heard them.

"Who?" The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Then it hit me like a fist in the gut. Maria was the foster mother who'd had Jasper before Carlisle and Esme. "She kept him chained up in the basement?"

"Bella, it's not my place to discuss Jasper like that. He deserves his privacy." His voice was quiet and filled with pain.

He might as well have just said yes. If it hadn't been true, he would have told me. My heart broke at the thought of shy, sensitive Jasper left alone in the cold and dark like that. No wonder he had problems.

"It's better for him, too, you know." Edward really was pulling out all the stops.

"How?" My tone told him that I expected a really good explanation.

We were stopped at a red light, so he was able to give me all of his attention. He seemed to really be thinking this through, so I didn't push. Finally he started speaking. "I know you think I'm being mean, but protecting you is my first priority. I don't know what happened with Jasper tonight, but I was afraid I was going to lose you. Even if he didn't hurt you, you might decide that my family was too much for you, and that you wanted out. I would understand if you did."

I started to protest, but he held up a hand to silence me. "I love Jasper like a brother. He's a really neat guy, but he's had to suffer more than any one person should. It changed him, Bella, and I don't want to see either of you hurt. It's hard for him to be around strangers, and it's probably better for him to be with just the family for a while."

"But . . . I thought I was part of the family, too." It hurt me to hear him say that, like I was just a little diversion for them.

He hastened to reassure me. "You are. It's just that you aren't there every day, and that makes it a little harder for him."

He was slowly working his way back into my good graces, but I wasn't going to allow him to push me around. "But doesn't that mean I should be around Jasper _more?_ I mean, if it makes him nervous to be around strangers, shouldn't I make it so I'm not a stranger anymore? Then he wouldn't be so upset."

Edward's mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to think of a good counterargument. I gave him a minute or two, then pointed. "Light's green."

He stomped the Volvo's accelerator with more force than strictly necessary, causing the tires to give an agonized squeal. "Bella, I'm just trying to do what's best for you."

I huffed. "How old are you? Oh, that's right, you're sixteen, the same age I am. You aren't my father, and you don't need to make choices based on what's best for me. I'll decide that, not you. I understand that you're upset about this, but you're a lot more upset than I am. What happened with Jasper happened, and no one got hurt. Just let it go."

"No one got hurt because we were able to get the pair of you apart fast. It could have been worse."

We were just talking in circles. Jasper wouldn't have hurt me; I could read it in his eyes. He had wanted to get away from me, and everyone else, as fast as possible. He hadn't intended to run into me at all, much less knock me down. "Whatever." I was fully aware that that made me sound like a petulant teenager, not at all like the adult I had been trying to pass myself off as, which just made me more irritated.

By this time, we had pulled into my driveway. I didn't want Edward to go away thinking I hated him, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek, despite the fact that my anger hadn't completely cooled. "I love you."

He smiled back at me, but sadly, like he still felt like he might lose me over this. "I love you, too."

"Tell Jasper that I hope he feels better soon, and I'm not mad about him knocking me down, all right?"

"Of course." He put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, beeping the horn goodbye. I waved and went inside.

Charlie jumped when I came in the door. "Bella? What's wrong? You're back awfully early."

There was no way I could tell him the truth, so I settled for a half lie. "Edward's brother got really sick, so he brought me home early."

"Which brother?" His tone was a little suspicious, just like it always was when I was out with Edward. After so many years of being Chief of Police, his lie detector was finely tuned, and he wasn't going to let any boy get away with being too handsy with me.

"Jasper, the new one." I looked him dead in the eyes, hoping he would be fooled. Technically, Jasper was ill, just not in the way he thought.

"Poor boy, he can't seem to catch a break. I already ate at Billy's, but can I make something for you?"

I could tell that he was hoping I would say no. After being forced to eat his meals for the first few days after I arrived, I wasn't looking forward to repeating the experience. "No, I ate at the Cullens'."

As I stood there and looked at Charlie, it suddenly occurred to me how much I loved him. Sure, he hadn't been around when I was younger, which was as much Renee's fault as it was his, but he had taken me in without hesitation or complaint when I had needed him. It couldn't have been his idea of fun to suddenly get a teenager whose world had been turned upside down.

I had complained bitterly to Renee when she told me I was moving in with Charlie, begging her to keep me, even if it meant being on the road with her and Phil. Now, after meeting Jasper, I realized how lucky I had been. I still didn't know the circumstances that had led him to foster care in the first place, but there had been no Charlie to rescue him once he had been put in the system.

"Charlie?" I waited until he was looking at me to continue. I had wanted to call him Dad, but, as always, the word got stuck in my throat. "You know I love you, right?"

He leaned back in his chair, clearly embarrassed by my declaration. "Of course, Bella. What brought this on?"

_The fact that I'm glad I'm not being locked in a basement and hit with a poker?_ "I was just thinking about all the people in the world who don't have anyone who would take them in like you have. I love you." I had said the words more in the last two minutes than I had since I had arrived.

He turned red and looked deep into his coffee cup. "I love you, too." His humiliation complete, he stood up and patted my shoulder, the Charlie version of a hug. Then he fled the room.

I went back into the kitchen and grabbed a soda and some chips. I had really only half finished my meal at the Cullens' house, and my stomach was complaining a little. I was debating whether to take it to my room and get started on my homework or eat in front of the TV when I noticed my purse had tipped over on the counter. When I picked it up, my cell phone slid free, clattering across the counter.

I picked the little silver phone up, twirling it around my fingers. Should I try calling and checking up on Jasper, or would that just be creepy?

Alice's face suddenly flashed into my mind, the way she had looked as Emmett and Carlisle hauled Jasper out of the room. It had been like her own heart was being ripped out. I had wanted to stay with her then, but Edward had all but dragged me from the house and into the car. I would call Alice. If everything was all right with Jasper, and she needed to be with him, it would be fine. If not, she would at least have someone to talk to.

The phone rang on and on, and I was about to hang up when a tiny voice came on the line. "Hello?"

"Alice?" I had never heard her sound anything but cheerful and upbeat. Now her voice was heavy with tears, a tired monotone. My stomach clenched. Out of all of us, Alice should never have to sound like that.

"Bella." She managed to get the word out before starting to cry again. So Jasper wasn't all right after all. "Bella, it's really bad here."

I set my tray down on the couch and sat. "Tell me what's wrong. Is Jasper all right?"

"I don't know. Dad's still got him in the living room, but he won't let anyone else come in there. Mom tried, and Jasper just flipped out on her. They called Felix, and he said that we might have to have Jasper committed."

Her words didn't make much sense. "Who's Felix?"

She sniffled softly. "His shrink. They were going to call 911, but Felix said to try and calm him down at home first. If they can't do it by morning, he's going to the mental ward. Then we'll lose him, Bella. Even if he gets out of there, Social Services won't place him back with us."

I had no idea how to comfort her. Fortunately, she didn't really pause long enough in her story for me to say anything. "He was screaming bloody murder for a few minutes after you left, but now it's just silent down there. No one seems to know what's happening. Rose stormed off down to her garage, and Emmett went with her. I don't know where Mom is."

"So you're there all by yourself?" Anger swelled up in me, and I was pretty close to getting in my old truck and driving back over there. "Do you need me to come?"

"I'd like that, but I don't think it's a good idea. Edward will be home soon and I'll be all right." She paused. "Can you stay on the line though, until he does?"

"Of course." What else were best friends for? I had never had a close girlfriend before, and was surprised at how quickly Alice and I had bonded. We were close to the same age, both starting our first real relationship, and both needing someone. True, the thought of doing as much shopping as she did on a regular basis made me cringe, but other than that, I loved her deeply.

"He didn't hurt you, did he? I'm sorry. I should have asked that first." Her voice was low.

"Of course not. I think I was just standing in the wrong place, and you know how clumsy I am anyway. I think I may have elbowed him pretty hard when we fell, though." I tried to lighten the mood a bit. "He may be the one who ends up bruised from it."

"I don't even think he's noticed. He didn't even know who we were, Bella. It was like something had possessed him." Her voice was low.

I tried frantically to think of something, anything, that might be comforting. "But you said he's quiet now, right? Maybe he wore himself out and fell asleep. A good night's rest fixes a lot of things."

"Maybe. But if he's asleep, why wouldn't Dad come up and tell us that he's all right?"

"I don't know, maybe Jasper wanted him to stay?" It didn't seem very likely, considering that Jasper seemed to have very little need for any of the Cullens', save Alice herself, but I had to try. "Okay, look at it this way. You said that Jasper's therapist told you to take him to the hospital in the morning, but only if he's not better, right?"

At her teary _yes_, I kept going. "That's good, though, right? If he thought Jasper needed to be committed, he wouldn't have given your Dad a choice about calling 911. The doctor thinks that Jasper's in the right place by staying with you guys, and he knows what he's talking about."

"I didn't think of that." Her voice was considerably perkier already. "You're right, Felix thinks we're doing a good job, and he wouldn't lie to Dad. His first job is Jasper, then the rest of us."

I was encouraged by her reaction. "Yeah. I think he just got a little overwhelmed when the candle jumped up like that. I kind of scared me too, to be honest. He really does seem happy with you guys. I can tell a difference from when I first started coming over to now."

"Really?"

I was glad that I didn't have to lie. "Definitely. When I first met him, he could barely even look at me, he was so nervous. He's still nervous, but not like he was. He's better. He even talks."

Her soft giggle was a welcome sound. "Yeah, he does talk a lot more."

"Listen Alice, when Jasper is up to having company, will you give him a message for me?" I tried to sound as confident as possible, like there was no possibility that Jasper wouldn't be better and able to take the message.

"Yeah, I'll tell him first thing tomorrow." She was getting some of her own confidence back. "What is it?"

"Tell him that I don't blame him for running into me like that? I told Edward to pass the message on, too, but I want to make sure he gets it. He always seems to think that everything is his fault, and I don't want him to feel that way. I think he's got enough to worry about."

"How are things with Edward?" Now that was the Alice I knew and loved. Always more concerned about others than herself.

"Fine, I guess." I heard my own irritation. "He's pissing me off."

"Yeah, he gets that way. What did my idiot brother do now?"

"He just thinks he's King Shit all of the time. Everything he thinks is perfect, and I don't know anything. He won't let me have any opinions of my own."

She huffed. "Moron. Bella, you have to understand that Edward is the baby of the family, so he's used to having us all give in to him. Plus, he was the only child for a long time, so he's sort of spoiled. Don't let him push you around."

"I know. I really did. I was just afraid that if I pushed too hard, he would realize that he could do better." After all, he was perfect and I was . . . well, not ugly, but not that pretty either.

There was a noise in the background and I heard her speak to someone else. "Bella, Edward's here. Thanks so much for staying with me and being so understanding of Jasper's problems. I couldn't ask for a better best friend."

I told her goodbye and hung up the phone. The unfairness of the situation she had found herself in hit me suddenly, and I felt tears spring to my eyes. She shouldn't have to be taking care of Jasper like this, and he shouldn't have been put in a situation where he was so traumatized he needed that extra care. Life sucked sometimes.

I picked up my nearly forgotten soda and drank while I thought. Edward had always been reluctant to discuss Jasper, which was a little odd. I always got the impression that the blond was as much of a mystery to him as he was to me, and if there was one thing Edward hated, it was not understanding things. Alice talked more, but she mostly talked about their dates and Jasper as he was right now, not what had led him to be that way.

All I really knew was bits and pieces, nothing that could help him long term. He was seventeen, and his birthday would be on the fifth of May. I was sure of the date, because Alice worried endlessly that he would leave then. I personally didn't think he would, if for no other reason than that Alice was his heart and soul already, and he wouldn't be able to live without her.

It was rude to stare at people, especially considering how neurotic Jasper was anyway, but I couldn't help it when I saw the two of them together. They just fit. I wanted things to be like that for Edward and me, but they weren't, at least not yet. I got upset with him for stupid little things, and he sometimes treated me like I needed hand-holding for everything but going to the bathroom myself. I had never once seen Jasper treat Alice like anything less than the most important person in the world. If they fought, they certainly hid it well. For the most part, they just seemed content with each other's company.

What else did I know about Jasper? He didn't sleep well, I knew that. Sometimes Edward or Alice would come to school with dark circles under their eyes. If pressed they would say that Jasper had been restless the night before and no one had slept well. I might not be the smartest girl in the world, but if he was waking the rest of the family up with him, he was probably a little more than "restless."

Other than those two things, and tonight's rather disgusting revelation that he had been kept confined to a basement at least part of the time, I knew nothing about him. So why was I so sure that he hadn't wanted to hurt me tonight?

I didn't know. All I knew was that it was true, that he wouldn't have hurt me. He understood pain, and he wouldn't ever consider inflicting it on someone else. Even though he had been panicking tonight, he had done his best to keep me safe.

My head was starting to pound with all the confusing thoughts whirling around in it. I wasn't sure what to do now. Everything seemed so pointless when compared with the drama unfolding at the Cullen house.

"Hey, do you need something?" Charlie had come back downstairs without me realizing it.

"No. I'm just . . . I don't know, I guess I'm restless tonight." I was a terrible liar, and Charlie was excellent at sniffing out the truth.

He leaned against the counter. "Bella, what really happened tonight? Did that Edward do something?" For some reason, Charlie had never liked Edward.

"No, Edward didn't do anything." _As usual_. I loved him with all my heart, but there were definitely times when I wished he would man up. What sort of teenage boy wanted to wait until marriage to do anything beneath the clothing? Really? At the very least he could act interested.

"Then what happened?" Oh, god, I had actually been thinking about sex with my father standing right there. Hopefully the kitchen was dark enough that he couldn't see how red my face was.

"I told you, Jasper got sick and Edward brought me home." I don't know why I bothered repeating the lie, as he apparently hadn't believed it in the first place. I really wanted to spill my guts to Charlie, but I didn't know how to do so without violating Jasper's privacy. After all, it was the only thing he had left.

"Why didn't you just stay there? I mean, Jasper would be in his own room anyway if he was sick, and you could have still enjoyed the party."

Damn Charlie and his stupid logic. "Unless he was contagious." It was a weak comeback, and we both knew it.

His dark eyes, so like my own, bored into mine. "Bella, Jasper didn't do something, did he? Is that why Edward brought you home so quickly?"

His insight was so unexpected that I found myself stammering for an answer. "No, he didn't. He didn't hurt me. Why would you think that?"

"People talk, Bella, especially cops. Especially when you have a case as terrible as Jasper's was. I'm not saying the Cullens' were wrong to take him; it was wonderful of them to try and give him a second chance, but no one gets away from that sort of abuse completely intact."

He was the second person to say that in less than two hours. "He's not like that, and you ought to know it. Did he act up when we went to dinner over there? No, he barely even talked! It's not fair for you to pick on him like that!"

I knew that I was overreacting to this, but I couldn't make myself be calm. It was just easier to scream at Charlie than to scream at Edward, who was the one I _really_ wanted to scream at. Luckily, Charlie took my tantrum in stride. "Bella, calm down. I'm not saying that Jasper is dangerous, but I know something happened. He's Carlisle and Esme's child, and his safety their first priority, just like you are my child and your safety my first priority. Now tell me what happened."

My anger deflated. "First thing, he didn't hurt me. We were eating, and everyone was happy, but then he accidentally set his plate on fire. You know, it was paper and he was holding it over a candle." Tears started to form again as I remembered the scene, but I didn't give in to them. Poor Charlie couldn't even handle an _I love you,_ much less a full-blown breakdown.

Charlie awkwardly patted my shoulder, giving me the strength to continue. "He just lost it. I don't know if he got burned or not, but he jumped sideways, and knocked me down. I swear, that's all that happened, but Edward got all pissy, like Jasper had done it on purpose."

He nodded. "He loves you, Bella, and when you love someone, every little threat looks exaggerated. He probably thinks you blame him for not protecting you, and no man ever wants to feel that he's failed to protect someone he loves."

Uh-oh. "So you think he's right. You think I should stay away from Jasper, too."

"I didn't say that. You don't seem to think he's dangerous, and you have good instincts, kiddo." He looked down at his hands, not used to giving me compliments. "If any of those Cullen boys lays a hand on you, though, well, I've got a shotgun as well as my service pistol."

It felt good to finally have someone believe in me. Not that I didn't love Edward, but we definitely needed to work on having some equality in our relationship. "Thank you, Charlie."

"You're welcome, Bella." He gave me a quick smile and put his beer bottle in the bin. "You have a good night."

I was barely back up to my room before my cell phone rang. It was Edward. "Hello?"

"Hey, baby, it's me. Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted in the car. You were right, it's not fair for me to make your choices, and it's not fair for me to demand that you stay away from the house. I just got so upset when I thought you might be hurt."

Cute, but I had my doubts that he had become so remorseful on his own. "Uh-huh, did Alice tell you to say that?"

He chuckled. "Yes. She lit into me as soon as I got home. But she's right, I was acting like your father and not your boyfriend. Forgive me?"

A part of me wanted to keep him squirming for a while, but now wasn't the time. There was enough going on at his house without me adding stress from my end. "Of course."

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear that. Oh, Jasper's doing better. Dad's still sitting with him, but now Mom's in there too. Hopefully he'll be fine in a day or two."

I felt relieved, remembering Alice's earlier worry. "That's good."

"Listen, Bella, I have to go, Alice is pestering me. Can I pick you up for school tomorrow?"

"Of course." I would have been kidding myself if I had pretended he wouldn't be totally forgiven by then. "I'll see you then."

He said his goodbyes and hung up, leaving me alone. Which, considering all the excitement of the day, wasn't really a bad thing. I flopped backwards on the bed, thinking the night over. Jasper's meltdown, Edward's overprotectiveness, Alice's sad voice—it was all enough to make me dizzy. But I never doubted Edward, or his love. As long as I had that, what else mattered?


End file.
